NOVEMBER 20, 2011 12:16 PM EDT
Nothing unusual in real life today. Went to work, store, and home.
As I'm allowed to imagine:
Seems to be some big meeting with all the fools involved today. It started off with the McC terrorizers trying to prove their point. Again. Same old routine -- I have to agree to saying that they had permission, etc, which is not true. I was already screwed up and she, F, knew it and too bad for her it just led to a freak out (see McC posts). And the other fool from McC wants me to say that I agreed to "helping" him with information about the dope dealers, which doesn't make sense because, as I keep explaining, the pot dealers knew how to read me, and they would have known if I had agreed to being a snitch or whatever, and then there wouldn't have been anything for the guy to learn from me because they wouldn't have sold anything to me. And, of course, always pushing the "join the gay community, blah, blah, blah."
Somebody dragged up KS and that big haired lady from way back, when KS was playing question/answer/torment at AN's house. And, of course, it came up that AN died and I really didn't care (haven't seen her in about 14 years). I said that I'm sure they played out some phony boo-hoo scenario by playing some imprints from wherever and whenever just to make sure that I look so upset about it the way they think I should react. The same thing when ET died, I didn't think much of it, and I thought that they, as always, will make it out to be something for me that it isn't. And they even said, "Don't worry, we got you covered." And I thought, "With what, some phony speech that's not even close to what I think?" Their response is usually a big "so what?"
Another strange thing at about this time was that the woman who was with KS, big haired lady, said something like, "We could have made you anything you wanted. Mayor, blah, blah, blah." I thought, "And then what? Spend the rest of my life kissing your fat ass?" Not my idea of a life. That's what I've been telling them lately. "There's nothing in my life that you can take from me that I would care about. You can torture anybody or kill anybody in front of me and I couldn't care less. I have nothing to lose. Execept my little dog, but if you did kill him, I'll even get over that. You have no leverage."
Then, of course it starts again with the "he wants to be a woman." Totally unacceptable. Like I say, "You just want to sweep all of the crimes that you are covering up under a f****ty rug." They always got some psychobabbly excuse, gender, sexual, some guilt trip that isn't there. Their "woman thing" is just phony training. And they call it T (my sister's name) See the McC post. I counter with, it's just training that X and her husband and my mother and sister did in 1967 to put on some "he's a little psycho, don't believe what he says, he's a liar, and wearing a dress is what he wants." They skipped the terrorizing part about how they "train their children" to shut up. "Even if he tells, they won't believe him. After all, he thinks he's a little girl," is their catch phrase. I told them, today, that they lack imagination.
Still using the same tried and true tactic that they forced on me 44 years ago. I wonder if anybody notices that there is always somebody around, like X, to explain, and has to be the one to show what she calls the "truth." It's just her dog and pony show that she played more than once before. And after two and a half decades (since 1985), she's had plenty of time along with her two goblins to do a lot of damage with their "training." She's just a rapist who has been given the opportunity by a bunch of dupes to victimize her victims for a lifetime.
So, they were all there putting on their show. They try to pass off their training about wearing dresses that it is the only way he is calm. And then manipulate me to show that the "man" is just foul mouthed and violent. And at one point, I asked, or tried to ask because I know that I'm not allowed to participate much in my own life anymore, I tried to ask, "I know it's just training. I have no thoughts of being a woman or acting like one. But why did you chose the dress thing to show that they can turn on and off a nervous breakdown, etc? Why not the pacifier? As I recall, after the dress thing ran its course when I was 10 (at the latest), and I took up the pacifier, they tried to break me from that pacifier and it was much harder to get off the pacifier than it ever was to stop wearing a dress. Hmm. Of course, the dress training still worked and it's more humiliating than a pacifier and they played the dress thing in public before, so that was their choice. I know they're just sick people trying to cover their old crimes by using the same tactic that they used on a little 7 year old decades ago. The only difference is that they harass me while I'm sleeping, but they call it a split personality problem.
It was like a bizarre reunion. There's no special occasion today. But with their talk of psychics, and spirits, and some of them using Bible versus to drop a key word on me, who knows what the special occasion is. They usually harass me separately. Only T didn't show up, unless you count the phony T that they call their phony creation, the woman that they swear up and down that I have to be. Accept it, or else! has been their motto lately. I think they did what's called "running too far to get home," in other words, overkill. Bringing up their old "keep him quiet" dress tactic and trying to turn it into a gender, or whatever, issue. They can't, or refuse to acknowledge how this dress and the "your mommy wants you to be a girl and don't you want to do what your mommy says?" thing got started. It's doesn't go too well for them when I'm awake, and just gives them an opportunity to put on their dog and pony show.
I've taken to talking out loud when I'm alone. They don't like it. I don't know what it sounds like to them, because I'm always remembering after the fact, when things are all said and done by them and I'm stuck with no say in the matter. I wonder what it sounds like when I start to talk and not following their scripts when they need an automatic nod or grunt from me. I'm not worried. Sometimes I'm talking into the recorder I carry to make sure that I don't overlook a point, but a lot of times I'll just be answering back to what I'm remembering. Who cares. I'm driving around by myself in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere deliberately talking out loud. No big deal. It's usually a big "f**k you" and someother choice words.
Otherwise, they're still on some kick about enforcing, I won't say reinforcing since it's not there anyway, that "the woman's voice that you hear is your conscience." Huh? They think that having that nasty woman (who was always calling me a child molestor) read out loud what I'm thinking is supposed to convince me that I am a woman. What rot. I just considered her to be an abnoxious trouble maker, and when she said that earlier, while I was working, that she is my conscience (she also threw in that she was my "alter ego"), I laughed and said, "No, you're not my conscience. You're not even ON my conscience." Then there was a guy who started reading, but she keeps it up, whatever that's worth.
This is sort of like when I hear some voice in my left ear, and I think it's T. I don't understand most of it, and I'm a few seconds behind when I realize what she said, but when I hear the words clearly, it's when she is inserting intrusive thoughts. I'll be thinking (responding to those other harassers) and I'll come to a word and she chimes in, or adds words to the ends of some sentences. It all comes down to her trying to change the meaning of what I want to say. It's just weird, and another tactic of making me seem like I'm saying something I don't want to.
What crackpot psychology. They go from training a 7 year old boy to wear a dress, to getting him to, I think I eventually nodded, when KS kept badgering me with her "have you ever thought about being (or wanted to be) a woman?, to making me watch drag queens to imitate when they need to make an exhibition, to having a woman reading back to me what I'm thinking (it probably takes a lot of starts and stops, or rehearsed and edited conversations) to make me believe that it's just in my best interest to start thinking of myself as a woman. They probably haven't had any real shrink advising them, but then why should they? They're criminals. (There was that one shrink during that Navy thing -- see previous post) I think they totally disregard the fact that there were witnesses to the 1967 event. Witnesses that aren't related to the people involved and don't have any reason to cover for them, one way or another.
I went on Facebook. Got zero friends. No profile or anything, and I'm using the name that's on this blog. Just a link to this blog ia the only post there, so people can come here and read it. I couldn't resist, and I surfed the Facebook membership and saw KS's page. Needless to say, I'm not friended, and I didn't request, or whatever you have to go through.
Still associating, as I described in my last post. It was the same as I described before. I had a conversation with someone in the parking lot, said bye, and then heard him say something like, "blah, blah, blah. Don't you?" Didn't catch most of the sentence. So, of course I'm wondering what the stuff was before the "don't you" part was and listened to it on my recorder. And, same as yesterday, there was nothing said by him, and I didn't bother with it anymore.
There's still the associating with words on the TV and radio. When I hear a word, I start on another train of thought, and it goes on, along with the harassers as part of the conversation, until I realize that the key word came from the radio or TV. Then, a little later, it will happen again. I wonder if the key words trigger some conversations, or bits of conversations, that I've had with those harassers earlier, at some point in the past.. That's been another one of their things from years ago and recently, too. You think you're a radio? That woman has said this more than once the past few days, weeks. No, I don't, I say. But I don't think/say that the four initials of my name sounds like radio call letters. I did Google it years ago, and sure enough, the initials are a radio station. A public school's call letters. Go figure.
EDIT 1:49 PM
I went to edit some grammar and when I saw the top of the page where it says "report abuse," I just had to laugh and I thought, "About 44 years too late for that."
No comments:
Post a Comment