Sunday, January 8, 2012 9:03 am EDT
Nothing unusual today. Got up a little later than usual, but got done delivering on time.
So, just before I woke up, there of course was the same old crap with sister J, X, and some other lady (could have been the one from the store, McC’s. See previous posts) sitting across from me. I guess they were satisfied that their dupe woke up, the one that they can control. They started out with reminding me about the guy down the street from years ago, about 1968, I remember I was in the third grade. It was about child abuse (of course–will write later). But, they also wanted me to choose the usual crap about joining the queer community or stay there with X and be harassed as usual.
I told them that I would stay with X. Why? Because I know what I’m in for with her and her henchpeople. It’s been the same harassment and it’s not going to go away, no matter what I choose. And come to think about it, she’ll just make sure that she runs the show anywhere I go. Why not the queers? I don’t agree with their agenda, and joining them, it’ll be more of my sister’s and X’s “he wants to be a girl” crap. So, not going through that, and besides, I know it’s just harassment from X and her henchpeople, go through it, bitch them out, and be done with it until the next day. With the queers, it’ll just be that they want to change me. Fight their battles with them. The bug up their asses will have to be the bug up my ass, even if I don’t care about it.
So, that shouldn’t even come up after all these years, since I cut out the dead wood from my life over 20 years ago, and it included those people. There I was in bed, and had to go through that, and then get started with the same harassment. Still the same. Demands to lie for them, accept this or that as the truth, or just keep getting harassed. But, after 27 years, I’m used to it. It’s time for them to crack up.
**”You can always leave,” I just heard somebody say. I’ve heard this before, and I’m assuming that they mean to move out away from my mother, who is also being worked over by the same people (I can tell). This was also something that came up at AN’s house during KS’s question/answer/info gathering. “How do you grow up?” she asked. “I don’t know, you just do,” I said. “Act it out,” she said. I must have (seemed like some childish thing). “Weeeelllll,” she said, “some people say that growing up means toooooo ... move out of the house.” I just looked at her and started to laugh and thought to myself, “Sounds like something my sister T would say.” Then I thought that she might be asking all these dumb questions for her. KS must have known what I was thinking because she said (probably to AN or PK), “He thought of his sister. Maybe that’s the one who...” Anyway, why should I? I don’t have to do goddamn thing to get some peace and quiet in my life. Especially since they are the criminals, not me.**
Wonder who dragged me over to X’s house, I wouldn’t go voluntarily. I know that they have taken me out of the house years ago. I remember skipping along on the sidewalk, like a five year old, holding some woman’s hand. A police cruiser slowed down at the curb. I looked over and the cop was leaning over to the passenger side and asked the woman something. Then I stopped and just wondered what the hell was going on, and I don’t remember anything after that.
I’ve heard X say recently that I’ve been going over to her house for German lessons, not the torture that they dish out. I don’t need German lessons. I grew up with the language, took courses in college, and used to read it on my own. I gave up reading anything in German since it just reminds me of her and what she’s been doing. She’s having lamer and lamer excuses lately as to why she just has to be in my life. I’ve been blogging that I can’t stand her for almost a year now. How does she explain that, other than waking up the child who agrees with everything she says, there’s no way I’d have anything to do with her. Even earlier this morning, when I thought of that, she or someone else said, “It’s what you say that they (their audience of dupes, I assume) have to go by, not what you write.” Really? Is she that dumb?
Strange today. They X and her henchpeople threatened my sister G. Way back in 1986, when I joined the Navy (still waiting for their response and copies of my exit papers). I ended up at some “psychiatrist’s” office and we went through a sham brainwashing session of reading other people’s fill in the blanks, associate, and on and on. The end of the fill in the blanks was when some woman sat across from me and read from a piece of paper. “Only..” then she pointed to me, and said “You can...” Then I looked over to my left, and said, “Fill in the blanks.” But it was strange, because I thought of sister G for a second.
Anyway, earlier there I was, imagining sitting in front of X and G sitting next to me. G was saying things about not pushing my blog to anyone who might figure out who we are, etc. I thought, “She’s probably just repeating what X or her henchpeople want her to say, and if an intrusive thought comes out of my mouth, or, as X likes to do, someone tacks on extra words to what I want to say in order to change the meaning of what I want to say, G is going to take it as an insult, etc.” So, I thought, “X can do what she wants, G is probably aware of the same thing, and this probably goes back as far as that sham “treatment” in 1986.”
X gets her victims together, both or more of them are not fully awake (I’ll put it that way), and when they are subjected to talking to X, it amounts to getting her victims to essentially torture each other by bringing up trigger words or incidents that one victim isn’t aware that the other victim will take as being troubling. This came up months ago also. They usually had conversations with me while sister J was sitting there droning on and on with words I didn’t really decipher at the time, but are trigger words or insults, and flashing lights at me every once in a while, and scheduling my work and when I eat, and what I’ll be remembering when I do those things. I remember saying something to J, why does she do this, or bitched her out or something, and someone said, “Remember, you’re programming her with every word you say.” Basically, that’s a way for her to make sure that her victims don’t want to have anything to do with each other, and another way for her to say, in that phony way of hers, “I’m not doing anything..” but she doesn’t say “...I get them to torture each other. It’s not me, they are the ones who have a problem, I just make sure they remind each other of those problems.”
Strange, when I got my security cameras last year, someone said that if I put them up, my sister would die. Didn’t think of any sister in particular. I thought, “You’ve already pulled that ‘make nonsense associations with two things that don’t have anything to do with each other’ to prove what you can do.” So, I’m not sure, but I just thought of that at work in front of managers. A few days later I thought I heard one of them say, “You know, if anybody else said something like that I would have just thought they were crazy. But I believe you.” Considering this has been going on for almost 30 years and they love to sucker people I work with into their crazy brand of “helping,” there’s plenty of people who have heard of the psycho who they’re working with. I’ve clearly heard store workers and people I work with just say out of nowhere some of the associations that they use most of the time, or some word or phrase that are clearly from past conversations I’ve had. It’s called an unfinished ambiguity. Throw out a word or phrase that obviously applies to the victim, and let the victim wonder who said what to who and why and where and on and on. Just keep reminding the victim of trouble. I ignore it and I really do feel sorry for those regular people they use and expect me to go off on.
That reminds me. When I’m in the warehouse getting ready for delivery, usually spending about 30 minutes on average there with other people, I’m set up to imagine that they are there with me. When I bitch them out, tell them to go to hell and such, that guy (the one I call Fatso, from McC’s) says to someone who works there, “See, he’s saying that to you.” I’m not. I made it clear that I don’t carry on conversations with anyone at work (rarely) and anything I say is directed to him, not them. They should realize that and I’ll keep bitching him out, and if he wants them to believe I’m directing any comments to them, they are wrong. I’ve been there long enough (13 years) that they should know not to cooperate with him. He’s also the one who said to there, “I’ll make him crack.” He said this while X’s son was there with him. And of course, when I think of quitting there, eventually, and just working at home online, he has to go and instigate trouble with a manager by telling him to expect that and demand a time when I’ll give notice, and in general, make trouble out of nothing.
When they wake me up in public in front of their audiences, it’s not about “see, this is what he really thinks,” it’s, “see, this is what we can make him say and do.” Like I said before, they only show their audience what they want their audience to see. And it’ll always be something that “proves their point,” or fits into the agenda that they’re pushing, or covers their asses.
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