November 29, 2011 10:23 am EDT
Not much happened in real life today. I filed a Freedom of Information Act request for the documents about my one day stint in the Navy. I asked because I have the enlistment papers, went there, and stuff happened and then I'm back home. No one mentions it -- it was in 1985. I remember signing something, being directed to sign, but I didn't know what it was, so I filed a form for it and it should be back within a month or so. The FBI, when I filed an FOIA request, got back to me within a month.
I woke up a little late for work, at about 2:35 am. Just before I became completely awake, I was reading something to myself or out loud, I don't know. It was typed in capital letters, bold faced. It read to me like a police file or something. It began, "The death of JO___ (my nephew) can be explained by (or, was caused by) W__ (my name, first middle and last). " When I read that part, someone pointed out a wallet sized photo of me which was paper clipped to the upper right corner. I read on, "JO___ ( it referred to him as my son, and I thought, 'I don't have a son.') died because someone found out that it was his son and was a product of incest." Then it went on to say that I killed him.
What rot. There is no incest between me and my sisters and I'm really not even surprised that someone would make me read something like that. And why do they do that? Because someone, or there's some trigger later on, that makes me repeat it out loud later, no matter where I am. This has been done before. When I worked at the gas station where X's son knew a coworker of mine, I remember standing in the store and that guy from the McC event, the one I call Fatso, was with a different coworker there and they were both looking at me. Fatso said to the woman, "Look at his eyes." She leaned in, arms folded, and said, "He's reading." You can tell when someone's reading. Their eyes stop and start after a few words. I don't know if I was saying something or not.
I stopped reading and didn't think much of it. I'm used to being slandered and it's no surprised that a rumor like that would get started after I told someone I worked with years ago about something my older sister, T said to me when I was 12. (More about that later.) Anyway, that baby died 25 years ago, and it was not the child of T. Did I read that years ago and someone decided to 'wake it up' now?
But, all in all, I wasn't upset about it. It only figured that they're still making dirt out of anything they can, and maybe if my sister, the baby's mother, heard about this, she would be mad enough to stop participating in this harassment. Then I thought of my cousin who has the same name as I do, and thought, "Well, who knows about him and his sister." My older sister, T, laughed about how he (my cousin) married a woman who had the same name and body type as his sister, and as she put it, "What does that mean?"
Overall, I think it's just more of the same tactic to get me embarassed or mad, and like I said, it's been almost 30 years (27, actually) of this and nothing surprises me and I can't get too mad about what I'm not allowed to answer to in real life.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
HOW NOT TO CONNECT THE DOTS
November 22, 2011 7:12 pm EST
Not much different today in real life.
I woke up about three hours ago, and my mind was suspiciously quiet. Usually, things start up before my feet even hit the floor. Wake up as this or that person, etc. So, I start working on the data entry job online, and I'm thinking, "Where are they? It's too quiet, so something must be up." They weren't even making me screw up the typing like they like to do. I'm pretty sure I mentioned before how they tell me to hit the wrong keys, type different letters. They tried to train me with their favorite lie. "When you type bad, it's because you're a man, but look how well you type when you're a woman." It's just the same training they gave me when I was 7.
When they had a problem then, they threw a dress on me and paraded me around to get people not to believe me if I ever said anything, and now they want me to "put on the dress" myself. Not literally, they know they have to wake up some really old imprints to do that (if it's even done for real), but to assume some woman's identity psychologically. I've told them before then I'll type bad and I'd rather be a crazy man than any kind of woman.
They usually tell me to be my sister, G. She was the one they trained to call me a liar at that meeting at school in 1967 (see previous posts). So, they can associate G with "liar" and also with "suicide" because of the time when I was about 10 and she said she ate rat poison. It's pretty funny, now.
So, the past hour or so, they played connect the dots leading to suicide. Getting me in that position at the store in 1985, gun to the head, etc, has been some sort of sticking point to them, and also a gold mine of head games for me and their audience. They can't admit to freaking me out so badly that it lead to that (and who gave me the gun anyway, if there really was one), but they still wake up that imprint and then use some crappy line of, I wouldn't even call it reasoning, but their "version" that they play out and, usually after they show everyone, tell me to accept it or else. What can I do?
So, I was typing away and wondering where they were. And soon enough, XC, X's daughter, showed up and I don't know, put the thought of an old imprint in my mind that they used to keep me "asleep" for many, many years. When I was 13 or so, I got a hard on while some toddler was sitting on my lap, and I went upstairs and, uhh, took care of it (definitely not thinking of toddlers or anything like that. And I didn't have any porn back then, either). Embarassing, yes. Fatal? No. But many, many times the past 27 years, before being fully awake, I had that thought in my mind, and then they (usually my sister, J, for some reason) would scream that I should "go to sleep" or "act crazy," and I went back to sleep, and when I was fully awake (as awake as I can be, I suppose) I was already primed for a day of being at their command -- what to think about when eating, what to think about when working. Basically, being "guided" by them. Not normal and not good for me, but they do it because they need to control someone who can tell on them.
About four years ago it was the usual pattern. Before waking up having that memory in my head with someone screaming at me to go to sleep. It was sister J at that time. The thing was that my sister T was telling my neice, who had visited her, that I was a child molestor. T would call it that, she's never had anything nice to say about her relatives and their friends. So, I thought, "No. I'm not going to go back to sleep. I'm sick and tired of hearing about that, and if I ever heard her or anyone else saying that in real life, I would get a lawyer after them."
There's a dilemma for anyone. They make you think of it when you're asleep, so you have no recourse. Can't even defend yourself. If you say anything for real, they would say, "Well, you brought it up, we didn't."
This controlling tactic worked for them for a long time. They held that up as a smear campaign that I wouldn't even be aware of (I don't have the mentality of a child molestor, it went over my head). But, I wouldn't have it anymore.
So, today they woke up that memory, and I put it that way because XC showed up first and sat there, waiting for me to "go to sleep," I guess. They must have known that I was going to write this. I have been thinking about writing out that event and how they used it in 1985 (tomorrow's post) for several months now. I didn't "go to sleep" as they usually count on, and just kept at my typing. So, after about 15 minutes or so, I just thought of how dumb the whole thing is, but I came to thinking about what I should do.
Of course, X was there stirring a frenzy as much as she could, letting me run around a bit, but I felt like a little boy. Then of course, her suggestion was to "Go G." G is my sister's name, and I did "feel" like her for a few seconds, then dismissed it. The best way I can describe that is that I imitate her, and the other so-called "woman." It was "put on a dress" like they trained me when I was 7, then it was G and the suicide thing, which X could have gotten from McC and the time that she had her goblins XC and XF playing the Cobains and when I caught on, there I was with a gun to my head and XF putting the gun in my mouth.
So, now they have connected the dots from "he's a child molestor" to "you have to put on the dress" to "look, he's suicidal." And her audience believes it. I'm not a child molestor. I don't wear a dress or even want to. I'm not suicidal. But it's the same tactic of taking imprints from times decades apart and running them together to get me some place that they want me, and, of course, they are the only ones who have an explanation. The only one who hasn't had any say in the matter is me.
Then I heard someone say, "We'll stand by you," or something like that. I thought it some woman from the gay community -- from what I know of them, they would be too ready to believe that line of thought, especially since they don't really know me. The upshot (pun intended) is that X and her goblins and my relatives are still passing off their, "Look, we have the proof that he is suicidal because he wants to be a woman." And they got them suckered into believing that, and pushing that idea on me, and in effect, they became unwitting accomplices in a harassment campaign/covering other people's asses by using the same old tactic they used 44 years ago.
These dots don't connect. And of course X is stirring the pot to no end, making me feel like a little kid running around needing someone to help, and like she trained me 44 years ago, it was "put on the dress." I said, "No. I'm not." I realize what their game is, and it's only to cover X's ass. I don't expect to hear from them again, but I'm sure they have my mother waking up their training on me everyday.
Child molestation is out of the question, but they have that imprint they can wake up of associating toddlers with a hard on. That's pretty despicable, since I don't have that mentality. And if they did that, shouldn't someone ask them why they haven't done anything about it instead of using it as some carnival side show that they can turn on and off whenever they want. X would be pretty stupid since she's the real deal when it comes to raping a child (see 1969 post).
Wearing a dress is ridiculous. That's not my definition of gay. But that was always X's way of solving problems (see post about first grade).
Suicide? She has the imprint that her and her son made, and could wake that up. Then there's the imprint of suicide from the store, McC, in 1985, and she may or may not have been there. But both times it was me, with no thought of being a woman or wearing a dress, or anything remotely like that. There's no connection between dress and suicide, like there's no connection between getting off of a guilt trip about child molestation, or anything else, by wearing a dress.
When they started to talk to me while I was sleeping in 1984 or 1985, I had, I guess they would be called ideations (I don't know) of jumping out of the window or shooting myself in the forehead -- two times in a row -- don't think anyone can get off two shots. Way back, when I was about 6 or 7, I always had a dream of falling off the expressway bridge. Sometimes every night. I didn't jump, but I was already falling when the dream started and woke up before I hit the street. I actually looked forward to that dream.
Around that same time, I had thoughts that my mother was killing herself by hanging. From my perspective, I was in the basement looking up at her as she jumped off the higher steps, legs tucked in, and falling in an arc. People fall straight down, not swinging. But the image of her jumping would replay over and over, about three times. I had that thought many times in the grade school years. Ironic, since I liked, and remember more about, grade school better than the other school years. There's nowhere next to the basement stairs to tie a rope, though.
**Here come the thoughts of them discrediting what I just wrote about. Of course, they have told their story with the same incidents and of course I'm the one who is just so wrong about the details, context, or whatever, and the badgering and harassing starts, and waiting to use anything I say as "proof" that I'm just trying to cover myself up. Really? If you have read my posts from the beginning, I'm an admitted attempted murderer (regardless of the fact that it was one of their psychodramas complete with a script and plenty of starts and stops to see "how far would he go?"), a rape victim, a little boy who had dresses put on him, an embarassing erection, and suicidal (in my -- or more rightly, their-- dreams) The only thing that they can't accuse me of is whitewashing my past.**
I was scanning this post before I wrote it, and when I got to the words "child molestor" I heard a snap in my left ear and someone asked, "Who wrote this?" And I automatically shrugged my shoulders as if someone was behind me and pulled them up to make it look like I'm shrugging. As I said before, they know that I going write this and they now they have something contrived for later. "Who wrote this?" they'll ask, and I'll automatically shrug, and their audience is duped again. Why don't the witnesses to their crap say something?
10:50 pm EST
It's been about 3 hours since I put this post up, and went on Facebook to see where I could drop some links to this blog. Went and looked at the pages of some of these people mentioned. Pretty much the same, friends with each other. Not very interesting, really. The local newpaper looks like a good Facebook page to leave a few comments along with the blog address.
But, of course, they have to start their crap again. I don't know how I got there, but I'm at my aunt and uncle's house, outside, and the other ones are there. The guy who drags me around, and tries to discredit what I wrote is there, too. And my aunt says that they are my caretakers or something, and there's a cop car at the curb, or so I'm led to believe, ready to take me away as soon as they start their harassment and I tell them to f**k off, or worse.
And they're playing word games and head games and the usual "take an answer that I give to one question and apply it to something completely different. And they got plenty of witnesses around. How convenient for them (someone pointed to me and said, "For you" as in how convenient for me, not them. Nice try, but I wouldn't want to be there at all, and whoever took me there should be arrested. They're just waiting to prompt some trouble. I'm sure they want me to do something embarassing and call the cops or something and that's the only way to leave.
Like X said to me before, "You're not getting out of here until you change your mind." Meaning that I just have to be "someone else." Meaning, not leaving until she gets the "woman" she created to keep me from going into the Navy and that's the thing that they can't explain and what people are wondering about. How is it that HE has the induction paperwork, remembers what she did at her house, and then going to incuction in Cleveland, then to some crackpot psychiatrist/torturer, and then home with no exit papers?
Time to ask for a Freedom of Information Act from the Navy. They have to have some paperwork because they did contact me at home after all that. So, I'm just waiting to leave, I can hear the trigger words that they're reading to me to break my concentration later on. Almost time to go to work and get worked over by the dupes that these criminals have suckered into helping. It seems that these people have nothing better to do than wait around for a mentally ill person to start to masturbate so they can make trouble. These people should keep their asses away from me, especially the phony "lawyer" lady.
Her and the guy who took me there seem to be the ones who are most involved in making sure there are witnesses in public when they wake up their phony, contrived, and manipulated imprints. They must be paid a lot of money to take such a risk of being caught in manipulating and harassing people. They'll be their fall guys, no doubt.
Not much different today in real life.
I woke up about three hours ago, and my mind was suspiciously quiet. Usually, things start up before my feet even hit the floor. Wake up as this or that person, etc. So, I start working on the data entry job online, and I'm thinking, "Where are they? It's too quiet, so something must be up." They weren't even making me screw up the typing like they like to do. I'm pretty sure I mentioned before how they tell me to hit the wrong keys, type different letters. They tried to train me with their favorite lie. "When you type bad, it's because you're a man, but look how well you type when you're a woman." It's just the same training they gave me when I was 7.
When they had a problem then, they threw a dress on me and paraded me around to get people not to believe me if I ever said anything, and now they want me to "put on the dress" myself. Not literally, they know they have to wake up some really old imprints to do that (if it's even done for real), but to assume some woman's identity psychologically. I've told them before then I'll type bad and I'd rather be a crazy man than any kind of woman.
They usually tell me to be my sister, G. She was the one they trained to call me a liar at that meeting at school in 1967 (see previous posts). So, they can associate G with "liar" and also with "suicide" because of the time when I was about 10 and she said she ate rat poison. It's pretty funny, now.
So, the past hour or so, they played connect the dots leading to suicide. Getting me in that position at the store in 1985, gun to the head, etc, has been some sort of sticking point to them, and also a gold mine of head games for me and their audience. They can't admit to freaking me out so badly that it lead to that (and who gave me the gun anyway, if there really was one), but they still wake up that imprint and then use some crappy line of, I wouldn't even call it reasoning, but their "version" that they play out and, usually after they show everyone, tell me to accept it or else. What can I do?
So, I was typing away and wondering where they were. And soon enough, XC, X's daughter, showed up and I don't know, put the thought of an old imprint in my mind that they used to keep me "asleep" for many, many years. When I was 13 or so, I got a hard on while some toddler was sitting on my lap, and I went upstairs and, uhh, took care of it (definitely not thinking of toddlers or anything like that. And I didn't have any porn back then, either). Embarassing, yes. Fatal? No. But many, many times the past 27 years, before being fully awake, I had that thought in my mind, and then they (usually my sister, J, for some reason) would scream that I should "go to sleep" or "act crazy," and I went back to sleep, and when I was fully awake (as awake as I can be, I suppose) I was already primed for a day of being at their command -- what to think about when eating, what to think about when working. Basically, being "guided" by them. Not normal and not good for me, but they do it because they need to control someone who can tell on them.
About four years ago it was the usual pattern. Before waking up having that memory in my head with someone screaming at me to go to sleep. It was sister J at that time. The thing was that my sister T was telling my neice, who had visited her, that I was a child molestor. T would call it that, she's never had anything nice to say about her relatives and their friends. So, I thought, "No. I'm not going to go back to sleep. I'm sick and tired of hearing about that, and if I ever heard her or anyone else saying that in real life, I would get a lawyer after them."
There's a dilemma for anyone. They make you think of it when you're asleep, so you have no recourse. Can't even defend yourself. If you say anything for real, they would say, "Well, you brought it up, we didn't."
This controlling tactic worked for them for a long time. They held that up as a smear campaign that I wouldn't even be aware of (I don't have the mentality of a child molestor, it went over my head). But, I wouldn't have it anymore.
So, today they woke up that memory, and I put it that way because XC showed up first and sat there, waiting for me to "go to sleep," I guess. They must have known that I was going to write this. I have been thinking about writing out that event and how they used it in 1985 (tomorrow's post) for several months now. I didn't "go to sleep" as they usually count on, and just kept at my typing. So, after about 15 minutes or so, I just thought of how dumb the whole thing is, but I came to thinking about what I should do.
Of course, X was there stirring a frenzy as much as she could, letting me run around a bit, but I felt like a little boy. Then of course, her suggestion was to "Go G." G is my sister's name, and I did "feel" like her for a few seconds, then dismissed it. The best way I can describe that is that I imitate her, and the other so-called "woman." It was "put on a dress" like they trained me when I was 7, then it was G and the suicide thing, which X could have gotten from McC and the time that she had her goblins XC and XF playing the Cobains and when I caught on, there I was with a gun to my head and XF putting the gun in my mouth.
So, now they have connected the dots from "he's a child molestor" to "you have to put on the dress" to "look, he's suicidal." And her audience believes it. I'm not a child molestor. I don't wear a dress or even want to. I'm not suicidal. But it's the same tactic of taking imprints from times decades apart and running them together to get me some place that they want me, and, of course, they are the only ones who have an explanation. The only one who hasn't had any say in the matter is me.
Then I heard someone say, "We'll stand by you," or something like that. I thought it some woman from the gay community -- from what I know of them, they would be too ready to believe that line of thought, especially since they don't really know me. The upshot (pun intended) is that X and her goblins and my relatives are still passing off their, "Look, we have the proof that he is suicidal because he wants to be a woman." And they got them suckered into believing that, and pushing that idea on me, and in effect, they became unwitting accomplices in a harassment campaign/covering other people's asses by using the same old tactic they used 44 years ago.
These dots don't connect. And of course X is stirring the pot to no end, making me feel like a little kid running around needing someone to help, and like she trained me 44 years ago, it was "put on the dress." I said, "No. I'm not." I realize what their game is, and it's only to cover X's ass. I don't expect to hear from them again, but I'm sure they have my mother waking up their training on me everyday.
Child molestation is out of the question, but they have that imprint they can wake up of associating toddlers with a hard on. That's pretty despicable, since I don't have that mentality. And if they did that, shouldn't someone ask them why they haven't done anything about it instead of using it as some carnival side show that they can turn on and off whenever they want. X would be pretty stupid since she's the real deal when it comes to raping a child (see 1969 post).
Wearing a dress is ridiculous. That's not my definition of gay. But that was always X's way of solving problems (see post about first grade).
Suicide? She has the imprint that her and her son made, and could wake that up. Then there's the imprint of suicide from the store, McC, in 1985, and she may or may not have been there. But both times it was me, with no thought of being a woman or wearing a dress, or anything remotely like that. There's no connection between dress and suicide, like there's no connection between getting off of a guilt trip about child molestation, or anything else, by wearing a dress.
When they started to talk to me while I was sleeping in 1984 or 1985, I had, I guess they would be called ideations (I don't know) of jumping out of the window or shooting myself in the forehead -- two times in a row -- don't think anyone can get off two shots. Way back, when I was about 6 or 7, I always had a dream of falling off the expressway bridge. Sometimes every night. I didn't jump, but I was already falling when the dream started and woke up before I hit the street. I actually looked forward to that dream.
Around that same time, I had thoughts that my mother was killing herself by hanging. From my perspective, I was in the basement looking up at her as she jumped off the higher steps, legs tucked in, and falling in an arc. People fall straight down, not swinging. But the image of her jumping would replay over and over, about three times. I had that thought many times in the grade school years. Ironic, since I liked, and remember more about, grade school better than the other school years. There's nowhere next to the basement stairs to tie a rope, though.
**Here come the thoughts of them discrediting what I just wrote about. Of course, they have told their story with the same incidents and of course I'm the one who is just so wrong about the details, context, or whatever, and the badgering and harassing starts, and waiting to use anything I say as "proof" that I'm just trying to cover myself up. Really? If you have read my posts from the beginning, I'm an admitted attempted murderer (regardless of the fact that it was one of their psychodramas complete with a script and plenty of starts and stops to see "how far would he go?"), a rape victim, a little boy who had dresses put on him, an embarassing erection, and suicidal (in my -- or more rightly, their-- dreams) The only thing that they can't accuse me of is whitewashing my past.**
I was scanning this post before I wrote it, and when I got to the words "child molestor" I heard a snap in my left ear and someone asked, "Who wrote this?" And I automatically shrugged my shoulders as if someone was behind me and pulled them up to make it look like I'm shrugging. As I said before, they know that I going write this and they now they have something contrived for later. "Who wrote this?" they'll ask, and I'll automatically shrug, and their audience is duped again. Why don't the witnesses to their crap say something?
10:50 pm EST
It's been about 3 hours since I put this post up, and went on Facebook to see where I could drop some links to this blog. Went and looked at the pages of some of these people mentioned. Pretty much the same, friends with each other. Not very interesting, really. The local newpaper looks like a good Facebook page to leave a few comments along with the blog address.
But, of course, they have to start their crap again. I don't know how I got there, but I'm at my aunt and uncle's house, outside, and the other ones are there. The guy who drags me around, and tries to discredit what I wrote is there, too. And my aunt says that they are my caretakers or something, and there's a cop car at the curb, or so I'm led to believe, ready to take me away as soon as they start their harassment and I tell them to f**k off, or worse.
And they're playing word games and head games and the usual "take an answer that I give to one question and apply it to something completely different. And they got plenty of witnesses around. How convenient for them (someone pointed to me and said, "For you" as in how convenient for me, not them. Nice try, but I wouldn't want to be there at all, and whoever took me there should be arrested. They're just waiting to prompt some trouble. I'm sure they want me to do something embarassing and call the cops or something and that's the only way to leave.
Like X said to me before, "You're not getting out of here until you change your mind." Meaning that I just have to be "someone else." Meaning, not leaving until she gets the "woman" she created to keep me from going into the Navy and that's the thing that they can't explain and what people are wondering about. How is it that HE has the induction paperwork, remembers what she did at her house, and then going to incuction in Cleveland, then to some crackpot psychiatrist/torturer, and then home with no exit papers?
Time to ask for a Freedom of Information Act from the Navy. They have to have some paperwork because they did contact me at home after all that. So, I'm just waiting to leave, I can hear the trigger words that they're reading to me to break my concentration later on. Almost time to go to work and get worked over by the dupes that these criminals have suckered into helping. It seems that these people have nothing better to do than wait around for a mentally ill person to start to masturbate so they can make trouble. These people should keep their asses away from me, especially the phony "lawyer" lady.
Her and the guy who took me there seem to be the ones who are most involved in making sure there are witnesses in public when they wake up their phony, contrived, and manipulated imprints. They must be paid a lot of money to take such a risk of being caught in manipulating and harassing people. They'll be their fall guys, no doubt.
Monday, November 21, 2011
SO MUCH FOR GUILT TRIPS
November 21, 2011 10:10 pm EDT
Nothing much in real life, as usual. Woke up early, though.
As I imagine (or not):
The first thing that came up was that woman, the screaming Mimi who claims she's my conscience. Like I described before, she claimed she was my conscience, and I told her that having a woman read my thoughts back to me isn't going to make me think that I'm some female, so she's not my conscience, and she's not even ON my conscience. Some time ago, she told me to think of her as, and I'll use a different name than what she said, I'll say she told me to think of her as Min.
Now, I knew what she wanted. While I was working at the store in the summer of 1985, there were some murders and attacks in the area, which included some woman named Min. I related the following event only once, to AN, the woman who died a few weeks ago, in 1985:
I was working at the store alone, so it must have been sometime in the evening after everyone else, the butcher, etc, had gone. A woman came in and stood in front of me and I looked at her. After a few seconds, she said, "You can see me?" I didn't say anything, but shrugged my shoulders as, "Well, yeah." She was wearing a dress. Then she left, and, I think, she came back in. There was some guy there, but I didn't look at him, and he picked something out of the candy rack.
He held it in front of my face, and I couldn't see it (negative hallucination), and he knew that I couldn't see it because he waved it up and down, laughing because my eyes just followed it here and there. I knew someone must have sent him in there to harass me. I just kept my eyes forward, looking at the cash register, and asked him, "What is it?" "It's gum," he said. I think he asked me something like, "Can't you see it?" and laughed. I rang it up and asked for 35 cents. I'm pretty sure it was 35 cents because I held out my hand, not looking at him, and he dropped a quater and a dime in my hand saying, "Here's a quarter," pause, "and here's a dime." I put the money in the drawer and was glad that they were leaving. I could hear the girl laughing, too, and the guy mentioned it, saying something like, "She's laughing at you," or, "She's making fun of you." This is one of the earliest "let's use somebody to provoke him in public" events.
As they left, I half turned my head toward the door, and thought, "F**k her." I didn't think much of it because it was pretty usual for those things to happen, the talk of "haunting you, spirits, ghosts, etc." After the woman named Min was found dead, around the same time (I worked there from June to the end of Aug, 1985) I wondered if that was the same one. The one who was in the store, the "You can see me?" woman. I also remembered their exit a little differently, that as they were leaving, and the guy said she was making fun of me and added, "What should I do to her?", and I thought, "F**k her . . ." (as I initially remembered) and then my head jerked forward, I looked up at something I couldn't see (the gum?) and added, ". . .up." "What should I do to her?" he said. "F**k her . . . up."
So, what really happened? Woman in dress comes in and acts surprised that I can see her, immediately leaves, comes back in with guy I don't look at, buys gum that I can't see, and leaves after he asks what to do to her and I say to "f**k her. . . up." The not seeing dresses isn't new. See post about the first grade. It may not have been the dead woman, before she got killed of course, because she was killed by someone who had just met her, but it was about 3/4 mile away from the store. But certainly, they must have been tipped off that I wouldn't see her initially and I wouldn't see the gum, which happened. As far as I knew, it was a couple of people who were just doing the usual harassment, and I thought, "f**k her." Later, and not unusual that there was something additional to the event, I remembered it was "f**k her . . . up."
Months later, the following January, they caught the guy who killed the woman. I saw him on TV, and I couldn't say that it was the guy in the store that night because I didn't even attempt to look at him, but I did notice that he blinked in the light in a peculiar way while photographers were taking his picture. I do the same thing. I still wonder who tripped his trigger.
A few months ago, I was at work when somebody came up to me and said, "I don't know if you want to respond to this text message." The first thing I thought of was that finally someone's asking me if I want to read something instead of just sticking it in my face. I shook my head no, and looked away, but it didn't do any good. I saw the text and it was "C u later." Don't know who would be seeing me later, but it didn't have anything to do with my reaction, which was my eyes rolled up like some girl I worked with years ago used to do. That girls name was Min, also, and I thought of someone saying to me, "You need a new 'Min.'" Someone was trying to change my first association with "Min."
So, recently this woman comes around and said that she was my conscience, or on it, and said that I should think of her as Min. Same name as dead woman. She was trying to put me on a guilt trip, but where is the guilt trip if she has to explain to me who she wants me to think she is? It's nonexistent. How dumb is she to try to use something like that as a tactic on me to do . . . what? If she's just reading things someone gives her to read, and she doesn't know why, she's just clueless. She also mentioned before that I had confessed to something (I had, at McC, the store) and they need me to do it again. Not going to happen. In any event, I think she serves no purpose.
Incidentally, they're still trying to get me to believe in spirits and ghosts, etc. While X, I believe it is her, is around, she trys to get me to call her AN, so she can play her usual game that I am channeling dead people, and I have to believe that . . . or else.
Nothing much in real life, as usual. Woke up early, though.
As I imagine (or not):
The first thing that came up was that woman, the screaming Mimi who claims she's my conscience. Like I described before, she claimed she was my conscience, and I told her that having a woman read my thoughts back to me isn't going to make me think that I'm some female, so she's not my conscience, and she's not even ON my conscience. Some time ago, she told me to think of her as, and I'll use a different name than what she said, I'll say she told me to think of her as Min.
Now, I knew what she wanted. While I was working at the store in the summer of 1985, there were some murders and attacks in the area, which included some woman named Min. I related the following event only once, to AN, the woman who died a few weeks ago, in 1985:
I was working at the store alone, so it must have been sometime in the evening after everyone else, the butcher, etc, had gone. A woman came in and stood in front of me and I looked at her. After a few seconds, she said, "You can see me?" I didn't say anything, but shrugged my shoulders as, "Well, yeah." She was wearing a dress. Then she left, and, I think, she came back in. There was some guy there, but I didn't look at him, and he picked something out of the candy rack.
He held it in front of my face, and I couldn't see it (negative hallucination), and he knew that I couldn't see it because he waved it up and down, laughing because my eyes just followed it here and there. I knew someone must have sent him in there to harass me. I just kept my eyes forward, looking at the cash register, and asked him, "What is it?" "It's gum," he said. I think he asked me something like, "Can't you see it?" and laughed. I rang it up and asked for 35 cents. I'm pretty sure it was 35 cents because I held out my hand, not looking at him, and he dropped a quater and a dime in my hand saying, "Here's a quarter," pause, "and here's a dime." I put the money in the drawer and was glad that they were leaving. I could hear the girl laughing, too, and the guy mentioned it, saying something like, "She's laughing at you," or, "She's making fun of you." This is one of the earliest "let's use somebody to provoke him in public" events.
As they left, I half turned my head toward the door, and thought, "F**k her." I didn't think much of it because it was pretty usual for those things to happen, the talk of "haunting you, spirits, ghosts, etc." After the woman named Min was found dead, around the same time (I worked there from June to the end of Aug, 1985) I wondered if that was the same one. The one who was in the store, the "You can see me?" woman. I also remembered their exit a little differently, that as they were leaving, and the guy said she was making fun of me and added, "What should I do to her?", and I thought, "F**k her . . ." (as I initially remembered) and then my head jerked forward, I looked up at something I couldn't see (the gum?) and added, ". . .up." "What should I do to her?" he said. "F**k her . . . up."
So, what really happened? Woman in dress comes in and acts surprised that I can see her, immediately leaves, comes back in with guy I don't look at, buys gum that I can't see, and leaves after he asks what to do to her and I say to "f**k her. . . up." The not seeing dresses isn't new. See post about the first grade. It may not have been the dead woman, before she got killed of course, because she was killed by someone who had just met her, but it was about 3/4 mile away from the store. But certainly, they must have been tipped off that I wouldn't see her initially and I wouldn't see the gum, which happened. As far as I knew, it was a couple of people who were just doing the usual harassment, and I thought, "f**k her." Later, and not unusual that there was something additional to the event, I remembered it was "f**k her . . . up."
Months later, the following January, they caught the guy who killed the woman. I saw him on TV, and I couldn't say that it was the guy in the store that night because I didn't even attempt to look at him, but I did notice that he blinked in the light in a peculiar way while photographers were taking his picture. I do the same thing. I still wonder who tripped his trigger.
A few months ago, I was at work when somebody came up to me and said, "I don't know if you want to respond to this text message." The first thing I thought of was that finally someone's asking me if I want to read something instead of just sticking it in my face. I shook my head no, and looked away, but it didn't do any good. I saw the text and it was "C u later." Don't know who would be seeing me later, but it didn't have anything to do with my reaction, which was my eyes rolled up like some girl I worked with years ago used to do. That girls name was Min, also, and I thought of someone saying to me, "You need a new 'Min.'" Someone was trying to change my first association with "Min."
So, recently this woman comes around and said that she was my conscience, or on it, and said that I should think of her as Min. Same name as dead woman. She was trying to put me on a guilt trip, but where is the guilt trip if she has to explain to me who she wants me to think she is? It's nonexistent. How dumb is she to try to use something like that as a tactic on me to do . . . what? If she's just reading things someone gives her to read, and she doesn't know why, she's just clueless. She also mentioned before that I had confessed to something (I had, at McC, the store) and they need me to do it again. Not going to happen. In any event, I think she serves no purpose.
Incidentally, they're still trying to get me to believe in spirits and ghosts, etc. While X, I believe it is her, is around, she trys to get me to call her AN, so she can play her usual game that I am channeling dead people, and I have to believe that . . . or else.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
MEETING OF THE . . . MINDS?
NOVEMBER 20, 2011 12:16 PM EDT
Nothing unusual in real life today. Went to work, store, and home.
As I'm allowed to imagine:
Seems to be some big meeting with all the fools involved today. It started off with the McC terrorizers trying to prove their point. Again. Same old routine -- I have to agree to saying that they had permission, etc, which is not true. I was already screwed up and she, F, knew it and too bad for her it just led to a freak out (see McC posts). And the other fool from McC wants me to say that I agreed to "helping" him with information about the dope dealers, which doesn't make sense because, as I keep explaining, the pot dealers knew how to read me, and they would have known if I had agreed to being a snitch or whatever, and then there wouldn't have been anything for the guy to learn from me because they wouldn't have sold anything to me. And, of course, always pushing the "join the gay community, blah, blah, blah."
Somebody dragged up KS and that big haired lady from way back, when KS was playing question/answer/torment at AN's house. And, of course, it came up that AN died and I really didn't care (haven't seen her in about 14 years). I said that I'm sure they played out some phony boo-hoo scenario by playing some imprints from wherever and whenever just to make sure that I look so upset about it the way they think I should react. The same thing when ET died, I didn't think much of it, and I thought that they, as always, will make it out to be something for me that it isn't. And they even said, "Don't worry, we got you covered." And I thought, "With what, some phony speech that's not even close to what I think?" Their response is usually a big "so what?"
Another strange thing at about this time was that the woman who was with KS, big haired lady, said something like, "We could have made you anything you wanted. Mayor, blah, blah, blah." I thought, "And then what? Spend the rest of my life kissing your fat ass?" Not my idea of a life. That's what I've been telling them lately. "There's nothing in my life that you can take from me that I would care about. You can torture anybody or kill anybody in front of me and I couldn't care less. I have nothing to lose. Execept my little dog, but if you did kill him, I'll even get over that. You have no leverage."
Then, of course it starts again with the "he wants to be a woman." Totally unacceptable. Like I say, "You just want to sweep all of the crimes that you are covering up under a f****ty rug." They always got some psychobabbly excuse, gender, sexual, some guilt trip that isn't there. Their "woman thing" is just phony training. And they call it T (my sister's name) See the McC post. I counter with, it's just training that X and her husband and my mother and sister did in 1967 to put on some "he's a little psycho, don't believe what he says, he's a liar, and wearing a dress is what he wants." They skipped the terrorizing part about how they "train their children" to shut up. "Even if he tells, they won't believe him. After all, he thinks he's a little girl," is their catch phrase. I told them, today, that they lack imagination.
Still using the same tried and true tactic that they forced on me 44 years ago. I wonder if anybody notices that there is always somebody around, like X, to explain, and has to be the one to show what she calls the "truth." It's just her dog and pony show that she played more than once before. And after two and a half decades (since 1985), she's had plenty of time along with her two goblins to do a lot of damage with their "training." She's just a rapist who has been given the opportunity by a bunch of dupes to victimize her victims for a lifetime.
So, they were all there putting on their show. They try to pass off their training about wearing dresses that it is the only way he is calm. And then manipulate me to show that the "man" is just foul mouthed and violent. And at one point, I asked, or tried to ask because I know that I'm not allowed to participate much in my own life anymore, I tried to ask, "I know it's just training. I have no thoughts of being a woman or acting like one. But why did you chose the dress thing to show that they can turn on and off a nervous breakdown, etc? Why not the pacifier? As I recall, after the dress thing ran its course when I was 10 (at the latest), and I took up the pacifier, they tried to break me from that pacifier and it was much harder to get off the pacifier than it ever was to stop wearing a dress. Hmm. Of course, the dress training still worked and it's more humiliating than a pacifier and they played the dress thing in public before, so that was their choice. I know they're just sick people trying to cover their old crimes by using the same tactic that they used on a little 7 year old decades ago. The only difference is that they harass me while I'm sleeping, but they call it a split personality problem.
It was like a bizarre reunion. There's no special occasion today. But with their talk of psychics, and spirits, and some of them using Bible versus to drop a key word on me, who knows what the special occasion is. They usually harass me separately. Only T didn't show up, unless you count the phony T that they call their phony creation, the woman that they swear up and down that I have to be. Accept it, or else! has been their motto lately. I think they did what's called "running too far to get home," in other words, overkill. Bringing up their old "keep him quiet" dress tactic and trying to turn it into a gender, or whatever, issue. They can't, or refuse to acknowledge how this dress and the "your mommy wants you to be a girl and don't you want to do what your mommy says?" thing got started. It's doesn't go too well for them when I'm awake, and just gives them an opportunity to put on their dog and pony show.
I've taken to talking out loud when I'm alone. They don't like it. I don't know what it sounds like to them, because I'm always remembering after the fact, when things are all said and done by them and I'm stuck with no say in the matter. I wonder what it sounds like when I start to talk and not following their scripts when they need an automatic nod or grunt from me. I'm not worried. Sometimes I'm talking into the recorder I carry to make sure that I don't overlook a point, but a lot of times I'll just be answering back to what I'm remembering. Who cares. I'm driving around by myself in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere deliberately talking out loud. No big deal. It's usually a big "f**k you" and someother choice words.
Otherwise, they're still on some kick about enforcing, I won't say reinforcing since it's not there anyway, that "the woman's voice that you hear is your conscience." Huh? They think that having that nasty woman (who was always calling me a child molestor) read out loud what I'm thinking is supposed to convince me that I am a woman. What rot. I just considered her to be an abnoxious trouble maker, and when she said that earlier, while I was working, that she is my conscience (she also threw in that she was my "alter ego"), I laughed and said, "No, you're not my conscience. You're not even ON my conscience." Then there was a guy who started reading, but she keeps it up, whatever that's worth.
This is sort of like when I hear some voice in my left ear, and I think it's T. I don't understand most of it, and I'm a few seconds behind when I realize what she said, but when I hear the words clearly, it's when she is inserting intrusive thoughts. I'll be thinking (responding to those other harassers) and I'll come to a word and she chimes in, or adds words to the ends of some sentences. It all comes down to her trying to change the meaning of what I want to say. It's just weird, and another tactic of making me seem like I'm saying something I don't want to.
What crackpot psychology. They go from training a 7 year old boy to wear a dress, to getting him to, I think I eventually nodded, when KS kept badgering me with her "have you ever thought about being (or wanted to be) a woman?, to making me watch drag queens to imitate when they need to make an exhibition, to having a woman reading back to me what I'm thinking (it probably takes a lot of starts and stops, or rehearsed and edited conversations) to make me believe that it's just in my best interest to start thinking of myself as a woman. They probably haven't had any real shrink advising them, but then why should they? They're criminals. (There was that one shrink during that Navy thing -- see previous post) I think they totally disregard the fact that there were witnesses to the 1967 event. Witnesses that aren't related to the people involved and don't have any reason to cover for them, one way or another.
I went on Facebook. Got zero friends. No profile or anything, and I'm using the name that's on this blog. Just a link to this blog ia the only post there, so people can come here and read it. I couldn't resist, and I surfed the Facebook membership and saw KS's page. Needless to say, I'm not friended, and I didn't request, or whatever you have to go through.
Still associating, as I described in my last post. It was the same as I described before. I had a conversation with someone in the parking lot, said bye, and then heard him say something like, "blah, blah, blah. Don't you?" Didn't catch most of the sentence. So, of course I'm wondering what the stuff was before the "don't you" part was and listened to it on my recorder. And, same as yesterday, there was nothing said by him, and I didn't bother with it anymore.
There's still the associating with words on the TV and radio. When I hear a word, I start on another train of thought, and it goes on, along with the harassers as part of the conversation, until I realize that the key word came from the radio or TV. Then, a little later, it will happen again. I wonder if the key words trigger some conversations, or bits of conversations, that I've had with those harassers earlier, at some point in the past.. That's been another one of their things from years ago and recently, too. You think you're a radio? That woman has said this more than once the past few days, weeks. No, I don't, I say. But I don't think/say that the four initials of my name sounds like radio call letters. I did Google it years ago, and sure enough, the initials are a radio station. A public school's call letters. Go figure.
EDIT 1:49 PM
I went to edit some grammar and when I saw the top of the page where it says "report abuse," I just had to laugh and I thought, "About 44 years too late for that."
Nothing unusual in real life today. Went to work, store, and home.
As I'm allowed to imagine:
Seems to be some big meeting with all the fools involved today. It started off with the McC terrorizers trying to prove their point. Again. Same old routine -- I have to agree to saying that they had permission, etc, which is not true. I was already screwed up and she, F, knew it and too bad for her it just led to a freak out (see McC posts). And the other fool from McC wants me to say that I agreed to "helping" him with information about the dope dealers, which doesn't make sense because, as I keep explaining, the pot dealers knew how to read me, and they would have known if I had agreed to being a snitch or whatever, and then there wouldn't have been anything for the guy to learn from me because they wouldn't have sold anything to me. And, of course, always pushing the "join the gay community, blah, blah, blah."
Somebody dragged up KS and that big haired lady from way back, when KS was playing question/answer/torment at AN's house. And, of course, it came up that AN died and I really didn't care (haven't seen her in about 14 years). I said that I'm sure they played out some phony boo-hoo scenario by playing some imprints from wherever and whenever just to make sure that I look so upset about it the way they think I should react. The same thing when ET died, I didn't think much of it, and I thought that they, as always, will make it out to be something for me that it isn't. And they even said, "Don't worry, we got you covered." And I thought, "With what, some phony speech that's not even close to what I think?" Their response is usually a big "so what?"
Another strange thing at about this time was that the woman who was with KS, big haired lady, said something like, "We could have made you anything you wanted. Mayor, blah, blah, blah." I thought, "And then what? Spend the rest of my life kissing your fat ass?" Not my idea of a life. That's what I've been telling them lately. "There's nothing in my life that you can take from me that I would care about. You can torture anybody or kill anybody in front of me and I couldn't care less. I have nothing to lose. Execept my little dog, but if you did kill him, I'll even get over that. You have no leverage."
Then, of course it starts again with the "he wants to be a woman." Totally unacceptable. Like I say, "You just want to sweep all of the crimes that you are covering up under a f****ty rug." They always got some psychobabbly excuse, gender, sexual, some guilt trip that isn't there. Their "woman thing" is just phony training. And they call it T (my sister's name) See the McC post. I counter with, it's just training that X and her husband and my mother and sister did in 1967 to put on some "he's a little psycho, don't believe what he says, he's a liar, and wearing a dress is what he wants." They skipped the terrorizing part about how they "train their children" to shut up. "Even if he tells, they won't believe him. After all, he thinks he's a little girl," is their catch phrase. I told them, today, that they lack imagination.
Still using the same tried and true tactic that they forced on me 44 years ago. I wonder if anybody notices that there is always somebody around, like X, to explain, and has to be the one to show what she calls the "truth." It's just her dog and pony show that she played more than once before. And after two and a half decades (since 1985), she's had plenty of time along with her two goblins to do a lot of damage with their "training." She's just a rapist who has been given the opportunity by a bunch of dupes to victimize her victims for a lifetime.
So, they were all there putting on their show. They try to pass off their training about wearing dresses that it is the only way he is calm. And then manipulate me to show that the "man" is just foul mouthed and violent. And at one point, I asked, or tried to ask because I know that I'm not allowed to participate much in my own life anymore, I tried to ask, "I know it's just training. I have no thoughts of being a woman or acting like one. But why did you chose the dress thing to show that they can turn on and off a nervous breakdown, etc? Why not the pacifier? As I recall, after the dress thing ran its course when I was 10 (at the latest), and I took up the pacifier, they tried to break me from that pacifier and it was much harder to get off the pacifier than it ever was to stop wearing a dress. Hmm. Of course, the dress training still worked and it's more humiliating than a pacifier and they played the dress thing in public before, so that was their choice. I know they're just sick people trying to cover their old crimes by using the same tactic that they used on a little 7 year old decades ago. The only difference is that they harass me while I'm sleeping, but they call it a split personality problem.
It was like a bizarre reunion. There's no special occasion today. But with their talk of psychics, and spirits, and some of them using Bible versus to drop a key word on me, who knows what the special occasion is. They usually harass me separately. Only T didn't show up, unless you count the phony T that they call their phony creation, the woman that they swear up and down that I have to be. Accept it, or else! has been their motto lately. I think they did what's called "running too far to get home," in other words, overkill. Bringing up their old "keep him quiet" dress tactic and trying to turn it into a gender, or whatever, issue. They can't, or refuse to acknowledge how this dress and the "your mommy wants you to be a girl and don't you want to do what your mommy says?" thing got started. It's doesn't go too well for them when I'm awake, and just gives them an opportunity to put on their dog and pony show.
I've taken to talking out loud when I'm alone. They don't like it. I don't know what it sounds like to them, because I'm always remembering after the fact, when things are all said and done by them and I'm stuck with no say in the matter. I wonder what it sounds like when I start to talk and not following their scripts when they need an automatic nod or grunt from me. I'm not worried. Sometimes I'm talking into the recorder I carry to make sure that I don't overlook a point, but a lot of times I'll just be answering back to what I'm remembering. Who cares. I'm driving around by myself in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere deliberately talking out loud. No big deal. It's usually a big "f**k you" and someother choice words.
Otherwise, they're still on some kick about enforcing, I won't say reinforcing since it's not there anyway, that "the woman's voice that you hear is your conscience." Huh? They think that having that nasty woman (who was always calling me a child molestor) read out loud what I'm thinking is supposed to convince me that I am a woman. What rot. I just considered her to be an abnoxious trouble maker, and when she said that earlier, while I was working, that she is my conscience (she also threw in that she was my "alter ego"), I laughed and said, "No, you're not my conscience. You're not even ON my conscience." Then there was a guy who started reading, but she keeps it up, whatever that's worth.
This is sort of like when I hear some voice in my left ear, and I think it's T. I don't understand most of it, and I'm a few seconds behind when I realize what she said, but when I hear the words clearly, it's when she is inserting intrusive thoughts. I'll be thinking (responding to those other harassers) and I'll come to a word and she chimes in, or adds words to the ends of some sentences. It all comes down to her trying to change the meaning of what I want to say. It's just weird, and another tactic of making me seem like I'm saying something I don't want to.
What crackpot psychology. They go from training a 7 year old boy to wear a dress, to getting him to, I think I eventually nodded, when KS kept badgering me with her "have you ever thought about being (or wanted to be) a woman?, to making me watch drag queens to imitate when they need to make an exhibition, to having a woman reading back to me what I'm thinking (it probably takes a lot of starts and stops, or rehearsed and edited conversations) to make me believe that it's just in my best interest to start thinking of myself as a woman. They probably haven't had any real shrink advising them, but then why should they? They're criminals. (There was that one shrink during that Navy thing -- see previous post) I think they totally disregard the fact that there were witnesses to the 1967 event. Witnesses that aren't related to the people involved and don't have any reason to cover for them, one way or another.
I went on Facebook. Got zero friends. No profile or anything, and I'm using the name that's on this blog. Just a link to this blog ia the only post there, so people can come here and read it. I couldn't resist, and I surfed the Facebook membership and saw KS's page. Needless to say, I'm not friended, and I didn't request, or whatever you have to go through.
Still associating, as I described in my last post. It was the same as I described before. I had a conversation with someone in the parking lot, said bye, and then heard him say something like, "blah, blah, blah. Don't you?" Didn't catch most of the sentence. So, of course I'm wondering what the stuff was before the "don't you" part was and listened to it on my recorder. And, same as yesterday, there was nothing said by him, and I didn't bother with it anymore.
There's still the associating with words on the TV and radio. When I hear a word, I start on another train of thought, and it goes on, along with the harassers as part of the conversation, until I realize that the key word came from the radio or TV. Then, a little later, it will happen again. I wonder if the key words trigger some conversations, or bits of conversations, that I've had with those harassers earlier, at some point in the past.. That's been another one of their things from years ago and recently, too. You think you're a radio? That woman has said this more than once the past few days, weeks. No, I don't, I say. But I don't think/say that the four initials of my name sounds like radio call letters. I did Google it years ago, and sure enough, the initials are a radio station. A public school's call letters. Go figure.
EDIT 1:49 PM
I went to edit some grammar and when I saw the top of the page where it says "report abuse," I just had to laugh and I thought, "About 44 years too late for that."
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
FIGURED SOMETHING OUT
November 16, 2011 9:42 am EDT
Not much happening in real life yesterday. Got up for work really late this morning, at about 4:00 am. They didn't make a big deal about it at the warehouse, had my stuff ready to go and I did finish on time.
The past few days have been interesting. I keep thinking about putting this blog somewhere where local people can find it. I really hear a lot of threats and BS about it. They're really afraid that someone local might ask or leave a comment.
Two days ago, I was talking to someone in the parking lot at work. We talked a bit, and when it was time to go, she left first. I turned the key on my car to put the power window up. Now, just after the woman I was talking to left, and as I got into my car to put the window up, I imagined her saying to me, "You always wanted to be a teacher, right." I leave off the question mark in that quote because it sounded like a command.
The first thing I thought of was that it was another one of that guy's dumb interfering with people at work, like they always have been doing. And with the tone of voice, I took it to be them using somebody to create some answer to those words that they'll use later, like they always have been doing. Anyone who can read my mind knows that teaching would be the last thing in the world I would've want to be. Never was career minded. Decades ago, when people asked me what I wanted to be, I would say, "Older." Or, "Somebody else."
So, I went into the warehouse and got my stuff. I almost asked that woman with whom I was talking to outside if she had asked that question about being a teacher. I didn't since I had doubt that she did.
I listen to one of the overnight talk shows while I'm driving around doing my work. On the radio program for those few seconds, a man was talking about some camp (for kids?) and, "blah blah blah . . . teach . . . blah blah blah." Hmm. The only thing I can figure is that when I heard the word "teach" on the radio, I associated (psychobabbly term. Ha.) with the word and the imaging that she asked, more like told me that I wanted to be a teacher, came out.
Now, this kind of stuff has happened a lot the last 26 years, especially at stores. I go into the store, get waited on, and before I get outside, I "hear" the cashiers saying, I've never seen one look at me directly and say (or just mouth any words for me to lip read) "remember ______," or I've been trained by these so-called guides (criminal harassers, really) that the last word they say to me will trigger some imaging about what "really" went on in the store, or it's some "clue" that's supposed to remind me of something.
A long time ago, decades, I remember walking around and I imagined some people saying, "See that guy over there? He's the CIA and he's after you. It was an old man who passed by me several times. I imagined them telling me to burn with a cigarette. I didn't. Didn't believe he was in the CIA, it just sounded too preposterous.
They just want me to go off on some real person in public to get me in trouble. And I did in 1986. I was in a store and there was a woman working there that I have worked with before. I can't even remember what triggered something but I accused her of being somewhere, or did something somewhere, and she denied it. I started yelling at her that she was a liar. She said that she knew what she was talking about, and added, "What? Are you trying to make me doubt myself?"
I pointed to her and said, "Aha! That's what you are trying to do to me." And I kept yelling at her. Then, I saw a big light everywhere. It was like a camera flash bulb but everywhere around me. Then, it was like seeing myself standing there in that store, crying and literally looking like a one year old boy.
So, when that happened I thought (made associations) of the lights with the police. She wouldn't have had enough time to call the police, though. Who else would the cashier call? And as for a one year old, I thought of my nephew. Is that what happens to me in the light? I turn into that? Or, did someone take a picture of me and show it to me, like KS did at AN's house, and ask the ever popular question, "Who is this?" Or, "Who are you when you do this?" Making me associate with a picture has been done before (see the posts about McC, the store), and, also at McC, I associated (by accident) the light they shined on me with my sister, T.
There was another time when I saw myself in a big light. It was in 1999 shortly after I started at the job I still have. I was ready to leave, and looked over at a woman who was working there. I don't know if she called my name, or what, but I did look over that way. That time, the light lasted longer, it was more than a flash. It lasted long enough for me to take a few steps, and I realized I was acting like some girl I knew in grade school and had a cigarette. That girl started smoking right before I did and I thought I'd take up smoking, too. I did take up smoking. Now, that girl had relatives working there at the time, and outside the building, I heard someone say, "There's another thing you screwed up, _____." ( the blank is that girl's last name.)
Well, there's a few examples of how they try to make me go off at people in public. Or, just to make me look like a fool. These kinds of things, hopefully, shouldn't happen anymore. Ignoring those kinds of things as soon as they happen is the best thing to do. Even if they asked me something and I ignore them, they can always ask again. Most of the stuff people as me is pretty inane stuff. And if they're being "taught" to ask questions of some phony "alter personality" those harassers have created and trained/rehearsed/scheduled/timed, the answers are bound to be something really far fetched and I wouldn't recognize the answer as being my own. I don't even hear the questions or answers.
Not much happening in real life yesterday. Got up for work really late this morning, at about 4:00 am. They didn't make a big deal about it at the warehouse, had my stuff ready to go and I did finish on time.
The past few days have been interesting. I keep thinking about putting this blog somewhere where local people can find it. I really hear a lot of threats and BS about it. They're really afraid that someone local might ask or leave a comment.
Two days ago, I was talking to someone in the parking lot at work. We talked a bit, and when it was time to go, she left first. I turned the key on my car to put the power window up. Now, just after the woman I was talking to left, and as I got into my car to put the window up, I imagined her saying to me, "You always wanted to be a teacher, right." I leave off the question mark in that quote because it sounded like a command.
The first thing I thought of was that it was another one of that guy's dumb interfering with people at work, like they always have been doing. And with the tone of voice, I took it to be them using somebody to create some answer to those words that they'll use later, like they always have been doing. Anyone who can read my mind knows that teaching would be the last thing in the world I would've want to be. Never was career minded. Decades ago, when people asked me what I wanted to be, I would say, "Older." Or, "Somebody else."
So, I went into the warehouse and got my stuff. I almost asked that woman with whom I was talking to outside if she had asked that question about being a teacher. I didn't since I had doubt that she did.
I listen to one of the overnight talk shows while I'm driving around doing my work. On the radio program for those few seconds, a man was talking about some camp (for kids?) and, "blah blah blah . . . teach . . . blah blah blah." Hmm. The only thing I can figure is that when I heard the word "teach" on the radio, I associated (psychobabbly term. Ha.) with the word and the imaging that she asked, more like told me that I wanted to be a teacher, came out.
Now, this kind of stuff has happened a lot the last 26 years, especially at stores. I go into the store, get waited on, and before I get outside, I "hear" the cashiers saying, I've never seen one look at me directly and say (or just mouth any words for me to lip read) "remember ______," or I've been trained by these so-called guides (criminal harassers, really) that the last word they say to me will trigger some imaging about what "really" went on in the store, or it's some "clue" that's supposed to remind me of something.
A long time ago, decades, I remember walking around and I imagined some people saying, "See that guy over there? He's the CIA and he's after you. It was an old man who passed by me several times. I imagined them telling me to burn with a cigarette. I didn't. Didn't believe he was in the CIA, it just sounded too preposterous.
They just want me to go off on some real person in public to get me in trouble. And I did in 1986. I was in a store and there was a woman working there that I have worked with before. I can't even remember what triggered something but I accused her of being somewhere, or did something somewhere, and she denied it. I started yelling at her that she was a liar. She said that she knew what she was talking about, and added, "What? Are you trying to make me doubt myself?"
I pointed to her and said, "Aha! That's what you are trying to do to me." And I kept yelling at her. Then, I saw a big light everywhere. It was like a camera flash bulb but everywhere around me. Then, it was like seeing myself standing there in that store, crying and literally looking like a one year old boy.
So, when that happened I thought (made associations) of the lights with the police. She wouldn't have had enough time to call the police, though. Who else would the cashier call? And as for a one year old, I thought of my nephew. Is that what happens to me in the light? I turn into that? Or, did someone take a picture of me and show it to me, like KS did at AN's house, and ask the ever popular question, "Who is this?" Or, "Who are you when you do this?" Making me associate with a picture has been done before (see the posts about McC, the store), and, also at McC, I associated (by accident) the light they shined on me with my sister, T.
There was another time when I saw myself in a big light. It was in 1999 shortly after I started at the job I still have. I was ready to leave, and looked over at a woman who was working there. I don't know if she called my name, or what, but I did look over that way. That time, the light lasted longer, it was more than a flash. It lasted long enough for me to take a few steps, and I realized I was acting like some girl I knew in grade school and had a cigarette. That girl started smoking right before I did and I thought I'd take up smoking, too. I did take up smoking. Now, that girl had relatives working there at the time, and outside the building, I heard someone say, "There's another thing you screwed up, _____." ( the blank is that girl's last name.)
Well, there's a few examples of how they try to make me go off at people in public. Or, just to make me look like a fool. These kinds of things, hopefully, shouldn't happen anymore. Ignoring those kinds of things as soon as they happen is the best thing to do. Even if they asked me something and I ignore them, they can always ask again. Most of the stuff people as me is pretty inane stuff. And if they're being "taught" to ask questions of some phony "alter personality" those harassers have created and trained/rehearsed/scheduled/timed, the answers are bound to be something really far fetched and I wouldn't recognize the answer as being my own. I don't even hear the questions or answers.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
SPRING, 1994
November 6, 2011 12:17 pm EST
Nothing exceptional happening in real life. Just the usual go to work, go to the store, and go home. My sisters who live in this city have been coming over to clean out the house of a lot of old stuff. AN died November 2 at the age of 56. Don't know how. I hadn't seen or spoken to her since about 1996. Didn't feel much about it in any respect. One of her friends she had known since grade school died earlier this year. Weird.
X contrived some BS about it. They tried to concoct some big drama, trying to blame "my problems" on her death, but there's nothing in me that's upset about it. As usual, X can put some old imprint of mine and try to make it suit her purpose. X has no shame. They did try some of their "spirits and ghosts are talking to you. Let them tell you the truth." For her, dead people are so useful.
So, as I "imagine"
It's just X and her two kids still making phony conversations between us, and replay (play out) these phony conversations for their audience of dupes. It's the same old stuff. Make stupid associations, put in intrusive thoughts to change the meaning of what I want to say, and just plain falsehoods.
When they play these phony conversations, they make sure I look like a fool so that they can say things like, "Isn't he drinking while he's saying that to you?" I don't drink, but they always suggest it, or suggest that I smoke pot (which I haven't since about 2000). And the ever popular, "He has to beat off, then you can find out what he's thinking." They are all liars.
I remember when I was in college in 1994 and the band Nirvana was playing at the sports arena at the college. I live about two blocks away, and I thought about going, but I didn't. I did read something in the college paper about Kurt Cobain. A letter to the editor was kind of cruel and said that he should just get it over with and kill himself.
Well, of course X jumped all over this and started playing psychodrama with me and using her kids, FF and CC. It lasted for several weeks, at least. According to their set up, I was supposed to imagine them to be Kurt and Courtney Cobain, and they were just soooo friendly and it was such an honor for me, etc. Bull crap.
It got to the point where Kurt was going to show me what his "real" problem was. I saw this guy open a door and some old lady was sitting there. And that was supposed to be his problem, that he was ashamed of his foreign grandmother who is kind of senile.
Something was up. That old woman looked an awful lot like FF's grandmother (X's mother), and I realized that it was just this crappy psychodrama played out by those harrassers. The next thing I remember was standing somewhere. It was a large room with a couple of steps leading up to a bar (?). Anyway, it looked like a basement rec room. Of course, I was holding a gun to my head ( I don't own one, and it isn't far fetched to think that FF gave it to me) and then FF came up to me and shook his head, took my hand (the one with the gun in it), and put it in my mouth then backed off smiling and nodding his head.
Then X shouted his name because she knew that he just created an imprint, but I was laughing because he actually thought that he was helping. Idiots. Then I remember being at home. It might have been the same time that the phony Kurt and Courtney came to visit me at my home! and what phony honor! etc, etc, etc. So, there I was at home and walking into the living room. Some guy was kneeling in front of my mother's usual chair. The guy was wearing camo, or some green Army uniform. I figured it was some guy who was put up to the "get his mother to commit him" charade (she never falls for it, but X and her family have been pulling this one a lot lately).
So the camo guy spoke to me, or however they get away with telling me stuff and, of course, have complete deniability (that they were never there, etc) and said, "Look at you." I looked at who was sitting in the chair (they could have also just shown me a photo or something). It was FF, the phony Kurt Cobain, with a guitar. For some reason I felt hysterical. The exact same feeling as the episode at McC's ( the store I worked at in 1985, see previous posts).
So, after seeing the guy in the Army uniform, my first thought was, "It's the government!" When I first came home from the so-called Navy stint (1986), my older sister was sitting in the living room, and when I walked in she looked at me (this was after X and her husband 'woke me up,' or as they put it, "We really smoked the B___ out.") and said, "It looks like a government job to me." In other words, she tried to put the idea into my head to blame the government instead of X and her relatives. I'm afraid that many people make that error.
So there I was. Walked into the living room, camo guy says, "Look at you." I saw that FF sitting in my mother's chair, and I'm hysterical, knowing that for some reason, they 'woke me up' again. And I say/think, "It's the government." And added, "Is that what the government did to me? Made me Kurt Cobain?" And i meant literally. I immediately thought about how stupid that was, and shook my head, turned around (had a weird feeling that I was imitating (the best word that fits nowadays) some girl I knew from grade school on (she has a name very similar, one changed letter, as CC--did someone call out CC's name but I wasn't making the connection that they wanted me to?).
So, I turned and thought, "I don't have time for this (their) crap. I got to study for exams." It was graduation year, too by the way, and after Cobain's death.
*X just made me forget something and wants one thousand dollars to make me remember. It was something about FF, her son. She can go to hell.*
Anyway, the next thing I remembered was X shouting, "It's right here," and poking me in the armpit. This might have been the same time that she jabbed me in the left shoulderblade several times (at least three, maybe five times) and said, "There he is," i.e that's how to wake up the "me" she created. I only remember her in the living room once, so that and the, "It's right here," comment could have been the same day.
Jabbing in the armpit. What does that mean? Pit-high school courtyard students were allowed to smoke in-cigarettes- then what? At McC's, some lady asked me, "How do you remember?" I said, "I don't know, smoke (light?) a cigarette." Those harrassers always have a trigger to start the remembering bull.
FF has lately been saying, "He thinks he's Kurt Cobain." Then when I freely admit to it, and ask him to tell them the rest of the story, he doesn't know what to say. He and his sister bring up college a lot lately. "Oh, how hard you worked on your degree," etc. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal, but they seem to think, or make me want to feel, that it was such a waste of time, and how sad it is. They're pretty stupid and they really don't know me. They always just root around for something to make me crash, as they put it, or get me frustrated, etc.
FF recently, about a month or so ago, after one of these "too bad you spent time at college" things, said that his mother X said that it wouldn't look good for them if I graduated college. At the time, it felt like I was mainly left alone while going to college, or they just didn't put me through some sort of "debriefing/remembering" time about what they pulled on me at an earlier time. But they really did screw me with their Cobain crap.
I met, for real, some of X's friends at college. My parents knew the same people, for the most part, and from what they saw of me at the university, it sure doesn't match what they would expect from listening to X, who changes her opinions as much as the wind blows. For example, when I visited her for real, by myself, she mentioned my oldest sister, and how T made a good life for herself despite being maimed by a stroke. I thought to myself, "You wouldn't say that if you knew that T claims all the males in your family raped her." Of course X must have heard (I must have been talking out loud) because she immediately added, "But I think she's braing damaged because of her stroke," or something to that effect. So, the roadways are littered with the bodies of people whom X has thrown under her bus.
I heard the same type of talk at the warehouse I work at. I was helping some woman's daughter with math homework, and wrote out some things out for her to give to her daughter. She said, "Oh, he's crazy but he can write this out off the top of his head?" I heard the same kind of thing in 1988. After three months of working at a drug store, a coworker came up to me and asked me if I was related to my sister, J. I said yeah. Turns out, the coworker went to school with J since grade school, and started quizzing me about, "You're mother's crazy, isn't she? Did she (J) have that Arab guys baby?" After a few minutes she stopped, looked at me, and said, "You're not at all like J described you." Biggest compliment I've gotten to date.
So, I think that I'm Kurt Cobain? Leading people by the nose while they're sleeping, induce trauma (physical and mental) playing on fears, threatening (when you get home, your parents will be dead and they'll blame you. We're going to hang you and say you killed yourself. Etc, etc, etc.), and I couldn't care less of what I thought/said.
X had to show herself. Actually, I didn't see her, but I know it was her. She thought she had a knock out blow (pun intended), and nothing I will ever say after that should not be believed. Ever. Don't care much if people believe me or not. Some of them are forced to fight her battles. They don't want to end up like me, i.e. having to have her speak for me, and only she has the answers, etc. She's duping them. She's a criminal and so are her kids.
FF showed himself to be the harrasser and dupe that he is. X uses him to no end for harrassment, makes sure to direct his hatred toward me, and never even explains to him why. He got caught teaching someone how to kill themself. Not in the temple, but up the mouth. OK, how would he know? He's probably thought of it doing it himself.
And they do have a good imprint (from their point of view), but how many times can they play imprints over and over until the public and their dupes get tired of it? I'm so used to being harrassed by them for the last 27 years (44 years, if you count the first grade incident--see previous posts) that even I hate myself. Ha ha. I think/said that to them a while ago. "You're smear campaign against me and my family worked really well. Even I hate myself."
That's the way that went. He thinks he's Kurt Cobain, and I'm sure X had her phony shock/gasp/suprised/never would have known attitude all played out.
*CC is now reading words from some textbook. "You won't remember potential. You won't remember . . ." this and that. Her and her brother FF did that before. Standing next to me, CC in some 1890's get up to remind me of Mae West, and FF in some stupid cowboy outfit, which I don't get any connection at all, and while I was figuring some math problems they were saying, "You don't know your numbers. That's wrong. Do that problem over. Write a 4." And their commands work. Like the guy at work mentioned, it's the sight of some people (the ones that X chooses--at work, at the store, etc.) that induce some sort of episode that X wants played out. But in the end, telling me things like I don't know my numbers, etc, won't last very long. They can interfere, but they can't make things go away.*
Nothing exceptional happening in real life. Just the usual go to work, go to the store, and go home. My sisters who live in this city have been coming over to clean out the house of a lot of old stuff. AN died November 2 at the age of 56. Don't know how. I hadn't seen or spoken to her since about 1996. Didn't feel much about it in any respect. One of her friends she had known since grade school died earlier this year. Weird.
X contrived some BS about it. They tried to concoct some big drama, trying to blame "my problems" on her death, but there's nothing in me that's upset about it. As usual, X can put some old imprint of mine and try to make it suit her purpose. X has no shame. They did try some of their "spirits and ghosts are talking to you. Let them tell you the truth." For her, dead people are so useful.
So, as I "imagine"
It's just X and her two kids still making phony conversations between us, and replay (play out) these phony conversations for their audience of dupes. It's the same old stuff. Make stupid associations, put in intrusive thoughts to change the meaning of what I want to say, and just plain falsehoods.
When they play these phony conversations, they make sure I look like a fool so that they can say things like, "Isn't he drinking while he's saying that to you?" I don't drink, but they always suggest it, or suggest that I smoke pot (which I haven't since about 2000). And the ever popular, "He has to beat off, then you can find out what he's thinking." They are all liars.
I remember when I was in college in 1994 and the band Nirvana was playing at the sports arena at the college. I live about two blocks away, and I thought about going, but I didn't. I did read something in the college paper about Kurt Cobain. A letter to the editor was kind of cruel and said that he should just get it over with and kill himself.
Well, of course X jumped all over this and started playing psychodrama with me and using her kids, FF and CC. It lasted for several weeks, at least. According to their set up, I was supposed to imagine them to be Kurt and Courtney Cobain, and they were just soooo friendly and it was such an honor for me, etc. Bull crap.
It got to the point where Kurt was going to show me what his "real" problem was. I saw this guy open a door and some old lady was sitting there. And that was supposed to be his problem, that he was ashamed of his foreign grandmother who is kind of senile.
Something was up. That old woman looked an awful lot like FF's grandmother (X's mother), and I realized that it was just this crappy psychodrama played out by those harrassers. The next thing I remember was standing somewhere. It was a large room with a couple of steps leading up to a bar (?). Anyway, it looked like a basement rec room. Of course, I was holding a gun to my head ( I don't own one, and it isn't far fetched to think that FF gave it to me) and then FF came up to me and shook his head, took my hand (the one with the gun in it), and put it in my mouth then backed off smiling and nodding his head.
Then X shouted his name because she knew that he just created an imprint, but I was laughing because he actually thought that he was helping. Idiots. Then I remember being at home. It might have been the same time that the phony Kurt and Courtney came to visit me at my home! and what phony honor! etc, etc, etc. So, there I was at home and walking into the living room. Some guy was kneeling in front of my mother's usual chair. The guy was wearing camo, or some green Army uniform. I figured it was some guy who was put up to the "get his mother to commit him" charade (she never falls for it, but X and her family have been pulling this one a lot lately).
So the camo guy spoke to me, or however they get away with telling me stuff and, of course, have complete deniability (that they were never there, etc) and said, "Look at you." I looked at who was sitting in the chair (they could have also just shown me a photo or something). It was FF, the phony Kurt Cobain, with a guitar. For some reason I felt hysterical. The exact same feeling as the episode at McC's ( the store I worked at in 1985, see previous posts).
So, after seeing the guy in the Army uniform, my first thought was, "It's the government!" When I first came home from the so-called Navy stint (1986), my older sister was sitting in the living room, and when I walked in she looked at me (this was after X and her husband 'woke me up,' or as they put it, "We really smoked the B___ out.") and said, "It looks like a government job to me." In other words, she tried to put the idea into my head to blame the government instead of X and her relatives. I'm afraid that many people make that error.
So there I was. Walked into the living room, camo guy says, "Look at you." I saw that FF sitting in my mother's chair, and I'm hysterical, knowing that for some reason, they 'woke me up' again. And I say/think, "It's the government." And added, "Is that what the government did to me? Made me Kurt Cobain?" And i meant literally. I immediately thought about how stupid that was, and shook my head, turned around (had a weird feeling that I was imitating (the best word that fits nowadays) some girl I knew from grade school on (she has a name very similar, one changed letter, as CC--did someone call out CC's name but I wasn't making the connection that they wanted me to?).
So, I turned and thought, "I don't have time for this (their) crap. I got to study for exams." It was graduation year, too by the way, and after Cobain's death.
*X just made me forget something and wants one thousand dollars to make me remember. It was something about FF, her son. She can go to hell.*
Anyway, the next thing I remembered was X shouting, "It's right here," and poking me in the armpit. This might have been the same time that she jabbed me in the left shoulderblade several times (at least three, maybe five times) and said, "There he is," i.e that's how to wake up the "me" she created. I only remember her in the living room once, so that and the, "It's right here," comment could have been the same day.
Jabbing in the armpit. What does that mean? Pit-high school courtyard students were allowed to smoke in-cigarettes- then what? At McC's, some lady asked me, "How do you remember?" I said, "I don't know, smoke (light?) a cigarette." Those harrassers always have a trigger to start the remembering bull.
FF has lately been saying, "He thinks he's Kurt Cobain." Then when I freely admit to it, and ask him to tell them the rest of the story, he doesn't know what to say. He and his sister bring up college a lot lately. "Oh, how hard you worked on your degree," etc. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal, but they seem to think, or make me want to feel, that it was such a waste of time, and how sad it is. They're pretty stupid and they really don't know me. They always just root around for something to make me crash, as they put it, or get me frustrated, etc.
FF recently, about a month or so ago, after one of these "too bad you spent time at college" things, said that his mother X said that it wouldn't look good for them if I graduated college. At the time, it felt like I was mainly left alone while going to college, or they just didn't put me through some sort of "debriefing/remembering" time about what they pulled on me at an earlier time. But they really did screw me with their Cobain crap.
I met, for real, some of X's friends at college. My parents knew the same people, for the most part, and from what they saw of me at the university, it sure doesn't match what they would expect from listening to X, who changes her opinions as much as the wind blows. For example, when I visited her for real, by myself, she mentioned my oldest sister, and how T made a good life for herself despite being maimed by a stroke. I thought to myself, "You wouldn't say that if you knew that T claims all the males in your family raped her." Of course X must have heard (I must have been talking out loud) because she immediately added, "But I think she's braing damaged because of her stroke," or something to that effect. So, the roadways are littered with the bodies of people whom X has thrown under her bus.
I heard the same type of talk at the warehouse I work at. I was helping some woman's daughter with math homework, and wrote out some things out for her to give to her daughter. She said, "Oh, he's crazy but he can write this out off the top of his head?" I heard the same kind of thing in 1988. After three months of working at a drug store, a coworker came up to me and asked me if I was related to my sister, J. I said yeah. Turns out, the coworker went to school with J since grade school, and started quizzing me about, "You're mother's crazy, isn't she? Did she (J) have that Arab guys baby?" After a few minutes she stopped, looked at me, and said, "You're not at all like J described you." Biggest compliment I've gotten to date.
So, I think that I'm Kurt Cobain? Leading people by the nose while they're sleeping, induce trauma (physical and mental) playing on fears, threatening (when you get home, your parents will be dead and they'll blame you. We're going to hang you and say you killed yourself. Etc, etc, etc.), and I couldn't care less of what I thought/said.
X had to show herself. Actually, I didn't see her, but I know it was her. She thought she had a knock out blow (pun intended), and nothing I will ever say after that should not be believed. Ever. Don't care much if people believe me or not. Some of them are forced to fight her battles. They don't want to end up like me, i.e. having to have her speak for me, and only she has the answers, etc. She's duping them. She's a criminal and so are her kids.
FF showed himself to be the harrasser and dupe that he is. X uses him to no end for harrassment, makes sure to direct his hatred toward me, and never even explains to him why. He got caught teaching someone how to kill themself. Not in the temple, but up the mouth. OK, how would he know? He's probably thought of it doing it himself.
And they do have a good imprint (from their point of view), but how many times can they play imprints over and over until the public and their dupes get tired of it? I'm so used to being harrassed by them for the last 27 years (44 years, if you count the first grade incident--see previous posts) that even I hate myself. Ha ha. I think/said that to them a while ago. "You're smear campaign against me and my family worked really well. Even I hate myself."
That's the way that went. He thinks he's Kurt Cobain, and I'm sure X had her phony shock/gasp/suprised/never would have known attitude all played out.
*CC is now reading words from some textbook. "You won't remember potential. You won't remember . . ." this and that. Her and her brother FF did that before. Standing next to me, CC in some 1890's get up to remind me of Mae West, and FF in some stupid cowboy outfit, which I don't get any connection at all, and while I was figuring some math problems they were saying, "You don't know your numbers. That's wrong. Do that problem over. Write a 4." And their commands work. Like the guy at work mentioned, it's the sight of some people (the ones that X chooses--at work, at the store, etc.) that induce some sort of episode that X wants played out. But in the end, telling me things like I don't know my numbers, etc, won't last very long. They can interfere, but they can't make things go away.*
Monday, October 31, 2011
TODAY'S LINEUP
Nothing much interesting in real life lately. My mom fell out of her chair and broke her pelvis the first week of the month and was in the hospital for about a week then moved into a rehab center for old people for three more weeks. She's getting around pretty good for an 83 year old.
While my mom was in the rehab center, I found out that the rapist woman from 1969, X, visited her. I didn't call her and tell her what happened, and I told my sisters that she should stay away. They were surprised to hear that I can't stand her. What's more, some caretaker came in to give my mother a shot and she mentioned that she also knew X but hadn't seen her in years. I guess that woman's lucky streak ended.
Not much problems at work. I carry my recorder when I'm there and in stores, etc, just in case those harrassers come along.
I visited my mom twice at the rehab center, even though I know that someone will wake me up to try some psychobabble psychodrama in public. Sure enough, as I was leaving the second time, I looked over and some people were holding a toddler up, and I looked. I turned around to leave and some woman said, "We're helping you." What crap. It's that X and her criminal accomplices harrassing me again.
Lately, I've been "imagining" that woman, X; her son, FF; her daughter, CC: the fat guy from McC, the store, Fatso; my uncle from J&H.
It's always the same with them now. Nothing but threats directed at me about covering up for X and not to let her son know what she is. He knows it already, but probably doesn't remember. He was sitting on the stairs back then in 1969 watching his mother rape me orally. I remember he giggled.
Really, the only people who have been harrassing me are X and her relatives. Some sister of hers, OH, is really pretty bad. She tries to browbeat me all the time. She's involved because I did the nasty with her son when I was ten and she caught us. She called her sister, X, and of course X and her husband did the usual cover up, which means drive the kids nuts. X came over carrying a grocery bag, put me under with some drug or liqour, and started to lie.
I remember that her husband, the guy who beat his daughter, CC, in front of me because she wouldn't shut up in 1969, said to OH and her husband that my neighbor, a female, was the one who taught me that. Ironically, the females who lived next door at the time was F, the woman at the store terror in 1985, and her mother. I wonder if F even knows that they slandered her way back then.
I think OH is really just doing X's dirty work. I know that they haven't spoken to each other for a long while. But OH is really nasty. At the time, I remember some women, probably X's sisters, tried some stupid psychobabble and I remember them telling me to go over to my mother but I wouldn't. I guess OH has joined the crowd of 'let's just call him crazy psycho and if he even thinks about it, let's just wake up some imprints in public.' As if it really covers their asses.
The people involved in harrassing me are:
X -- the rapist and physical abuser from 1969.
FF -- her son. Threatens to kill me. He probably doesn't remember 1969, he was about three or four, but having a clump of hair pulled out of his skull by his father is something hard to forget at any age.
OH -- X's sister. I remember last year, on the first day of school, she showed up while I was in the kitchen and kept jumping around in front of me, taunting, "How do you like it?" over and over. I finally got pissed enough to throw a punch her way, knowing that it was just a set up to piss me off and get an imprint. Then she just did a little victory dance and was so proud of herself that she can now say, "He's so violent." Unfortunately, my mother said a while ago that my sister runs into this piece of work at the grocery store every once in a while. I don't know if my sister knows what secret she's keeping.
Uncle JHN -- Drags me around against my will, interferes on X's behalf and generally has not enough guts to say "No" to X. He has enabled a lot of her harrassment towards me by physically put me with her and looks the other way. I wonder what she has on him.
CC -- X's daughter. She seems to be in charge of a lot of brainwashing and I assume she'll be their fall guy when things won't go their way. She was always screeching that I and all of my family are nothing but child molesters. She's also repsonsible for creating so-called new imprints for certain words and phrases. When I saw her last September, she threatened me, of course, but I just laughed at her. I wondered who pointed me out to her (she didn't see me until someone did point me out to her ), and I assumed that it was either my sister J or KS.
Every once in a while, they'll say that I broke my promise to them. What promise? I never did promise anything to them. They're criminals who are running and ruining my life because I won't cooperate with them and whitewash their asses. I don't have to negotiate, compromise, or promise anything to them. They took my freedom to say what I want away from me with their harrassment.
"Never give in. Never give in. Never. Ever. Ever."
Here's an interesting episode from 1986. I was working at a fast food place. I worked there before and after my short lived stint in the Navy. I think this happened before I left for induction. I was in my bedroom when I heard three taps on the window of the door at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the first floor. I didn't know where I was taken at the time, but I was getting my eyes pressed in by some fat guy who kept demanding that I sign something. I refused and he kept it up.
I was thinking at the time that it was some promissary note, like one that KS showed me at AN's house the year before. After a long time, some big girl came in a told her dad to stop. At the time I thought it was KS and her father, but now I do believe it was X's husband and her daughter, CC. What I was supposed to sign wasn't a promise of money, but a suicide note. X has pulled that recently and I mentioned it in a previous post. That was X's husband's favorite phrase. "You know what you have to do." When he said that, I used to think, "Yeah. Kill myself." He sure reinforced his crap anyt time he could.
I had to go to work the next day andwhen I walked in, the manager said, really amazed and shaking her head, "W!" Somebody told her not to say anymore. I knew I looked like hell, but if I tried to explain what happened, they wouldn't believer me anyway. Knowing who was involved with that, they probably just tried to pass it off as a suicide attempt. Always one of their lies that keeps the general public quiet, but confused. They always had a habit of telling people, "Shh. He doesn't know." What assholes.
Anyway, X's husband is dead and his family keeps trying to push a lot of his crap onto my father, who is also dead. They try to tell people that it was my father who beat CC, and the ever popular "his father had a lot of porn. Kiddie porn, no less." Total lies, and the mutual friends that my parents and X and her husband had probably wouldn't say anything either way. I don't doubt that X has pulled her crap on a lot on people and those people are too afraid to even disagree with the old bag.
That's basically the dummies I have to deal with lately. They're still trying to push their gay agenda onto me, and since they suckered that woman on my route, my night job, and she started her stuff with asking (or even telling me outright with a finger pointing at me) if I were gay, I took a new tack and said outright, "No." That seemed to piss off these harrassers. They whined that I was not following their "program." They laid all their eggs in that queer basket and don't know what to do when their scripts aren't followed. Some of them even have the limited brain power to think that 'accepting their program' and 'following their guidence' will make everything so much better for me. They're pushing the wrong buttons and trying to put all of my 'problems' under the 'he's a queer' file, and of course, every one of them is sooo innocent. X and her minions are taking this imprint and another imprint and another imprint and cutting and pasting together a totally false timeline that they play out for their dupes.
While my mom was in the rehab center, I found out that the rapist woman from 1969, X, visited her. I didn't call her and tell her what happened, and I told my sisters that she should stay away. They were surprised to hear that I can't stand her. What's more, some caretaker came in to give my mother a shot and she mentioned that she also knew X but hadn't seen her in years. I guess that woman's lucky streak ended.
Not much problems at work. I carry my recorder when I'm there and in stores, etc, just in case those harrassers come along.
I visited my mom twice at the rehab center, even though I know that someone will wake me up to try some psychobabble psychodrama in public. Sure enough, as I was leaving the second time, I looked over and some people were holding a toddler up, and I looked. I turned around to leave and some woman said, "We're helping you." What crap. It's that X and her criminal accomplices harrassing me again.
Lately, I've been "imagining" that woman, X; her son, FF; her daughter, CC: the fat guy from McC, the store, Fatso; my uncle from J&H.
It's always the same with them now. Nothing but threats directed at me about covering up for X and not to let her son know what she is. He knows it already, but probably doesn't remember. He was sitting on the stairs back then in 1969 watching his mother rape me orally. I remember he giggled.
Really, the only people who have been harrassing me are X and her relatives. Some sister of hers, OH, is really pretty bad. She tries to browbeat me all the time. She's involved because I did the nasty with her son when I was ten and she caught us. She called her sister, X, and of course X and her husband did the usual cover up, which means drive the kids nuts. X came over carrying a grocery bag, put me under with some drug or liqour, and started to lie.
I remember that her husband, the guy who beat his daughter, CC, in front of me because she wouldn't shut up in 1969, said to OH and her husband that my neighbor, a female, was the one who taught me that. Ironically, the females who lived next door at the time was F, the woman at the store terror in 1985, and her mother. I wonder if F even knows that they slandered her way back then.
I think OH is really just doing X's dirty work. I know that they haven't spoken to each other for a long while. But OH is really nasty. At the time, I remember some women, probably X's sisters, tried some stupid psychobabble and I remember them telling me to go over to my mother but I wouldn't. I guess OH has joined the crowd of 'let's just call him crazy psycho and if he even thinks about it, let's just wake up some imprints in public.' As if it really covers their asses.
The people involved in harrassing me are:
X -- the rapist and physical abuser from 1969.
FF -- her son. Threatens to kill me. He probably doesn't remember 1969, he was about three or four, but having a clump of hair pulled out of his skull by his father is something hard to forget at any age.
OH -- X's sister. I remember last year, on the first day of school, she showed up while I was in the kitchen and kept jumping around in front of me, taunting, "How do you like it?" over and over. I finally got pissed enough to throw a punch her way, knowing that it was just a set up to piss me off and get an imprint. Then she just did a little victory dance and was so proud of herself that she can now say, "He's so violent." Unfortunately, my mother said a while ago that my sister runs into this piece of work at the grocery store every once in a while. I don't know if my sister knows what secret she's keeping.
Uncle JHN -- Drags me around against my will, interferes on X's behalf and generally has not enough guts to say "No" to X. He has enabled a lot of her harrassment towards me by physically put me with her and looks the other way. I wonder what she has on him.
CC -- X's daughter. She seems to be in charge of a lot of brainwashing and I assume she'll be their fall guy when things won't go their way. She was always screeching that I and all of my family are nothing but child molesters. She's also repsonsible for creating so-called new imprints for certain words and phrases. When I saw her last September, she threatened me, of course, but I just laughed at her. I wondered who pointed me out to her (she didn't see me until someone did point me out to her ), and I assumed that it was either my sister J or KS.
Every once in a while, they'll say that I broke my promise to them. What promise? I never did promise anything to them. They're criminals who are running and ruining my life because I won't cooperate with them and whitewash their asses. I don't have to negotiate, compromise, or promise anything to them. They took my freedom to say what I want away from me with their harrassment.
"Never give in. Never give in. Never. Ever. Ever."
Here's an interesting episode from 1986. I was working at a fast food place. I worked there before and after my short lived stint in the Navy. I think this happened before I left for induction. I was in my bedroom when I heard three taps on the window of the door at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the first floor. I didn't know where I was taken at the time, but I was getting my eyes pressed in by some fat guy who kept demanding that I sign something. I refused and he kept it up.
I was thinking at the time that it was some promissary note, like one that KS showed me at AN's house the year before. After a long time, some big girl came in a told her dad to stop. At the time I thought it was KS and her father, but now I do believe it was X's husband and her daughter, CC. What I was supposed to sign wasn't a promise of money, but a suicide note. X has pulled that recently and I mentioned it in a previous post. That was X's husband's favorite phrase. "You know what you have to do." When he said that, I used to think, "Yeah. Kill myself." He sure reinforced his crap anyt time he could.
I had to go to work the next day andwhen I walked in, the manager said, really amazed and shaking her head, "W!" Somebody told her not to say anymore. I knew I looked like hell, but if I tried to explain what happened, they wouldn't believer me anyway. Knowing who was involved with that, they probably just tried to pass it off as a suicide attempt. Always one of their lies that keeps the general public quiet, but confused. They always had a habit of telling people, "Shh. He doesn't know." What assholes.
Anyway, X's husband is dead and his family keeps trying to push a lot of his crap onto my father, who is also dead. They try to tell people that it was my father who beat CC, and the ever popular "his father had a lot of porn. Kiddie porn, no less." Total lies, and the mutual friends that my parents and X and her husband had probably wouldn't say anything either way. I don't doubt that X has pulled her crap on a lot on people and those people are too afraid to even disagree with the old bag.
That's basically the dummies I have to deal with lately. They're still trying to push their gay agenda onto me, and since they suckered that woman on my route, my night job, and she started her stuff with asking (or even telling me outright with a finger pointing at me) if I were gay, I took a new tack and said outright, "No." That seemed to piss off these harrassers. They whined that I was not following their "program." They laid all their eggs in that queer basket and don't know what to do when their scripts aren't followed. Some of them even have the limited brain power to think that 'accepting their program' and 'following their guidence' will make everything so much better for me. They're pushing the wrong buttons and trying to put all of my 'problems' under the 'he's a queer' file, and of course, every one of them is sooo innocent. X and her minions are taking this imprint and another imprint and another imprint and cutting and pasting together a totally false timeline that they play out for their dupes.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
SAME OLD STUFF
SEPTEMBER 15, 2011 12:21 PM EDT
Nothing unusual at work or at home today. I started going into the warehouse without my glasses on. I can barely see a thing without them, but since the people there are showing me messages (photos and text) on their phones, I figure if I can't see what they're supposed to be showing me, then whatever imprint someone wants to "wake up" won't happen. They only have about a few seconds to show me these things, and their messages will just not get through. If they start talking to me, I can catch it on the recorder I always got running in my pocket.
Without glasses, I can't recognize anyone beyond about 8 feet. The one manager said hello to me and I glanced up and he was holding up his hand, not like a wave hello, but maybe I was supposed to do something depending on the number of fingers he held up, but I couldn't see well enough to know how many. There was always something about flashing me five fingers. Don't know why.
A while ago, I mentioned that they had asked me what's the worst thing that could happen and I said it would be if they dragged any customer on my delivery job into their "helping" bull crap. Then, of course, they did. So, last night I was imagining being over at X's house, along with her goblins and that guy who plays psychobabble. X's daughter asked if I wanted to make a phone call. I thought, No, because it's just a prank call where I end up yelling at people and they have some great proof of 'he's crazy and now will you help us put him away" baloney.
So, X's daughter decides to call the customer on my route. Then, I'm not sure of what I said, even if I said anything, but I heard X on the phone to the woman saying things like "he's not right in the head, etc." And the lady said she knew who she was talking to, that X was the rapist and actually used her name. X freaked out and screamed "F**k her up! F**k her up!" referring to the customer.
Strange, but I have heard X say that before. When at work and she started provoking so called harassing phone calls towards her from me. And she would say the usual "not right in the head. f****try, dead babies" or whatever.
After that phone call to the customer incident, I was hearing the usual claptrap about being forced to lie for X, and the big push of 'say you're gay' when something entirely new came to me. I always laughed at how they just took it for granted that I would always end up a nervous breakdown (they can provoke one anyway), and was thinking how useless their waste of time about the same subjects over and over is.
Anyway, I'm doing my transcribing work on the net now, and, of course, some incident is running through my head at the same time. Over at X's house again. Her and her goblins are there along with the psychobabble guy. And X's daughter is doing the usual interrogation thing. Like, "The first question is blahblahblah. And you're answer is dadadadada." Just some programming for later when they claim that I want to say this or that.
So, it came to the 'let's talk about homo stuff.' I finally had it. I told X should start talking about being a drunk for once. She didn't like it. Well, too bad. I demand that she does. As they say to me, no answer is not a good answer. You must answer, and even the slightest hint will be our evidence, our proof, that they have to report back to whothehellknows.
X is blubbering. Well, I said, she should just say she doesn't want to talk about it and that's the end of that. I asked FF if he still beats his wife. What? Any answer is an admission? That's what they pull on me. But of course, the 'No comment" or "None of your business" answer only applies to them.
I did what I should have done a long time ago. I picked up a table, lamp or something and hit the lieing bastard in the head. Gave them something to parade about in public, but so what. What if he had died? I said, "Well, I was never here." That was their popular song and dance when I think about McC's.
It's about time they stopped with their interrogation/harassment/brainwashing/scheduling for later and all their other asinine tricks and shove them. It really has been nothing but a stalemate. Same talking points and ridiculous topics over and over. I'm not going to lie for her and I'm not accepting their "new me" they got ready to go with their questions being answered by their words that come out of my mouth.
Yesterday, while delivering, I was forced to hear the same junk they try to get me to comment on, and if I don't, of course, they'll have someone speak for me and all I have to do is just nod my head in agreement. So, I laughed and thought, "You never could stop anything from happening." All of their harassment, lies, brainwashing, fake psychobabble about "all his problems are from guilt trips. He's just so sorry about how he treated so and so, that is why he thinks that he's them, and all the problems will miraculously disappear when he admits to those things" or it's the ever popular "all his problems are because he's a queer and all the problems will miraculously disappear when we force him to say it."
So, I was thinking that despite all of their harassment, they couldn't really stop anything from happening. If i wanted to go out and beat somebody up, run somebody over, rob a bank, or whatever, it would happen. And the real kicker is that they gave me a built in defense whether they realized it or not. All of their 'he's a different personality when we do this, or he's a different personality when we say this, is a perfect 'It wasn't me, it was somebody else" excuse.
Then, I started to pretend to talk to a little T. Yep. The ever popular sisterT. I remember when I saw that guy who plays the psychobabble card with the "he hated his sister so much, half of him became her" and I had to listen to that, but couldn't argue back. So, if they want a sisterT, I'll give them a sisterT.
Never know when she'll wake up. And after all, they know about her, don't they? (I taunt them) They are the ones who, probably, 'woke her up' when they had an audience, aren't they? So, if littleT goes off someday, they are really accomplices. And all those people they've used over the past 27 years have seen them play that 'different personality' card.
I just say, "LittleT and I will discuss it and get back to you." Heh heh heh. They say that I've finally cracked when I say/think like that, but they're just irked that they don't have control over that. Because, really, with all of their scheduling, timing, and the dupes they got to 'read me' (for lack of a better phrase), they can't stop anything from happening. Of course, they'll know about it, no getting away with anything, but people will wonder, "How did they let that happen?" Like when I walked around with a bleeding ulcer for six weeks. "You were supposed to be watching him," somebody said. If they say that they aren't supposed to interfere, they lie. They're all about interference when they claim that they have to script everything, and most of it is their lies.
If they want to play 'he wants to be a transtesticle,' I just gave them one that they better worry about. Too bad they can't psychobabble that one.
Nothing unusual at work or at home today. I started going into the warehouse without my glasses on. I can barely see a thing without them, but since the people there are showing me messages (photos and text) on their phones, I figure if I can't see what they're supposed to be showing me, then whatever imprint someone wants to "wake up" won't happen. They only have about a few seconds to show me these things, and their messages will just not get through. If they start talking to me, I can catch it on the recorder I always got running in my pocket.
Without glasses, I can't recognize anyone beyond about 8 feet. The one manager said hello to me and I glanced up and he was holding up his hand, not like a wave hello, but maybe I was supposed to do something depending on the number of fingers he held up, but I couldn't see well enough to know how many. There was always something about flashing me five fingers. Don't know why.
A while ago, I mentioned that they had asked me what's the worst thing that could happen and I said it would be if they dragged any customer on my delivery job into their "helping" bull crap. Then, of course, they did. So, last night I was imagining being over at X's house, along with her goblins and that guy who plays psychobabble. X's daughter asked if I wanted to make a phone call. I thought, No, because it's just a prank call where I end up yelling at people and they have some great proof of 'he's crazy and now will you help us put him away" baloney.
So, X's daughter decides to call the customer on my route. Then, I'm not sure of what I said, even if I said anything, but I heard X on the phone to the woman saying things like "he's not right in the head, etc." And the lady said she knew who she was talking to, that X was the rapist and actually used her name. X freaked out and screamed "F**k her up! F**k her up!" referring to the customer.
Strange, but I have heard X say that before. When at work and she started provoking so called harassing phone calls towards her from me. And she would say the usual "not right in the head. f****try, dead babies" or whatever.
After that phone call to the customer incident, I was hearing the usual claptrap about being forced to lie for X, and the big push of 'say you're gay' when something entirely new came to me. I always laughed at how they just took it for granted that I would always end up a nervous breakdown (they can provoke one anyway), and was thinking how useless their waste of time about the same subjects over and over is.
Anyway, I'm doing my transcribing work on the net now, and, of course, some incident is running through my head at the same time. Over at X's house again. Her and her goblins are there along with the psychobabble guy. And X's daughter is doing the usual interrogation thing. Like, "The first question is blahblahblah. And you're answer is dadadadada." Just some programming for later when they claim that I want to say this or that.
So, it came to the 'let's talk about homo stuff.' I finally had it. I told X should start talking about being a drunk for once. She didn't like it. Well, too bad. I demand that she does. As they say to me, no answer is not a good answer. You must answer, and even the slightest hint will be our evidence, our proof, that they have to report back to whothehellknows.
X is blubbering. Well, I said, she should just say she doesn't want to talk about it and that's the end of that. I asked FF if he still beats his wife. What? Any answer is an admission? That's what they pull on me. But of course, the 'No comment" or "None of your business" answer only applies to them.
I did what I should have done a long time ago. I picked up a table, lamp or something and hit the lieing bastard in the head. Gave them something to parade about in public, but so what. What if he had died? I said, "Well, I was never here." That was their popular song and dance when I think about McC's.
It's about time they stopped with their interrogation/harassment/brainwashing/scheduling for later and all their other asinine tricks and shove them. It really has been nothing but a stalemate. Same talking points and ridiculous topics over and over. I'm not going to lie for her and I'm not accepting their "new me" they got ready to go with their questions being answered by their words that come out of my mouth.
Yesterday, while delivering, I was forced to hear the same junk they try to get me to comment on, and if I don't, of course, they'll have someone speak for me and all I have to do is just nod my head in agreement. So, I laughed and thought, "You never could stop anything from happening." All of their harassment, lies, brainwashing, fake psychobabble about "all his problems are from guilt trips. He's just so sorry about how he treated so and so, that is why he thinks that he's them, and all the problems will miraculously disappear when he admits to those things" or it's the ever popular "all his problems are because he's a queer and all the problems will miraculously disappear when we force him to say it."
So, I was thinking that despite all of their harassment, they couldn't really stop anything from happening. If i wanted to go out and beat somebody up, run somebody over, rob a bank, or whatever, it would happen. And the real kicker is that they gave me a built in defense whether they realized it or not. All of their 'he's a different personality when we do this, or he's a different personality when we say this, is a perfect 'It wasn't me, it was somebody else" excuse.
Then, I started to pretend to talk to a little T. Yep. The ever popular sisterT. I remember when I saw that guy who plays the psychobabble card with the "he hated his sister so much, half of him became her" and I had to listen to that, but couldn't argue back. So, if they want a sisterT, I'll give them a sisterT.
Never know when she'll wake up. And after all, they know about her, don't they? (I taunt them) They are the ones who, probably, 'woke her up' when they had an audience, aren't they? So, if littleT goes off someday, they are really accomplices. And all those people they've used over the past 27 years have seen them play that 'different personality' card.
I just say, "LittleT and I will discuss it and get back to you." Heh heh heh. They say that I've finally cracked when I say/think like that, but they're just irked that they don't have control over that. Because, really, with all of their scheduling, timing, and the dupes they got to 'read me' (for lack of a better phrase), they can't stop anything from happening. Of course, they'll know about it, no getting away with anything, but people will wonder, "How did they let that happen?" Like when I walked around with a bleeding ulcer for six weeks. "You were supposed to be watching him," somebody said. If they say that they aren't supposed to interfere, they lie. They're all about interference when they claim that they have to script everything, and most of it is their lies.
If they want to play 'he wants to be a transtesticle,' I just gave them one that they better worry about. Too bad they can't psychobabble that one.
Friday, September 2, 2011
CLOWNS TO THE LEFT, JOKERS TO THE RIGHT, AND I'M STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH MYSELF
SEPTEMBER 2, 2011 7:44 PM
Filed a request under the Freedom of Information Act for my file from the FBI. I must have one because I was interviewed by some lady. During induction to the Navy, they sent me into some room and some lady seemed like she held up photo or letter or some document. She asked me, "Do you see this?" I said, "No." And then thought,*And you know I don't see it.* She read some stuff, can't recall what, then I signed something and that was it.
So, the harassers already know it, and started covering their asses with their favorite things. X with say this and that and you wanted it, etc. The cop who always insists that I agree that I let him use me back in 1985. And sistersT&J with their brain washing about how I have to live like a girl and accept it. And sisterT's husband chimes in with "sisterT is your role model." What a piece of garbage. I'm glad to be away from her and she should stay away from me.
I woke up at about 5:30 pm and just waited for the same old crap to start. And I just know what's coming. Thought of sisterJ and, of course, she starts up the word association rewrites and the question/answer (their questions and their answers--I hear clicks and see lights. I'm assuming that's when they've got me programmed to respond later, somewhere else in front of ... who knows?) And then, sisterJ says it's time to call so and so. She just instigates head trouble for me and fright for the public when the 'later you... do this or say that' imprints wake up in front of people.
The first thing she started was "Get up as ...." (meaning get out of bed) And she waits and I just said nothing, thinking that it's the stupidest thing to even ask that question. So, I thought of people getting up, how they move, etc. Actually I settled on, or she stopped when she got some answer she chose) some cartoon character, since they have to have an answer-- they don't settle until they do. They, sisterJ and sisterT, have been saying that I'm going to get fired from the delivery job. They have been screwing with the people at work by waking up their programming at work. Getting people to ask me a question, I see a light and spout out their answers. They are probably embarrassing things, but most of them go over my head.
So, I wake up and sisterT and sisterJ start up their 'thing' about making associations that I never would, and they're all about being a woman. The cop jumped in and said, "Bell(e)." More about this later. And I told them to knock it off. Then they try to prove that's what I want. I keep telling them no. And she recites something from who knows how long ago. But I don't hear most of what she's saying and she knows it.So, she thinks that she has some right to do this to me. Then she tells (commands) me to be "Fl**," X's daughter's nickname.
It really is just about covering her ass and sisterJ's ass. They're trying to play some "his problems comes from guilt. He just treated his sisters so terribly and he can't get over it." The new religion of psychobabble, which has turned int the sham practice of brainwashing and restyling and reprogramming. What they are trying to do is force me to make the connections they choose, which are all girl things that sisterT has pushed on me since I was eight years old (she was about 18) and she'd paint my nails and send me outside and just couldn't understand why she got yelled at for it. So, they keep me this way, some phony split personality, to cover their asses about what sisterJ and others were involved with, namely, how they started the "let's talk to him while he's sleeping and find out this and that" and lead to bigger things later.
So, there I am. In a room with just a bed, as far as I could tell, and they start that crap and tell me that I'm not getting out of there unless I accept sisterT's version of the thing they created, this 'person' that they pass me off as. I keep telling them no, and then they just keep harassing me.
This is like when I joined the Navy. Eventually got to some room just like the one that I've been waking up in lately. Back in 1986, I was locked in there, and they 'woke me up.' They couldn't communicate with me and some lady said to call my sisterT. Of course, she started screaming that she couldn't help me now, blah, blah, blah. They called her, not me. After that, they told me to put on a dress. I didn't know how. And they asked questions. Some guy called me KR (my middle name) told me to stay in that room.
And the cop and his wife say they want the same thing, some psychobabble excuse that covers their asses, because they can't be caught being involved with what sisterJ and sisterT did and are doing now. And they play the same game of 'civilizing the beast.' Good luck with that. I screw up the situations they contrive deliberately. And the 'say you're gay' campaign/harassment. And they all love to scream child molester at me, another one of sisterT's favorite subjects for the past 40+ years.
Generally, it's been the same things over and over with them since 1984, especially when I came back from the failed military thing. In those first few days, and up to recently, sisterJ kept yelling for me to 'act crazy, go to sleep.' That's when they screw me up and try to cover their asses, but other people know what a sham they're playing and some of them try to 'help.' She probably wakes up the imprint of when I b****ed her out when she had a baby and I'm sure that gets her dupes all worked up. They're primed to do her dirty work. She has more to hide than anybody.
So, basically, it's accept their rewritten personality or else. Confess to being the worst thing that ever happened to my sisters and sccept their 'guilt trip' psychobabble write up. That is strange because I hardly seen any of them in almost thirty years. Hardly seen sisterT since she moved out of state about 1977 [?]. I run into sisterG about once every two or three years since 1980. I've hardly seen sisterJ since she was about nine or ten years old. I run into her about once every six years or so. If I'm still their worst nightmare, and they're already nearing middle age, then they haven't been looking at themselves at all. What about their other influences? Especially sisterJ, since she spent most of her time away from the house with people who were twice her age.
What's with the kissing sounds? I hear them, but I'm not sure what they mean. I'm guessing that it's supposed to make me lose my train of thought, or get me irritated, or change 'personalities.' I'm guessing that it goes back to just after sisterJ dead baby's funeral. SisterT kissed me and pointed at me. I think she said something. Don't know what. SisterJ was there at the time.
Filed a request under the Freedom of Information Act for my file from the FBI. I must have one because I was interviewed by some lady. During induction to the Navy, they sent me into some room and some lady seemed like she held up photo or letter or some document. She asked me, "Do you see this?" I said, "No." And then thought,*And you know I don't see it.* She read some stuff, can't recall what, then I signed something and that was it.
So, the harassers already know it, and started covering their asses with their favorite things. X with say this and that and you wanted it, etc. The cop who always insists that I agree that I let him use me back in 1985. And sistersT&J with their brain washing about how I have to live like a girl and accept it. And sisterT's husband chimes in with "sisterT is your role model." What a piece of garbage. I'm glad to be away from her and she should stay away from me.
I woke up at about 5:30 pm and just waited for the same old crap to start. And I just know what's coming. Thought of sisterJ and, of course, she starts up the word association rewrites and the question/answer (their questions and their answers--I hear clicks and see lights. I'm assuming that's when they've got me programmed to respond later, somewhere else in front of ... who knows?) And then, sisterJ says it's time to call so and so. She just instigates head trouble for me and fright for the public when the 'later you... do this or say that' imprints wake up in front of people.
The first thing she started was "Get up as ...." (meaning get out of bed) And she waits and I just said nothing, thinking that it's the stupidest thing to even ask that question. So, I thought of people getting up, how they move, etc. Actually I settled on, or she stopped when she got some answer she chose) some cartoon character, since they have to have an answer-- they don't settle until they do. They, sisterJ and sisterT, have been saying that I'm going to get fired from the delivery job. They have been screwing with the people at work by waking up their programming at work. Getting people to ask me a question, I see a light and spout out their answers. They are probably embarrassing things, but most of them go over my head.
So, I wake up and sisterT and sisterJ start up their 'thing' about making associations that I never would, and they're all about being a woman. The cop jumped in and said, "Bell(e)." More about this later. And I told them to knock it off. Then they try to prove that's what I want. I keep telling them no. And she recites something from who knows how long ago. But I don't hear most of what she's saying and she knows it.So, she thinks that she has some right to do this to me. Then she tells (commands) me to be "Fl**," X's daughter's nickname.
It really is just about covering her ass and sisterJ's ass. They're trying to play some "his problems comes from guilt. He just treated his sisters so terribly and he can't get over it." The new religion of psychobabble, which has turned int the sham practice of brainwashing and restyling and reprogramming. What they are trying to do is force me to make the connections they choose, which are all girl things that sisterT has pushed on me since I was eight years old (she was about 18) and she'd paint my nails and send me outside and just couldn't understand why she got yelled at for it. So, they keep me this way, some phony split personality, to cover their asses about what sisterJ and others were involved with, namely, how they started the "let's talk to him while he's sleeping and find out this and that" and lead to bigger things later.
So, there I am. In a room with just a bed, as far as I could tell, and they start that crap and tell me that I'm not getting out of there unless I accept sisterT's version of the thing they created, this 'person' that they pass me off as. I keep telling them no, and then they just keep harassing me.
This is like when I joined the Navy. Eventually got to some room just like the one that I've been waking up in lately. Back in 1986, I was locked in there, and they 'woke me up.' They couldn't communicate with me and some lady said to call my sisterT. Of course, she started screaming that she couldn't help me now, blah, blah, blah. They called her, not me. After that, they told me to put on a dress. I didn't know how. And they asked questions. Some guy called me KR (my middle name) told me to stay in that room.
And the cop and his wife say they want the same thing, some psychobabble excuse that covers their asses, because they can't be caught being involved with what sisterJ and sisterT did and are doing now. And they play the same game of 'civilizing the beast.' Good luck with that. I screw up the situations they contrive deliberately. And the 'say you're gay' campaign/harassment. And they all love to scream child molester at me, another one of sisterT's favorite subjects for the past 40+ years.
Generally, it's been the same things over and over with them since 1984, especially when I came back from the failed military thing. In those first few days, and up to recently, sisterJ kept yelling for me to 'act crazy, go to sleep.' That's when they screw me up and try to cover their asses, but other people know what a sham they're playing and some of them try to 'help.' She probably wakes up the imprint of when I b****ed her out when she had a baby and I'm sure that gets her dupes all worked up. They're primed to do her dirty work. She has more to hide than anybody.
So, basically, it's accept their rewritten personality or else. Confess to being the worst thing that ever happened to my sisters and sccept their 'guilt trip' psychobabble write up. That is strange because I hardly seen any of them in almost thirty years. Hardly seen sisterT since she moved out of state about 1977 [?]. I run into sisterG about once every two or three years since 1980. I've hardly seen sisterJ since she was about nine or ten years old. I run into her about once every six years or so. If I'm still their worst nightmare, and they're already nearing middle age, then they haven't been looking at themselves at all. What about their other influences? Especially sisterJ, since she spent most of her time away from the house with people who were twice her age.
What's with the kissing sounds? I hear them, but I'm not sure what they mean. I'm guessing that it's supposed to make me lose my train of thought, or get me irritated, or change 'personalities.' I'm guessing that it goes back to just after sisterJ dead baby's funeral. SisterT kissed me and pointed at me. I think she said something. Don't know what. SisterJ was there at the time.
Monday, August 29, 2011
EDIT AND REPEAT
MONDAY AUGUST 29, 2011 11:44 AM EDT
It seems like I've been going over to X's house at various times in the past, probably dragged over there by my uncle. He's probably so far in the bag for her that he can't get out. He could be the one who starts up these memories of their harrassment. I don't think X is dumb enough to do a lot of the harrassment herself, she just uses fronts to do her dirty work.
So, I'm probably over there getting harrassed -- told who to copy, imitate, watch, make calls and yell at people, prompted for things that 'wake up' at work -- and these things come out while I'm at work or at the store.
They practice things like going to the store. When I got to the store once, I saw a box of crackers or some kind of snack food, and I thought, "Oh, they got these here." Then I imagined somebody, probably FF, say, "Act happy." I almost laughed out loud. Act happy because they got these snacks? Never felt like being happy about that. But, I did imagine jumping up and down like a child would.
She still loves trying to pass off FF as someone to count on, someone to ask for help if they make me forget something. Simple things like going to another web page. X will say or make some remark to forget it. And then her son has to act like he knows that I forgot and waits for me to ask for help, but I don't. I'd rather not, and those things aren't so important and I'll most likely remember on my own anyway when browsing the web.
She did say once, lately, "Thanks for watching her FF." I know what she means. She means we most likely spent time with me watching him act like an idiot and then copy it later when they just have to flash me (take pictures of me) at work so their crap gets out as they want it to (their version) or so her son can play psychic and say what we rehearsed at their house. Complete with their inserts and making me repeat after them.
I told a story to the cashier at the convenience store the other night. Years ago, I walked into that store and asked the guy working there, "How'd your day go?' The guy said, "What? Did you call me a dago?" No, I didn't. After I told her that, while walking out, it ran through my mind that FF said, "Oh. That's a good one. That's mine." Then he started to repeat it, but didn't get it right. They've done that before. Tell us the funniest this or that, then they tell me to forget it. They just have to try to make FF so smart and helpful and funny. He's not.
I don't think they have much more to do, really. Someone flashed me at work, like they were told to do so -- probably by getting a text or phone call. Then I say something or do something that's supposed to let them at work know ......... whatever. The other day, I saw the tail end of the light and felt myself acting like my sister G, saying something, but it was a young version of her, almost pre teen. And I heard someone say, "Oh my god." or, "You got to be kidding." I have no idea what I said "as G" or if I was muted or not.
And when I went to the store about two days ago. I walked in, and there were a few other customers in there. It ran through my mind that X's daughter said,"Look at the next guy (or whoever) in the face." I wasn't looking anyone in the face. "Look at him, he has a message for you." No, I thought, if I look at his face, I'll probably say something or make a face or something. Those outsiders don't know of any messages (unless they are their dupes who are there to cause trouble). That was just some guy in a store.
Like the time I went to the department store after work. While in the car going there, in my mind it was KS, saying how they fixed me, I was back to normal, and I said, well, even my splits are splitting, personalities copying themselves over and over. So, when I got to the store, I just walked down the aisle and I blew a kiss to some guy who worked there. Automatically and had no thought to do so.
There's no point in anyone at work 'waking up' whatever the idiocy of the day is. They put me through things like contrived conversations or psychodramas at their house or over the phone while I'm out, and it starts up while I'm at work. The conversations run through my mind as if they are there at the warehouse, they're not there, but I'm supposed to 'feel' that they are. I'm supposed to 'react' to them as if they were. They probably hope that I talk to them as I did at their rehearsals at home or where ever they do it originally.
But, I still carry my recorder and listen to it, and I haven't heard myself talking or anything. But the prompt they give me to start is usually one that makes it begin when I cross the threshhold into the warehouse. I imagine hearing someone say my nickname as soon as I get through the door. And there's no "important information" I'm supposed to understand. There never was, it's just humiliating things from my past that get repeated or just some embarrassing thing I'll say or do at a certain point that they triggered beforehand.
Things change, though, between the time of the original conversations with them and the replay that goes on later. The sentences are the same, but sometimes the speakers are different. That's their reason for doing it. For example, the most popular thing is to make my dad as being the one who beat CC in her bed in 1969.
She'll say it was my dad. But during the replay, it comes out as my line, because there are prompts like "be CC then" (then meaning later on during the replay) or, copying FF's line or something. Or adding on or cutting off something I thought of in the original conversation. Like saying, "I did not." They cut me off and it comes out as "I did."
Basically, they know what they want me to say. They start a conversation or train of thought. As they go along, they figure out how to get me to say those words, no matter who they are directed at. They edit, put this line into someone else's mouth, cut out certain words, stick some question in fromt of something I said so it sounds like I'm answering, but it's something that I hadn't heard and wasn't in the original conversation.
They are cut and paste scripts. Easy to do. Time consuming most likely, but considering what those people are, to them it's worth the trouble. But, after 27 years, the fact that they still have to do it means that they still think that they have to play to some audience to try to reinforce their point and use me as some contrived evidence for their stories. And making me look like a loon and a criminal just for fun.
What would a shrink think of all these phony personalities? I don't hear them, but when they ask me a question and I answer, the thought (not the thoughts of, but the idea of, i.e. their personality or attitude) of different people. Any one from people I've known, relatives, actors/actresses, cartoon characters. They'll ask me a question, and I'll answer, usually a short answer, and after a few words, I'll realize that I'm copying the attitude or personality of so-and-so, and I realize that they stuck some name that I didn't hear(or some hand sign, I don't know) at the end of their question. It's my answer, but they point and say, "See, now he thinks he's so-and-so." No, I don't. And I'm getting into the habit of answering and ending with, "And I'm not so-and-so, either." Sometimes, I'll keep talking (or thinking, or what ever the way to put it) and soon, after I realize "who" I'm supposed to be for them, that attitude fades, and it's just me. When I tell them to f**k off, they know that's me. I wonder if they are trying to pass it off as 'some other personality took over. Someone should ask them, "Why would another personality take over?"
There is one thing that sort of explains one of those personality things. I remember being at some phony shrink's once in April 1986. Don't know how I got there. I remember it as a sequence of events. One of them was when I was sitting in front of this man. Tall, thin dark hair, thinning I think. This was after the "read sentences and fill in the blanks" exercise. The last sentence was said to me by some woman sitting in front of me. She said, "And only you (pointing at me) can ..." Then I looked to my right automatically and said, or thought, "Fill in the blanks." I immediately felt like sisterG. It was weird.
So next, I'm sitting in front of that guy. He says, "I'm going to try this one more time." He pointed to my left, I looked, and saw a broad in gaudy make up and dangling earrings who was blowing me an exaggerated kiss. I thought it was my sisterT mocking me. Then I looked to my right. I looked forward and some skinny lady in dark clothes was walking by and clapped something closed, like a wallet, shook her head and said, "He'll never get it."
Last year, when that phony lady playing lawyer came around, the one who said when someone first introduced her to me (she needed some girl to point me out to her)," When we f**k people up, they stay f**ked up." She got to be boring with her claptrap and I said that I wanted to go. Of course, I wasn't allowed. So, I said I'll just regress myself and figure out things myself. She said that I couldn't, or it won't work. I thougth, I know where to get information better than she would. So, I went back to that phony psychiatrist or whoever, and pick up just after the "Fill in the blanks" thing, just to see if I missed something while thinking about it since 1985.
So, there it was again, sitting there, "try it one more time. Straight ahead is now. Over there (my left) is the past. There (my right) is the future." I got the straight ahead now part before. This time, I looked to my left three times, not only once that I always did before, and saw the clownlike broad blowing me a kiss. Turned to right, it was actually not much of a feeling, but if I had to choose, I'd say it was sisterG (maybe because it was just after the "Fill in the blanks." *sisterG*. Then I looked forward and that was all. No skinny girl in dark clothes walking by. The guy pointed to my right and left simultaneously and said, "See, they're the same thing." ( or, they're both the same).
But something must have happened because looking to the right was three times, not once. One other time, years ago, I was laying on my back somewhere, just rolling my head from side to side, and I could see my face. Looked crazy confused. It seemed like everytime I moved my head from side to side, I would lose my train of thought. Had no thoughts really, just looking at myself while I rolled by head back and forth. Someone said,"See, that's how "you" wake up." I thought, there's just no point in waking up, then."
I was thinking about what will happen when these people start to die off. They're pretty old, and X's goblins are pushing 50. Does she expect them to carry this crap on? Do they want to spend the rest of their lives making sure I look screwed up? If they didn't rehearse so much stuff, everything from going to the store, taking a bath, getting a hair cut, eating, farting, whatever (they always have some dumb conversation attached to it), none of those those conversations and planned 'triggers for later' would come up.
So, I was thinking about that, and X jumps in with, "I'll make sure that you go first." Makes sense, she always says that I should just accept her brainwashing that she thinks can keep me from saying anything to her son about her. Promise, promise, promise. But in her world, the most inane saying can turn into a literal nightmare. I refuse to bargain, and how can something I've known all my life just disappear because she says so? It may sound like "somebody else is talking, so it's not him and not to be believed." But that doesn't change anything that happened.
It seems like I've been going over to X's house at various times in the past, probably dragged over there by my uncle. He's probably so far in the bag for her that he can't get out. He could be the one who starts up these memories of their harrassment. I don't think X is dumb enough to do a lot of the harrassment herself, she just uses fronts to do her dirty work.
So, I'm probably over there getting harrassed -- told who to copy, imitate, watch, make calls and yell at people, prompted for things that 'wake up' at work -- and these things come out while I'm at work or at the store.
They practice things like going to the store. When I got to the store once, I saw a box of crackers or some kind of snack food, and I thought, "Oh, they got these here." Then I imagined somebody, probably FF, say, "Act happy." I almost laughed out loud. Act happy because they got these snacks? Never felt like being happy about that. But, I did imagine jumping up and down like a child would.
She still loves trying to pass off FF as someone to count on, someone to ask for help if they make me forget something. Simple things like going to another web page. X will say or make some remark to forget it. And then her son has to act like he knows that I forgot and waits for me to ask for help, but I don't. I'd rather not, and those things aren't so important and I'll most likely remember on my own anyway when browsing the web.
She did say once, lately, "Thanks for watching her FF." I know what she means. She means we most likely spent time with me watching him act like an idiot and then copy it later when they just have to flash me (take pictures of me) at work so their crap gets out as they want it to (their version) or so her son can play psychic and say what we rehearsed at their house. Complete with their inserts and making me repeat after them.
I told a story to the cashier at the convenience store the other night. Years ago, I walked into that store and asked the guy working there, "How'd your day go?' The guy said, "What? Did you call me a dago?" No, I didn't. After I told her that, while walking out, it ran through my mind that FF said, "Oh. That's a good one. That's mine." Then he started to repeat it, but didn't get it right. They've done that before. Tell us the funniest this or that, then they tell me to forget it. They just have to try to make FF so smart and helpful and funny. He's not.
I don't think they have much more to do, really. Someone flashed me at work, like they were told to do so -- probably by getting a text or phone call. Then I say something or do something that's supposed to let them at work know ......... whatever. The other day, I saw the tail end of the light and felt myself acting like my sister G, saying something, but it was a young version of her, almost pre teen. And I heard someone say, "Oh my god." or, "You got to be kidding." I have no idea what I said "as G" or if I was muted or not.
And when I went to the store about two days ago. I walked in, and there were a few other customers in there. It ran through my mind that X's daughter said,"Look at the next guy (or whoever) in the face." I wasn't looking anyone in the face. "Look at him, he has a message for you." No, I thought, if I look at his face, I'll probably say something or make a face or something. Those outsiders don't know of any messages (unless they are their dupes who are there to cause trouble). That was just some guy in a store.
Like the time I went to the department store after work. While in the car going there, in my mind it was KS, saying how they fixed me, I was back to normal, and I said, well, even my splits are splitting, personalities copying themselves over and over. So, when I got to the store, I just walked down the aisle and I blew a kiss to some guy who worked there. Automatically and had no thought to do so.
There's no point in anyone at work 'waking up' whatever the idiocy of the day is. They put me through things like contrived conversations or psychodramas at their house or over the phone while I'm out, and it starts up while I'm at work. The conversations run through my mind as if they are there at the warehouse, they're not there, but I'm supposed to 'feel' that they are. I'm supposed to 'react' to them as if they were. They probably hope that I talk to them as I did at their rehearsals at home or where ever they do it originally.
But, I still carry my recorder and listen to it, and I haven't heard myself talking or anything. But the prompt they give me to start is usually one that makes it begin when I cross the threshhold into the warehouse. I imagine hearing someone say my nickname as soon as I get through the door. And there's no "important information" I'm supposed to understand. There never was, it's just humiliating things from my past that get repeated or just some embarrassing thing I'll say or do at a certain point that they triggered beforehand.
Things change, though, between the time of the original conversations with them and the replay that goes on later. The sentences are the same, but sometimes the speakers are different. That's their reason for doing it. For example, the most popular thing is to make my dad as being the one who beat CC in her bed in 1969.
She'll say it was my dad. But during the replay, it comes out as my line, because there are prompts like "be CC then" (then meaning later on during the replay) or, copying FF's line or something. Or adding on or cutting off something I thought of in the original conversation. Like saying, "I did not." They cut me off and it comes out as "I did."
Basically, they know what they want me to say. They start a conversation or train of thought. As they go along, they figure out how to get me to say those words, no matter who they are directed at. They edit, put this line into someone else's mouth, cut out certain words, stick some question in fromt of something I said so it sounds like I'm answering, but it's something that I hadn't heard and wasn't in the original conversation.
They are cut and paste scripts. Easy to do. Time consuming most likely, but considering what those people are, to them it's worth the trouble. But, after 27 years, the fact that they still have to do it means that they still think that they have to play to some audience to try to reinforce their point and use me as some contrived evidence for their stories. And making me look like a loon and a criminal just for fun.
What would a shrink think of all these phony personalities? I don't hear them, but when they ask me a question and I answer, the thought (not the thoughts of, but the idea of, i.e. their personality or attitude) of different people. Any one from people I've known, relatives, actors/actresses, cartoon characters. They'll ask me a question, and I'll answer, usually a short answer, and after a few words, I'll realize that I'm copying the attitude or personality of so-and-so, and I realize that they stuck some name that I didn't hear(or some hand sign, I don't know) at the end of their question. It's my answer, but they point and say, "See, now he thinks he's so-and-so." No, I don't. And I'm getting into the habit of answering and ending with, "And I'm not so-and-so, either." Sometimes, I'll keep talking (or thinking, or what ever the way to put it) and soon, after I realize "who" I'm supposed to be for them, that attitude fades, and it's just me. When I tell them to f**k off, they know that's me. I wonder if they are trying to pass it off as 'some other personality took over. Someone should ask them, "Why would another personality take over?"
There is one thing that sort of explains one of those personality things. I remember being at some phony shrink's once in April 1986. Don't know how I got there. I remember it as a sequence of events. One of them was when I was sitting in front of this man. Tall, thin dark hair, thinning I think. This was after the "read sentences and fill in the blanks" exercise. The last sentence was said to me by some woman sitting in front of me. She said, "And only you (pointing at me) can ..." Then I looked to my right automatically and said, or thought, "Fill in the blanks." I immediately felt like sisterG. It was weird.
So next, I'm sitting in front of that guy. He says, "I'm going to try this one more time." He pointed to my left, I looked, and saw a broad in gaudy make up and dangling earrings who was blowing me an exaggerated kiss. I thought it was my sisterT mocking me. Then I looked to my right. I looked forward and some skinny lady in dark clothes was walking by and clapped something closed, like a wallet, shook her head and said, "He'll never get it."
Last year, when that phony lady playing lawyer came around, the one who said when someone first introduced her to me (she needed some girl to point me out to her)," When we f**k people up, they stay f**ked up." She got to be boring with her claptrap and I said that I wanted to go. Of course, I wasn't allowed. So, I said I'll just regress myself and figure out things myself. She said that I couldn't, or it won't work. I thougth, I know where to get information better than she would. So, I went back to that phony psychiatrist or whoever, and pick up just after the "Fill in the blanks" thing, just to see if I missed something while thinking about it since 1985.
So, there it was again, sitting there, "try it one more time. Straight ahead is now. Over there (my left) is the past. There (my right) is the future." I got the straight ahead now part before. This time, I looked to my left three times, not only once that I always did before, and saw the clownlike broad blowing me a kiss. Turned to right, it was actually not much of a feeling, but if I had to choose, I'd say it was sisterG (maybe because it was just after the "Fill in the blanks." *sisterG*. Then I looked forward and that was all. No skinny girl in dark clothes walking by. The guy pointed to my right and left simultaneously and said, "See, they're the same thing." ( or, they're both the same).
But something must have happened because looking to the right was three times, not once. One other time, years ago, I was laying on my back somewhere, just rolling my head from side to side, and I could see my face. Looked crazy confused. It seemed like everytime I moved my head from side to side, I would lose my train of thought. Had no thoughts really, just looking at myself while I rolled by head back and forth. Someone said,"See, that's how "you" wake up." I thought, there's just no point in waking up, then."
I was thinking about what will happen when these people start to die off. They're pretty old, and X's goblins are pushing 50. Does she expect them to carry this crap on? Do they want to spend the rest of their lives making sure I look screwed up? If they didn't rehearse so much stuff, everything from going to the store, taking a bath, getting a hair cut, eating, farting, whatever (they always have some dumb conversation attached to it), none of those those conversations and planned 'triggers for later' would come up.
So, I was thinking about that, and X jumps in with, "I'll make sure that you go first." Makes sense, she always says that I should just accept her brainwashing that she thinks can keep me from saying anything to her son about her. Promise, promise, promise. But in her world, the most inane saying can turn into a literal nightmare. I refuse to bargain, and how can something I've known all my life just disappear because she says so? It may sound like "somebody else is talking, so it's not him and not to be believed." But that doesn't change anything that happened.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
APRIL 1986
August 27, 2011 7:37 PM
So, the set up seems to be sisterJ (with dead baby) and X at one end, with J&H (see earlier posts) at this end watching my mother and me to make sure that we get cut off if we want to say something and making sure that we get punished when X says so. I imagine that J takes X's directions to curse me with certain imprints, insert intrusive thoughts, bring up a different train of thought, or just general harrassment when they don't like what I'm thinking about. J's main function seems to be dropping key words to respond to later and choose the so-called personality (their creations that look like real people, ex: sisterG, that spout some garbage when someone at work flashes light on me, or however) they want me to act like at work.
The set up seems to include sort of a dual harrassment with me and J, because yesterday I heard X tell J to watch me, meaning take what I say or do as being harrassment towards her. A lot of times, even way back at AN's house in 1985, I've been told to 'wake up' this or that person (like AN, lately FF, etc.) as if I were the one who had them under. I remember more than once telling them I never had any control over them and I wouldn't talk to them if they weren't awake because it's dangerous, stupid, and just illegal. But, even if I'm thinking out loud, as I seem to do when I'm dragged around to here and there, they take what I'm thinking as being directed towards them.
It seems that I'm not being taken over to X's house anymore. Anyone who takes me over there will get in trouble some day because it would be against my will, no matter if they can make it look like I do. I would tell sisterJ to get away from them, but she seems to think she's better off over there helping them harrass me. They should it themselves and suffer the consequences instead of having their dupes do it.
FF, X's son, still has as his main function to bad mouth me to the public, tell them this or that about me, teaching them how to screw me up, bring up the navy thing, etc. But what he's really interested in is being part of this 'push me to suicide' thing and making sure that his sister CC gets covered (more on this later).
So, I mentioned that I signed up for the Navy in 1986. This is how it went.
I was working for a fast food chain in early 1986. In February or so, after the space shuttle thing, Fatso came by. I was at the fryer when I heard someone say, "That's the guy (or, that's him)." I looked over, and it was Fatso with two guys in brown suits. I had a cold at the time, but when I saw him, I realized it was just psychosomatic. Strange.
So, I went up to the counter and Fatso gave me a piece of paper (yellow, I think). It said that he had to go away, wasn't going to be able to see me anymore, not to be afraid, and to . . . go to the military [?]. Hmm. Well, I thought about the government, and freaked out like I did at McC's. I remember hitting my head on the displays with the turnovers. People started freaking out. Some girl coworker standing next to me said she was scared. I looked over and she was shaking and had peed herself. She ran to the back.
There must have been police there, because somebody asked me if there was a message for the police. I just said, "Something about a fire............watch yourselves........" Didn't know where that came from. At that fast food place, the police got a discount when they showed their badges to the cashiers. I learned that the hard way earlier when one of them, not in uniform, flashed his badge, and I looked away because I didn't see it. The way I was posted at McC's. I guess he was confused because I charged him full price and nobody explained anything to me or asked me about it.
Later, there was an article in the paper about that fast food place had been robbed, the streets were blocked off in front of it, etc. I thought it was strange because I was working that day and nothing like that had happened. Just strange.
Anyway, Fatso's note said that he was leaving, and he left with the two guys in brown suits. I'm not sure if he left before the freak out or what. Didn't say where he was going, but I imagined that he was going into the WPP. So, the end of the note was probably a blank to fill in and I filled it in with go to the military. So I joined. I thought it would be a way out of all the crap going on.
I was accepted and there was up to a six month or year's time when they could call me anytime. I told my mom and the first thing she said was, "You just ruined everything your father worked for." Didn't know what she meant. So my parents took me over to X's house.
I just sat in a chair, her and her husband was sitting on a couch to my right, my parents in chairs or on a couch to my left. I was pretty bored, just smoked cigarettes. Then, I went into the kitchen with X, there was a glass on the counter. It looked like coke and it rippled as if a drop of something fell into it. I must have drank it.
I was sitting in the chair, and I must have been out because the next thing I remember is X saying, ".....then you pull down the sargeant's pants ........." I laughed and thought what? I was sucking on a towel or something, looked over and X had a piece of paper and shoved it down next to her. I don't know if I said it, but I was thinking what's going on? Then out again. I heard her say into some square walkie talkie or portable phone on the couch to her left, "Papa, we got a problem." I thought she was talking to the pope. Huh?
At some point when I was out, I heard some knocks at the door and someone said, "Police." At some time, X shrieked her son's name. Don't know why.
Then out again. Then there were two guys in place of my parents. I thought, "Who are these people?" X said, "Don't you remember your Uncle ...." I didn't hear their names. They were old men, too old to be any uncle of mine, more my grandfather's age. Then out again. And my parents were back. My mom to my left. Looked at her, she was sipping a cup of coffee. OK. Looked over at my dad. He sat there and started making sort of scratching motions on his inner thigh. The castration threat.
Always with the castration threat. Ever since my sisterT, when I was about nine said to me, screaming of course, "I'm going to cut off your balls and nail them to the wall. One of these days you're going to wake up and you'll be dead." I think I scared her -- boo type -- and we were in the kitchen when she said that with my mom. How can you wake up and be dead? She should really think through.
**I just saw a flash of light on my left as I typed the word 'she' just after someone, sisterT, said, "You want to take care of that?" Now, yesterday at work, someone flashed a light at me and after a split second, I realized that someone had woken up sisterG, and it was some phony channeling. I don't know what I said then at the warehouse, if anything. I expect tonight that when they flash me with some light tonight to check on 'who came to work' it's going to be related to what I just typed about sisterT. Some embarrassment as some punishment from X for relating this. Probably I'll scream what T said, and they'll have something like, "Oh, he said it at the warehouse. T never said that. He's just trying to blame somebody else.' Their usual thing about pushing other people's crap onto me. I wonder who is going to take that picture, or flash that light at me to trigger this saying and who's going to be around to hear it. I'll make sure that I take my tape recorder to work tonight.
**I just heard a click and someone ask, "Are you a liberal?" And I nodded yes. I'm not. More conservative than conservatives are. What is going on, to my best estimation, is that they use my left eye to program their answers to the questions they will ask later. And their answers are the total opposite of what I would really say. This is so that fool who is playing "He's half his sister and half not his sister." They really are foolish to do this crap.**
So, there I sat and it was time to go. I looked around, it was just one cloud of cigarette smoke. X was sitting on the couch, her husband standing next to it. She said, "Yeah. We really smoked that B___ ( my childhood nickname) out." Her husband said to me, "You know what you have to do." He had said that more than once to me. It's an unfinished ambiguity. Harrassment victims are supposed to make something up as to what "you have to do" is. My thought was, "Yeah. Hang myself." And they reinforce it over and over. Always two threats that were used in 1984 and beyond. Either you'll get home and your parents will be dead, or we will hang you and say it was because of........whatever they want it to be.
I thought about what just happened, and some thoughts were, I really don't want to go, how would I get out, but I have to go, remembered reading in some books long ago that to get out of the military guys would claim to be gay or such, would I get out by doing that, wasn't even there yet, but no, just go and who knows?
As I was leaving, X gave me a card, and said,"Good luck in your new life." The card had twenty dollars in it and had the same thing written in it. OK. So, there it was. Leaving, I thought, well, they'll put me in the WPP, give me a sex change and that's that. Along with the castration thing, another reinforced belief or suggestion in those days was to never go to a doctor or hospital because if you do, they will cut off your d**k and say it was a mistake when it really wasn't.
So, that night or the next, I spent the night at my sisterG's house. The first time that I had been there, and only one other time, in June 1985, since. So, I was trying to sleep. Couldn't. She said, "We're just supposed to lay here." "Like a sausage," I said. Then there was a lot of thumping at the door. Don't know if it was outside or inside. G had already gone to her bedroom and I was in the living room. There was that guy there, the one who tries the psycho explanation about half sisterT, half not, and the one who says that only his version is the story that's going to come out.
So, I'm looking at her baby in the crib, who was about three months old at the time. Then, I saw the baby with a belt around its neck up off the crib. The guy was saying things like that I had two personalities and W2 wanted to kill the baby. Again, look at baby, then see baby with belt around its neck. Because I had two personalities. Never had seen the baby before then, actually, as far as I remember. So, I was terrorized and really didn't know would I just wake up and they'd say look, baby's dead and you did it and W2 did it because W2 is very violent. I just wanted to get home and out of there.
The next morning, my mom wakes me up, says to hurry that the Navy called and I was supposed to go that day, a day early. I grabbed some clothes, my sisterG and her husband was already there, drove like a fire engine to downtown, came to a screeching stop, practically shoved me out of the car and took off.
When I got in there, the people there weren't the same ones who were there when I signed up. Not even the name plates on their desks. I told the guy there that I was supposed to go today. He said that was wrong, but they had some guys going to the induction place (in a city 30 miles north) and I could go with them. So, I had my duffle bag and paperwork, which included a large manila envelope that I wasn't supposed to open.
Got into a white minivan type thing with two other guys who sat behind me. Nobody spoke much. But it took five hours to drive the thirty mile north and all the time, they were eating potato chips real close to my ear. Crunch crunch crunch. I didn't say anything.
So that's how I got there. Ready for a trip to the WPP, get an unwanted sex change or castration, and to top it all off, now I was told, and reinforced, that I had two personalities and number 2 wanted to kill babies using belts.
But W2 was going to make another appearance. But that'll be for later.
**So, now they're all scrambling to discredit what I just typed. These lights they flash at me are just brainwashing to wake up whatever they want. Like now, saying that what I just typed were lies and as I lit a cigarette, I nodded yes, which is not true. Seems like sisterT and X used her son again because it felt like an imitation of him when I nodded yes. And they're giving directions for later, like 'get groggy.' They just don't get it that there are witnesses to a lot of these events and have their ways to make me look like I'm contradicting myself.**
A lot of the general public who have witnessed these events should realize by now that it's always the same people using the same tactics coming around to discredit and harrass me, and never have any good reason as to why they're doing it. It's just their job to do it. They are always the same ones. My sisters, X and her goblins, J&H are usually the ones who wake up these contrived personalities, and lo and behold, they claim that they know that 'there's the real W who's telling the truth.' SisterJ seems to be the one who's busiest lately.
So, the set up seems to be sisterJ (with dead baby) and X at one end, with J&H (see earlier posts) at this end watching my mother and me to make sure that we get cut off if we want to say something and making sure that we get punished when X says so. I imagine that J takes X's directions to curse me with certain imprints, insert intrusive thoughts, bring up a different train of thought, or just general harrassment when they don't like what I'm thinking about. J's main function seems to be dropping key words to respond to later and choose the so-called personality (their creations that look like real people, ex: sisterG, that spout some garbage when someone at work flashes light on me, or however) they want me to act like at work.
The set up seems to include sort of a dual harrassment with me and J, because yesterday I heard X tell J to watch me, meaning take what I say or do as being harrassment towards her. A lot of times, even way back at AN's house in 1985, I've been told to 'wake up' this or that person (like AN, lately FF, etc.) as if I were the one who had them under. I remember more than once telling them I never had any control over them and I wouldn't talk to them if they weren't awake because it's dangerous, stupid, and just illegal. But, even if I'm thinking out loud, as I seem to do when I'm dragged around to here and there, they take what I'm thinking as being directed towards them.
It seems that I'm not being taken over to X's house anymore. Anyone who takes me over there will get in trouble some day because it would be against my will, no matter if they can make it look like I do. I would tell sisterJ to get away from them, but she seems to think she's better off over there helping them harrass me. They should it themselves and suffer the consequences instead of having their dupes do it.
FF, X's son, still has as his main function to bad mouth me to the public, tell them this or that about me, teaching them how to screw me up, bring up the navy thing, etc. But what he's really interested in is being part of this 'push me to suicide' thing and making sure that his sister CC gets covered (more on this later).
So, I mentioned that I signed up for the Navy in 1986. This is how it went.
I was working for a fast food chain in early 1986. In February or so, after the space shuttle thing, Fatso came by. I was at the fryer when I heard someone say, "That's the guy (or, that's him)." I looked over, and it was Fatso with two guys in brown suits. I had a cold at the time, but when I saw him, I realized it was just psychosomatic. Strange.
So, I went up to the counter and Fatso gave me a piece of paper (yellow, I think). It said that he had to go away, wasn't going to be able to see me anymore, not to be afraid, and to . . . go to the military [?]. Hmm. Well, I thought about the government, and freaked out like I did at McC's. I remember hitting my head on the displays with the turnovers. People started freaking out. Some girl coworker standing next to me said she was scared. I looked over and she was shaking and had peed herself. She ran to the back.
There must have been police there, because somebody asked me if there was a message for the police. I just said, "Something about a fire............watch yourselves........" Didn't know where that came from. At that fast food place, the police got a discount when they showed their badges to the cashiers. I learned that the hard way earlier when one of them, not in uniform, flashed his badge, and I looked away because I didn't see it. The way I was posted at McC's. I guess he was confused because I charged him full price and nobody explained anything to me or asked me about it.
Later, there was an article in the paper about that fast food place had been robbed, the streets were blocked off in front of it, etc. I thought it was strange because I was working that day and nothing like that had happened. Just strange.
Anyway, Fatso's note said that he was leaving, and he left with the two guys in brown suits. I'm not sure if he left before the freak out or what. Didn't say where he was going, but I imagined that he was going into the WPP. So, the end of the note was probably a blank to fill in and I filled it in with go to the military. So I joined. I thought it would be a way out of all the crap going on.
I was accepted and there was up to a six month or year's time when they could call me anytime. I told my mom and the first thing she said was, "You just ruined everything your father worked for." Didn't know what she meant. So my parents took me over to X's house.
I just sat in a chair, her and her husband was sitting on a couch to my right, my parents in chairs or on a couch to my left. I was pretty bored, just smoked cigarettes. Then, I went into the kitchen with X, there was a glass on the counter. It looked like coke and it rippled as if a drop of something fell into it. I must have drank it.
I was sitting in the chair, and I must have been out because the next thing I remember is X saying, ".....then you pull down the sargeant's pants ........." I laughed and thought what? I was sucking on a towel or something, looked over and X had a piece of paper and shoved it down next to her. I don't know if I said it, but I was thinking what's going on? Then out again. I heard her say into some square walkie talkie or portable phone on the couch to her left, "Papa, we got a problem." I thought she was talking to the pope. Huh?
At some point when I was out, I heard some knocks at the door and someone said, "Police." At some time, X shrieked her son's name. Don't know why.
Then out again. Then there were two guys in place of my parents. I thought, "Who are these people?" X said, "Don't you remember your Uncle ...." I didn't hear their names. They were old men, too old to be any uncle of mine, more my grandfather's age. Then out again. And my parents were back. My mom to my left. Looked at her, she was sipping a cup of coffee. OK. Looked over at my dad. He sat there and started making sort of scratching motions on his inner thigh. The castration threat.
Always with the castration threat. Ever since my sisterT, when I was about nine said to me, screaming of course, "I'm going to cut off your balls and nail them to the wall. One of these days you're going to wake up and you'll be dead." I think I scared her -- boo type -- and we were in the kitchen when she said that with my mom. How can you wake up and be dead? She should really think through.
**I just saw a flash of light on my left as I typed the word 'she' just after someone, sisterT, said, "You want to take care of that?" Now, yesterday at work, someone flashed a light at me and after a split second, I realized that someone had woken up sisterG, and it was some phony channeling. I don't know what I said then at the warehouse, if anything. I expect tonight that when they flash me with some light tonight to check on 'who came to work' it's going to be related to what I just typed about sisterT. Some embarrassment as some punishment from X for relating this. Probably I'll scream what T said, and they'll have something like, "Oh, he said it at the warehouse. T never said that. He's just trying to blame somebody else.' Their usual thing about pushing other people's crap onto me. I wonder who is going to take that picture, or flash that light at me to trigger this saying and who's going to be around to hear it. I'll make sure that I take my tape recorder to work tonight.
**I just heard a click and someone ask, "Are you a liberal?" And I nodded yes. I'm not. More conservative than conservatives are. What is going on, to my best estimation, is that they use my left eye to program their answers to the questions they will ask later. And their answers are the total opposite of what I would really say. This is so that fool who is playing "He's half his sister and half not his sister." They really are foolish to do this crap.**
So, there I sat and it was time to go. I looked around, it was just one cloud of cigarette smoke. X was sitting on the couch, her husband standing next to it. She said, "Yeah. We really smoked that B___ ( my childhood nickname) out." Her husband said to me, "You know what you have to do." He had said that more than once to me. It's an unfinished ambiguity. Harrassment victims are supposed to make something up as to what "you have to do" is. My thought was, "Yeah. Hang myself." And they reinforce it over and over. Always two threats that were used in 1984 and beyond. Either you'll get home and your parents will be dead, or we will hang you and say it was because of........whatever they want it to be.
I thought about what just happened, and some thoughts were, I really don't want to go, how would I get out, but I have to go, remembered reading in some books long ago that to get out of the military guys would claim to be gay or such, would I get out by doing that, wasn't even there yet, but no, just go and who knows?
As I was leaving, X gave me a card, and said,"Good luck in your new life." The card had twenty dollars in it and had the same thing written in it. OK. So, there it was. Leaving, I thought, well, they'll put me in the WPP, give me a sex change and that's that. Along with the castration thing, another reinforced belief or suggestion in those days was to never go to a doctor or hospital because if you do, they will cut off your d**k and say it was a mistake when it really wasn't.
So, that night or the next, I spent the night at my sisterG's house. The first time that I had been there, and only one other time, in June 1985, since. So, I was trying to sleep. Couldn't. She said, "We're just supposed to lay here." "Like a sausage," I said. Then there was a lot of thumping at the door. Don't know if it was outside or inside. G had already gone to her bedroom and I was in the living room. There was that guy there, the one who tries the psycho explanation about half sisterT, half not, and the one who says that only his version is the story that's going to come out.
So, I'm looking at her baby in the crib, who was about three months old at the time. Then, I saw the baby with a belt around its neck up off the crib. The guy was saying things like that I had two personalities and W2 wanted to kill the baby. Again, look at baby, then see baby with belt around its neck. Because I had two personalities. Never had seen the baby before then, actually, as far as I remember. So, I was terrorized and really didn't know would I just wake up and they'd say look, baby's dead and you did it and W2 did it because W2 is very violent. I just wanted to get home and out of there.
The next morning, my mom wakes me up, says to hurry that the Navy called and I was supposed to go that day, a day early. I grabbed some clothes, my sisterG and her husband was already there, drove like a fire engine to downtown, came to a screeching stop, practically shoved me out of the car and took off.
When I got in there, the people there weren't the same ones who were there when I signed up. Not even the name plates on their desks. I told the guy there that I was supposed to go today. He said that was wrong, but they had some guys going to the induction place (in a city 30 miles north) and I could go with them. So, I had my duffle bag and paperwork, which included a large manila envelope that I wasn't supposed to open.
Got into a white minivan type thing with two other guys who sat behind me. Nobody spoke much. But it took five hours to drive the thirty mile north and all the time, they were eating potato chips real close to my ear. Crunch crunch crunch. I didn't say anything.
So that's how I got there. Ready for a trip to the WPP, get an unwanted sex change or castration, and to top it all off, now I was told, and reinforced, that I had two personalities and number 2 wanted to kill babies using belts.
But W2 was going to make another appearance. But that'll be for later.
**So, now they're all scrambling to discredit what I just typed. These lights they flash at me are just brainwashing to wake up whatever they want. Like now, saying that what I just typed were lies and as I lit a cigarette, I nodded yes, which is not true. Seems like sisterT and X used her son again because it felt like an imitation of him when I nodded yes. And they're giving directions for later, like 'get groggy.' They just don't get it that there are witnesses to a lot of these events and have their ways to make me look like I'm contradicting myself.**
A lot of the general public who have witnessed these events should realize by now that it's always the same people using the same tactics coming around to discredit and harrass me, and never have any good reason as to why they're doing it. It's just their job to do it. They are always the same ones. My sisters, X and her goblins, J&H are usually the ones who wake up these contrived personalities, and lo and behold, they claim that they know that 'there's the real W who's telling the truth.' SisterJ seems to be the one who's busiest lately.
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