JANUARY 21, 2013

January 21, 2013  7:17pm EDT

Nothing new in real life. Still doing deliveries overnight and working online during the day. Stopped drinking soda pop completely for about three weeks now. It made a big difference in the voices, they are a lot quieter and absent for most of the day a lot of times.

But still, I hear that psycho rapist, X, in my left ear calling out things to respond/associate with so she can apply what I think or say to whatever she wants just to make me feel bad/upset and to lead her dupes by the nose. In real life, I heard my mom talking to her on the phone. Evidently, X was asking about some people they both knew, if my mom knew their phone number, etc. I heard my mom say, "Why should I call them and bother them? If they're not home then..." X is probably setting her up to make a ton of phone calls for nothing. Typical of that psycho.

X is never going to understand that people know what a criminal she is and she is making a fool out of herself and her family by forcing her victims to lie. Also, when I think about asking for my Navy papers, X is still so stupid to try to get me to believe that it's not important, etc. She was the troublemaker back then, was up to her neck in causing problems, and her and her family helped her.

I should ask for my Navy papers just to see the reaction I get. I get the feeling that the Navy knew what they were getting, meaning someone who was having his life run by a bunch of criminal fools, and weren't really surprised about the outcome. I also get the feeling that X and her fools are trying to pass off a "he doesn't know that he signed up." I have the entry papers, but no discharge papers. That's odd in itself, but what X and her family did to me the day before I left was the problem.

It's sad that so many people know what X and her relatives and my own relatives are doing. My relatives, her relatives, the police, the military, people I've worked with have been suckered into bullshit by X and especially Fatso, the guy from the store episode. As far as I can tell, their usual bullshit is "He wants to be a girl and we can show you." That was X's abuse towards me and my sister in 1967. X and her husband trained us like dogs. I was trained to want my sister's new dress, and she was trained to call me a liar, and all to be played out at the school interview (see previous post).

Like I've been saying for years, they are taking X's and my sister T's abuse towards me (putting me in dresses as if I wanted to) and trying to turn it into a grown up gender/transtesticle lifestyle and pass that off as the problem just so they don't have to answer for their own crimes. And people are duped by it. Really despicable people.

I hear Fatso keep threatening to get me fired. With the help of X's son, FF, no less. They are still trying to set up FF as someone who is going to "manage" my life by being a voice in the head. Not going to happen. They call it "managing" when its really just a way to abuse me and get what they want. That coke/crackhead should get a life.

It's about time I mentioned to my mother to stop with the cover stories from X's rape day. My mom still brings up the "Remember when FF got his hair pulled out by his neighbor?" And I think, "No, it was his father from that day who pulled out his hair." Also, the time she went with X to visit X's daughter, CC, and my mom said CC made sure that my mom saw a book that had sister J's name in it. And I think, "No, it was sister G's name in the book, because sister J was only four years old at the time." It must have been one of the books from the bag of books we took over to X's house the next day to pick up the car. That was when X sat in the dining room and told my mom that CF was out of school for a while because she had the "whipping cough" and then called to me, "You don't want that do you? You don't want that to happen to you, do you?" What a bitch. CF was out of school because her dad beat the crap out of her with a belt and made me watch.

It's about time people treated X like the abusive rapist she is.

In my left ear I can hear X's two sisters always setting up or playing out X's idiotic lies. OH, X's sister (see previous post) really has some serious head problems. Her big thing is that she's trying to pass herself off as someone who is giving real psychiatric help. But really, someone trying to pass themself off as a "voice in the head" helper is someone who has something to hide. OH is trying to avoid thinking about what happened at her house in 1970 when her son told me about his dick getting hard and that led to some stuff (see previous post). Of course X showed up and went through the same old things she did. Give me some whisky, tease me with a little toy which I'll get when I repeat their crap. In that case, OH asked who taught me that and X's husband was getting me to say what they coached me with. After X said that I should say it, I said FV (the neighbor girl who eventually showed up at the store episode). Don't know if my sister T (FV's friend) ever told FV that she was pegged as a molester back in 1970, or if T even knows it at all.

Anyway, according to OH and her sister MR, the cure for the craziness they contrive is to join the queer community. Not happening, but they use those people as a weapon of mass harassment. And also that I should go to a psychiatrist. And I respond, "For what? I know right from wrong. And why should I waste my time talking to a shrink when all X the rest of them are going to interfere?" Fatso and the rest of them interfere with my jobs, my home life, and everything else. Why bother with psychiatry when they're just going to be interfering and leading the conversations?

Anyone who can read English can read this blog and my forum posts and know the real truth without all the bullshit from X and the others. I find it funny that people halfway around the world know more of the truth than the idiots people like Fatso and the rest of them round up to "help." Their "helpers" are just doing Fatso's and X's dirty work by reading me some crap questions that are set up to get dumbass answers from someone they claim is me.

The hidden text in this blog worked really well to get me near the top of search engine results. When someone searches for my real name, the result for this blog is on the first page. So much for their "don't tell anyone."

OH and Fatso regularly say, "I'm going to get you committed if it's the last thing I do." X was screaming for a long time about how she wanted me and my  mom put away for life. People have to pay for knowing that X is a full fledged rapist.

Really just the same shit over and over. OH and her push toward the queers, and when I think, "Why should I say I'm something I'm not?" and I call her a glorified fag hag, she calls in that boob FF who starts with the constant "you're a fag. you're homosexual. faggot." I just think,"You're talking to someone who's been called a faggot since he was seven. Do you actually think you can bother me since I've heard it for 46 years? And do you think I survived 46 years of X's harassment to give in to you?"

OH's husband died a few months ago. I really couldn't have cared less. One less person from that family on this earth is not a bad thing. Seeing as how she's been so busy harassing me, I thought, "He had to die to get some attention from her."

When they try to get people to believe that so many problems are just guilt trips that cause their voices in my head, I can only say that is not the problem. I've written out everything that was important in my life, so how could cause guilt trips? Especially since I admit to a lot of things (see previous posts).

One thing that stands out in the past few months was about some trip to Mexico I took through school in 1974. About two years ago when that woman I describe in previous posts, the one who said to me, while holding a knife and"When we fuck people over, they stay fucked up." When I first saw her, she looked like a girl who was on that Mexico trip. But, I immediately thought that would be impossible for it to be her since there's nothing in reality that she would really show up.

After that X has been prompting the word "Mexico" as an unfinished ambiguity (a word or phrase they say to get their victim (me) to associate with/fill in a blank/etc). But I wasn't getting the right connection X wanted, so a few weeks ago, it finally came up that I was supposed to associate Mexico with that girl who told me to go away. I thought it was really funny and pathetic that X would play that out in that way. It was never a big deal to me, but X tries to pass that off  as  such a big deal. Telling lies that I cried and who knows what else.

That is X's tactic. "He's always been that vay. Emotional unt upset." (Cliched German accent). I just laughed that X is so desperate to have answers to every single thing in my life and she attaches reactions to them that never existed. X is the problem. Her raping me and assaulting my mom is the problem. Her and her son FF play out the store episode  suicide attempt quite often as a reaction to the crap they concoct.

Incidentally, not so much incidental but important, how could anyone think that I would kill myself, let alone with a gun? I don't own a gun. I don't want to own a gun. I think of buying on just to piss the voices off, but I haven't even touched a real gun in my life. Someone would have to have given me a gun in the 1985 store episode. Probably Fatso since he was running that dog and pony show. I know that the store episode was contrived by FVand Fatso (see previous posts).

This reminds of OH's tactics lately. She forces so many visual hallucinations recently, it's really getting dangerous. She is turning out to be more psychotic than X is. I know they are commanded by OH because she admits it. As I wrote before, I saw a fuzzy gray blob on the floor and the thought that crossed my mind was that it was a rat. Later on, OH said, "I know you're liar. You say you're afraid of rats, but I made you hallucinate one and you weren't scared, so I proved you are a liar." I  just thought, "I know the difference between a real rat and a hallucination. It seems like I don't hallucinate on command very well."

And I don't. OH has been prompting me to see faces, people standing here and there while I'm working. They're not well defined at all, and last only a second or so, and it doesn't make me do anything more than a double take. No, I don't talk to hallucinations, and before these past few weeks, OH has been prompting more visuals than I've ever had since this sz started.

So, what's the point of causing nonsense hallucinations? Am I supposed to react to them crazily and run off to a shrink? Not happening. But these are the same people who told me that "you will never be complete until you try to kill yourself for real." Crazies they are. It's just another thing that X wants because she's put so much crap and lies out there about me but she's not getting any real life, uncontrived actions to back up her lies. Once people realize that X is a rapist and trying to cover her ass by harassing her victim, a lot of things will become clearer to those people X dupes.

It's people like X, OH, Fatso, FF, MR, and CC and their harassment tactics that got me started writing this blog. They only ensured that the real reason of why they're so interested in everything about me got out. X is a rapist and it's her way of using her relatives to cover her ass. And they know it and they know I know it.

They only succeded in shooting themselves in the foot, imaginary gun and all.

Werner K Stoebermann    Werner Stoebermann