January 15, 2012

Sunday, January 15, 2012 11:07 am EDT


Woke up about 12:00 am, dozed off about three times and the third time I woke up, the black curtains I scared me. I just laughed. This happens sometimes when I fall asleep with the TV on and someone on the tube says one of my trigger words. It’s funny.

It was pretty quiet for a few minutes, then someone asked me question. It was something about some facts or something. Even though I knew the answer and didn’t want to go through their stupid conversations, I said, “Who cares? Then, X comes along and says, “Ask FF (her son). Ask FF.” She meant that other people should “wake up” this FF thing she has going on and I’m supposed to act like him and rattle off the answer. X and her kids do this all the time. FF will sit there next to me and X will often tell me to “watch” or “c” FF. Both mean for me to copy their goofball reactions for someone else to “wake up” later, and then they try to prove that, “He just doesn’t know who he is, blah, blah, blah.”

Another reason they play this “ask so-and-so” game is that it might be that they want me to look like I’m talking to myself. Ask FF. What am I supposed to do? Turn to the left or right and ask whoever and then repeat the answers as an imitation of one of her dupes. Could be. A few weeks ago, I drove someone to the airport in the middle of my delivery route. They thought I was their ride to the airport and they were in a hurry because the flight was leaving in 45 minutes or so. At first I told them I didn’t have time.

Then I asked the man, it was a couple who were leaving for Florida, what time was it, anyway. Strange, I sort of leaned over to my right and saw a light and thought (my eyes were moving back and forth, thinking, thinking.) and saw, sort of, the clock that I have in the car. The same time the guy said it was about a quarter after five, I said, it’s 5:13. Then I realized I saw a light and thought, saw the clock in the car, and realized that 5:13 must have been the last time I looked at the clock. But it was strange that I asked the time and answered my own question, and in such a weird way. I did drive them to the airport since it was just the next exit south off the expressway. He gave me forty dollars.

So, that’s how I woke up this morning and they started their crap all over. Taking things from me and putting them under some “other personality” that will have the answer, prompt some dupe somewhere to ask the question and see “who” is answering. They’ve been doing this for almost 27 years. X, the rapist from 1969, just won’t stop victimizing her victim or people who know about her. Another thing that “ask FF” works as is to try to make me so dependent on them that only they can help and they will “guide” me. Sure. They’re a**holes.

FF is there to trigger stuff. He was the one who was playing the phony psychodrama about Kurt Cobain, and when this KC, as X put it, was going to show me what his big problem was and it turned out to be FF’s grandmother and I recognized her then FF, they had to throw me into suicide mode, gun (must be his, I don’t own one) to the side of my head and FF, the braintrust that he is, walked up and showed me that putting it in my mouth was how to do it and I laughed. I never thought of that. There is a time at McC’s (the store), when I had a “gun” or whatever, and Fatso was putting me through the motions, telling me that it was a gun, I took it out of my mouth, then no, it’s a squirt gun with drugs in it and I squirted it several times. Fatso did this several times.

So, that’s the way I woke up, and when I caught on what they were doing, FF went into his “He thinks he’s KC.” I’m sure they can wake that up whenever they want, and they probably do, but like I think/say to them, “Why don’t you tell people to read my blog and let people know the whole story?” And X is there pointing to me and said, “You bullshit.” A few minutes later, someone else said that they heard “bullshitter.” What to make of “You bullshit” and the word bullshit? “You ______” are commands. Anything after You becomes a verb, even names (even though I don’t hear names).

Firstly, to bullshit means to smoke pot. The guy I used to buy from called it the bullshit. Haven’t seen him since 1985 and haven’t smoked any of the “bullshit” since about 2000. Twelve years. My sister said the other week when she was over to clean out some stuff from the house that I wanted to keep a probe-like thing that is used to check electrical circuits because I was probably going to use it as a roach clip. I didn’t say anything, and I actually hope they have as many things wrong about me as possible. The more they go on and on about some crap that isn’t true, the worse they look.

Secondly, “to bullshit” means to just talk, not to lie or anything, but talk. I don’t talk much to anyone and I almost never start any conversations. I’m still recording all contact with others that I have, and to make verbal notes about what I’m thinking. Sometimes, when listening to the notes for this blog, I hear myself mispronouncing names. Nothing serious. When they start asking their questions and get some autoresponses they want, I go into starting to ask questions to them. “Why do you think that? What do you mean? Who are you?” They don’t like that.

When someone starts a sentence and stops, I used to finish it. This must be the read the “fill in the blanks” statements they had me read at that phony shrink’s “treatment” just after/before the Navy thing. Now, if they stop and expect me to finish, I try to repeat the whole thing, avoid the fake intrusive thought they want me to give, and end it with cussing them out. And as I told them a long time ago, “You wanted to know what I’m thinking, I ‘ll tell you what I’m thinking, and there’s not a goddamn thing you’re going to do about it.”

Then it was time to go to work, and X said that I should “watch what you say.” “Watch” what you say. The first thing I thought of was to take things literally. Either start associating with words people say or to act things out literally. Eh.

The rest of the night was just listening to them threaten me about not spreading my blog around to anyplace local. It’s here. Anyone can read it. If they’re afraid that someone can figure out who’s who and what’s what, it’s their fear, not mine. I don’t particularly care. But then they take that as “permission” to do what they want to embarrass and harass me.

There was a point at about 8:00 am when I was almost done with my route. Someone kept threatening me that I shouldn't put my blog where local people can see it. And to prove it to me, some woman just showed me what's going to happen if I did. I heard a loud click and got a little blind spot in my direct vision. They'll take my eye as payment or punishment. This has happened before. I've had temporary white dots, like people get from looking at lights or a flash. It goes away. I told my eye doctor about them years ago, and she called them "ocular migraines," and not serious since they only happen once or twice a year. But she said I should go to the hospital if I see stars.

They have used this before. When it came time to renew my driver's license this year, there was an eye test and of course X used it. Gave me blind spot and I had to obey her or it will happen at the BMV and I won't pass the eye test and no license. I just thought that it wouldn't be too bad not driving. I could work on the Internet and save a lot of money, besides. I didn't give anything up that I know of, and passed the test.

So I was walking around delivering with this psychosomatic, suggested, and on command blind spot from X or the lady from McC's as a warning about how I'll have to live if I don't stop writing and telling on them. Irritating? Yes. But I didn't care. I thought that they, at some time earlier, had burned my eye with a laser and it was already done and permanent. So, I'll get by and not go nuts and they will have wasted another good threat. Someone did do that for real a few years ago at the place I go to pick up my deliveries for work. The kid of someone who works there was pointing at people with a laser pointer. Not a good idea.
Here’s another event from 1986 and its aftermath.

BB. Initials of some guy I went to school with. Came up at McC's. standing there, I saw myself, or maybe FF now that I think about it, and I was calling, cupped hands at my mouth, and looking up and saying, "W___'s pissed. Blow up the space shuttle." I heard someone behind me saying, "NO.NO." I said, "Things like that don't happen." I think it was Fatso who said, "It will happen." I always remembered that part of the McC's nightmare, but I really didn't remember what I, or someone else said (it was odd that my name was used, which makes me think that it might not have been me) until five months later when the space shuttle blew up. I mentioned to AN that it was weird that at the time, I was working at a fast food place, and I suddenly got the idea to ask for a day off. I have never asked for a day off anywhere I've ever worked at before.

1. So, I asked the manager if I could have a day off. She said sure and which day would it be? I thought, and it must have been just before the weekend, that I'm not going to ask for a weekend day, or Monday, that they might need me there on Monday, so I said Tuesday. She looked surprised, and later I thought that they must think I'm dumb. Who asks for a Tuesday off? Anyway, that turned out to be the day the shuttle blew up.

So, Tuesday came and I made sure that the alarm was off. And I woke up a little before noon when the alarm clock went off (I heard one, anyway) and I had made sure that I turned it off the night before. I remembered that something woke me up earlier and I was saying something like, "Don't let it go up. It's going to explode." and then someone asked me what my name was and I said my first name. Then I looked and someone had a big, old time portable phone. I saw some guy's hand press a button to hang up. I looked at the clock and it was about 7:30, 7: twenty something.

I turned on the TV and saw the news playing the explosion over and over. I just stood there, hands on my hips, shaking my head from side to side, thinking, "Just like I thought it would." I thought back to McC's and realized that that was what this "BB" said, and thought that I said back then that I wanted a "big explosion." This is a comment from WAOVW, which was KS, and whoever she was asking questions for, their favorite source of "words and phrases to use as a cover." Anyhow, after I remembered that, I remembered saying to someone who might or might not have been in my room, that I "only wanted some fireworks." Why say that when I wasn't even thinking about anything relating me to the event?

I remembered back to the last few weeks at the fast food place, that one of the girls who worked there came up to me and said to me, "Let them come down. Let them come down." I said, "The next one, dummy." Huh? Later I found out that there was a shuttle in orbit, and if I remember correctly now, they were delayed in getting back on schedule. I haven't paid any attention to the shuttle at all. When this girl said this "let them come down" stuff, I didn't know there was a shuttle up and the next one, the blown up one, was going up on a fast turn-around.

So, there it was. What did BB say at McC's in August 1985 and who was the guy with the phone, and the odd request of a day off, and the comments by the girl. When I went to work on Wednesday, I thought I heard someone say, "W____'s not prejudiced. He blew up all kinds of people." Another weird comment came from my mother after the explosion, I'm sure. I saw her sitting in her chair, looking at the floor, red-faced (a sign I got used to seeing in people who are not fully awake) and said, in her native language, "I hope the airplane crashes." Strange, but like I wrote before, I've seen X and sister J, on separate occasions, "reading" her, and in J's case, making her say that she had millions in lottery winnings and where was it (see previous post).

Some years later, I talked to sister T on the phone and, like she always did, she called me crazy and I just said that I had trouble concentrating, and then she said that I was making up stories after the fact. Something happens, I go into some psycho mode and make up some crap about what happened and that's all there is to it. In my case, with all the head games played by some people, I don't believe that that is what happens. Especially since this was after they started talking to me while I was sleeping.

And I mentioned this to AN one time. I just told her about asking for a particular day off when I've never asked for one off before, the alarm going off (or hearing one) just before noon when I was sure that I turned it off the night before. I didn't say anything else about it. Years later, AN said to me, "Remember when you thought you blew up the shuttle?" I never said anything like that to her, but I didn't comment other than it was just weird that I asked for that day off when I didn't even want a day off and the alarm went off when I know that I had turned it off.

Blew up the shuttle? Not even close, and I don't believe in psychics or anything like that. Like I said in my first post, it's real people doing real things to other real people. "Let me tell you what you're thinking," they'll say after they've made you talk to them in your sleep, "and see, I'm psychic." No. You're full of crap and a criminal is what you are.

So, back to the beginning of this episode. BB. Initials of someone I went to school with. Didn't know him well, but when I saw that guy at McC's saying that, "W____'s (me) pissed, etc." it reminded me of that guy. The way the guy looked and stood, maybe, I don't know. Thinking about it some years later, I do recall Fatso whispered something to that guy (or me) to, "Give him his sister's wish." and when the words came out, he was the one who said, "No, no." And that guy, could have been me, turned to the right and if it were me I could have seen myself in a mirror, since it did look like I was looking at myself. Was there a prompt back then as to who to "be"? Don't know. They did have a mirror there, since that McC event ended with me looking at myself in a mirror and I said, "Jesus Christ. I look like Uncle T___." Before that time, I knew I was a negative hallucination to myself when Fatso showed me that in a mirror in my room and I thought it was funny. "Nice trick," I said. Considering that, was there someone there who told me to look. I'm sure I needed a prompt for something like that.

BB. I don't know if they knew of the real BB. I did buy pot from him in high (lol) school, but whenever someone asked me how I got "turned on" to pot, as the saying went, I told them the truth. I did. No one ever offered me any. I guess I don't look like the type. So, I went up to someone (a friend of BB's) who I knew that sold, and asked to buy some. A dollar a joint back then. One thing I remember about him is something about "going off on a tangent" about things. Another thing BB said back in school was that he didn't see anything wrong with being bi. Don't know what the conversation even was about. He showed his flexing ability by using his crotch to move text books up and down. Hilarious.

Sunday, January 15, 2012 2:22 pm EDT