A question I posted on a forum.
Hey,
Does anyone find that there's one special theme the voices stick to for a day or so?
Today, it started for me as usual, them telling me what to do at work. I imagined a woman there who said it was time to sign myself into a hospital. I just thought if that was going to be what would happen when I got there, or if it's something that did happen. Nothing special happened, andyway.
Now I'm done with work and it seems that the voices are playing this game that they have completed a new personality for me, and "she" (I'm male) is the one who is going to take over, that she will be the one who's going to answer questions, etc. I just laughed and I hear them talking to her and I have to chuckle. Then some guy says that they are talking to "her," not me, and if I had anything to say that I should relay that through "her." Oh, sure. He's also the guy who tells me that I have to put up with this and let the other voices have their say. They've always had their say, and it aint nice. (He just told his audience of other voices that they are looking at a "case of complete denial." And a woman said, "It's because "you won't believe.")
Does that happen to anyone else? The voices are usually all over the map, but so far today it looks like they have an agenda.
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Continuing from the question above:
So, X tells me that "she" tells X what I want. Since "she" is X's creation (see post on Navy) it's just a way to scam her audience. Yesterday, someone asked this "she," which seems to be X's daughter CC, what was her favorite restaurant. CC said, "I don't know. I'll ask him." Then she turns to me and asks, and I'm thinking that I never go out to eat so I guess CC's on her own as to what restaurant is someone's favorite.
With them creating this role for CC, I guess I'm supposed to look like I'm talking to myself. Oh well.
CC just said that I don't like her, turned to me and said, "Would you accept S____?" S is some woman I worked with years ago. I think they're trying to find some female that I would talk to and confide and just be soooo friendly with. I told her, "No. You're just fine." She said, "I win. He accepts me." No, I don't, I don't need to go through this game.
CC said that I should "C" her mother, X. "C" as in cover, to tell a lie about what X did all these years and lie that I let X create this thing that CC is playing out in order to get out of the Navy. X created that without my knowing, and when I got ready to leave, she asked, "Do you remember what we talked about?" I thought about that, that "get out of going by wearing a dress, etc." I said, "No. That's illegal. I'm not going to do that." Then I was going to leave, but in the opposite direction, away from the door. She said, really fake, "Have a nice time in your 'new life.'" I knew then that it was going to be a failure. Should have known when I woke up in the middle of her brainwashing when she read to me, "Then you pull down the sargeant's pants..." I woke up and thought, "What?" (see previous post). That's always been her way of getting out of trouble. Same tactic that she used in 1967 (see post about first grade). In the first place, getting out of reporting for duty by using some psycho excuse wasn't anything I would do, and she did it anyway as she's always done. With permission or without permission, she is a criminal. Either way, perpetrator or accomplice.
Anyway, why would she be still using this thing she created? The Navy isn't looking for me. And they haven't been looking for me. That was 26 years ago. I went, I failed and that was it. I even talked to them over the phone when I got home. There was a lot of times I heard some people say, "Shh. He doesn't know." Since X does that 'put a dress on him and call him crazy' thing more than once, it was just an opportunity for her to keep me quiet again. When I told my mom that I signed up, the first thing she said was that I "ruined everything my father worked for." Didn't know what that meant, but considering what X did at her house, which, as she put it, "We really smoked the B_____ (my nickname when I was little)."
So, since then, she's been pushing this transtesticle thing on me, passing it off as the real me, **I just heard someone say to give it a chance** and all that. Well, that's not anything I wanted. It's just my older sister T's agenda from when I was seven and the same tactic X used more than once since I was seven. I know that I feel their prompts, mostly female names to 'act like' and they've showed me this Monica Bell thing, the imitation of some guy I worked with, CM. They must have made me copy him or 'imagine' what he was like in drag. The thing is, I never saw him in drag. But they have made me 'watch' and 'copy' drag queens. Then 'wake them up' when X needs to prove something.
When I got the cameras in the house and no one could take me out without being noticed, then the real so called 'harassment' directed toward them started. As I've seen before, they provoke harassment aimed toward themselves (get me to scream and yell at them) and they act like it just suddenly happened. What a coincidence that it starts when they can't continue with their 'training.' Now she claims that I was dragged (pun intended) over to her house for foreign language lessons. Why would I need foreign language lessons when I grew up around that foreign language, studied it in college, and practiced it on my own? I've since stopped keeping up with this foreign language because it just puts me through some or the garbage and harassment they put me through at their house, if that's where it was happening.
So now they got X's daughter, CC, playing some female, which is an over the top copy of Mae West, to claim that I am, or the 'spirit/ghost' that just has come 'such a long way to help me' (as she put it once yesterday). I guess X wants to use this CC/MaeW to pass on what I'm supposed to say or embarass myself with in public. Yesterday, this CC/MaeW told me that there will be "two exposures" before I remember something, some kind of clue, or something. I thought, "Great, they're going to get me to expose myself in public. Well, there's other ways of exposing oneself." It aint happening.
This guy who's playing along with X, hoping to get some information from her in her crappy "everything covered by the spirits/ghosts channeling" and they will send messages to remove these curses, which only means that they want to replace my old associations that involve them with new, bland ones, tried to get me to listen to the gay community for "support." It's just going to be an endless indoctrination into how to handle this so-called alternate personality, this "woman that he wants to be," to look for trust. Not happening, and if they force it, it's just going to end up wasting so much time and a lot of hours of listening to them bitch at me and I'll bitch at them. Like I said before, I cut out the dead wood in my life over 20 years ago. I know that and they know that, so why bother with this crap of trusting them and try to get me to accept this phony female helper he's got (both CC/MaeW and this short, round woman who's been playing games with that community for years now--she seems suspiciously like X's sister).
What X has to cover herself happened years ago, and she still victimizes her victims. And with CC involved, it goes back to June 1985, too.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
January 22, 2012
Sunday January 22, 2012 pm EDT
Nothing unusual happening in real life. Woke up late, but luckily for me, the deliveries came later than usual, so no one seemed upset about it.
It's the same stuff again in imagination land. I get dragged over to X's house, or wherever, and then they start with their attempts to force me to tell different stories from what really happened and then they just punish with a barrage of voices and lights. It seems to be X's extended family along with her two kids, FF and CC.
They keep threatening my sister G, that they 'wake her up' or 'wake up' any problems she's had. They keep playing spirits and ghosts and psychic. I saw my sister J, or it could have been KS, with tarot cards or whatever, and I looked and thought, "She's just predicting the future that she, or X, is going to cause to happen herself. There's no talent in that."
There seems to be a scam going on. They play their spirit/ghost thing that covers the real events, but from what I'm allowed to hear from what they say or show me, I'm supposed to put things together. That way, they can always say, "It wasn't us, it's imagination." And what's the point? That they accuse me of being a child molester? That they want to me to change into this 'woman that I was meant to be.' And I'm supposed to see the light, listen to their crap lies and be 'saved.' Really. The people who are involved aren't the ones to give any credit to any fake spirit. They are so egomanical that they wouldn't hide in the shadows if anyone is being 'saved.' They'd be front and center and in the light to take credit for such success. Maybe they're the kind of people who don't want to commit to anything until success is imminent and then get the credit for a save.
One of the most common things lately is images of what they would call my other self. This is a weird woman dressed like Mae West, at one point claims that she has come all this way to help and she wants to carry on a conversation. It definitely seems to be CC, X's daughter. That's now, and later I should repeat portions of these conversations with the dead and I'll look either like I'm talking to spirits or carrying on conversations with the other half, what they want people to believe is the 'real me.' I don't feel like I'm carrying on conversations with my so called other half, I don't hear anything odd on the tape recorder I carry with me.
While she's there, acting out her movements, etc, and I guess I'm supposed to copy them and act like someone who has either two or more personalities, or just plain deluded, X's other dupes call out random questions like, "Who are you?" This one is usually pulled out after somebody else prompts me with a name. I'll be thinking of that name when the "Who are you?" question comes. Other questions that I hear are the ones about incest. "Do you sleep with your mother? Didn't you have sex with your sister? Do you have sex with animals? Do you drink?" No. When they don't get the answers they want, usually concerning the rapist X (see 1969 post), they just seem to put it under some 'other personality.' And the 'Let her spirit through. Let it go through you!" act they try to pull. To hell with that.
It really seems like they've got a series of questions and answers that are supposed to be played out in front of some psychiatrist or some authority figure. Then they'll have what would appear to be 'me' giving answers that completely turn past reality on its head.
It's funny when they play out the 'we're a secret society and we want to induct you.' I do remember back in 1985 at AN's house, when I stood up when someone asked if I wanted to be a made man in the mob. I thought, "Yeah. Let's go." "Oh, then you must make a sacrifice, blah blah blah. Nowadays I just think, "No, you're just low level, two bit criminals trying to extort answers by intimidation and threats that cover your asses." Back in 1985, that probably was the time that KS said to someone, "He doesn't believe in psychics. He doesn't believe in ghosts," then turns to me, puts here hand on my arm, and says, "Tell me, what would scare W____?" And I said, "Uh. The mob, maybe." Then KS told that woman to show me her gun, and I said, "So shoot me." I don't think they're profiling of me ever suited their needs. I was probably too 'all over the map' so to speak.
**Now I hear someone say, "The only one who knows the answers to these questions is the one who blah, blah, blah." Then I hear sister G say something, can't make out what she's saying. I think this has something to do with the time in 1986 when I was at that phony shrink's office and the last of the 'fill in the blanks' questions was "Only you (woman points finger at me) can...." And I turn to my left and think, "fill in the blanks." But, I 'felt like' sister G at the time.**
Also today, I heard someone ask a question and then some guy said, "That's not the answer you gave back...." I guess he knows about the questions and answers from 1984, 85, 86. I just thought that it was really dumb to think that those answers would be the same as today, and like I said on a forum for schizophrenics that I joined, "Who wants to go back to before they were sick anyway?" They hold out as bait for cooperation a few seconds of 'your old self' and you can go back to that if you cooperate and say you're gay and then you'll be yourself." Why would anyone want to go back to the way they were before they were sick when that's what made you sick in the first place? And besides, all this 'state your sexual persuasion' and then when they don't get anywhere with that, it's 'well then, it's not a sexual thing it's all about gender anyway,' and just try this and try that. Who would want to cooperate with these criminals who have only their own purposes and interests in mind?
There was one thing that happened on my delivery route today. I saw a lady who I usually see in the summer a lot, but since it's cold now she hasn't been outside at all. She has bronchitis. We talked a little, she went inside. The strange thing was that she said, "R____, you'll be R____ to me." That name is the same as the pot dealer I used to have in the 1980s. That's about the only R____ I've known. Don't know why she didn't use my real name. She is the one, though, who I think was dragged into some BS by Fatso when he asked, "What's the worst thing that could happen to you?" Since I was on the route at the time, I thought, "That they'll drag some customer into this crap of theirs." Then, later I heard a conversation with X and this woman was in the conversation, too. This woman used X's real name and X freaked out and started screaming, "F**k her up! F**k her up!" Hilarious.
I started posting on a schizophrenic website lately. The voices said, "You're not schizophrenic." I don't care what they say, how did I get the nickname Psycho, anyway? It wasn't by acting normal. But like I said before, they all want me crazy but not so crazy that I won't be believed if they need me to verify something for them. But, it seems like all those texts and photos on people's cameras at work could be something like messages in a forum, or the like. They said it didn't matter what I wrote anywhere else, they'll just use the answers in these texts, etc. and that's what the program is and that's what will be the final word on this or that subject and they'll just manipulate me to get opposite answers to anything I post anywhere else. There are too many people that they have to cover, and need some answers from me. Well, if anyone claims to have some facts, etc, that supposedly come from me, they should really just hang it up. They claim that they're helping. For the last 27 years. If anyone feels as nuts as I do after constant help for 27 years....well, don't ask my so called helpers for help. Run. It just harassment and intimidation that is 'all in my head' and I wonder if these accomplices of theirs know that I'm not conscious and I'm being manipulated and I hear the things they're saying, or things I'm reading, I hear later on. What they're doing is abusive, damaging and only serves to get them the contrived answers they want about past events.
As bizarre as it sounds, they're not as interested in reality as I am, and I'm the one stuck in dreamland. Doesn't say much about their mentality.
**That one who I call Pig, the so called lawyer or such, asked me, "How do you feel, W_____?" I know the answer she wants. "With my fingers," I once said. Then, from my left came, "Get a lawyer." Pig asked, "What'd they say?" I guess they want to cover each other's asses so much that they don't communicate with each other. Well, like Pig said months ago, "You don't need a lawyer." After 27 years, if they still have to push their falsehoods and freak outs on me, they still haven't gotten what they need. I wonder how they feel?**
And now here goes X, playing with the little 7 year old me that she wakes up and trains to kiss her ass. Again. Hmmm. Where's the 25 year old me? Oh, yeah. That's the one who 'has the papers (committment) anyway' and 'you're already crazy, why don't you just take the blame and get this all over with?" This last comment came from CC, X's daughter. Some of these people are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They claim I'm so crazy that they have to control everything in everyway, but still not so crazy to be put away. Isn't someone who, against his will, has to be controlled, retrained, etc, too crazy to be out on the streets?
Nothing unusual happening in real life. Woke up late, but luckily for me, the deliveries came later than usual, so no one seemed upset about it.
It's the same stuff again in imagination land. I get dragged over to X's house, or wherever, and then they start with their attempts to force me to tell different stories from what really happened and then they just punish with a barrage of voices and lights. It seems to be X's extended family along with her two kids, FF and CC.
They keep threatening my sister G, that they 'wake her up' or 'wake up' any problems she's had. They keep playing spirits and ghosts and psychic. I saw my sister J, or it could have been KS, with tarot cards or whatever, and I looked and thought, "She's just predicting the future that she, or X, is going to cause to happen herself. There's no talent in that."
There seems to be a scam going on. They play their spirit/ghost thing that covers the real events, but from what I'm allowed to hear from what they say or show me, I'm supposed to put things together. That way, they can always say, "It wasn't us, it's imagination." And what's the point? That they accuse me of being a child molester? That they want to me to change into this 'woman that I was meant to be.' And I'm supposed to see the light, listen to their crap lies and be 'saved.' Really. The people who are involved aren't the ones to give any credit to any fake spirit. They are so egomanical that they wouldn't hide in the shadows if anyone is being 'saved.' They'd be front and center and in the light to take credit for such success. Maybe they're the kind of people who don't want to commit to anything until success is imminent and then get the credit for a save.
One of the most common things lately is images of what they would call my other self. This is a weird woman dressed like Mae West, at one point claims that she has come all this way to help and she wants to carry on a conversation. It definitely seems to be CC, X's daughter. That's now, and later I should repeat portions of these conversations with the dead and I'll look either like I'm talking to spirits or carrying on conversations with the other half, what they want people to believe is the 'real me.' I don't feel like I'm carrying on conversations with my so called other half, I don't hear anything odd on the tape recorder I carry with me.
While she's there, acting out her movements, etc, and I guess I'm supposed to copy them and act like someone who has either two or more personalities, or just plain deluded, X's other dupes call out random questions like, "Who are you?" This one is usually pulled out after somebody else prompts me with a name. I'll be thinking of that name when the "Who are you?" question comes. Other questions that I hear are the ones about incest. "Do you sleep with your mother? Didn't you have sex with your sister? Do you have sex with animals? Do you drink?" No. When they don't get the answers they want, usually concerning the rapist X (see 1969 post), they just seem to put it under some 'other personality.' And the 'Let her spirit through. Let it go through you!" act they try to pull. To hell with that.
It really seems like they've got a series of questions and answers that are supposed to be played out in front of some psychiatrist or some authority figure. Then they'll have what would appear to be 'me' giving answers that completely turn past reality on its head.
It's funny when they play out the 'we're a secret society and we want to induct you.' I do remember back in 1985 at AN's house, when I stood up when someone asked if I wanted to be a made man in the mob. I thought, "Yeah. Let's go." "Oh, then you must make a sacrifice, blah blah blah. Nowadays I just think, "No, you're just low level, two bit criminals trying to extort answers by intimidation and threats that cover your asses." Back in 1985, that probably was the time that KS said to someone, "He doesn't believe in psychics. He doesn't believe in ghosts," then turns to me, puts here hand on my arm, and says, "Tell me, what would scare W____?" And I said, "Uh. The mob, maybe." Then KS told that woman to show me her gun, and I said, "So shoot me." I don't think they're profiling of me ever suited their needs. I was probably too 'all over the map' so to speak.
**Now I hear someone say, "The only one who knows the answers to these questions is the one who blah, blah, blah." Then I hear sister G say something, can't make out what she's saying. I think this has something to do with the time in 1986 when I was at that phony shrink's office and the last of the 'fill in the blanks' questions was "Only you (woman points finger at me) can...." And I turn to my left and think, "fill in the blanks." But, I 'felt like' sister G at the time.**
Also today, I heard someone ask a question and then some guy said, "That's not the answer you gave back...." I guess he knows about the questions and answers from 1984, 85, 86. I just thought that it was really dumb to think that those answers would be the same as today, and like I said on a forum for schizophrenics that I joined, "Who wants to go back to before they were sick anyway?" They hold out as bait for cooperation a few seconds of 'your old self' and you can go back to that if you cooperate and say you're gay and then you'll be yourself." Why would anyone want to go back to the way they were before they were sick when that's what made you sick in the first place? And besides, all this 'state your sexual persuasion' and then when they don't get anywhere with that, it's 'well then, it's not a sexual thing it's all about gender anyway,' and just try this and try that. Who would want to cooperate with these criminals who have only their own purposes and interests in mind?
There was one thing that happened on my delivery route today. I saw a lady who I usually see in the summer a lot, but since it's cold now she hasn't been outside at all. She has bronchitis. We talked a little, she went inside. The strange thing was that she said, "R____, you'll be R____ to me." That name is the same as the pot dealer I used to have in the 1980s. That's about the only R____ I've known. Don't know why she didn't use my real name. She is the one, though, who I think was dragged into some BS by Fatso when he asked, "What's the worst thing that could happen to you?" Since I was on the route at the time, I thought, "That they'll drag some customer into this crap of theirs." Then, later I heard a conversation with X and this woman was in the conversation, too. This woman used X's real name and X freaked out and started screaming, "F**k her up! F**k her up!" Hilarious.
I started posting on a schizophrenic website lately. The voices said, "You're not schizophrenic." I don't care what they say, how did I get the nickname Psycho, anyway? It wasn't by acting normal. But like I said before, they all want me crazy but not so crazy that I won't be believed if they need me to verify something for them. But, it seems like all those texts and photos on people's cameras at work could be something like messages in a forum, or the like. They said it didn't matter what I wrote anywhere else, they'll just use the answers in these texts, etc. and that's what the program is and that's what will be the final word on this or that subject and they'll just manipulate me to get opposite answers to anything I post anywhere else. There are too many people that they have to cover, and need some answers from me. Well, if anyone claims to have some facts, etc, that supposedly come from me, they should really just hang it up. They claim that they're helping. For the last 27 years. If anyone feels as nuts as I do after constant help for 27 years....well, don't ask my so called helpers for help. Run. It just harassment and intimidation that is 'all in my head' and I wonder if these accomplices of theirs know that I'm not conscious and I'm being manipulated and I hear the things they're saying, or things I'm reading, I hear later on. What they're doing is abusive, damaging and only serves to get them the contrived answers they want about past events.
As bizarre as it sounds, they're not as interested in reality as I am, and I'm the one stuck in dreamland. Doesn't say much about their mentality.
**That one who I call Pig, the so called lawyer or such, asked me, "How do you feel, W_____?" I know the answer she wants. "With my fingers," I once said. Then, from my left came, "Get a lawyer." Pig asked, "What'd they say?" I guess they want to cover each other's asses so much that they don't communicate with each other. Well, like Pig said months ago, "You don't need a lawyer." After 27 years, if they still have to push their falsehoods and freak outs on me, they still haven't gotten what they need. I wonder how they feel?**
And now here goes X, playing with the little 7 year old me that she wakes up and trains to kiss her ass. Again. Hmmm. Where's the 25 year old me? Oh, yeah. That's the one who 'has the papers (committment) anyway' and 'you're already crazy, why don't you just take the blame and get this all over with?" This last comment came from CC, X's daughter. Some of these people are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They claim I'm so crazy that they have to control everything in everyway, but still not so crazy to be put away. Isn't someone who, against his will, has to be controlled, retrained, etc, too crazy to be out on the streets?
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
A FEW NOTES FROM A FORUM
Janurary 18, 2012 9:58 am EDT
Just a few of my answers from forum for schizophrenics.
civil rights
Posted: Jan 17, 2012 9:18 AM
Do you feel due to sz your rights are infringed? Do you feel you have all your civil rights?
I am worried if I have mine. Do you feel free? If not, what do you do about it?
Re: civil rights
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 6:53 AM in response to: XXXX Edit Reply
Yeah. I definitely feel like a prisoner from the minute I wake up. I go to work, to the store, and home. Constantly slandered and even told I'm not allowed to get a lawyer. As for being shunned socially, I'll take that as a plus. I don't miss any of the people I've known.
*********
Tactile hallucinations
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 7:12 AM
My pdoc said i have a particular set of delusions and some are tactile in nature. I feel upset. My tactile hallucinations are sexual in nature, but i still believe it is aliens/demons doing it. Does anyone want to share their tactile hallucinations? anyone else have sexual ones? They are very distressing/disturbing.
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 7:46 AM
Yeah. I just call them symptoms. Had one where I would feel two pokes in my forearm, one close to my elbow and the other one was lower. That one started about 26 years ago and was really strong. I would feel them, one poke at a time, many, many times in a day. I very rarely feel them now, but they went on for over a decade, at least. Never had any sexual ones, though.
********
Just a few of my answers from forum for schizophrenics.
civil rights
Posted: Jan 17, 2012 9:18 AM
Do you feel due to sz your rights are infringed? Do you feel you have all your civil rights?
I am worried if I have mine. Do you feel free? If not, what do you do about it?
Re: civil rights
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 6:53 AM in response to: XXXX Edit Reply
Yeah. I definitely feel like a prisoner from the minute I wake up. I go to work, to the store, and home. Constantly slandered and even told I'm not allowed to get a lawyer. As for being shunned socially, I'll take that as a plus. I don't miss any of the people I've known.
*********
Tactile hallucinations
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 7:12 AM
My pdoc said i have a particular set of delusions and some are tactile in nature. I feel upset. My tactile hallucinations are sexual in nature, but i still believe it is aliens/demons doing it. Does anyone want to share their tactile hallucinations? anyone else have sexual ones? They are very distressing/disturbing.
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 7:46 AM
Yeah. I just call them symptoms. Had one where I would feel two pokes in my forearm, one close to my elbow and the other one was lower. That one started about 26 years ago and was really strong. I would feel them, one poke at a time, many, many times in a day. I very rarely feel them now, but they went on for over a decade, at least. Never had any sexual ones, though.
********
Sunday, January 15, 2012
January 15, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012 11:07 am EDT
Woke up about 12:00 am, dozed off about three times and the third time I woke up, the black curtains I scared me. I just laughed. This happens sometimes when I fall asleep with the TV on and someone on the tube says one of my trigger words. It’s funny.
It was pretty quiet for a few minutes, then someone asked me question. It was something about some facts or something. Even though I knew the answer and didn’t want to go through their stupid conversations, I said, “Who cares? Then, X comes along and says, “Ask FF (her son). Ask FF.” She meant that other people should “wake up” this FF thing she has going on and I’m supposed to act like him and rattle off the answer. X and her kids do this all the time. FF will sit there next to me and X will often tell me to “watch” or “c” FF. Both mean for me to copy their goofball reactions for someone else to “wake up” later, and then they try to prove that, “He just doesn’t know who he is, blah, blah, blah.”
Another reason they play this “ask so-and-so” game is that it might be that they want me to look like I’m talking to myself. Ask FF. What am I supposed to do? Turn to the left or right and ask whoever and then repeat the answers as an imitation of one of her dupes. Could be. A few weeks ago, I drove someone to the airport in the middle of my delivery route. They thought I was their ride to the airport and they were in a hurry because the flight was leaving in 45 minutes or so. At first I told them I didn’t have time.
Then I asked the man, it was a couple who were leaving for Florida, what time was it, anyway. Strange, I sort of leaned over to my right and saw a light and thought (my eyes were moving back and forth, thinking, thinking.) and saw, sort of, the clock that I have in the car. The same time the guy said it was about a quarter after five, I said, it’s 5:13. Then I realized I saw a light and thought, saw the clock in the car, and realized that 5:13 must have been the last time I looked at the clock. But it was strange that I asked the time and answered my own question, and in such a weird way. I did drive them to the airport since it was just the next exit south off the expressway. He gave me forty dollars.
So, that’s how I woke up this morning and they started their crap all over. Taking things from me and putting them under some “other personality” that will have the answer, prompt some dupe somewhere to ask the question and see “who” is answering. They’ve been doing this for almost 27 years. X, the rapist from 1969, just won’t stop victimizing her victim or people who know about her. Another thing that “ask FF” works as is to try to make me so dependent on them that only they can help and they will “guide” me. Sure. They’re a**holes.
FF is there to trigger stuff. He was the one who was playing the phony psychodrama about Kurt Cobain, and when this KC, as X put it, was going to show me what his big problem was and it turned out to be FF’s grandmother and I recognized her then FF, they had to throw me into suicide mode, gun (must be his, I don’t own one) to the side of my head and FF, the braintrust that he is, walked up and showed me that putting it in my mouth was how to do it and I laughed. I never thought of that. There is a time at McC’s (the store), when I had a “gun” or whatever, and Fatso was putting me through the motions, telling me that it was a gun, I took it out of my mouth, then no, it’s a squirt gun with drugs in it and I squirted it several times. Fatso did this several times.
So, that’s the way I woke up, and when I caught on what they were doing, FF went into his “He thinks he’s KC.” I’m sure they can wake that up whenever they want, and they probably do, but like I think/say to them, “Why don’t you tell people to read my blog and let people know the whole story?” And X is there pointing to me and said, “You bullshit.” A few minutes later, someone else said that they heard “bullshitter.” What to make of “You bullshit” and the word bullshit? “You ______” are commands. Anything after You becomes a verb, even names (even though I don’t hear names).
Firstly, to bullshit means to smoke pot. The guy I used to buy from called it the bullshit. Haven’t seen him since 1985 and haven’t smoked any of the “bullshit” since about 2000. Twelve years. My sister said the other week when she was over to clean out some stuff from the house that I wanted to keep a probe-like thing that is used to check electrical circuits because I was probably going to use it as a roach clip. I didn’t say anything, and I actually hope they have as many things wrong about me as possible. The more they go on and on about some crap that isn’t true, the worse they look.
Secondly, “to bullshit” means to just talk, not to lie or anything, but talk. I don’t talk much to anyone and I almost never start any conversations. I’m still recording all contact with others that I have, and to make verbal notes about what I’m thinking. Sometimes, when listening to the notes for this blog, I hear myself mispronouncing names. Nothing serious. When they start asking their questions and get some autoresponses they want, I go into starting to ask questions to them. “Why do you think that? What do you mean? Who are you?” They don’t like that.
When someone starts a sentence and stops, I used to finish it. This must be the read the “fill in the blanks” statements they had me read at that phony shrink’s “treatment” just after/before the Navy thing. Now, if they stop and expect me to finish, I try to repeat the whole thing, avoid the fake intrusive thought they want me to give, and end it with cussing them out. And as I told them a long time ago, “You wanted to know what I’m thinking, I ‘ll tell you what I’m thinking, and there’s not a goddamn thing you’re going to do about it.”
Then it was time to go to work, and X said that I should “watch what you say.” “Watch” what you say. The first thing I thought of was to take things literally. Either start associating with words people say or to act things out literally. Eh.
The rest of the night was just listening to them threaten me about not spreading my blog around to anyplace local. It’s here. Anyone can read it. If they’re afraid that someone can figure out who’s who and what’s what, it’s their fear, not mine. I don’t particularly care. But then they take that as “permission” to do what they want to embarrass and harass me.
There was a point at about 8:00 am when I was almost done with my route. Someone kept threatening me that I shouldn't put my blog where local people can see it. And to prove it to me, some woman just showed me what's going to happen if I did. I heard a loud click and got a little blind spot in my direct vision. They'll take my eye as payment or punishment. This has happened before. I've had temporary white dots, like people get from looking at lights or a flash. It goes away. I told my eye doctor about them years ago, and she called them "ocular migraines," and not serious since they only happen once or twice a year. But she said I should go to the hospital if I see stars.
They have used this before. When it came time to renew my driver's license this year, there was an eye test and of course X used it. Gave me blind spot and I had to obey her or it will happen at the BMV and I won't pass the eye test and no license. I just thought that it wouldn't be too bad not driving. I could work on the Internet and save a lot of money, besides. I didn't give anything up that I know of, and passed the test.
So I was walking around delivering with this psychosomatic, suggested, and on command blind spot from X or the lady from McC's as a warning about how I'll have to live if I don't stop writing and telling on them. Irritating? Yes. But I didn't care. I thought that they, at some time earlier, had burned my eye with a laser and it was already done and permanent. So, I'll get by and not go nuts and they will have wasted another good threat. Someone did do that for real a few years ago at the place I go to pick up my deliveries for work. The kid of someone who works there was pointing at people with a laser pointer. Not a good idea.
Here’s another event from 1986 and its aftermath.
BB. Initials of some guy I went to school with. Came up at McC's. standing there, I saw myself, or maybe FF now that I think about it, and I was calling, cupped hands at my mouth, and looking up and saying, "W___'s pissed. Blow up the space shuttle." I heard someone behind me saying, "NO.NO." I said, "Things like that don't happen." I think it was Fatso who said, "It will happen." I always remembered that part of the McC's nightmare, but I really didn't remember what I, or someone else said (it was odd that my name was used, which makes me think that it might not have been me) until five months later when the space shuttle blew up. I mentioned to AN that it was weird that at the time, I was working at a fast food place, and I suddenly got the idea to ask for a day off. I have never asked for a day off anywhere I've ever worked at before.
1. So, I asked the manager if I could have a day off. She said sure and which day would it be? I thought, and it must have been just before the weekend, that I'm not going to ask for a weekend day, or Monday, that they might need me there on Monday, so I said Tuesday. She looked surprised, and later I thought that they must think I'm dumb. Who asks for a Tuesday off? Anyway, that turned out to be the day the shuttle blew up.
So, Tuesday came and I made sure that the alarm was off. And I woke up a little before noon when the alarm clock went off (I heard one, anyway) and I had made sure that I turned it off the night before. I remembered that something woke me up earlier and I was saying something like, "Don't let it go up. It's going to explode." and then someone asked me what my name was and I said my first name. Then I looked and someone had a big, old time portable phone. I saw some guy's hand press a button to hang up. I looked at the clock and it was about 7:30, 7: twenty something.
I turned on the TV and saw the news playing the explosion over and over. I just stood there, hands on my hips, shaking my head from side to side, thinking, "Just like I thought it would." I thought back to McC's and realized that that was what this "BB" said, and thought that I said back then that I wanted a "big explosion." This is a comment from WAOVW, which was KS, and whoever she was asking questions for, their favorite source of "words and phrases to use as a cover." Anyhow, after I remembered that, I remembered saying to someone who might or might not have been in my room, that I "only wanted some fireworks." Why say that when I wasn't even thinking about anything relating me to the event?
I remembered back to the last few weeks at the fast food place, that one of the girls who worked there came up to me and said to me, "Let them come down. Let them come down." I said, "The next one, dummy." Huh? Later I found out that there was a shuttle in orbit, and if I remember correctly now, they were delayed in getting back on schedule. I haven't paid any attention to the shuttle at all. When this girl said this "let them come down" stuff, I didn't know there was a shuttle up and the next one, the blown up one, was going up on a fast turn-around.
So, there it was. What did BB say at McC's in August 1985 and who was the guy with the phone, and the odd request of a day off, and the comments by the girl. When I went to work on Wednesday, I thought I heard someone say, "W____'s not prejudiced. He blew up all kinds of people." Another weird comment came from my mother after the explosion, I'm sure. I saw her sitting in her chair, looking at the floor, red-faced (a sign I got used to seeing in people who are not fully awake) and said, in her native language, "I hope the airplane crashes." Strange, but like I wrote before, I've seen X and sister J, on separate occasions, "reading" her, and in J's case, making her say that she had millions in lottery winnings and where was it (see previous post).
Some years later, I talked to sister T on the phone and, like she always did, she called me crazy and I just said that I had trouble concentrating, and then she said that I was making up stories after the fact. Something happens, I go into some psycho mode and make up some crap about what happened and that's all there is to it. In my case, with all the head games played by some people, I don't believe that that is what happens. Especially since this was after they started talking to me while I was sleeping.
And I mentioned this to AN one time. I just told her about asking for a particular day off when I've never asked for one off before, the alarm going off (or hearing one) just before noon when I was sure that I turned it off the night before. I didn't say anything else about it. Years later, AN said to me, "Remember when you thought you blew up the shuttle?" I never said anything like that to her, but I didn't comment other than it was just weird that I asked for that day off when I didn't even want a day off and the alarm went off when I know that I had turned it off.
Blew up the shuttle? Not even close, and I don't believe in psychics or anything like that. Like I said in my first post, it's real people doing real things to other real people. "Let me tell you what you're thinking," they'll say after they've made you talk to them in your sleep, "and see, I'm psychic." No. You're full of crap and a criminal is what you are.
So, back to the beginning of this episode. BB. Initials of someone I went to school with. Didn't know him well, but when I saw that guy at McC's saying that, "W____'s (me) pissed, etc." it reminded me of that guy. The way the guy looked and stood, maybe, I don't know. Thinking about it some years later, I do recall Fatso whispered something to that guy (or me) to, "Give him his sister's wish." and when the words came out, he was the one who said, "No, no." And that guy, could have been me, turned to the right and if it were me I could have seen myself in a mirror, since it did look like I was looking at myself. Was there a prompt back then as to who to "be"? Don't know. They did have a mirror there, since that McC event ended with me looking at myself in a mirror and I said, "Jesus Christ. I look like Uncle T___." Before that time, I knew I was a negative hallucination to myself when Fatso showed me that in a mirror in my room and I thought it was funny. "Nice trick," I said. Considering that, was there someone there who told me to look. I'm sure I needed a prompt for something like that.
BB. I don't know if they knew of the real BB. I did buy pot from him in high (lol) school, but whenever someone asked me how I got "turned on" to pot, as the saying went, I told them the truth. I did. No one ever offered me any. I guess I don't look like the type. So, I went up to someone (a friend of BB's) who I knew that sold, and asked to buy some. A dollar a joint back then. One thing I remember about him is something about "going off on a tangent" about things. Another thing BB said back in school was that he didn't see anything wrong with being bi. Don't know what the conversation even was about. He showed his flexing ability by using his crotch to move text books up and down. Hilarious.
Sunday, January 15, 2012 2:22 pm EDT
Woke up about 12:00 am, dozed off about three times and the third time I woke up, the black curtains I scared me. I just laughed. This happens sometimes when I fall asleep with the TV on and someone on the tube says one of my trigger words. It’s funny.
It was pretty quiet for a few minutes, then someone asked me question. It was something about some facts or something. Even though I knew the answer and didn’t want to go through their stupid conversations, I said, “Who cares? Then, X comes along and says, “Ask FF (her son). Ask FF.” She meant that other people should “wake up” this FF thing she has going on and I’m supposed to act like him and rattle off the answer. X and her kids do this all the time. FF will sit there next to me and X will often tell me to “watch” or “c” FF. Both mean for me to copy their goofball reactions for someone else to “wake up” later, and then they try to prove that, “He just doesn’t know who he is, blah, blah, blah.”
Another reason they play this “ask so-and-so” game is that it might be that they want me to look like I’m talking to myself. Ask FF. What am I supposed to do? Turn to the left or right and ask whoever and then repeat the answers as an imitation of one of her dupes. Could be. A few weeks ago, I drove someone to the airport in the middle of my delivery route. They thought I was their ride to the airport and they were in a hurry because the flight was leaving in 45 minutes or so. At first I told them I didn’t have time.
Then I asked the man, it was a couple who were leaving for Florida, what time was it, anyway. Strange, I sort of leaned over to my right and saw a light and thought (my eyes were moving back and forth, thinking, thinking.) and saw, sort of, the clock that I have in the car. The same time the guy said it was about a quarter after five, I said, it’s 5:13. Then I realized I saw a light and thought, saw the clock in the car, and realized that 5:13 must have been the last time I looked at the clock. But it was strange that I asked the time and answered my own question, and in such a weird way. I did drive them to the airport since it was just the next exit south off the expressway. He gave me forty dollars.
So, that’s how I woke up this morning and they started their crap all over. Taking things from me and putting them under some “other personality” that will have the answer, prompt some dupe somewhere to ask the question and see “who” is answering. They’ve been doing this for almost 27 years. X, the rapist from 1969, just won’t stop victimizing her victim or people who know about her. Another thing that “ask FF” works as is to try to make me so dependent on them that only they can help and they will “guide” me. Sure. They’re a**holes.
FF is there to trigger stuff. He was the one who was playing the phony psychodrama about Kurt Cobain, and when this KC, as X put it, was going to show me what his big problem was and it turned out to be FF’s grandmother and I recognized her then FF, they had to throw me into suicide mode, gun (must be his, I don’t own one) to the side of my head and FF, the braintrust that he is, walked up and showed me that putting it in my mouth was how to do it and I laughed. I never thought of that. There is a time at McC’s (the store), when I had a “gun” or whatever, and Fatso was putting me through the motions, telling me that it was a gun, I took it out of my mouth, then no, it’s a squirt gun with drugs in it and I squirted it several times. Fatso did this several times.
So, that’s the way I woke up, and when I caught on what they were doing, FF went into his “He thinks he’s KC.” I’m sure they can wake that up whenever they want, and they probably do, but like I think/say to them, “Why don’t you tell people to read my blog and let people know the whole story?” And X is there pointing to me and said, “You bullshit.” A few minutes later, someone else said that they heard “bullshitter.” What to make of “You bullshit” and the word bullshit? “You ______” are commands. Anything after You becomes a verb, even names (even though I don’t hear names).
Firstly, to bullshit means to smoke pot. The guy I used to buy from called it the bullshit. Haven’t seen him since 1985 and haven’t smoked any of the “bullshit” since about 2000. Twelve years. My sister said the other week when she was over to clean out some stuff from the house that I wanted to keep a probe-like thing that is used to check electrical circuits because I was probably going to use it as a roach clip. I didn’t say anything, and I actually hope they have as many things wrong about me as possible. The more they go on and on about some crap that isn’t true, the worse they look.
Secondly, “to bullshit” means to just talk, not to lie or anything, but talk. I don’t talk much to anyone and I almost never start any conversations. I’m still recording all contact with others that I have, and to make verbal notes about what I’m thinking. Sometimes, when listening to the notes for this blog, I hear myself mispronouncing names. Nothing serious. When they start asking their questions and get some autoresponses they want, I go into starting to ask questions to them. “Why do you think that? What do you mean? Who are you?” They don’t like that.
When someone starts a sentence and stops, I used to finish it. This must be the read the “fill in the blanks” statements they had me read at that phony shrink’s “treatment” just after/before the Navy thing. Now, if they stop and expect me to finish, I try to repeat the whole thing, avoid the fake intrusive thought they want me to give, and end it with cussing them out. And as I told them a long time ago, “You wanted to know what I’m thinking, I ‘ll tell you what I’m thinking, and there’s not a goddamn thing you’re going to do about it.”
Then it was time to go to work, and X said that I should “watch what you say.” “Watch” what you say. The first thing I thought of was to take things literally. Either start associating with words people say or to act things out literally. Eh.
The rest of the night was just listening to them threaten me about not spreading my blog around to anyplace local. It’s here. Anyone can read it. If they’re afraid that someone can figure out who’s who and what’s what, it’s their fear, not mine. I don’t particularly care. But then they take that as “permission” to do what they want to embarrass and harass me.
There was a point at about 8:00 am when I was almost done with my route. Someone kept threatening me that I shouldn't put my blog where local people can see it. And to prove it to me, some woman just showed me what's going to happen if I did. I heard a loud click and got a little blind spot in my direct vision. They'll take my eye as payment or punishment. This has happened before. I've had temporary white dots, like people get from looking at lights or a flash. It goes away. I told my eye doctor about them years ago, and she called them "ocular migraines," and not serious since they only happen once or twice a year. But she said I should go to the hospital if I see stars.
They have used this before. When it came time to renew my driver's license this year, there was an eye test and of course X used it. Gave me blind spot and I had to obey her or it will happen at the BMV and I won't pass the eye test and no license. I just thought that it wouldn't be too bad not driving. I could work on the Internet and save a lot of money, besides. I didn't give anything up that I know of, and passed the test.
So I was walking around delivering with this psychosomatic, suggested, and on command blind spot from X or the lady from McC's as a warning about how I'll have to live if I don't stop writing and telling on them. Irritating? Yes. But I didn't care. I thought that they, at some time earlier, had burned my eye with a laser and it was already done and permanent. So, I'll get by and not go nuts and they will have wasted another good threat. Someone did do that for real a few years ago at the place I go to pick up my deliveries for work. The kid of someone who works there was pointing at people with a laser pointer. Not a good idea.
Here’s another event from 1986 and its aftermath.
BB. Initials of some guy I went to school with. Came up at McC's. standing there, I saw myself, or maybe FF now that I think about it, and I was calling, cupped hands at my mouth, and looking up and saying, "W___'s pissed. Blow up the space shuttle." I heard someone behind me saying, "NO.NO." I said, "Things like that don't happen." I think it was Fatso who said, "It will happen." I always remembered that part of the McC's nightmare, but I really didn't remember what I, or someone else said (it was odd that my name was used, which makes me think that it might not have been me) until five months later when the space shuttle blew up. I mentioned to AN that it was weird that at the time, I was working at a fast food place, and I suddenly got the idea to ask for a day off. I have never asked for a day off anywhere I've ever worked at before.
1. So, I asked the manager if I could have a day off. She said sure and which day would it be? I thought, and it must have been just before the weekend, that I'm not going to ask for a weekend day, or Monday, that they might need me there on Monday, so I said Tuesday. She looked surprised, and later I thought that they must think I'm dumb. Who asks for a Tuesday off? Anyway, that turned out to be the day the shuttle blew up.
So, Tuesday came and I made sure that the alarm was off. And I woke up a little before noon when the alarm clock went off (I heard one, anyway) and I had made sure that I turned it off the night before. I remembered that something woke me up earlier and I was saying something like, "Don't let it go up. It's going to explode." and then someone asked me what my name was and I said my first name. Then I looked and someone had a big, old time portable phone. I saw some guy's hand press a button to hang up. I looked at the clock and it was about 7:30, 7: twenty something.
I turned on the TV and saw the news playing the explosion over and over. I just stood there, hands on my hips, shaking my head from side to side, thinking, "Just like I thought it would." I thought back to McC's and realized that that was what this "BB" said, and thought that I said back then that I wanted a "big explosion." This is a comment from WAOVW, which was KS, and whoever she was asking questions for, their favorite source of "words and phrases to use as a cover." Anyhow, after I remembered that, I remembered saying to someone who might or might not have been in my room, that I "only wanted some fireworks." Why say that when I wasn't even thinking about anything relating me to the event?
I remembered back to the last few weeks at the fast food place, that one of the girls who worked there came up to me and said to me, "Let them come down. Let them come down." I said, "The next one, dummy." Huh? Later I found out that there was a shuttle in orbit, and if I remember correctly now, they were delayed in getting back on schedule. I haven't paid any attention to the shuttle at all. When this girl said this "let them come down" stuff, I didn't know there was a shuttle up and the next one, the blown up one, was going up on a fast turn-around.
So, there it was. What did BB say at McC's in August 1985 and who was the guy with the phone, and the odd request of a day off, and the comments by the girl. When I went to work on Wednesday, I thought I heard someone say, "W____'s not prejudiced. He blew up all kinds of people." Another weird comment came from my mother after the explosion, I'm sure. I saw her sitting in her chair, looking at the floor, red-faced (a sign I got used to seeing in people who are not fully awake) and said, in her native language, "I hope the airplane crashes." Strange, but like I wrote before, I've seen X and sister J, on separate occasions, "reading" her, and in J's case, making her say that she had millions in lottery winnings and where was it (see previous post).
Some years later, I talked to sister T on the phone and, like she always did, she called me crazy and I just said that I had trouble concentrating, and then she said that I was making up stories after the fact. Something happens, I go into some psycho mode and make up some crap about what happened and that's all there is to it. In my case, with all the head games played by some people, I don't believe that that is what happens. Especially since this was after they started talking to me while I was sleeping.
And I mentioned this to AN one time. I just told her about asking for a particular day off when I've never asked for one off before, the alarm going off (or hearing one) just before noon when I was sure that I turned it off the night before. I didn't say anything else about it. Years later, AN said to me, "Remember when you thought you blew up the shuttle?" I never said anything like that to her, but I didn't comment other than it was just weird that I asked for that day off when I didn't even want a day off and the alarm went off when I know that I had turned it off.
Blew up the shuttle? Not even close, and I don't believe in psychics or anything like that. Like I said in my first post, it's real people doing real things to other real people. "Let me tell you what you're thinking," they'll say after they've made you talk to them in your sleep, "and see, I'm psychic." No. You're full of crap and a criminal is what you are.
So, back to the beginning of this episode. BB. Initials of someone I went to school with. Didn't know him well, but when I saw that guy at McC's saying that, "W____'s (me) pissed, etc." it reminded me of that guy. The way the guy looked and stood, maybe, I don't know. Thinking about it some years later, I do recall Fatso whispered something to that guy (or me) to, "Give him his sister's wish." and when the words came out, he was the one who said, "No, no." And that guy, could have been me, turned to the right and if it were me I could have seen myself in a mirror, since it did look like I was looking at myself. Was there a prompt back then as to who to "be"? Don't know. They did have a mirror there, since that McC event ended with me looking at myself in a mirror and I said, "Jesus Christ. I look like Uncle T___." Before that time, I knew I was a negative hallucination to myself when Fatso showed me that in a mirror in my room and I thought it was funny. "Nice trick," I said. Considering that, was there someone there who told me to look. I'm sure I needed a prompt for something like that.
BB. I don't know if they knew of the real BB. I did buy pot from him in high (lol) school, but whenever someone asked me how I got "turned on" to pot, as the saying went, I told them the truth. I did. No one ever offered me any. I guess I don't look like the type. So, I went up to someone (a friend of BB's) who I knew that sold, and asked to buy some. A dollar a joint back then. One thing I remember about him is something about "going off on a tangent" about things. Another thing BB said back in school was that he didn't see anything wrong with being bi. Don't know what the conversation even was about. He showed his flexing ability by using his crotch to move text books up and down. Hilarious.
Sunday, January 15, 2012 2:22 pm EDT
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012 9:47 am EDT
Nothing unusual at work.
Thinking about the usual in the usual way. I asked them why are they here? Some woman, J I think, said that they were there to cover me up. I said that there’s not a damn thing that I’ve done that needs covered up, and besides, if I did do something they wouldn’t cover me up. Actually, it would suit them just fine. And they are the ones who try to start trouble, anyway.
Pig has been around a lot today. She asks questions and X is there guiding and editing answers that they’ll pass off as my own. Pig hasn’t mentioned JO or her pet subject of “family of child molesters.” I jokingly ask them every once in a while if they have their tape recorders going. They probably do, and I told them today that it would be hard for them to make any legal trouble because any recordings wouldn’t be anything that any legal authorities would accept, since it hasn’t been overseen by any law enforcement agency. But anything they get me to say is just good for trying to embarrass me.
I told X that we all know what you can make me do, now tell us why you want to make me do it. All they ever proved is that they can manipulate people.
Nothing unusual at work.
Thinking about the usual in the usual way. I asked them why are they here? Some woman, J I think, said that they were there to cover me up. I said that there’s not a damn thing that I’ve done that needs covered up, and besides, if I did do something they wouldn’t cover me up. Actually, it would suit them just fine. And they are the ones who try to start trouble, anyway.
Pig has been around a lot today. She asks questions and X is there guiding and editing answers that they’ll pass off as my own. Pig hasn’t mentioned JO or her pet subject of “family of child molesters.” I jokingly ask them every once in a while if they have their tape recorders going. They probably do, and I told them today that it would be hard for them to make any legal trouble because any recordings wouldn’t be anything that any legal authorities would accept, since it hasn’t been overseen by any law enforcement agency. But anything they get me to say is just good for trying to embarrass me.
I told X that we all know what you can make me do, now tell us why you want to make me do it. All they ever proved is that they can manipulate people.
Monday, January 9, 2012
SOMEONE'S PUSHING THE WRONG BUTTON
January 9, 2012 1:54 pm EDT
I'm just sitting here working on the Internet, and of course, I start thinking about that woman who came along about one and a half years ago. She's the one who, when I first saw her, said that her and her partner, then she pointed to an obese woman who was the one who had to point me out to her, didn't appreciate what I was saying (or thinking). She said, "When we f**k someone up, they stay..." Then she showed me a knife and made jabbing motions in my gut, and finished, "...f**ked up." She also said, "I didn't want to have to wake her up, but now I have to." She was referring to Obese, that person standing next to her. I only saw that Obese's thigh. She was wearing jeans. I just looked at the woman with the knife and said, "What a lovely assassin. It's going to be fun playing with you for the next 27 years."
She is also the one who:
Said that she didn't want to lose her license (when I started blogging)
Told me to think of her as a ghost. The first time I saw her, it looked like she was kneeling in front of a closet and someone shot her in the back of the head. Then she wanted me to believe she's a ghost. I don't fall for that crap.
She told me to think of her as Cindy.and that she was on my conscience. I said she might not want to play that stuff on me, because they wanted me to think of a murder victim from the '80s. She wasn't pleased.
She said that she is my sister, G. Not, but she wants me to think of her as G.
Then she said, since I wasn't buying into her crap, "Well, then think of me as your conscience." I thought, "No. Are you trying to make me think that I think like a woman?" Not happening, either.
So, yesterday or so, she brought up my dead nephew JO. And today, she tells me to talk about JO. I said that maybe she should talk to my sister. She said, "Why should I talk to your sister?" I said, "Because it was her kid." She said, "And weren't you the father?" I said, "No. And you are a piece of garbage for saying something like that. You are the lowest piece of trash I've ever heard of."
She must be part of the same crowd that made me read that crap the other week (see previous post). Just before I woke up one evening, I read from a typed piece of paper that if anyone wants to know why JO is dead, they only have to look as far as (my name), because JO died because he was a product of incest with (my name) and his sister, etc. etc.
From now on, I will call her Pig, since she seems to be someone who is not going away and has to do that obese woman's dirty work. I told her that if I could, I would get her arrested for harassment, but she's also the one at X's house who said that I didn't need a lawyer. I said that I would get her arrested for harassing me, a mentally ill person. She said, "You're sane." But later, I must have thought of something that she didn't like, because she said, "Well, aren't you a schizo?" She can't have it both ways.
So, who is Pig and her owner, Obese? Pig seems to be asking questions, and Obese is the one who guides, gives me intrusive thoughts, and gets me to go off about people, and in general, it is Obese's job to turn things around against me. Even the slightest thing. Obese could be X, or X's daughter, CC, KS, sister J, or the dope dealer's ex wife. The last is doubtful, but I threw it in there.
I asked Pig that since she's helping set up phony answers to her questions, who is or are the people who are the ones who get it out of me in public. Obese uses intrusive thoughts and flashes of light, and because I see flashes of light in public, the two must be connected somehow.
Any of the candidates for being Obese already knows what I went through. Since X and her relatives have been so interested in making me change everything about my life and demand and make so much trouble, it is probably them. Again.
Now, why did Pig mention JO and this incest talk? I've heard it before just before Pig showed up when I woke up in front of a computer and read people accusing my father of being into child porn, and had a lot of porn in the house while growing up, etc. As for JO, that is basically really the last blog post that I have to make, and they know it. I guess they want to push the issue along, get me to think about what I know, and then change it as I go along. But, more people than they know what I think happened, so their changes won't fly as the truth. Anyway, if they start changing things before I even write or say anything about it, in my opinion they would be incriminating themselves.
While at McC's in August, 1985, while they were terrorizing me, Fatso said, in the middle of a lot of screaming, "You would rather be known as a baby killer than a virgin! Isn't that why you killed him?" And of course, I said, "Yes! Yes!" Then I realized that that was the first time I've ever heard that, and it was dumb. They told me to act it out, how it went. So, I'm creeping along the crib, getting ready to choke a baby, and I thought, "This is so stupid. I feel like a fool." And I started laughing.
Well, more of the same. Somebody concocted some phony connections for me to agree to, and then they have an imprint to wake up.
Time will tell. Someone told me not to blog about JO. I tend to agree. Years ago, someone said, "The more you remember, the more it sounds like you were involved." I thought, "Yes, that's true, but it's been about a quarter of a century now, and no one really cares anyway." If something was going to be done, other than harassing me, it would have been done a long time ago.
I'm just sitting here working on the Internet, and of course, I start thinking about that woman who came along about one and a half years ago. She's the one who, when I first saw her, said that her and her partner, then she pointed to an obese woman who was the one who had to point me out to her, didn't appreciate what I was saying (or thinking). She said, "When we f**k someone up, they stay..." Then she showed me a knife and made jabbing motions in my gut, and finished, "...f**ked up." She also said, "I didn't want to have to wake her up, but now I have to." She was referring to Obese, that person standing next to her. I only saw that Obese's thigh. She was wearing jeans. I just looked at the woman with the knife and said, "What a lovely assassin. It's going to be fun playing with you for the next 27 years."
She is also the one who:
Said that she didn't want to lose her license (when I started blogging)
Told me to think of her as a ghost. The first time I saw her, it looked like she was kneeling in front of a closet and someone shot her in the back of the head. Then she wanted me to believe she's a ghost. I don't fall for that crap.
She told me to think of her as Cindy.and that she was on my conscience. I said she might not want to play that stuff on me, because they wanted me to think of a murder victim from the '80s. She wasn't pleased.
She said that she is my sister, G. Not, but she wants me to think of her as G.
Then she said, since I wasn't buying into her crap, "Well, then think of me as your conscience." I thought, "No. Are you trying to make me think that I think like a woman?" Not happening, either.
So, yesterday or so, she brought up my dead nephew JO. And today, she tells me to talk about JO. I said that maybe she should talk to my sister. She said, "Why should I talk to your sister?" I said, "Because it was her kid." She said, "And weren't you the father?" I said, "No. And you are a piece of garbage for saying something like that. You are the lowest piece of trash I've ever heard of."
She must be part of the same crowd that made me read that crap the other week (see previous post). Just before I woke up one evening, I read from a typed piece of paper that if anyone wants to know why JO is dead, they only have to look as far as (my name), because JO died because he was a product of incest with (my name) and his sister, etc. etc.
From now on, I will call her Pig, since she seems to be someone who is not going away and has to do that obese woman's dirty work. I told her that if I could, I would get her arrested for harassment, but she's also the one at X's house who said that I didn't need a lawyer. I said that I would get her arrested for harassing me, a mentally ill person. She said, "You're sane." But later, I must have thought of something that she didn't like, because she said, "Well, aren't you a schizo?" She can't have it both ways.
So, who is Pig and her owner, Obese? Pig seems to be asking questions, and Obese is the one who guides, gives me intrusive thoughts, and gets me to go off about people, and in general, it is Obese's job to turn things around against me. Even the slightest thing. Obese could be X, or X's daughter, CC, KS, sister J, or the dope dealer's ex wife. The last is doubtful, but I threw it in there.
I asked Pig that since she's helping set up phony answers to her questions, who is or are the people who are the ones who get it out of me in public. Obese uses intrusive thoughts and flashes of light, and because I see flashes of light in public, the two must be connected somehow.
Any of the candidates for being Obese already knows what I went through. Since X and her relatives have been so interested in making me change everything about my life and demand and make so much trouble, it is probably them. Again.
Now, why did Pig mention JO and this incest talk? I've heard it before just before Pig showed up when I woke up in front of a computer and read people accusing my father of being into child porn, and had a lot of porn in the house while growing up, etc. As for JO, that is basically really the last blog post that I have to make, and they know it. I guess they want to push the issue along, get me to think about what I know, and then change it as I go along. But, more people than they know what I think happened, so their changes won't fly as the truth. Anyway, if they start changing things before I even write or say anything about it, in my opinion they would be incriminating themselves.
While at McC's in August, 1985, while they were terrorizing me, Fatso said, in the middle of a lot of screaming, "You would rather be known as a baby killer than a virgin! Isn't that why you killed him?" And of course, I said, "Yes! Yes!" Then I realized that that was the first time I've ever heard that, and it was dumb. They told me to act it out, how it went. So, I'm creeping along the crib, getting ready to choke a baby, and I thought, "This is so stupid. I feel like a fool." And I started laughing.
Well, more of the same. Somebody concocted some phony connections for me to agree to, and then they have an imprint to wake up.
Time will tell. Someone told me not to blog about JO. I tend to agree. Years ago, someone said, "The more you remember, the more it sounds like you were involved." I thought, "Yes, that's true, but it's been about a quarter of a century now, and no one really cares anyway." If something was going to be done, other than harassing me, it would have been done a long time ago.
GOOD TIMES, GOOD TIMES.....NOT
Monday, January 9, 2012 07:48 pm EDT
Woke up at 1:54 am, and as usual, they’re on my mind. X is there, pretending to sleep. I’m assuming that she’s just waiting for me to bitch her out so she has an excuse to get up and “defend herself against such lies.” I didn’t take the bait. Her son, FF, was harassing my mother, and since I wasn’t taking the bait, somebody had to shout out a key word and that word was Egypt. What do I think of Egypt? It reminds me of doing a bulletin board when in the sixth grade. They love that age in my life, don’t know why, but they’ve been screwed up on so much about me that I don’t really care anymore. Anything they choose is something they use to cause trouble.
And there was the usual threat of “wait until you live alone.” I guess they have a lot of harassment for me to remember then. X wants me to “wake up” tinkerbell. What? The fairy drag stuff they’ve made me copy and they repeat when they want. I just asked her why she would want me to wake up tinkerbell? They don’t like questions, so I’ll just throw some at them as often as possible.
And that woman from McC’s was there, too. Evidently, it didn’t matter that yesterday I chose to stay with X and get harassed by her instead of choosing to go with that woman and join the queers. She’s only covering her own ass for what she did to me at McC’s (see previous posts). I’ll throw questions at her, too, but it’s always too late since everything’s been preplanned and probably over and done with by the time I start remembering. She’s just beating a dead horse.
I’m not going to go out to dinner or anything with my mother as they’ve suggested. They get me to imagine, or actually do it in real life, that this woman who is there at the warehouse whom I cannot stand (no one likes her) suggests that I go to a movie. Not happening and they know it, they just want me to get pissed at this woman and cause trouble with her in real life. That’s not happening either. While I was thinking that I can’t stand that woman, some guy who might have been her husband, or something, said, “I hope you commit suicide over her.” Really?
That’s not something I would do. My way of solving problems is to get away from whatever or whoever causes me trouble and never go back. But, it’s always been that troublemaker from McC’s to end all the problems she brings up with, “See, it’s just going to make him kill himself.” She wants everything to end that way. But she doesn’t tell them that she and her cohorts harassed and badgered me at the store until she got what she wanted. She always counts on the gullibility of her “helpers.” That they’ll take her word for everything, or make them believe what she shows them, even though it’s nothing but manipulation. And her ever popular “it’s either her way or the hospital.” It’s going to be neither.
So some woman started in screaming about how she wants me in therapy right now. Not happening. And what would be the focus of this therapy? Let me guess. It’ll be pushing their gay agenda on me. Again. I’m not naive when it comes to those people. Like I mentioned before, I cut the dead wood out of my life about two decades ago and it included those people. I went to three sessions with a counselor and quit. It was stupid. Why go over the same stuff that I’ve known all my life anyway? I’m not going to see those things any differently than I do now. And their endless cycle of harassment isn’t going to change my views either, despite their ability to make me think and say the things I don’t believe in.
After almost 30 years of her harassment, she still tries to justify her illegal actions at the McC’s by manipulating me in any way she can. This woman is just covering her ass and X’s ass and my sister T, who was (or still is, I don’t know) a friend of hers. I already wrote about X, the facts of which they probably already screwed around into being what it’s not (nothing I can do about that) and now it’s time to write about sister T.
Since these friends of T make sure that I go through humiliation and degradation and constantly push their agenda on me, I have nothing to lose. They screw my life up no matter what I do. I’m sure they’re already to, or already have, humiliated me in public as retaliation.
She was the most horrid thing in my life. Nothing but harassment from her as long as I can remember. When I was nine and she was about 18, she screamed and yelled that she was, “Going to cut off my balls and nail them to the wall. One of these days, you’re going to wake up and you’ll be dead.” I jumped out and scared her, so she freaked.
Her favorite thing was to scream at me that I was a faggot. I didn’t know what that meant, I was about nine, so I looked it up in the dictionary. She probably even spelled it for me. According to her and this dictionary from the mid-sixties, I was a bundle of sticks. I didn’t get it. So, she said she knew that I was because she knows that “you suck...” My mom pushed me out of the room and told her to shut up.
She used to paint my nails (my left hand, complete with polka dots) and send me outside to “show the neighborhood what a faggot you are.” And I did. And they did laugh at me. When my father came home, he yelled at her to take it off. But she didn’t have any nail polish remover, so my other sister G, who was always stuck in the middle of our fights, had to go to the drug store to get some. So T removed her handiwork and cried, because she just couldn’t see anything wrong with pushing that onto little kids who don’t even know that it’s a campaign of humiliation.
She loved putting a dress on me (see 1967 post about first grade) when I was seven to about nine or ten. I’ve posted about this before. And they always called out, “company’s coming,” if some friends of my parents were coming over, and I’d take it off. It stopped at around age nine and was replace with a pacifier for a while.
Nine years older than me and she was always scratching or clawing her nail into my forearm. I never hit her then, but probably just jumping out and scaring her was enough. I remember one time I got it good. She clawed my face while my parents were away and left a big, deep scratch on my face. I had a scar there for a long time. So she got out her harassment accessories, but this time her makeup was used to cover her latest handiwork. Powder everywhere covered it, but not too well, since when my parents came home for that one, they were pissed all over again. Strange, but I never thought to tell on her. I was in the sixth grade at the time, and the teacher leaned over and asked where I got that scratch. I wasn’t ready and didn’t think that anyone would ask, but I immediately said, “I was climbing a fence and got cut.” Surprisingly quick. She didn’t believe me. I was pretty overweight at the time and never climbed the fence at school like the other kids did, but that was the first thing that came to mind.
She loved drawing cartoons of fat kids and say it was me.
She had a stroke when I was ten, she had just turned 19, I believe. She was paralyzed on her left side. I remember going to the hospital with my parents, sitting in the waiting room. When they told me that she was paralyzed and couldn’t move her arm, the first thing I said was, “Good. Now she can’t hit me.” My aunt and uncle were there at the time, it was in the hospital waiting room, and they told me to never say that, those things never happened. Strange that my principal at the time happened to be there because of her husband, I think, and when my mom saw her, my mom looked disgusted. She probably remembered her from the first grade incident (see previous post).
So, the doctors told my parents to put her in a home, but they brought her home. And the fighting continued. Nothing was good enough for her. I remember my parents coming home from visiting friends of theirs and T insisted that she wanted strawberries from the garden and my mom should go outside in the dark and get some for her. And my mom did.
There were the usual fights, even when her friends came over. I was sitting on the couch and she told me to get away. I refused, and then she told her friends that on the count of three, “come on girls, let’s strip him.” And when she reached for me, I kicked her. Her friends were shocked, I wasn’t.
There was a good fight once, and my sister G called the people my parents were visiting. When they came home, my dad smacked her with his belt and broke the door down to the bathroom where I was, and smacked me a couple of times, too.
I remember when she moved out, and my sister J and I stayed overnight at her apartment. I was in the living room and she and J were in her bedroom. Of course, she started in with, “We can hear you masturbating in there.” I wasn’t. And then she starts with making loud panting noises. J must have been about 8 or 9 at the time.
Thank God she moved away about 1975 or 1976. Hundreds of miles away. Didn’t think much of her after that, but of course, those people at the store incident just had to bring her up (see previous posts). There, at that time, some guy was there, not Fatso, who demanded I make a list of all the people I hate. She was at the top of my list. Of course, he wanted it to be a list of all the people I want to kill, or at least go after. He said that I caused her stroke. I said, I’ll take the credit for that, and laughed. He went ballistic and probably still does.
She was born sick. Spina bifida and heart troubles I think, and the hypocrite that she is, she showed me a letter to a magazine that they published. In it she said she was born like that, and with the help of “loving parents” she......I about puked. She has never had anything good to say about her parents. Called them ogres, in fact. But that’s the way she is. If anything caused her stroke, it wasn’t me. Where I work now, it happens that the people who lived in the house behind us also worked there (they’re gone now). It was a while before they knew who I was, and they asked about my sisters. I don’t see them much, blah, blah, blah. Then he asked about T and “didn’t she have a stroke because of drugs?” I said no, she had it in the hospital when she had pneumonia.
She had been living away from home for at least a year, so we didn’t even see each other much then, then she moved back post-stroke for about three years and then out on her own again. I do remember the time, this was post-stroke, I was about 14 and she was living on her own, but came over to pick up the mother she hates so much, and sat at the kitchen table and started in on her favorite subject which is calling me a fag. “Look how you’re sitting. You a fag.” etc, etc. I took the chocolate milk I had, threw it in her face and smacked her. Wasted a good glass of chocolate milk.
Now, this incident is one of their favorites to harass me with. I remember walking downstairs a couple of years ago. It was a Sunday, and my sisters G and J were working my mother over. They saw me walk in and I looked at what they were doing, which was putting stockings on my mom’s foot. I looked and walked towards the kitchen to get something to drink. They started in with, “Why isn’t he falling asleep?” When I turned around, G was pointing at me and told me to go to sleep, which I didn’t. She waved the hem of her dress at me, and I shrugged like, “So what? You’re wearing a dress.” Then J, I think it was, must have started calling me a fag, because I was making the slapping motions that I did as described above. I knew what imprint they were using and I just went to the refrigerator, got my soda pop, and went back in the living room. J went to the phone to report to someone that I wasn’t falling asleep, I wasn’t cooperating. Then, some guy was standing in the kitchen and G, J, and some guy, either G‘s or J’s boyfriend, filed past me and the guy was saying, as they passed by me, “Remember him (the guy). Remember her (G). Remember her (J).” When J passed by me, she said, “See KS.” Meaning, she should look like KS, so she has that, “He doesn’t recognize us,” so, that proves he’s nuts.
And this is really the creepiest thing about being stuck with the harassers I got. How utterly weird, unnerving, flesh-crawling is it that my sister T is so interested in what my sex life is? Even considering that she put me in dresses, once said, "we can hear you masturbating in there," when I spent the night at her apartment once along with my younger sister. I did talk to her on the phone when she would call me on my birthday, and she always has to throw in things like "your dick was so small that when you were born the doctors didn't know if you were a boy or a girl. I know, I used to change your diapers." And the “You’re crazy,” etc, etc. The last time I talked to her was about three years ago, when she called on my birthday. That was when pulled out the previous quote and, of course, just goes on and on about how I would love it in whatever city, because they have same sex benefits and I would just love it in whatever city because they have gay marriage. Who cares? I could not care less about their agenda, and it sounds too weird that she really thinks reality is going to morph into what her imagination is demanding.
So, this is why, for the most part I think, that her friends are still harassing me. T should be the last person who I'd want to hear from and they know that, and in my opinion, they are just using her to screw me up whenever they think they need to. They can’t see past her stroke and won’t tolerate anyone telling the truth. So be it. Let them take it out on me. I don’t go anywhere, I don’t know anyone, and I don’t care anymore about their harassment. And as I say, I have nothing to lose because they will harass and humiliate me anyway and I’m used to it. Yeah, after almost thirty years of their constant “treatment”, I am now crazy enough that I choose to live like this instead of accepting their lies.
Woke up at 1:54 am, and as usual, they’re on my mind. X is there, pretending to sleep. I’m assuming that she’s just waiting for me to bitch her out so she has an excuse to get up and “defend herself against such lies.” I didn’t take the bait. Her son, FF, was harassing my mother, and since I wasn’t taking the bait, somebody had to shout out a key word and that word was Egypt. What do I think of Egypt? It reminds me of doing a bulletin board when in the sixth grade. They love that age in my life, don’t know why, but they’ve been screwed up on so much about me that I don’t really care anymore. Anything they choose is something they use to cause trouble.
And there was the usual threat of “wait until you live alone.” I guess they have a lot of harassment for me to remember then. X wants me to “wake up” tinkerbell. What? The fairy drag stuff they’ve made me copy and they repeat when they want. I just asked her why she would want me to wake up tinkerbell? They don’t like questions, so I’ll just throw some at them as often as possible.
And that woman from McC’s was there, too. Evidently, it didn’t matter that yesterday I chose to stay with X and get harassed by her instead of choosing to go with that woman and join the queers. She’s only covering her own ass for what she did to me at McC’s (see previous posts). I’ll throw questions at her, too, but it’s always too late since everything’s been preplanned and probably over and done with by the time I start remembering. She’s just beating a dead horse.
I’m not going to go out to dinner or anything with my mother as they’ve suggested. They get me to imagine, or actually do it in real life, that this woman who is there at the warehouse whom I cannot stand (no one likes her) suggests that I go to a movie. Not happening and they know it, they just want me to get pissed at this woman and cause trouble with her in real life. That’s not happening either. While I was thinking that I can’t stand that woman, some guy who might have been her husband, or something, said, “I hope you commit suicide over her.” Really?
That’s not something I would do. My way of solving problems is to get away from whatever or whoever causes me trouble and never go back. But, it’s always been that troublemaker from McC’s to end all the problems she brings up with, “See, it’s just going to make him kill himself.” She wants everything to end that way. But she doesn’t tell them that she and her cohorts harassed and badgered me at the store until she got what she wanted. She always counts on the gullibility of her “helpers.” That they’ll take her word for everything, or make them believe what she shows them, even though it’s nothing but manipulation. And her ever popular “it’s either her way or the hospital.” It’s going to be neither.
So some woman started in screaming about how she wants me in therapy right now. Not happening. And what would be the focus of this therapy? Let me guess. It’ll be pushing their gay agenda on me. Again. I’m not naive when it comes to those people. Like I mentioned before, I cut the dead wood out of my life about two decades ago and it included those people. I went to three sessions with a counselor and quit. It was stupid. Why go over the same stuff that I’ve known all my life anyway? I’m not going to see those things any differently than I do now. And their endless cycle of harassment isn’t going to change my views either, despite their ability to make me think and say the things I don’t believe in.
After almost 30 years of her harassment, she still tries to justify her illegal actions at the McC’s by manipulating me in any way she can. This woman is just covering her ass and X’s ass and my sister T, who was (or still is, I don’t know) a friend of hers. I already wrote about X, the facts of which they probably already screwed around into being what it’s not (nothing I can do about that) and now it’s time to write about sister T.
Since these friends of T make sure that I go through humiliation and degradation and constantly push their agenda on me, I have nothing to lose. They screw my life up no matter what I do. I’m sure they’re already to, or already have, humiliated me in public as retaliation.
She was the most horrid thing in my life. Nothing but harassment from her as long as I can remember. When I was nine and she was about 18, she screamed and yelled that she was, “Going to cut off my balls and nail them to the wall. One of these days, you’re going to wake up and you’ll be dead.” I jumped out and scared her, so she freaked.
Her favorite thing was to scream at me that I was a faggot. I didn’t know what that meant, I was about nine, so I looked it up in the dictionary. She probably even spelled it for me. According to her and this dictionary from the mid-sixties, I was a bundle of sticks. I didn’t get it. So, she said she knew that I was because she knows that “you suck...” My mom pushed me out of the room and told her to shut up.
She used to paint my nails (my left hand, complete with polka dots) and send me outside to “show the neighborhood what a faggot you are.” And I did. And they did laugh at me. When my father came home, he yelled at her to take it off. But she didn’t have any nail polish remover, so my other sister G, who was always stuck in the middle of our fights, had to go to the drug store to get some. So T removed her handiwork and cried, because she just couldn’t see anything wrong with pushing that onto little kids who don’t even know that it’s a campaign of humiliation.
She loved putting a dress on me (see 1967 post about first grade) when I was seven to about nine or ten. I’ve posted about this before. And they always called out, “company’s coming,” if some friends of my parents were coming over, and I’d take it off. It stopped at around age nine and was replace with a pacifier for a while.
Nine years older than me and she was always scratching or clawing her nail into my forearm. I never hit her then, but probably just jumping out and scaring her was enough. I remember one time I got it good. She clawed my face while my parents were away and left a big, deep scratch on my face. I had a scar there for a long time. So she got out her harassment accessories, but this time her makeup was used to cover her latest handiwork. Powder everywhere covered it, but not too well, since when my parents came home for that one, they were pissed all over again. Strange, but I never thought to tell on her. I was in the sixth grade at the time, and the teacher leaned over and asked where I got that scratch. I wasn’t ready and didn’t think that anyone would ask, but I immediately said, “I was climbing a fence and got cut.” Surprisingly quick. She didn’t believe me. I was pretty overweight at the time and never climbed the fence at school like the other kids did, but that was the first thing that came to mind.
She loved drawing cartoons of fat kids and say it was me.
She had a stroke when I was ten, she had just turned 19, I believe. She was paralyzed on her left side. I remember going to the hospital with my parents, sitting in the waiting room. When they told me that she was paralyzed and couldn’t move her arm, the first thing I said was, “Good. Now she can’t hit me.” My aunt and uncle were there at the time, it was in the hospital waiting room, and they told me to never say that, those things never happened. Strange that my principal at the time happened to be there because of her husband, I think, and when my mom saw her, my mom looked disgusted. She probably remembered her from the first grade incident (see previous post).
So, the doctors told my parents to put her in a home, but they brought her home. And the fighting continued. Nothing was good enough for her. I remember my parents coming home from visiting friends of theirs and T insisted that she wanted strawberries from the garden and my mom should go outside in the dark and get some for her. And my mom did.
There were the usual fights, even when her friends came over. I was sitting on the couch and she told me to get away. I refused, and then she told her friends that on the count of three, “come on girls, let’s strip him.” And when she reached for me, I kicked her. Her friends were shocked, I wasn’t.
There was a good fight once, and my sister G called the people my parents were visiting. When they came home, my dad smacked her with his belt and broke the door down to the bathroom where I was, and smacked me a couple of times, too.
I remember when she moved out, and my sister J and I stayed overnight at her apartment. I was in the living room and she and J were in her bedroom. Of course, she started in with, “We can hear you masturbating in there.” I wasn’t. And then she starts with making loud panting noises. J must have been about 8 or 9 at the time.
Thank God she moved away about 1975 or 1976. Hundreds of miles away. Didn’t think much of her after that, but of course, those people at the store incident just had to bring her up (see previous posts). There, at that time, some guy was there, not Fatso, who demanded I make a list of all the people I hate. She was at the top of my list. Of course, he wanted it to be a list of all the people I want to kill, or at least go after. He said that I caused her stroke. I said, I’ll take the credit for that, and laughed. He went ballistic and probably still does.
She was born sick. Spina bifida and heart troubles I think, and the hypocrite that she is, she showed me a letter to a magazine that they published. In it she said she was born like that, and with the help of “loving parents” she......I about puked. She has never had anything good to say about her parents. Called them ogres, in fact. But that’s the way she is. If anything caused her stroke, it wasn’t me. Where I work now, it happens that the people who lived in the house behind us also worked there (they’re gone now). It was a while before they knew who I was, and they asked about my sisters. I don’t see them much, blah, blah, blah. Then he asked about T and “didn’t she have a stroke because of drugs?” I said no, she had it in the hospital when she had pneumonia.
She had been living away from home for at least a year, so we didn’t even see each other much then, then she moved back post-stroke for about three years and then out on her own again. I do remember the time, this was post-stroke, I was about 14 and she was living on her own, but came over to pick up the mother she hates so much, and sat at the kitchen table and started in on her favorite subject which is calling me a fag. “Look how you’re sitting. You a fag.” etc, etc. I took the chocolate milk I had, threw it in her face and smacked her. Wasted a good glass of chocolate milk.
Now, this incident is one of their favorites to harass me with. I remember walking downstairs a couple of years ago. It was a Sunday, and my sisters G and J were working my mother over. They saw me walk in and I looked at what they were doing, which was putting stockings on my mom’s foot. I looked and walked towards the kitchen to get something to drink. They started in with, “Why isn’t he falling asleep?” When I turned around, G was pointing at me and told me to go to sleep, which I didn’t. She waved the hem of her dress at me, and I shrugged like, “So what? You’re wearing a dress.” Then J, I think it was, must have started calling me a fag, because I was making the slapping motions that I did as described above. I knew what imprint they were using and I just went to the refrigerator, got my soda pop, and went back in the living room. J went to the phone to report to someone that I wasn’t falling asleep, I wasn’t cooperating. Then, some guy was standing in the kitchen and G, J, and some guy, either G‘s or J’s boyfriend, filed past me and the guy was saying, as they passed by me, “Remember him (the guy). Remember her (G). Remember her (J).” When J passed by me, she said, “See KS.” Meaning, she should look like KS, so she has that, “He doesn’t recognize us,” so, that proves he’s nuts.
And this is really the creepiest thing about being stuck with the harassers I got. How utterly weird, unnerving, flesh-crawling is it that my sister T is so interested in what my sex life is? Even considering that she put me in dresses, once said, "we can hear you masturbating in there," when I spent the night at her apartment once along with my younger sister. I did talk to her on the phone when she would call me on my birthday, and she always has to throw in things like "your dick was so small that when you were born the doctors didn't know if you were a boy or a girl. I know, I used to change your diapers." And the “You’re crazy,” etc, etc. The last time I talked to her was about three years ago, when she called on my birthday. That was when pulled out the previous quote and, of course, just goes on and on about how I would love it in whatever city, because they have same sex benefits and I would just love it in whatever city because they have gay marriage. Who cares? I could not care less about their agenda, and it sounds too weird that she really thinks reality is going to morph into what her imagination is demanding.
So, this is why, for the most part I think, that her friends are still harassing me. T should be the last person who I'd want to hear from and they know that, and in my opinion, they are just using her to screw me up whenever they think they need to. They can’t see past her stroke and won’t tolerate anyone telling the truth. So be it. Let them take it out on me. I don’t go anywhere, I don’t know anyone, and I don’t care anymore about their harassment. And as I say, I have nothing to lose because they will harass and humiliate me anyway and I’m used to it. Yeah, after almost thirty years of their constant “treatment”, I am now crazy enough that I choose to live like this instead of accepting their lies.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
TOO FUNNY FOR WORDS
Sunday January 8, 2012 1:49 pm EDT
Just sitting around looking for work online, but it's pretty slow.
And, of course, always thinking about X and what they are trying to do. I always remind them that I don't want to have anything to do with her, and she just goes on and on and on with her harassment. It is harassment if I don't want to be there. I reminded her of the Kurt Cobain thing that they pulled and she was just didn't want to go there. But her son, who is lurking about somewhere, isn't too happy. He was the one who taught me the correct way to kill myself with a gun.
It was quieter than usual, with T selling me out to X. And then X starts a conversation intending to go over topics that T brought up and expecting me to answer with her answers. Anyway, X is trying her best to get me to say that I'm not telling the truth. I just started with asking her questions as to why she's asking me questions, and throwing in an imitation of her with what she was saying about how "what you say will matter, not what you write." So, I asked her if she had her tape recorder going. If what I say is so important, then she has to have some proof of what I'm saying, so I assume that she's recording what they make me say.
And I started narrating what she was doing. "Why are you writing things down and making me read them as if I were saying it? Do people realize that that is what you're doing? Is your recorder on? How many hours of crap do you have to go through until you get a little piece of audio that you can march around with and crow about? How legitimate is your interrogation?" I just interviewed her, but it wasn't going well, so someone jumped in. The one who threatened me with death, the one who claimed that I didn't need a lawyer and to just sign what she had with her. I had no idea what she wanted me to sign until she said it was a suicide note. Today, this one wants me to believe that she is my sister G. Nice try, but no dice. She's in the bag for X and shouldn't even start with me.
So this phony, she seems to be a junior version of X, jumps in and says, "Tell us about JO (dead nephew). Why don't you ever mention him?" She has a lot of nerve. X shouldn't be very happy with her. I know that X wants to have something she can pass off as my thoughts, because people have mentioned this before. However, she already knows what I think about JO, but needs things to be brought up by me, so as not to look like someone has prompted me. I'm sure they have a cover story, some garbage that they will try to pass off as my one and only, my first and final, the original so-called impromptu, all emcompassing version of what I think. But all preplanned and edited and "fixed" by her.
The fact is, I did talk about him, and since it involves her, as usual, and some odd things, I think that is what she has been waiting for. Or not, since it's been 27 years already, and they've passed off what I said back then as just another reason for people not to believe me. Why in the world should I answer that woman and start to talk about JO in front of X and her ability to get me to say what she wants me to say? They should leave.
I have written out everything about JO before. It was all in capital letters with no punctuation. It would look confusing to someone else. I wrote it months ago, and looked it over weeks later. I got halfway through it and thought, "Gee, this really is hard to read." Then I realized that I had thought the same thing at the warehouse where I was reading it out loud. So, people already know.
It really is the last important thing I could write, and I guess they're tired of waiting for it. I'm sure they already have a doctored version of events and they'll insert their crap into it using the usual way of writing things down and when I read what they wrote it sounds like that's what I believe, or stick in other people's names to incriminate others, and as usual, blame someone else. Usually a dead person. They like that tactic.
This pest who covers for X at my expense and who is now trying to masquerade as my sister G has jumped the gun. Gee, I wonder who we're all going to be thinking about now?
Just a note: Anybody who knows what to doctor about JO is definitely involved with something that they couldn't say out loud without incriminating themselves.
Before that incident, though, it would be better to write out my entire one day as a Navy E-3. Not a pretty story, and I'm still waiting for them to get back to me with my exit papers. When that issue comes up, they sort of shut me off, and I think that X and her cohorts are trying to pass it off as, "He doesn't know he signed up. It was some other personality." But, I have the sign up records and I'm waiting for the exit papers from them.
Just sitting around looking for work online, but it's pretty slow.
And, of course, always thinking about X and what they are trying to do. I always remind them that I don't want to have anything to do with her, and she just goes on and on and on with her harassment. It is harassment if I don't want to be there. I reminded her of the Kurt Cobain thing that they pulled and she was just didn't want to go there. But her son, who is lurking about somewhere, isn't too happy. He was the one who taught me the correct way to kill myself with a gun.
It was quieter than usual, with T selling me out to X. And then X starts a conversation intending to go over topics that T brought up and expecting me to answer with her answers. Anyway, X is trying her best to get me to say that I'm not telling the truth. I just started with asking her questions as to why she's asking me questions, and throwing in an imitation of her with what she was saying about how "what you say will matter, not what you write." So, I asked her if she had her tape recorder going. If what I say is so important, then she has to have some proof of what I'm saying, so I assume that she's recording what they make me say.
And I started narrating what she was doing. "Why are you writing things down and making me read them as if I were saying it? Do people realize that that is what you're doing? Is your recorder on? How many hours of crap do you have to go through until you get a little piece of audio that you can march around with and crow about? How legitimate is your interrogation?" I just interviewed her, but it wasn't going well, so someone jumped in. The one who threatened me with death, the one who claimed that I didn't need a lawyer and to just sign what she had with her. I had no idea what she wanted me to sign until she said it was a suicide note. Today, this one wants me to believe that she is my sister G. Nice try, but no dice. She's in the bag for X and shouldn't even start with me.
So this phony, she seems to be a junior version of X, jumps in and says, "Tell us about JO (dead nephew). Why don't you ever mention him?" She has a lot of nerve. X shouldn't be very happy with her. I know that X wants to have something she can pass off as my thoughts, because people have mentioned this before. However, she already knows what I think about JO, but needs things to be brought up by me, so as not to look like someone has prompted me. I'm sure they have a cover story, some garbage that they will try to pass off as my one and only, my first and final, the original so-called impromptu, all emcompassing version of what I think. But all preplanned and edited and "fixed" by her.
The fact is, I did talk about him, and since it involves her, as usual, and some odd things, I think that is what she has been waiting for. Or not, since it's been 27 years already, and they've passed off what I said back then as just another reason for people not to believe me. Why in the world should I answer that woman and start to talk about JO in front of X and her ability to get me to say what she wants me to say? They should leave.
I have written out everything about JO before. It was all in capital letters with no punctuation. It would look confusing to someone else. I wrote it months ago, and looked it over weeks later. I got halfway through it and thought, "Gee, this really is hard to read." Then I realized that I had thought the same thing at the warehouse where I was reading it out loud. So, people already know.
It really is the last important thing I could write, and I guess they're tired of waiting for it. I'm sure they already have a doctored version of events and they'll insert their crap into it using the usual way of writing things down and when I read what they wrote it sounds like that's what I believe, or stick in other people's names to incriminate others, and as usual, blame someone else. Usually a dead person. They like that tactic.
This pest who covers for X at my expense and who is now trying to masquerade as my sister G has jumped the gun. Gee, I wonder who we're all going to be thinking about now?
Just a note: Anybody who knows what to doctor about JO is definitely involved with something that they couldn't say out loud without incriminating themselves.
Before that incident, though, it would be better to write out my entire one day as a Navy E-3. Not a pretty story, and I'm still waiting for them to get back to me with my exit papers. When that issue comes up, they sort of shut me off, and I think that X and her cohorts are trying to pass it off as, "He doesn't know he signed up. It was some other personality." But, I have the sign up records and I'm waiting for the exit papers from them.
JUST ANOTHER DEATH THREAT AND OTHER ASSORTED THINGS
Sunday, January 8, 2012 9:03 am EDT
Nothing unusual today. Got up a little later than usual, but got done delivering on time.
So, just before I woke up, there of course was the same old crap with sister J, X, and some other lady (could have been the one from the store, McC’s. See previous posts) sitting across from me. I guess they were satisfied that their dupe woke up, the one that they can control. They started out with reminding me about the guy down the street from years ago, about 1968, I remember I was in the third grade. It was about child abuse (of course–will write later). But, they also wanted me to choose the usual crap about joining the queer community or stay there with X and be harassed as usual.
I told them that I would stay with X. Why? Because I know what I’m in for with her and her henchpeople. It’s been the same harassment and it’s not going to go away, no matter what I choose. And come to think about it, she’ll just make sure that she runs the show anywhere I go. Why not the queers? I don’t agree with their agenda, and joining them, it’ll be more of my sister’s and X’s “he wants to be a girl” crap. So, not going through that, and besides, I know it’s just harassment from X and her henchpeople, go through it, bitch them out, and be done with it until the next day. With the queers, it’ll just be that they want to change me. Fight their battles with them. The bug up their asses will have to be the bug up my ass, even if I don’t care about it.
So, that shouldn’t even come up after all these years, since I cut out the dead wood from my life over 20 years ago, and it included those people. There I was in bed, and had to go through that, and then get started with the same harassment. Still the same. Demands to lie for them, accept this or that as the truth, or just keep getting harassed. But, after 27 years, I’m used to it. It’s time for them to crack up.
**”You can always leave,” I just heard somebody say. I’ve heard this before, and I’m assuming that they mean to move out away from my mother, who is also being worked over by the same people (I can tell). This was also something that came up at AN’s house during KS’s question/answer/info gathering. “How do you grow up?” she asked. “I don’t know, you just do,” I said. “Act it out,” she said. I must have (seemed like some childish thing). “Weeeelllll,” she said, “some people say that growing up means toooooo ... move out of the house.” I just looked at her and started to laugh and thought to myself, “Sounds like something my sister T would say.” Then I thought that she might be asking all these dumb questions for her. KS must have known what I was thinking because she said (probably to AN or PK), “He thought of his sister. Maybe that’s the one who...” Anyway, why should I? I don’t have to do goddamn thing to get some peace and quiet in my life. Especially since they are the criminals, not me.**
Wonder who dragged me over to X’s house, I wouldn’t go voluntarily. I know that they have taken me out of the house years ago. I remember skipping along on the sidewalk, like a five year old, holding some woman’s hand. A police cruiser slowed down at the curb. I looked over and the cop was leaning over to the passenger side and asked the woman something. Then I stopped and just wondered what the hell was going on, and I don’t remember anything after that.
I’ve heard X say recently that I’ve been going over to her house for German lessons, not the torture that they dish out. I don’t need German lessons. I grew up with the language, took courses in college, and used to read it on my own. I gave up reading anything in German since it just reminds me of her and what she’s been doing. She’s having lamer and lamer excuses lately as to why she just has to be in my life. I’ve been blogging that I can’t stand her for almost a year now. How does she explain that, other than waking up the child who agrees with everything she says, there’s no way I’d have anything to do with her. Even earlier this morning, when I thought of that, she or someone else said, “It’s what you say that they (their audience of dupes, I assume) have to go by, not what you write.” Really? Is she that dumb?
Strange today. They X and her henchpeople threatened my sister G. Way back in 1986, when I joined the Navy (still waiting for their response and copies of my exit papers). I ended up at some “psychiatrist’s” office and we went through a sham brainwashing session of reading other people’s fill in the blanks, associate, and on and on. The end of the fill in the blanks was when some woman sat across from me and read from a piece of paper. “Only..” then she pointed to me, and said “You can...” Then I looked over to my left, and said, “Fill in the blanks.” But it was strange, because I thought of sister G for a second.
Anyway, earlier there I was, imagining sitting in front of X and G sitting next to me. G was saying things about not pushing my blog to anyone who might figure out who we are, etc. I thought, “She’s probably just repeating what X or her henchpeople want her to say, and if an intrusive thought comes out of my mouth, or, as X likes to do, someone tacks on extra words to what I want to say in order to change the meaning of what I want to say, G is going to take it as an insult, etc.” So, I thought, “X can do what she wants, G is probably aware of the same thing, and this probably goes back as far as that sham “treatment” in 1986.”
X gets her victims together, both or more of them are not fully awake (I’ll put it that way), and when they are subjected to talking to X, it amounts to getting her victims to essentially torture each other by bringing up trigger words or incidents that one victim isn’t aware that the other victim will take as being troubling. This came up months ago also. They usually had conversations with me while sister J was sitting there droning on and on with words I didn’t really decipher at the time, but are trigger words or insults, and flashing lights at me every once in a while, and scheduling my work and when I eat, and what I’ll be remembering when I do those things. I remember saying something to J, why does she do this, or bitched her out or something, and someone said, “Remember, you’re programming her with every word you say.” Basically, that’s a way for her to make sure that her victims don’t want to have anything to do with each other, and another way for her to say, in that phony way of hers, “I’m not doing anything..” but she doesn’t say “...I get them to torture each other. It’s not me, they are the ones who have a problem, I just make sure they remind each other of those problems.”
Strange, when I got my security cameras last year, someone said that if I put them up, my sister would die. Didn’t think of any sister in particular. I thought, “You’ve already pulled that ‘make nonsense associations with two things that don’t have anything to do with each other’ to prove what you can do.” So, I’m not sure, but I just thought of that at work in front of managers. A few days later I thought I heard one of them say, “You know, if anybody else said something like that I would have just thought they were crazy. But I believe you.” Considering this has been going on for almost 30 years and they love to sucker people I work with into their crazy brand of “helping,” there’s plenty of people who have heard of the psycho who they’re working with. I’ve clearly heard store workers and people I work with just say out of nowhere some of the associations that they use most of the time, or some word or phrase that are clearly from past conversations I’ve had. It’s called an unfinished ambiguity. Throw out a word or phrase that obviously applies to the victim, and let the victim wonder who said what to who and why and where and on and on. Just keep reminding the victim of trouble. I ignore it and I really do feel sorry for those regular people they use and expect me to go off on.
That reminds me. When I’m in the warehouse getting ready for delivery, usually spending about 30 minutes on average there with other people, I’m set up to imagine that they are there with me. When I bitch them out, tell them to go to hell and such, that guy (the one I call Fatso, from McC’s) says to someone who works there, “See, he’s saying that to you.” I’m not. I made it clear that I don’t carry on conversations with anyone at work (rarely) and anything I say is directed to him, not them. They should realize that and I’ll keep bitching him out, and if he wants them to believe I’m directing any comments to them, they are wrong. I’ve been there long enough (13 years) that they should know not to cooperate with him. He’s also the one who said to there, “I’ll make him crack.” He said this while X’s son was there with him. And of course, when I think of quitting there, eventually, and just working at home online, he has to go and instigate trouble with a manager by telling him to expect that and demand a time when I’ll give notice, and in general, make trouble out of nothing.
When they wake me up in public in front of their audiences, it’s not about “see, this is what he really thinks,” it’s, “see, this is what we can make him say and do.” Like I said before, they only show their audience what they want their audience to see. And it’ll always be something that “proves their point,” or fits into the agenda that they’re pushing, or covers their asses.
Nothing unusual today. Got up a little later than usual, but got done delivering on time.
So, just before I woke up, there of course was the same old crap with sister J, X, and some other lady (could have been the one from the store, McC’s. See previous posts) sitting across from me. I guess they were satisfied that their dupe woke up, the one that they can control. They started out with reminding me about the guy down the street from years ago, about 1968, I remember I was in the third grade. It was about child abuse (of course–will write later). But, they also wanted me to choose the usual crap about joining the queer community or stay there with X and be harassed as usual.
I told them that I would stay with X. Why? Because I know what I’m in for with her and her henchpeople. It’s been the same harassment and it’s not going to go away, no matter what I choose. And come to think about it, she’ll just make sure that she runs the show anywhere I go. Why not the queers? I don’t agree with their agenda, and joining them, it’ll be more of my sister’s and X’s “he wants to be a girl” crap. So, not going through that, and besides, I know it’s just harassment from X and her henchpeople, go through it, bitch them out, and be done with it until the next day. With the queers, it’ll just be that they want to change me. Fight their battles with them. The bug up their asses will have to be the bug up my ass, even if I don’t care about it.
So, that shouldn’t even come up after all these years, since I cut out the dead wood from my life over 20 years ago, and it included those people. There I was in bed, and had to go through that, and then get started with the same harassment. Still the same. Demands to lie for them, accept this or that as the truth, or just keep getting harassed. But, after 27 years, I’m used to it. It’s time for them to crack up.
**”You can always leave,” I just heard somebody say. I’ve heard this before, and I’m assuming that they mean to move out away from my mother, who is also being worked over by the same people (I can tell). This was also something that came up at AN’s house during KS’s question/answer/info gathering. “How do you grow up?” she asked. “I don’t know, you just do,” I said. “Act it out,” she said. I must have (seemed like some childish thing). “Weeeelllll,” she said, “some people say that growing up means toooooo ... move out of the house.” I just looked at her and started to laugh and thought to myself, “Sounds like something my sister T would say.” Then I thought that she might be asking all these dumb questions for her. KS must have known what I was thinking because she said (probably to AN or PK), “He thought of his sister. Maybe that’s the one who...” Anyway, why should I? I don’t have to do goddamn thing to get some peace and quiet in my life. Especially since they are the criminals, not me.**
Wonder who dragged me over to X’s house, I wouldn’t go voluntarily. I know that they have taken me out of the house years ago. I remember skipping along on the sidewalk, like a five year old, holding some woman’s hand. A police cruiser slowed down at the curb. I looked over and the cop was leaning over to the passenger side and asked the woman something. Then I stopped and just wondered what the hell was going on, and I don’t remember anything after that.
I’ve heard X say recently that I’ve been going over to her house for German lessons, not the torture that they dish out. I don’t need German lessons. I grew up with the language, took courses in college, and used to read it on my own. I gave up reading anything in German since it just reminds me of her and what she’s been doing. She’s having lamer and lamer excuses lately as to why she just has to be in my life. I’ve been blogging that I can’t stand her for almost a year now. How does she explain that, other than waking up the child who agrees with everything she says, there’s no way I’d have anything to do with her. Even earlier this morning, when I thought of that, she or someone else said, “It’s what you say that they (their audience of dupes, I assume) have to go by, not what you write.” Really? Is she that dumb?
Strange today. They X and her henchpeople threatened my sister G. Way back in 1986, when I joined the Navy (still waiting for their response and copies of my exit papers). I ended up at some “psychiatrist’s” office and we went through a sham brainwashing session of reading other people’s fill in the blanks, associate, and on and on. The end of the fill in the blanks was when some woman sat across from me and read from a piece of paper. “Only..” then she pointed to me, and said “You can...” Then I looked over to my left, and said, “Fill in the blanks.” But it was strange, because I thought of sister G for a second.
Anyway, earlier there I was, imagining sitting in front of X and G sitting next to me. G was saying things about not pushing my blog to anyone who might figure out who we are, etc. I thought, “She’s probably just repeating what X or her henchpeople want her to say, and if an intrusive thought comes out of my mouth, or, as X likes to do, someone tacks on extra words to what I want to say in order to change the meaning of what I want to say, G is going to take it as an insult, etc.” So, I thought, “X can do what she wants, G is probably aware of the same thing, and this probably goes back as far as that sham “treatment” in 1986.”
X gets her victims together, both or more of them are not fully awake (I’ll put it that way), and when they are subjected to talking to X, it amounts to getting her victims to essentially torture each other by bringing up trigger words or incidents that one victim isn’t aware that the other victim will take as being troubling. This came up months ago also. They usually had conversations with me while sister J was sitting there droning on and on with words I didn’t really decipher at the time, but are trigger words or insults, and flashing lights at me every once in a while, and scheduling my work and when I eat, and what I’ll be remembering when I do those things. I remember saying something to J, why does she do this, or bitched her out or something, and someone said, “Remember, you’re programming her with every word you say.” Basically, that’s a way for her to make sure that her victims don’t want to have anything to do with each other, and another way for her to say, in that phony way of hers, “I’m not doing anything..” but she doesn’t say “...I get them to torture each other. It’s not me, they are the ones who have a problem, I just make sure they remind each other of those problems.”
Strange, when I got my security cameras last year, someone said that if I put them up, my sister would die. Didn’t think of any sister in particular. I thought, “You’ve already pulled that ‘make nonsense associations with two things that don’t have anything to do with each other’ to prove what you can do.” So, I’m not sure, but I just thought of that at work in front of managers. A few days later I thought I heard one of them say, “You know, if anybody else said something like that I would have just thought they were crazy. But I believe you.” Considering this has been going on for almost 30 years and they love to sucker people I work with into their crazy brand of “helping,” there’s plenty of people who have heard of the psycho who they’re working with. I’ve clearly heard store workers and people I work with just say out of nowhere some of the associations that they use most of the time, or some word or phrase that are clearly from past conversations I’ve had. It’s called an unfinished ambiguity. Throw out a word or phrase that obviously applies to the victim, and let the victim wonder who said what to who and why and where and on and on. Just keep reminding the victim of trouble. I ignore it and I really do feel sorry for those regular people they use and expect me to go off on.
That reminds me. When I’m in the warehouse getting ready for delivery, usually spending about 30 minutes on average there with other people, I’m set up to imagine that they are there with me. When I bitch them out, tell them to go to hell and such, that guy (the one I call Fatso, from McC’s) says to someone who works there, “See, he’s saying that to you.” I’m not. I made it clear that I don’t carry on conversations with anyone at work (rarely) and anything I say is directed to him, not them. They should realize that and I’ll keep bitching him out, and if he wants them to believe I’m directing any comments to them, they are wrong. I’ve been there long enough (13 years) that they should know not to cooperate with him. He’s also the one who said to there, “I’ll make him crack.” He said this while X’s son was there with him. And of course, when I think of quitting there, eventually, and just working at home online, he has to go and instigate trouble with a manager by telling him to expect that and demand a time when I’ll give notice, and in general, make trouble out of nothing.
When they wake me up in public in front of their audiences, it’s not about “see, this is what he really thinks,” it’s, “see, this is what we can make him say and do.” Like I said before, they only show their audience what they want their audience to see. And it’ll always be something that “proves their point,” or fits into the agenda that they’re pushing, or covers their asses.
Friday, January 6, 2012
AND THE USUAL AGAIN
Friday, January 6, 2012 11:54 am EDT
Another day, and same old stuff. Nothing really new in real life or otherwise, but keeping notes every day just the same.
It was the same again this morning, about 1:00 am. Heard sister J’s voice, and then she and X decided on “who” should wake up. And I thought the same thing as the day before, “They just do that so they can waste my time thinking about what they want me to think and screw up and screw around with those things that they don’t want me to say or things that they want to keep hidden. I laid in bed smoking a cigarette, and J says, “See we have to tell him what to do before his feet even hit the floor.”
Still trying to figure out how they keep their crap going, and still the only thing I can think of is that they use the people at work with their texts and photos on the work peoples’ phones. I don’t have a phone with a camera and I’ve never texted anyone in my life. Maybe I read a transcript or there’s some built-in trigger that wakes up some conversations I had with them in the past. Either way, it’s just obnoxious to think about people I can’t tolerate.
And, of course, there was the same idiotic agenda of pushing the gays into my life. Not going to happen.
Did spend a lot of time thinking about FF, X’s son, especially while I was writing thank you cards to the customers on my delivery route. It was suggested to me a few days ago to write them out and I thought, “Now that you’ve suggested it, I’m not going to do it.” But today I got around to it, and there were a lot of thoughts of FF and my aunt and uncle (mentioned briefly in earlier posts). I use the same phrases in the notes as I always do, and FF was saying the things I was writing as I was writing them, but he got the words wrong. He was getting pissed, as if he was supposed to know what I was going to write and... who knows? Maybe he was trying to pass himself off as “psychic” again. He seems to be screwed up, though. He’s the one who was pushing the Kurt Cobain thing in 1994, and when I realized that he and his mother were playing head games with me, he’s the one who showed me how to kill myself. But, as they have tried to push him onto me as a so-called helper before, he’s probably just there to cause trouble as he has been the past 27 years.
Sister J did mention him earlier this morning, as I heard. She said that when X dies, there is something about FF that’s going to come out. I really don’t care, but her statement is similar to what I’ve heard many times in the past about my own mother. People have said before for me to wait until my mother dies, then I can live quietly, i.e. they’ll stop harassing me. I’ve always found this to be an odd lie. There is no reason in the world that I should have to live like this, and wait until she’s gone to be harassment free. She’s about the only one who doesn’t harass me in any way. In fact, I do believe that she’s being harassed herself. After all, she is a witness and a victim of X’s as much as I am (see previous post, 1969).
And, of course, all through my working day (or night, as it really is) I have to put up with associating with words and peoples’ names that they, usually sister J, call out. Why do you always make me associate with peoples’ names? Is it supposed to break my concentration? Is that the easiest way to make me look incompetent? Or is it just in general supposed to drive me crazy? In any case, it’s not working very well for them. I do associate with the names in the sense that that person is on my mind while I’m answering a question, or doing something (physically, like walking, smoking a cigarette, etc), but I don’t dwell on it and it only lasts just a few seconds at the most. A lot of times when this happens, there will be someone who calls out, “Who are you?” And when I think of the person whom they prompted me to think of, I guess they take that as an answer and then crow about how “he thinks he’s so-and-so.” I may be thinking OF so-and-so, but I sure as hell don’t think that I AM so-and-so. It did happen once, about Kurt Cobain, but at that time, it wasn’t as a result as a prompt from them as I hear them prompting nowadays and before the Cobain thing (see earlier post).
Lately, when they ask me, “Who are you?” I’ve taken to saying, “If you have to ask, I shouldn’t tell you.” Or, “If you don’t know, you need glasses.” Or, “I’m your worst nightmare.” I think I used, “Who do you think I am?” once or twice.
That reminds of the other night when I either repeated their questions back to them, and answered their questions with questions. I’m heard them before that I shouldn’t ask any questions, and a long time ago, as far back as in the ‘80s when this started, they told me that I shouldn’t use contractions. The only thing I can think of why I shouldn’t use contractions is that it’s easier for them to edit the word “not” from something I’m saying (to change the meaning entirely) than it is for them to edit something like “isn’t” from something I’m saying.
Another time earlier, X said, “Well, I can’t masturbate for you.” Out of the blue. I just laughed because I know that they love to wait for me to do that. They look like fools, waiting for a mentally ill person to masturbate so they have an opportunity to yell and scream at me while I’m doing it.
Somebody did say to me this morning to “be literal.” I guess I act out their prompts sometimes.
Just a little of this morning’s weirdness, nothing unusual. Wondering now what I’ll be hearing when I wake up again, but I’m sure it’ll be their dupe that wakes up to get the same treatment as they’ve always done.
Another day, and same old stuff. Nothing really new in real life or otherwise, but keeping notes every day just the same.
It was the same again this morning, about 1:00 am. Heard sister J’s voice, and then she and X decided on “who” should wake up. And I thought the same thing as the day before, “They just do that so they can waste my time thinking about what they want me to think and screw up and screw around with those things that they don’t want me to say or things that they want to keep hidden. I laid in bed smoking a cigarette, and J says, “See we have to tell him what to do before his feet even hit the floor.”
Still trying to figure out how they keep their crap going, and still the only thing I can think of is that they use the people at work with their texts and photos on the work peoples’ phones. I don’t have a phone with a camera and I’ve never texted anyone in my life. Maybe I read a transcript or there’s some built-in trigger that wakes up some conversations I had with them in the past. Either way, it’s just obnoxious to think about people I can’t tolerate.
And, of course, there was the same idiotic agenda of pushing the gays into my life. Not going to happen.
Did spend a lot of time thinking about FF, X’s son, especially while I was writing thank you cards to the customers on my delivery route. It was suggested to me a few days ago to write them out and I thought, “Now that you’ve suggested it, I’m not going to do it.” But today I got around to it, and there were a lot of thoughts of FF and my aunt and uncle (mentioned briefly in earlier posts). I use the same phrases in the notes as I always do, and FF was saying the things I was writing as I was writing them, but he got the words wrong. He was getting pissed, as if he was supposed to know what I was going to write and... who knows? Maybe he was trying to pass himself off as “psychic” again. He seems to be screwed up, though. He’s the one who was pushing the Kurt Cobain thing in 1994, and when I realized that he and his mother were playing head games with me, he’s the one who showed me how to kill myself. But, as they have tried to push him onto me as a so-called helper before, he’s probably just there to cause trouble as he has been the past 27 years.
Sister J did mention him earlier this morning, as I heard. She said that when X dies, there is something about FF that’s going to come out. I really don’t care, but her statement is similar to what I’ve heard many times in the past about my own mother. People have said before for me to wait until my mother dies, then I can live quietly, i.e. they’ll stop harassing me. I’ve always found this to be an odd lie. There is no reason in the world that I should have to live like this, and wait until she’s gone to be harassment free. She’s about the only one who doesn’t harass me in any way. In fact, I do believe that she’s being harassed herself. After all, she is a witness and a victim of X’s as much as I am (see previous post, 1969).
And, of course, all through my working day (or night, as it really is) I have to put up with associating with words and peoples’ names that they, usually sister J, call out. Why do you always make me associate with peoples’ names? Is it supposed to break my concentration? Is that the easiest way to make me look incompetent? Or is it just in general supposed to drive me crazy? In any case, it’s not working very well for them. I do associate with the names in the sense that that person is on my mind while I’m answering a question, or doing something (physically, like walking, smoking a cigarette, etc), but I don’t dwell on it and it only lasts just a few seconds at the most. A lot of times when this happens, there will be someone who calls out, “Who are you?” And when I think of the person whom they prompted me to think of, I guess they take that as an answer and then crow about how “he thinks he’s so-and-so.” I may be thinking OF so-and-so, but I sure as hell don’t think that I AM so-and-so. It did happen once, about Kurt Cobain, but at that time, it wasn’t as a result as a prompt from them as I hear them prompting nowadays and before the Cobain thing (see earlier post).
Lately, when they ask me, “Who are you?” I’ve taken to saying, “If you have to ask, I shouldn’t tell you.” Or, “If you don’t know, you need glasses.” Or, “I’m your worst nightmare.” I think I used, “Who do you think I am?” once or twice.
That reminds of the other night when I either repeated their questions back to them, and answered their questions with questions. I’m heard them before that I shouldn’t ask any questions, and a long time ago, as far back as in the ‘80s when this started, they told me that I shouldn’t use contractions. The only thing I can think of why I shouldn’t use contractions is that it’s easier for them to edit the word “not” from something I’m saying (to change the meaning entirely) than it is for them to edit something like “isn’t” from something I’m saying.
Another time earlier, X said, “Well, I can’t masturbate for you.” Out of the blue. I just laughed because I know that they love to wait for me to do that. They look like fools, waiting for a mentally ill person to masturbate so they have an opportunity to yell and scream at me while I’m doing it.
Somebody did say to me this morning to “be literal.” I guess I act out their prompts sometimes.
Just a little of this morning’s weirdness, nothing unusual. Wondering now what I’ll be hearing when I wake up again, but I’m sure it’ll be their dupe that wakes up to get the same treatment as they’ve always done.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
JUST THE USUAL
Thursday, January 5, 2012 6:08 am EDT
Nothing happening at work today. Decided to quit sometime this year (hopefully) and just work online. It would be less stressful than going through the crap that they put me through and have to use people I work with to do it.
Just before the alarm woke up this morning, 12:07 am, I imagined that sister J was running through something like “Who should we wake him up as today?” Then, when I became aware of what they were doing, some guy said, “Oh, no. We hate that one.” And I thought, “Oh yeah, they wake up the one who J and sister T control, so I have to go through another day of hearing J and T doing their thing where one of them asks a question and the other one prompts the answers.”
How do they do this to me? I believe they can only do it by using someone at work, since I don’t go anywhere else. I know that the people at the warehouse have shown me texts, pictures, and other things on their phones. Maybe what they’re forcing me to read, and I’m not aware of it at the time, is directions for the next day. When to wake up, where to go, and if they’re pissed off, what embarrassing thing they will “wake up” (saying something out loud, etc).
They’re still pushing their homo agenda on me. Just before I finished my deliveries at work, those two people I saw at the store, McC’s (see previous posts) showed up and started pushing that agenda onto me along with some obnoxious community organizer that many of them use to push their agenda (basically, that community’s mouthpiece). And I told them off, and they shouldn’t use those people, and in no uncertain terms told them to go to hell. Of course, they say that I gave them permission way back at McC’s to do this to me, and that gets me really pissed. Same old thing with those two (who are sister T’s friends from a long time ago). They push the “salvation” of joining that community...as a transvestite, no less. They couldn’t be more wrong and they know it. I get the feeling that they have been pushing that agenda onto me, and since I now keep chiming in with my own thoughts instead of staying asleep, they just can’t back down from what they’ve showed people through the years.
I think their main point is that they don’t want to own up to the fact that I went suicidal at the store during their pre-planned nightmare (see previous post). They want to cover that by parading some transtesticle they want me to be and then show that I’m suicidal because of it. This has been played out by them that time I tried to join the Navy. When they locked me in this room, and at some point, that guy was with me in the bathroom. We were in front of a big mirror, he was to my left.
He kept yelling at me, “Is that what you want? Is that what you want?” I looked in the mirror and saw myself, in a dress and holding a gun. Strange on both accounts. I’ve never worn a dress since I was about 8 or 9, and I’ve never held a real gun. Anyway, I looked and I laughed. The odd thing was, if things couldn’t get any more weird, was that I could only see my right side in the mirror. There was no one in front of me. That guy kept taking my left hand, I could feel that it held the gun, and putting it to my head while he said, “Is that what you want?” My arm kept falling down to my side when he let go. Then he just put it back up to my head again. He did this about three times. I just answered, “No. (that’s not what I want). I think this guy referenced this very recently. I heard him say to me, in front of someone else, of course, “Like the time in the bathroom of ..” then he mentioned a gay bar. I thought, “Oh, yeah. Make it look like it happened there instead of where it really happened.” They love to play to their audience.
Then some lady came into the room while we were still in the bathroom and started yelling, “Where is he?” over and over. She was kicking at the door. The next thing I know, she was in the bathroom, flushing the toilet and screaming at me, “That’s washing the (or their) hair?” I had no idea, and I still don’t have any idea, what she was trying to say, other than at the time, I thought there was a decapitated head in there. Huh? Anyway, she was really pissed and told someone in the room, not me, that they “weren’t supposed to wake him up.”
So, this morning I was on the expressway on my way home, deciding if I should go to the store, and they were still on their “pushing the gays onto me,” that if I went to the store, I would be imagining having them be there while I shopped. Not an unusual tactic, since X has done this before, too. I was shopping once recently and was imagining that X’s son was there. Some lady went by and he said that she just flipped me off. I thought, “Well, it looks like her arm moved, but I didn’t see her flip me off, so no big deal even if she did.” He said, “You know what I would do?” then he looked like he was taking a run at her. Just a way to try to get me to go off on somebody in public. First of all, I know that they’re not there while I’m shopping, it was suggested to me at some time before I go shopping. And secondly, I know better than to go at someone who allegedly provoked me.
So, they wanted me to think that choosing to go to the store means that it’s some invitation to have one of them go with me. The two have nothing in common other than it’s one of their head games. Probably provoked by sister T, who said, “Enjoy your shopping spree,” just after I began thinking about going shopping. And then I imagined that KS, whom T loves to mention, was in the car with me, reporting that I was going to the store and it was 5:00 am (actually 5:19, I looked at the clock), even though I already decided not to go and was just passing the exit to the store.
Really, nothing new but pushing the gays on me and trying to get me to accept “their version” of events. And I’ve only been up for about six hours.
Nothing happening at work today. Decided to quit sometime this year (hopefully) and just work online. It would be less stressful than going through the crap that they put me through and have to use people I work with to do it.
Just before the alarm woke up this morning, 12:07 am, I imagined that sister J was running through something like “Who should we wake him up as today?” Then, when I became aware of what they were doing, some guy said, “Oh, no. We hate that one.” And I thought, “Oh yeah, they wake up the one who J and sister T control, so I have to go through another day of hearing J and T doing their thing where one of them asks a question and the other one prompts the answers.”
How do they do this to me? I believe they can only do it by using someone at work, since I don’t go anywhere else. I know that the people at the warehouse have shown me texts, pictures, and other things on their phones. Maybe what they’re forcing me to read, and I’m not aware of it at the time, is directions for the next day. When to wake up, where to go, and if they’re pissed off, what embarrassing thing they will “wake up” (saying something out loud, etc).
They’re still pushing their homo agenda on me. Just before I finished my deliveries at work, those two people I saw at the store, McC’s (see previous posts) showed up and started pushing that agenda onto me along with some obnoxious community organizer that many of them use to push their agenda (basically, that community’s mouthpiece). And I told them off, and they shouldn’t use those people, and in no uncertain terms told them to go to hell. Of course, they say that I gave them permission way back at McC’s to do this to me, and that gets me really pissed. Same old thing with those two (who are sister T’s friends from a long time ago). They push the “salvation” of joining that community...as a transvestite, no less. They couldn’t be more wrong and they know it. I get the feeling that they have been pushing that agenda onto me, and since I now keep chiming in with my own thoughts instead of staying asleep, they just can’t back down from what they’ve showed people through the years.
I think their main point is that they don’t want to own up to the fact that I went suicidal at the store during their pre-planned nightmare (see previous post). They want to cover that by parading some transtesticle they want me to be and then show that I’m suicidal because of it. This has been played out by them that time I tried to join the Navy. When they locked me in this room, and at some point, that guy was with me in the bathroom. We were in front of a big mirror, he was to my left.
He kept yelling at me, “Is that what you want? Is that what you want?” I looked in the mirror and saw myself, in a dress and holding a gun. Strange on both accounts. I’ve never worn a dress since I was about 8 or 9, and I’ve never held a real gun. Anyway, I looked and I laughed. The odd thing was, if things couldn’t get any more weird, was that I could only see my right side in the mirror. There was no one in front of me. That guy kept taking my left hand, I could feel that it held the gun, and putting it to my head while he said, “Is that what you want?” My arm kept falling down to my side when he let go. Then he just put it back up to my head again. He did this about three times. I just answered, “No. (that’s not what I want). I think this guy referenced this very recently. I heard him say to me, in front of someone else, of course, “Like the time in the bathroom of ..” then he mentioned a gay bar. I thought, “Oh, yeah. Make it look like it happened there instead of where it really happened.” They love to play to their audience.
Then some lady came into the room while we were still in the bathroom and started yelling, “Where is he?” over and over. She was kicking at the door. The next thing I know, she was in the bathroom, flushing the toilet and screaming at me, “That’s washing the (or their) hair?” I had no idea, and I still don’t have any idea, what she was trying to say, other than at the time, I thought there was a decapitated head in there. Huh? Anyway, she was really pissed and told someone in the room, not me, that they “weren’t supposed to wake him up.”
So, this morning I was on the expressway on my way home, deciding if I should go to the store, and they were still on their “pushing the gays onto me,” that if I went to the store, I would be imagining having them be there while I shopped. Not an unusual tactic, since X has done this before, too. I was shopping once recently and was imagining that X’s son was there. Some lady went by and he said that she just flipped me off. I thought, “Well, it looks like her arm moved, but I didn’t see her flip me off, so no big deal even if she did.” He said, “You know what I would do?” then he looked like he was taking a run at her. Just a way to try to get me to go off on somebody in public. First of all, I know that they’re not there while I’m shopping, it was suggested to me at some time before I go shopping. And secondly, I know better than to go at someone who allegedly provoked me.
So, they wanted me to think that choosing to go to the store means that it’s some invitation to have one of them go with me. The two have nothing in common other than it’s one of their head games. Probably provoked by sister T, who said, “Enjoy your shopping spree,” just after I began thinking about going shopping. And then I imagined that KS, whom T loves to mention, was in the car with me, reporting that I was going to the store and it was 5:00 am (actually 5:19, I looked at the clock), even though I already decided not to go and was just passing the exit to the store.
Really, nothing new but pushing the gays on me and trying to get me to accept “their version” of events. And I’ve only been up for about six hours.
Monday, January 2, 2012
YOU ASK WHAT'S HAPPENING? READ MY BLOG TOMORROW TO FIND OUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TODAY.
January 2, 2012
.
Just before waking, I had a dream that X was walking away from the house and she got shot in the head. I thought "So what. I hope the bullet goes through her head and goes across the street and takes out her accomplice who is sitting in her car parked on the street."
Then, I heard myself say that I wished that I were a woman. Big shock, since I've never said those words in my life, and it didn't seem like me, but a small child -- about the age that I was when they took me to visit the priest (see previous post about the first grade) and told him that I was a good little girl.
Immediately after, my head went from side to side, reading something that wasn't there, but the message was: "This is the part where you turn into a girl." And I called it BS, and sister J and X were there to start the usual brainwashing. X was asking questions, and I answered, but J was inserting words, nonsense, and general crap ( called intrusive thoughts) into what I wanted to say. This is, to my best estimation, a way that they get me to associate, get tongue-tied, and misspeak if I want to put my own two cents in. They play this out while I'm at work or in stores, etc.
At work today, while waiting to get ready to leave the warehouse, I heard a girl laugh out loud and when I looked over, there was someone next to her that I didn't see. What I was thinking at the time was: someone was asking me, "What's happening," or, "What are you going to do today?" I answered, "Why don't you read my blog tomorrow to find out what (really) happened today." It was at this time that that girl laughed.
Another thing about this evening. I saw, or they showed me a picture of, KS. She was looking up from reading something, wearing glasses, and saying, or the caption read, "This is a good read." The first thing I thought of was that the people who are covering her ass wants me to believe, and since they had the audience at the warehouse, they want "proof" that what she was doing was some psychic reading at AN's house in 1985, and not harassment, which it really was.
My second thought on that was: She's trying to tell whoever that her phony cover of that play, WAOVW, was a "good read" on her (psychic) part. She and her accomplices use words and phrases from that play as trigger words and then pass off what imprints they made me associate with those words and phrases. Then they say, "Oh, it's just because he was so influenced by this that blah, blah, blah." They really just use it for harassment. It's their way out to say about me that I''m just so impressionable, etc. I've known for a long time that they've used that play as a cover, and most probably a cover for X and 1969 (see previous post). X and KS did work at the same place in the early '80s.
I mention JO, my dead nephew, saying that they want to talk about everything but a real issue. Then they freak out. They throw in someone who has to say, "Aren't you gay?" or something like that when they really want to try to shut me down instead of talking about JO (or themselves for that matter).
The rest of the night was the usual demands: "Don't talk about X. She was helping you." It might seem that way to her audience, since they have conversations with me that they then edit and play out with the editing and intrusive thoughts stuck in there, and their dupes they play this for don't know how to read between the lines. Their dupes don't see the parts where I have to slam my fingers into a window because I thought of X, or sister T. Their dupes don't see when they tell me to pick up a hot grating off the stove to burn myself because I'm not cooperating. Their dupes aren't there when they poke me in the foot with needles and laugh and say, "He doesn't feel it now, but he will later." And I do feel it later, and he, X's son says that they have to do it to just check for feeling, like they did to his sister after she had a stroke.Their dupes only see what X, or whoever, wants them to see.
"Stop blaming X!" Someone just yelled at me while I was downstairs just now. Wow. Not allowed to even think about some things, like JO or X. I know X has other witnesses screwed up as much as she screws me up, and gets them to say things to me that I'm pretty sure they don't believe themselves. If X and her accomplices can put so many intrusive thoughts into me, they can do that to others. I don't believe or take their "don't talk about this-or-that" seriously. I know that they know better,but are too afraid or know that it's a losing battle to even think about their crimes (see previous post--1969).
That's about it for now. I'll be sure to keep my thoughts on what they don't want to talk about. I'm pretty used to the harassment that comes from not following their agendas. After all, it has been over 27 years now.
.
Just before waking, I had a dream that X was walking away from the house and she got shot in the head. I thought "So what. I hope the bullet goes through her head and goes across the street and takes out her accomplice who is sitting in her car parked on the street."
Then, I heard myself say that I wished that I were a woman. Big shock, since I've never said those words in my life, and it didn't seem like me, but a small child -- about the age that I was when they took me to visit the priest (see previous post about the first grade) and told him that I was a good little girl.
Immediately after, my head went from side to side, reading something that wasn't there, but the message was: "This is the part where you turn into a girl." And I called it BS, and sister J and X were there to start the usual brainwashing. X was asking questions, and I answered, but J was inserting words, nonsense, and general crap ( called intrusive thoughts) into what I wanted to say. This is, to my best estimation, a way that they get me to associate, get tongue-tied, and misspeak if I want to put my own two cents in. They play this out while I'm at work or in stores, etc.
At work today, while waiting to get ready to leave the warehouse, I heard a girl laugh out loud and when I looked over, there was someone next to her that I didn't see. What I was thinking at the time was: someone was asking me, "What's happening," or, "What are you going to do today?" I answered, "Why don't you read my blog tomorrow to find out what (really) happened today." It was at this time that that girl laughed.
Another thing about this evening. I saw, or they showed me a picture of, KS. She was looking up from reading something, wearing glasses, and saying, or the caption read, "This is a good read." The first thing I thought of was that the people who are covering her ass wants me to believe, and since they had the audience at the warehouse, they want "proof" that what she was doing was some psychic reading at AN's house in 1985, and not harassment, which it really was.
My second thought on that was: She's trying to tell whoever that her phony cover of that play, WAOVW, was a "good read" on her (psychic) part. She and her accomplices use words and phrases from that play as trigger words and then pass off what imprints they made me associate with those words and phrases. Then they say, "Oh, it's just because he was so influenced by this that blah, blah, blah." They really just use it for harassment. It's their way out to say about me that I''m just so impressionable, etc. I've known for a long time that they've used that play as a cover, and most probably a cover for X and 1969 (see previous post). X and KS did work at the same place in the early '80s.
I mention JO, my dead nephew, saying that they want to talk about everything but a real issue. Then they freak out. They throw in someone who has to say, "Aren't you gay?" or something like that when they really want to try to shut me down instead of talking about JO (or themselves for that matter).
The rest of the night was the usual demands: "Don't talk about X. She was helping you." It might seem that way to her audience, since they have conversations with me that they then edit and play out with the editing and intrusive thoughts stuck in there, and their dupes they play this for don't know how to read between the lines. Their dupes don't see the parts where I have to slam my fingers into a window because I thought of X, or sister T. Their dupes don't see when they tell me to pick up a hot grating off the stove to burn myself because I'm not cooperating. Their dupes aren't there when they poke me in the foot with needles and laugh and say, "He doesn't feel it now, but he will later." And I do feel it later, and he, X's son says that they have to do it to just check for feeling, like they did to his sister after she had a stroke.Their dupes only see what X, or whoever, wants them to see.
"Stop blaming X!" Someone just yelled at me while I was downstairs just now. Wow. Not allowed to even think about some things, like JO or X. I know X has other witnesses screwed up as much as she screws me up, and gets them to say things to me that I'm pretty sure they don't believe themselves. If X and her accomplices can put so many intrusive thoughts into me, they can do that to others. I don't believe or take their "don't talk about this-or-that" seriously. I know that they know better,but are too afraid or know that it's a losing battle to even think about their crimes (see previous post--1969).
That's about it for now. I'll be sure to keep my thoughts on what they don't want to talk about. I'm pretty used to the harassment that comes from not following their agendas. After all, it has been over 27 years now.
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