JUST THE USUAL

Thursday, January 5, 2012 6:08 am EDT


Nothing happening at work today. Decided to quit sometime this year (hopefully) and just work online. It would be less stressful than going through the crap that they put me through and have to use people I work with to do it.

Just before the alarm woke up this morning, 12:07 am, I imagined that sister J was running through something like “Who should we wake him up as today?” Then, when I became aware of what they were doing, some guy said, “Oh, no. We hate that one.” And I thought, “Oh yeah, they wake up the one who J and sister T control, so I have to go through another day of hearing J and T doing their thing where one of them asks a question and the other one prompts the answers.”

How do they do this to me? I believe they can only do it by using someone at work, since I don’t go anywhere else. I know that the people at the warehouse have shown me texts, pictures, and other things on their phones. Maybe what they’re forcing me to read, and I’m not aware of it at the time, is directions for the next day. When to wake up, where to go, and if they’re pissed off, what embarrassing thing they will “wake up” (saying something out loud, etc).

They’re still pushing their homo agenda on me. Just before I finished my deliveries at work, those two people I saw at the store, McC’s (see previous posts) showed up and started pushing that agenda onto me along with some obnoxious community organizer that many of them use to push their agenda (basically, that community’s mouthpiece). And I told them off, and they shouldn’t use those people, and in no uncertain terms told them to go to hell. Of course, they say that I gave them permission way back at McC’s to do this to me, and that gets me really pissed. Same old thing with those two (who are sister T’s friends from a long time ago). They push the “salvation” of joining that community...as a transvestite, no less. They couldn’t be more wrong and they know it. I get the feeling that they have been pushing that agenda onto me, and since I now keep chiming in with my own thoughts instead of staying asleep, they just can’t back down from what they’ve showed people through the years.

I think their main point is that they don’t want to own up to the fact that I went suicidal at the store during their pre-planned nightmare (see previous post). They want to cover that by parading some transtesticle they want me to be and then show that I’m suicidal because of it. This has been played out by them that time I tried to join the Navy. When they locked me in this room, and at some point, that guy was with me in the bathroom. We were in front of a big mirror, he was to my left.

He kept yelling at me, “Is that what you want? Is that what you want?” I looked in the mirror and saw myself, in a dress and holding a gun. Strange on both accounts. I’ve never worn a dress since I was about 8 or 9, and I’ve never held a real gun. Anyway, I looked and I laughed. The odd thing was, if things couldn’t get any more weird, was that I could only see my right side in the mirror. There was no one in front of me. That guy kept taking my left hand, I could feel that it held the gun, and putting it to my head while he said, “Is that what you want?” My arm kept falling down to my side when he let go. Then he just put it back up to my head again. He did this about three times. I just answered, “No. (that’s not what I want). I think this guy referenced this very recently. I heard him say to me, in front of someone else, of course, “Like the time in the bathroom of ..” then he mentioned a gay bar. I thought, “Oh, yeah. Make it look like it happened there instead of where it really happened.” They love to play to their audience.

Then some lady came into the room while we were still in the bathroom and started yelling, “Where is he?” over and over. She was kicking at the door. The next thing I know, she was in the bathroom, flushing the toilet and screaming at me, “That’s washing the (or their) hair?” I had no idea, and I still don’t have any idea, what she was trying to say, other than at the time, I thought there was a decapitated head in there. Huh? Anyway, she was really pissed and told someone in the room, not me, that they “weren’t supposed to wake him up.”

So, this morning I was on the expressway on my way home, deciding if I should go to the store, and they were still on their “pushing the gays onto me,” that if I went to the store, I would be imagining having them be there while I shopped. Not an unusual tactic, since X has done this before, too. I was shopping once recently and was imagining that X’s son was there. Some lady went by and he said that she just flipped me off. I thought, “Well, it looks like her arm moved, but I didn’t see her flip me off, so no big deal even if she did.” He said, “You know what I would do?” then he looked like he was taking a run at her. Just a way to try to get me to go off on somebody in public. First of all, I know that they’re not there while I’m shopping, it was suggested to me at some time before I go shopping. And secondly, I know better than to go at someone who allegedly provoked me.

So, they wanted me to think that choosing to go to the store means that it’s some invitation to have one of them go with me. The two have nothing in common other than it’s one of their head games. Probably provoked by sister T, who said, “Enjoy your shopping spree,” just after I began thinking about going shopping. And then I imagined that KS, whom T loves to mention, was in the car with me, reporting that I was going to the store and it was 5:00 am (actually 5:19, I looked at the clock), even though I already decided not to go and was just passing the exit to the store.

Really, nothing new but pushing the gays on me and trying to get me to accept “their version” of events. And I’ve only been up for about six hours.