Just had a two hour nap, not much sleep time, I wish I could get more.
Smoked two cigarettes, and of course, started imagining. And of course,started imagining that bossy guy, and that lady from the queer community, both ready to do their dumb brainwashing. No matter how many times I tell them, and they are well aware of my total rejection of the gay community, they keep trying to push me into cooperating with them while they force me to sit there and, basically just listen (realize later) to those people. They know it is just torture to me, since their topic is nothing I'm interested in. Maybe that guy just drags me here to get crap out of his system. I wonder who is reading the lines they wrote for me to repeat about how wonderful they are, and how liberal I am (all garbage). I'll never live out sister T's phony fantasy of a gay life, and she knows it. She and her little friends are so criminal. I'm not even allowed to leave here until, as they put it, "say you're gay." It's just more of their time-wasting strategy of training me into their way of thinking, and to avoid any real issues.
So, it seems that I'm under arrest, and can't leave until I'm thoroughly brainwashed. Now, as I'm remembering it, it is the time for them to just call out nonsense words and phrases that I'm supposed to associate with, literally. One about softball or something now, must be T's way of making me think about the time I hit J with a baseball bat thirty seven years ago.
Just saw a flash of light by my mouth. If these people aren't brainwashing me, then I don't know what brainwashing is. I probably just recited some pro-gay propaganda they wrote. Because, as that guy who rounds up these fools to attend his "show" says, that guy's "version of events is the only one that will get out." He's such a con artist. He is someone whom I wouldn't even pick as a friend in my life, but he is supposed to call all the shots in my life, down to who and what I'm supposed to think about. He should be arrested, along with certain members of my family. Anyone who cooperates with him should be ashamed of themselves. They are probably people who have something to hide, like being criminals or such, and they're probably threatened, or made to feel like they are, so that they really are forced to play his game. It sure as hell ain't no therapy.
I think he has some crap written out about how I'm really a girl, woman or whatever he chose. Not true. I don't have the mentality of a broad, he must be T's lapdog. That was my sister T's schtick when I was about eight years old. She would paint my nails, send me outside to show everybody, as she put it, "what a f**ot you are." And she was about seventeen or eighteen at the time. But, of course, he would think that shouldn't be the issue. I would refer that guy to my earlier posts about KS and her definition of certain sexualities, and the post about T and the store McC.
It always amazes me that the people who caused me problems decades ago are the ones who are in charge of "waking me up." That's a crime right there. People wonder why my family is so willing to keep me screwed up (my relatives know this is all a phony game). It is not because of enlisting or anything, it all has to do with their own crap, see earlier post 1969.
I just heard someone say they had a question. Now that guy is going to make me answer some pre-planned questions? Why bother. They should realize that only that guy's answers are the ones that will come out. Some snap of fingers, a flash of light, or a motion of his hand, and there I go, spouting out the crap he, or T, wants me to say to appease his audience (I was supposed to say 'guests', like ET, in WAOVW. He still tries to play out his cover of that play, i.e. using trigger words picked out of the text. Why doesn't he give up? He should admit that following my sister T's methods are a failure. So, obviously, they got people thinking that I can only 'wake up' as a woman. In the light. A complete opposite of "him". If he recalls his McC history correctly, I was standing there, after they deliberately freaked me out, instigated because I mentioned something about JN, and F said something like, "He doesn't know." And I chimed in with, "oh, yes he does." And yes, I was talking about myself in the third person, and I knew it at the time. And someone shined a flashlight in my face, and asked, "Who are you?" I said, "MH" (not a separate personality). And immediately thought the person behind the light of the flashlight was sister, T, and I said, horrified, "YOU!" Funny how her name became a curse word in the family long before 1985. If any of us got out of line, my mom would point her finger at us and say, "You T____." It became literal with me while I was freaking out when they put me under. It's kind of funny, but they have to play up this phony 'be a woman' thing, keep me at that YOU T___ point to cover their asses. And as for being jealous of sister G? When she was about twelve, and I was two years younger, she started to get different Xmas presents, grown-up things. We usually each got some clothes and the games, etc. were both of ours. But I wanted what she got, even the prissy watches, etc. But not the dresses, and I refer you to my "IS MY SLIP SHOWING" post. So much for girly things. I guess that's why KS, while reading a profile out of me at AN's house, came to the "have you ever thought of being a woman, wouldn't you want to be a woman, even if it was just a day, or even a minute..." and on and on.
They claim I'm so sick, they even have to think for me. And think for me as if it were 1985 all over, that was the year they started this brainwashing. And I'm supposed to be their newly re-modeled queer. What a bunch of garbage. It's time for them to cram their watches up their collective ass.
One more thought about the gays. Those two, that guy and woman, and probably T, are playing that community for such fools. They know I don't accept that crap they already have that community. The gays probably are buying the "he has no idea that he's really a broad, just don't mention it to him." They should look at this lunacy for what it is--a cover, a red herring to keep everyone hammering at an issue they created, and not going near the real issue they were really involved in. The gays seem to be easily blind-sided.
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