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Well, my imagination's getting active today, filled with a lot of nonsense questions I'm supposed to think about. Of course, it's still just the same--cooperate or we will just scream at you all day, telling me to forget this, forget that, don't blog about their "special treatment," and saying they won't wake me up because I'm blogging. They put images in my head of my sister J, trying to make me go on a guilt trip. And of course, older sister T just keeps asking questions like "how old are you" and a lot of sexual remarks like using the unfinished ambiguity of "I would to _______." And the personality T created finishes with something sexual. Oh well.
Still the big lie, that they are helping me. They said that I can't wake up because they need to keep some secret that MH is supposed to be dead. I know they aren't with me as I'm typing this, but they must have known that I'm blogging before I even started. One of them, she's a large woman, shoulder length hair, who says that I have to keep things the way they are with me just sitting around while they look through some "case" they have going and oooooh all the hard work she's done for twenty six years.
Then they play the terrorists that they are, and unashamedly I must say. The usual curse words that I'm supposed to react to later at stores or wherever they want to embarass me. And the flashes of light that, when they come around at work or wherever, I'm supposed to look at the light and recite some garbage that T recited to me earlier. I think they might be making me look like I'm talking to spirits or something. You'll always mess up, someone just said. Yes, because look who is involved, and it's just the never-ending test that won't get passed. And the old look at how somebody else is doing somethin, like walking or something, and they'll say copy that. And the literal, associating robot that I am, I probably do.
T is really active today, and they all are just frenzied. Using the intrusive thought tactic a lot today. And they said that I'll never be through, because I still get mad, don't cooperate, etc.
Now they're using my sister J a lot today, and the children of my mom's friend that we haven't seen for a long time.
Here's a good intrusive thought I had just now. Somebody said "you are my support system." More garbage that this is some kind of help.
Here they go with making up some personalities that Fatso can call up anywhere when they want to make me look stupid on public. I heard someone ask, "How many joints do you smoke?" And someone answered, "I smoke five (joints an hour)" They wanted this personality (acted like R, the woman at the warehouse that Fatso was talking to last year). I was supposed to answer five joints a day, but when I recognized a fill in the blank type of brainwashing, I had to change it to five in an hour. How preposterous is that? Who can smoke five of anything in an hour? And Fatso is so quick with the flash of light, that the exaggerated answer went over his head.
Fatso was at the warehouse, only imagined or real, it don't matter, and he's standing there, staring at me, saying "I'm going to make you break," etc. So, his punishment for me because I'm blogging is, and I quote, "Now everything looks like T." He still thinks he's putting a combination guilt trip and terror tactic on me. But, considering he tries to make me into some literal half man half woman thing because "oooooooh, he just hated his sister so much that he became her!" Sounds so cliche, it is the last ten minutes of the movie "Psycho" and he looks so ridiculous when he acts like that psychobabbler.
Just heard sounds like "on the second day..." Some lady was reading me the recovery stage of a fake stroke I'm supposed to get over in a few days. Just like T had. It's so funny, Fatso flashes a light, then growls, "Now everything looks like T", and then when I think about T, he throws up his arms and says, for his audience, "Oh everything's about T, that's all we ever hear." What a phony piece of work. He's on a mission of revenge for her, and I'm supposed to be the one who's constantly thinking of her. But only when he brings her up, or if she starts her,"he's not ready yet."
It must really gall his ass that he can't drive me to suicide in real time, just in imaginary time, and that was the time he drove me to it. Oh well. Anyone who wants to drive someone to suicide is nuts. Not to mention that it's illegal and psychological terror. He's turning into a T himself, he wants me castrated like she always wanted. They use her as a weapon, an excuse to show off what they did at McC's.
I remember when I went to the military, and he said, even back then, that it will be his version of events that will come out. He just wants me to lie and say that I was a willing participant in helping him (in 1985 even before the McC thing).
And now, I'm imagining my sister (or did he tell me to mistake her for R from the warehouse) saying to the office, warehouse managers, "I have no excuse for ... behavior." I guess I'm supposed to repeat that sometime later, or some pre-programming for when I get fired or something.
Brainwashing is his game, and as every where else he harasses me, he uses the tactic of telling people that I'm nothing but a child molester. No, I made fun of him years ago about his job, when his dupe asked me if I knew cops, and I guess he didn't like the answer he got. Just a personal vendetta. The fact is, I wouldn't even be thinking about him if he didn't come around me or stalk me. What an endless vicious cycle he started--"Here I am..Don't even think of me...Here I am again to remind you to not think of me..." And he's so crazed that he says, 'You can look for F all you want.." I mean really, who cares. Never looked for her anyway. I think he might have been a dupe himself at some point for someone, because he sure does sound irrational. I feel bad for the people he's using, they're going to have to put up with tyranny when he doesn't get what he wants, if Fatso is the same person I'm thinking of.
I know that they are still looking for incidents in my so-called life that I have to spontaneously, all on my own. I'm guessing, since he always shows up at certain times, that he has some list of answers that I gave in some Q&A decades ago, and has to follow the list, getting me to verify the answers. It's just too pat that when some certain things come up, they're smugly satisfied and shift to another subject that has to be the number one focus of harassment. Like plowing through the child molester thingy then straight on to the "now he has to say he's gay." It's pretty hilarious, he marches all these gay dupes he has and I'm forced to listen to them call me she, and isn't she pretty, and on and on. Maybe Fatso has a tv fetish, I don't know. Check his panties. Ha.
Just for the record, so everyone isn't totally duped, I had not seen or spoked with my sister T for almost ten years from the time she moved out of state to when I saw her in 1985. Yes, I mentioned her again. So shoot me. And another thing, the finish the sentence thought they throw out pretty often lately, that comes from the movie "Tarantula" about a giant spider that crawled over some house. When my sister T saw that, she laughed and said, "How dare you stick your weenie in my window." Sorry Fatso, that was the real T's line. You can lie all you want for her, since you think she needs such whitewashing, but you can't change the past. If they split me into different things while I'm sleeping, and assigning certain words and phrases to each thing, I feel sorry for them. They are trying to get me to verify other people's words and actions. That is a losing game from the beginning. And that "I want to be a lady for once!" That comes from my sister J, when she was about seven years old. She was walking to the bathroom, a friend of hers was following and she said, "go away (or something) I want to be a lady for once!" I heard that thrown at me recently. Too bad they are deliberately putting other people's words in my mouth. It was always a good chuckle when I remembered when J said that to MTA. But not any more.
Eh, not allowed to fight the gossip and lies.
The bottom line for today is, Fatso already knows some answers, has to harass me with the subject until I, even in a roundabout way, come close to what he wants.
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