MARCH 1985 TO JUNE 1985
When I went to the dentist about March 1985 to get my wisdom teeth out, JL from whom I bought pot for the five prior years, offered the name of the dentist I should go to, but I declined. I went to one my parents had. On the first visit, I was just getting the one wisdom tooth pulled that had erupted, pushed a molar loose, and had gotten infected. Since the doctor was going to put me to sleep, I wasn't allowed to drive, so one of my sisters, G, drove me there and stayed until I was done.
The doctor put an IV in my right arm, and began to give me liquid valium. I had never heard of it. He told me to tell him when I began to feel the effects, but I didn't say anything. Since I only smoked pot, I had no tolerance for any other drug, and I went out quickly. When I woke up I was in another room, laying on a gurney. My sister, who was sitting on a chair in the same room, started to say something, but a man (there were two men in the room with us) said to her, "Don't say anything until he's fully awake." Later, she said, "Finally. We could hear you screaming all the way out here." She said it took me about forty five minutes to wake up, and as we walked through the waiting room to the exit, she asked, "Who were those two guys?" I noticed two men, both dressed in brown suits coming out of the room where I got my tooth pulled out. They left before me and my sister did. I thought it was strange that she pointed them out.
(Edit November 11, 2011:
I thought about that first visit for a long time, and years later I remember, I'm pretty sure that they were asking about who I was buying pot from. They could have known anyway, and said, one to the other, "He's never been busted." I asked for a drink of water in a child's voice, and then, a man's voice, said, "Someone get him a drink of water to shut him up." Weird. Then, the doctor came in and said that he had to get started on the dental work soon. They told him one more minute. They pointed to a clock on a wall, and said to do something when I looked at a clock, and they said, OK, then they left.)
On the second visit, a week later, nothing interesting happened. Except that the doctor didn't give me so much sedative, the same kind as the first visit, so I wasn't out for very long after the surgery.
After a few weeks, and after the swelling on my face went down, I finally met the girl, KS, that my friend, AN, worked with at the photo developing company. It must have been around early to mid March, 1985. She had come over to AN's house and brought along her male friend, P. They were sitting in the dining room. Just before I entered the dining room, I saw the guy, P, point to me while he was looking at AN, and nodding his head up and down. The first thing I thought of was that the guy was telling AN, 'yeah, he's gay.' I went into the dining room and collected money from AN and P. I was going to buy pot for me and pick up some for them, too. I really didn't know that P was going to be there.
So I returned after about a half hour or so, and as I walked through the front door, I felt really strange. I was imitating the drag queen from the original "La Cage Aux Folles", which I had seen about that time. But I didn't really realize it until KS, who was in the dining room, said something like "remember how you came in the second time." I assume "second time" was when I returned. I gave them their pot, and we smoked some, except for KS, who didn't smoke. From what I gather, P worked in a hospital maternity ward, and I was surprised that he would be a smoker with a job like that.
At that first meeting with KS, I remember sitting across from her, P was to my right, and AN was to my left. Then I saw P pull up a video camera from under the table, I saw it for a second, then I didn't. It became a negative hallucination. I didn't think anything of it, I had read about hypnosis before, and it just seemed odd. The only other time I saw a video camera was at the dope dealer's house. Video cameras were large and bulky back then, and not many people owned one. The dealers took about five seconds of tape of me sitting on a chair, then when they showed it to me, I just said, "erase it."
The next thing I knew, was that I was sitting where AN was sitting, I didn't know where she went, and KS started to ask me questions, but before she started, she said, "I bet I know more about you than you do." I thought, 'sure.' She asked me if I were gay, and I blanked out. Coming to, she asked me if I was a virgin, I said, "I wish I were, it would have saved me a couple cases of the clap." "Really?" she said. But I felt weird, different. I was not as shy and reserved as I really am, but open, and talkative. I realize now that she was talking to what I would call my alter ego. She pulled every gay cliche out of her hiney that she could think of. Did I like Streisand? No. Did I like "The Wizard of Oz?" No, I've seen bits of it through the years, but I never have seen it from beginning to end.
She asked me if I was bisexual, I don't know if it was me or her, that said something like, "what's that make you, half man half woman?" I just laughed and said, "like the half man, half woman in a circus?" Then she put her hand to her face, dividing it, and showed me her profile on one side, said "woman side", then showed me her profile on the other side of her face, said "man side". I just shrugged my shoulders. She was getting weird.
She also asked, "Who are you working for?" I replied, "And who are you working for?" I don't know why I said that, but she looked irritated. Then she asked, "Do you know any cops?" I said that I didn't. "Really?" she asked. Then I thought of the only cop I ever met, apart from them doing their job. It was the guy who married the neighbor girl. I didn't say anything to KS, not anything that I realize I said, but that mention turned up later in a big way.
She asked, "If your uncle owed any money, would you help him pay?" I said, "No." She asked why not, and I told her that I didn't even really know them, so why should I pay? The same issue came up at home around the same time. My aunt came over selling some of their stuff for money, and a mutual friend of theirs came over to talk my father into paying money for my uncle's debt. My father said No, and that friend of theirs pushed the issue about how it was "family" and "he (my father) has to help." He didn't help pay because they really didn't have much money anyway, and why should he pay for anybody's else's debt when they never really came around much anyway. There's more to say about these three (aunt, uncle, mutual friend of parents and aunt/uncle) later.
I don't know if P was taping with the video recorder or not. As far as I knew, it was just her and I. Then she took some pictures of me. It was strange, that someone I never met before would be asking personal questions, and taking pictures, too. The most recent time someone took my picture before this was just a few days or weeks earlier, when my sister, J, came in the kitchen, like she was in a hurry, and snapped a picture of me standing by the sink, holding her baby. I put the baby in front of my face when she snapped the picture, and I think it was my aunt or uncle, who were visiting at the time, said something like, "That's good enough." There was a guy with her that I didn't see.
Now KS was interested in pictures. It must have been a polaroid camera, because I remember seeing the pictures she took, and her asking things like, "Who are you now (or 'when you do that')." She even showed me pictures of her parents and brother. At one point, she said, and I'm assuming she was talking to P, "She wants (or, We need) a picture with his eyes open." Huh? Who and for what does anyone need that and who was she taking pictures for?
She had pictures of her family and showed them to me. "This is my mother," she said. I looked, and she said, "See?" I nodded. Then she immediately said, while pointing to the photo, "Now don't see her," and I didn't. This see/then don't see thing comes up later, too.
She asked, "How do you grow up?" I thought that must have been the weirdest thing to that point. I said, "I don't know, it just happens." Then she said, making circle-like motions with her finger in the air, "Some people say...it means moving out of the house." I laughed, and said, "That sounds like something my sister would say." I was thinking about my oldest sister, T, and how self-righteous she gets about how people should live their lives. KS then said, to AN or P, or both, "He thought of his sister. I wonder if that's the sister. . ." She leaned over towards me. Then I got really suspicious of this woman and what she was doing. I just stared at her for a while.
At one point, someone, I think it was AN, said, "Jesus" and after a pause, I said, "Yes?" KS laughed and said, "Oh, we can use that!"
As far as I figured out in the coming weeks, she was making some kind of profile of me. Possibly at someone else's request. She was writing things down, but made some mistakes. When she asked me if I were gay, and I blanked out. I get the feeling that she assumed that there was a second personality that woke up after that, and she was writing down things that W1 (me) was like, and things that the alter ego (MH) was like. She told me, "Describe W" while I was in my talkative, alter ego state. However, when asked to describe W, I would NOT have described myself, because, and this is important, I have a cousin with the same name as mine. I'll call him W2. If someone asked me about 'W', awake or asleep, I would think of my cousin, I'll call my description of him W2, before I would think of myself. She would not have known this, and assumed that answering the "Describe W" command counted as another personality, even though I just was describing my cousin and not myself.
To recap:
W1--me as I was awake, and after I blanked out and just sat around saying nothing, that would be what she counted as W1.
MH--me, as MH, the one she made out to be another "personality", even though it is just me, as awake as W1, and the same life experiences as W1, and the one who was describing my cousin (of whom she wasn't aware existed in real life). Just a name I would change mine to. My real name's too ethnic.
W2--My (MH) description of my cousin, who got labelled as a beer drinker, emotional.
She asked if "W was violent." I didn't answer, and she just said shrugging her shoulders, "Oh, I'll just put that under the other W (the one I refer to now as W2--to repeat, the description of my cousin, whom I hadn't seen in a decade up to that time, and didn't know much about anyway).
To repeat, MH is my alter ego, for lack of a better term. I have always thought of changing my name and this would have been it. W1 and MH are the same.
Other question/answers over the weeks, and these must have been asked of MH, the so-called 'other personality' I woke up as:
Q: "What did you want to be while growing up?"
A: "Somebody else." LOL.
Q: "Have you ever wished you were a woman?"
A: "No" She tried to push it, asking things like "not even a minute?" "not even a day?" "not for a second. I eventually just nodded. She was getting weirder by the visit.
She said, "You lied, I know you lied. And when you lie, you...."
Me: "You expose yourself, I guess"
KS: "As a..."
Me: "As a liar, I suppose."
KS: "Maybe just expose yourself." I think she added "wouldn't (or don't) you agree?"
Q: "What if you ever got in trouble?"
A: "I wouldn't say anything."
Q: "So you would....." (the cirle-like motion again)
A: "Let other people speak for me." (I learned how to fill in the blanks, finish the sentence. It could easily have been her own answers I was repeating. I was thinking, let other people come to my defense.)
I was assuming she was talking about getting in trouble for smoking pot, that's about the only thing I would have gotten in trouble for. I always thought that it wouldn't be any good to tell where I bought from, because the law in this state was a fine of 100 dollars for any amount less than 100 grams. I never had anywhere near 100 grams on me at any time. Couldn't afford it, and snitching caused more trouble compared to a fine.
AN (in the kitchen, surprised): "How did I get in here!"
KS (immediately calling to her): "You flew."
Me: "Oh, you did not. You walked. I saw you."
KS (to me): "Tell her to wake up."
Me: No way. (I sort of knew what she meant)
KS: You have to say it.
Me: No I don't (or. No, I'm not going to.)
KS (after a pause) "AN, wake up."
AN (back in the dining room, and her face was flushed): "I don't know what happened."
I mentioned this to AN years later, and she said that she didn't remember, but she didn't say it didn't happened either. I mentioned to my mom at one point that I thought KS had me under, but my mom said, as usual, that I was crazy.
I commented that the painter Marc Chagall died (March 28,1985)--the tv was on at AN's house and the news was on. Immediately, KS asked, "What does that remind you of?" I said colors, because I had heard that he was known for his use of colors. And she kept going, "What do colors mean to you?" I sort of laughed at her, leaned over and almost asked what the deal with asking questions and what was she really driving at, but she waved me off, and I left. "What do you mean?" was such a common phrase KS used that, later on after I had seen the last of her, it became a joke between AN and me,. If one of us mentioned her name, the other one would most likely chime in, and whine, "What do you meeeeean?" LOL.
One time, she was saying to someone, "He doesn't believe in psychics, he doesn't believe in ghosts..." Then she turned to me, touched me on the arm, and I woke up, and she said, "what would scare W?"
I didn't answer and I didn't find it odd that she asked me in the third person, but I was thinking (about myself, not what I imagine my cousin would say), "the mob, maybe." Then she said to someone, "show him your gun." I looked across the table, and there was a lady with big hair, early thirties, sitting in a chair across from me. She was reaching for something, out of a purse, just below the tabletop, but I couldn't tell, and before she could show me anything, I punched my chest, looked at the big haired lady and said, "So shoot me." She just looked at KS, and KS looked at me and said, "Forget it."
I don't know who that lady was, but she looked like a woman I saw at the dealer's house once. And weeks later, the woman who sold pot to me, JL, said, out of the blue, "Stay away from KS." She used KS's last name. I didn't ask her how or even if she knew KS, but JL could have been reading me (since I had to take the drink years before) and listening to what I was doing at AN's house.
At one point KS was frustrated with an answer she got, or couldn't get, and said, grabbing a phone, and looking at me while she was dialing, "I'm calling...MOTHER!" Don't know who the hell she was talking about. I saw wires coming out of a cabinet in the dining room, she pointed them out to me, and I got the feeling I was being taped. Couldn't have cared less, actually.
So, after a couple of months of this, and having people talking to me at home while I was asleep, and wondering who the two guys in brown suits were at the dentist's office, and feeling like I was being followed (years later, my mom asked me once where I was going, I didn't answer, she said she knew because "we had you followed"), and arguing with AN and not going over to her house anymore, it got to be late May, 1985, and I was still talking to KS over the phone for hours at a time. Never about the weird things, just things that people already knew about me.
A few things were really odd. I was sitting in my room on the edge of the bed in the middle of the night, listening to music on headphones, when I suddenly saw my sister, J, standing to my left, swinging a watch on a chain, and standing next to her was a taller woman, maybe the big haired lady I saw at AN's house. I saw her out of my left eye, the one that I only have indirect (peripheral), not direct vision, and she said to the lady, "See." It must have woke me up, because I said, "J?" And it was over, they were gone, when she hid the watch. About this same time, AN (I was still talking to her) said that I called her up at her home in the middle of the night and b**ched her out. I told her that I didn't remember doing that at all. She wasn't really mad about it. Today, I believe that J triggered that phone call, I've never done anything like that before. It scared me that I was doing something like that, and from then on, and still to this day, I leave the extension in my room unplugged unless I'm calling out or expecting a call.
Out of the blue, my mom asked me with whom I was talking on the phone so much. I said, no one (it was KS), or something like that. Then she said something very odd, she said, "X (that friend of hers that wanted my parents to pay my uncle's bills) wants to know who you're talking to." Don't know why that woman would want to know who I was talking to.
Another time, I walked into the front room, and my other sister, G, was walking through the living room (in front of me) to the kitchen, where my mother was and she was saying, "Mom, you got to tell him." G was holding a large, manila envelope. I turned around and went back upstairs.
Another time, my younger sister, J, was walking toward the front door, I was in front of the stairs on the opposite side of the room. My mother was behind me, and J asked her, "T (older sister) wants to know which is W's (my) bad eye?" My mother told her it was the right one, and I tried to correct her but she just pushed me toward the stairs.
One of the first things that happened when I met KS and came back from getting the pot and walking into AN's house mocking the actor in La Cage, was that my pinkie finger stuck straight out. KS pointed at it and said, "Why do you do that?" I shrugged my shoulders just as the actor in the film, and said the same line he did, "It just does that on it's own." The last time I saw KS, which was several weeks later and still at AN's house, she stuck out her pinkie finger and said to me, "I'm keeping that one, just as a reminder." Meaning, she won't take off the post (also called curse--she had a habit of saying "curses on" or "curses off") of the tv imitation to keep me screwed up.
So, after months of weird things, and getting no answer, or commanded to forget it, I got an idea from one of the few phone conversations I had with my sister, T. Out of nowhere, she said to me, "Pursuant to my rights..." I already had been thinking that maybe it was law enforcement who was following me. Not the government in general, but law enforcement. And maybe if I wrote to the FBI, asking for a copy of my file, not that one even existed as far as I knew, that I would at least get a response. I expected the response to come from them, but I sure got a reaction from others.
NEXT: WHAT. DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG?
JUNE 1985 TO AUGUST 1985
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