Friday May 4, 2012

Friday May 4, 2012 7:33pm EDT

Not much happening in real life. I still work overnight delivering and work online during the day. I have been going on sz forums a lot and have posted hundreds of times about what is basically in my blog anyway.

Lately, the voices have been on a harassing mania. I think about X, saying she is a rapist and her dupes should know about it because she really uses them to cover her ass. She brings up, with the help of my sister J, a lot of imprints, creates others, etc. Her son, FF, is either playing dumb, really is dumb, and just waiting for an opportuntiy to screw people.

I thought about that coworker of mine at a gas station who knew FF, and the time FF came in the station, passed the coworker a piece of paper and it was what his friend, the coworker, was supposed to ask me. The coworker asked me what my nationality was and before I could say German, FF jumped in with, "Hungarian." Both answers are correct. He was acting like he spared me the trouble of saying German.

When I think about that, X and her dupes say that the coworker will never confirm or verify anything. One of the last times I was over there for their usual harassment and torture sessions, that coworker was there, or not, but it was just another one of X's dog and pony shows to "show" people what I am, according to her. Before the ex coworker left, X told him to "watch his kids," implying that she and FF had something on him about screwing around with kids. That's their favorite slander tactic.

Haven't imagined being over at X's house lately. But when I started thinking about the time she raped me, it's just been nothing but harassment from her family. Like I mentioned before, this started for me in Oct 1985. I remembered, as a dream of course, like they want it, but I remember waking up at the foot of my grandmother's hospital room and X and her two sisters were standing at the hospital bed. I thought, "What the fuck?"

I wasn't awake, but it wasn't a normal dream. It was too vivid to be how I really dream, but being cut off with "wake up, go to sleep" it was like I wasn't awake either. So her family's been on the rampage with her. And after all this time and after all their failures, they still try to set up FF as a "friend" and "FF is psychic." What garbage. With that and FF always bringing up "he thinks he's Kurt Cobain" it's just a way to have someone do their dirty work if I'm suddenly FF's friend.

I don't make friends with the voices in my head. I don't believe what they say, especially since X is directing them all. If she can make me look like things I'm not and say things that don't apply to me, she can do that to her dupes. And it all is because she is a rapist and I refuse to even think about lying for her. They use the tactic to try to get me to doubt myself and the real past. Or run that queer transtesticle crap up the flagpole and try to get me to replay, so they can rewrite, the Q and A done by KS back in 1985.

They also try to get me to talk, in real life, to my mother about sex. Not happening. My immediate family weren't the kind of people who did that. When all else fails, when they can't get me to verify what I said back in 1985, or accepting their weird and ridiculous queer agenda, or talk to my mother about sex, they fall back on their old standby of suicide or calling me a child molestor to play out for their audience.

Haven't thought about being at X's house, and with real security cameras always recording, no one can take me there or come here, she's lying to people and saying that she was giving me German lessons at her house. Oh, no...they're not torturing me and harassing me and planning future failure through playing out their psychodramas, it was all about German lessons. They are full of such crap. They'll make me think of a German word or something along those lines and X is there corrrrrecting me and then it's, "See ve ver givink him the Cherman lesson." Liars.

And they still sit around waiting for me to beat off so X and sister J can put some idea of kids in my head while I'm watching some porn or something and then her other dupes, her sister OH are there to have some "proof" that I'm a pediaphile or whatever. X and her dupes just want to drag people down to her level, the rapist level.

I'm stil waiting for the rest of my Navy records, the ones with the reason for a medical discharge on them. I remember that night before I left for the Navy being over at X's house and I woke up in the middle of her "programming" saying to me, "And then you pull down the seargent's pants..." And going through her crap of introducing me to "Don't you remember your Uncle..." When I got up to leave, she asked me (and probably didn't have to say it out loud herself) "Do you remember vat ve takt about?" I thought of how guys used to avoid the draft by playing queer and I said, "No. I'm not going to do that. That's illegal."

But as I was leaving her house, and she said, real phony, "Enjoy yourrr new life," I wasn't leaving the way I went in, but towards the kitchen (where earlier she gave me something to drink. she put some drops of something in there, I saw the soda, I presume, ripple. she said, "doesn't everything taste better at (her) house")

When I was at the induction center in Cleveland, Right after induction, some Army guy came up to me and said, "Now we got you." The lady who inducted us waved him off and some people grabbed me from behind (didn't see them) and took me away. The lady just shrugged her shoulders at the Army guy.

They took me to a room and I was sitting in a chair. She told two guys to hold my arms. One of them said, "You know this is illegal." She said, "I don't care. Give him all of it." They held my arms down and gave me a shot in my right arm." Things got weird after that, will post about it soon. But I wonder,and this is probably true, that there at the induction center, what they woke up is what X and her family has been "programming" me with since 1985, and they were probably doing that since 1967 when X first did her child abuse on me and my sister G.

Definitely after she raped me an assaulted my mother in 1969, they have been on a campaign of screwing me over to make any victim and witness totally incompetent. I do believe that in real life, X had been caught, somebody knew she was a child molestor. In her own family, OH, her sister, has seen her handiwork.

It must have been in summer 1970 because I remember watching the Carpenter's show on their TV. I was upstairs in her son's bedroom and he said he was getting....uhh, aroused. So I offered to take care of it. And OH caught us, freaked out, and called her sister, X. So X and her husband came over there. X even had a big grocery bag full of her props that she had probably been using since 1967. Ha. Maybe she kept it by the door in case she had to go out on a call. Like a doctor's house call. Ha.

Anyway, X put me through the usual ritual of getting me drunk and there were some things like toys? maybe. So the subject of where I learned such behavior came up and I remember X's huband said it was the neighbor lady. He made some motions with his head, nodding in one direction, prompting me probably, because they mand me say the neighbor lady's name. A girl, actually she was, probably in her teens. And this is the same person F, whom I describe in the incident at the store in Aug 1985. The one with Fatso. I wonder if she knows, for real, that X has used her as a scapegoat for 42 years now.

So, that woman's name came up and OH, who was either doped up by X or drunk off her ass (both she and X were heavy alcoholics back then) and was just so sorry for us, and my, my, my. Too bad she didn't know, or was warned by X that it could happen, since X had been on her rampage less than a year before. I know CC wasn't reserved about mentioning it, although they do lie about the details of 1969, as to who did what, etc.

I remember we went over to X's house after the 1969 incident and a couple of CC's cousins were there also, and CC herded them into her room, but I couldn't go in. When they came out, those two girls were just staring at me. No doubt CC said something.

So, there it is about OH, who has recently been doing X's dirty work by pushing the queer agenda on me and all in all, she can't be trusted. First of all, X's main priority is to cover her own ass because X is a rapist and also cover her ass for screwing me over the day before the Navy thing. I never agreed to playing that queer card to get out of it. I went, I was inducted, and it was a failure. If they did wake up X's transtesticle crap, which she used on me in 1967, then who the hell knows what X wakes up.

Wouldn't trust OH. She's pushing that queer agenda at the direction of X most likely. OH doesn't even know the whole story, none of her dupes know the whole story. They're just told to say this or that, follow their scripts, carry on a conversation within my earshot and hope I react so they can say, "We're not talking to you," or, "See, he's crazy," or read a list of trigger words to me that, when I hear it later, I'll associate that word with whatever they have set up, be it remembering their idiotic contrived conversations.

When they say to me, "You will never be complete until you try to kill yourself for real," anyone can see they're just psychotic themselves. Or when X says that she will make sure that I go (die) before she does because no one is going to tell her son about her. I thought, then just take him with you when you go. But ironically, she's pushing him on me as an imaginary friend, creating some imaginary life that she controls, and FF is supposed to carry on this crap of hers after she's dead (unless I go first, as she said). No, what they want is FF to be around and close by when they need to play out the suicide thing because, after all, he's the one who took the gun from the side of my head and put it in my mouth to show me the right way. He must have been the one who gave me the gun since I don't own one and have never picked one up in my life. They want to play the same freak out games all the time.

At one time, years ago, they said, "This is the only way we can tell you the truth. You agreed to it." No. From what I hear, and I know it's not the same thing that her audience hears, they are just trying to cover the real truth with lies.

Like I thought before, I could have told anyone everything in 27 minutes, not the 27 years that it's taking those criminals and their freak show.

As a side note, OH's husband died recently and I couldn't have cared less. And I don't feel bad about not feeling bad.