January 22, 2012

Sunday January 22, 2012 pm EDT

Nothing unusual happening in real life. Woke up late, but luckily for me, the deliveries came later than usual, so no one seemed upset about it.

It's the same stuff again in imagination land. I get dragged over to X's house, or wherever, and then they start with their attempts to force me to tell different stories from what really happened and then they just punish with a barrage of voices and lights. It seems to be X's extended family along with her two kids, FF and CC.

They keep threatening my sister G, that they 'wake her up' or 'wake up' any problems she's had. They keep playing spirits and ghosts and psychic. I saw my sister J, or it could have been KS, with tarot cards or whatever, and I looked and thought, "She's just predicting the future that she, or X, is going to cause to happen herself. There's no talent in that."

There seems to be a scam going on. They play their spirit/ghost thing that covers the real events, but from what I'm allowed to hear from what they say or show me, I'm supposed to put things together. That way, they can always say, "It wasn't us, it's imagination." And what's the point? That they accuse me of being a child molester? That they want to me to change into this 'woman that I was meant to be.' And I'm supposed to see the light, listen to their crap lies and be 'saved.' Really. The people who are involved aren't the ones to give any credit to any fake spirit. They are so egomanical that they wouldn't hide in the shadows if anyone is being 'saved.' They'd be front and center and in the light to take credit for such success. Maybe they're the kind of people who don't want to commit to anything until success is imminent and then get the credit for a save.

One of the most common things lately is images of what they would call my other self. This is a weird woman dressed like Mae West, at one point claims that she has come all this way to help and she wants to carry on a conversation. It definitely seems to be CC, X's daughter. That's now, and later I should repeat portions of these conversations with the dead and I'll look either like I'm talking to spirits or carrying on conversations with the other half, what they want people to believe is the 'real me.' I don't feel like I'm carrying on conversations with my so called other half, I don't hear anything odd on the tape recorder I carry with me.

While she's there, acting out her movements, etc, and I guess I'm supposed to copy them and act like someone who has either two or more personalities, or just plain deluded, X's other dupes call out random questions like, "Who are you?" This one is usually pulled out after somebody else prompts me with a name. I'll be thinking of that name when the "Who are you?" question comes. Other questions that I hear are the ones about incest. "Do you sleep with your mother? Didn't you have sex with your sister? Do you have sex with animals? Do you drink?" No. When they don't get the answers they want, usually concerning the rapist X (see 1969 post), they just seem to put it under some 'other personality.' And the 'Let her spirit through. Let it go through you!" act they try to pull. To hell with that.

It really seems like they've got a series of questions and answers that are supposed to be played out in front of some psychiatrist or some authority figure. Then they'll have what would appear to be 'me' giving answers that completely turn past reality on its head.

It's funny when they play out the 'we're a secret society and we want to induct you.' I do remember back in 1985 at AN's house, when I stood up when someone asked if I wanted to be a made man in the mob. I thought, "Yeah. Let's go." "Oh, then you must make a sacrifice, blah blah blah. Nowadays I just think, "No, you're just low level, two bit criminals trying to extort answers by intimidation and threats that cover your asses." Back in 1985, that probably was the time that KS said to someone, "He doesn't believe in psychics. He doesn't believe in ghosts," then turns to me, puts here hand on my arm, and says, "Tell me, what would scare W____?" And I said, "Uh. The mob, maybe." Then KS told that woman to show me her gun, and I said, "So shoot me." I don't think they're profiling of me ever suited their needs. I was probably too 'all over the map' so to speak.

**Now I hear someone say, "The only one who knows the answers to these questions is the one who blah, blah, blah." Then I hear sister G say something, can't make out what she's saying. I think this has something to do with the time in 1986 when I was at that phony shrink's office and the last of the 'fill in the blanks' questions was "Only you (woman points finger at me) can...." And I turn to my left and think, "fill in the blanks." But, I 'felt like' sister G at the time.**

Also today, I heard someone ask a question and then some guy said, "That's not the answer you gave back...." I guess he knows about the questions and answers from 1984, 85, 86. I just thought that it was really dumb to think that those answers would be the same as today, and like I said on a forum for schizophrenics that I joined, "Who wants to go back to before they were sick anyway?" They hold out as bait for cooperation a few seconds of 'your old self' and you can go back to that if you cooperate and say you're gay and then you'll be yourself." Why would anyone want to go back to the way they were before they were sick when that's what made you sick in the first place? And besides, all this 'state your sexual persuasion' and then when they don't get anywhere with that, it's 'well then, it's not a sexual thing it's all about gender anyway,' and just try this and try that. Who would want to cooperate with these criminals who have only their own purposes and interests in mind?

There was one thing that happened on my delivery route today. I saw a lady who I usually see in the summer a lot, but since it's cold now she hasn't been outside at all. She has bronchitis. We talked a little, she went inside. The strange thing was that she said, "R____, you'll be R____ to me." That name is the same as the pot dealer I used to have in the 1980s. That's about the only R____ I've known. Don't know why she didn't use my real name. She is the one, though, who I think was dragged into some BS by Fatso when he asked, "What's the worst thing that could happen to you?" Since I was on the route at the time, I thought, "That they'll drag some customer into this crap of theirs." Then, later I heard a conversation with X and this woman was in the conversation, too. This woman used X's real name and X freaked out and started screaming, "F**k her up! F**k her up!" Hilarious.

I started posting on a schizophrenic website lately. The voices said, "You're not schizophrenic." I don't care what they say, how did I get the nickname Psycho, anyway? It wasn't by acting normal. But like I said before, they all want me crazy but not so crazy that I won't be believed if they need me to verify something for them. But, it seems like all those texts and photos on people's cameras at work could be something like messages in a forum, or the like. They said it didn't matter what I wrote anywhere else, they'll just use the answers in these texts, etc. and that's what the program is and that's what will be the final word on this or that subject and they'll just manipulate me to get opposite answers to anything I post anywhere else. There are too many people that they have to cover, and need some answers from me. Well, if anyone claims to have some facts, etc, that supposedly come from me, they should really just hang it up. They claim that they're helping. For the last 27 years. If anyone feels as nuts as I do after constant help for 27 years....well, don't ask my so called helpers for help. Run. It just harassment and intimidation that is 'all in my head' and I wonder if these accomplices of theirs know that I'm not conscious and I'm being manipulated and I hear the things they're saying, or things I'm reading, I hear later on. What they're doing is abusive, damaging and only serves to get them the contrived answers they want about past events.

As bizarre as it sounds, they're not as interested in reality as I am, and I'm the one stuck in dreamland. Doesn't say much about their mentality.

**That one who I call Pig, the so called lawyer or such, asked me, "How do you feel, W_____?" I know the answer she wants. "With my fingers," I once said. Then, from my left came, "Get a lawyer." Pig asked, "What'd they say?" I guess they want to cover each other's asses so much that they don't communicate with each other. Well, like Pig said months ago, "You don't need a lawyer." After 27 years, if they still have to push their falsehoods and freak outs on me, they still haven't gotten what they need. I wonder how they feel?**
And now here goes X, playing with the little 7 year old me that she wakes up and trains to kiss her ass. Again. Hmmm. Where's the 25 year old me? Oh, yeah. That's the one who 'has the papers (committment) anyway' and 'you're already crazy, why don't you just take the blame and get this all over with?" This last comment came from CC, X's daughter. Some of these people are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They claim I'm so crazy that they have to control everything in everyway, but still not so crazy to be put away. Isn't someone who, against his will, has to be controlled, retrained, etc, too crazy to be out on the streets?