SEPTEMBER 15, 2011 12:21 PM EDT
Nothing unusual at work or at home today. I started going into the warehouse without my glasses on. I can barely see a thing without them, but since the people there are showing me messages (photos and text) on their phones, I figure if I can't see what they're supposed to be showing me, then whatever imprint someone wants to "wake up" won't happen. They only have about a few seconds to show me these things, and their messages will just not get through. If they start talking to me, I can catch it on the recorder I always got running in my pocket.
Without glasses, I can't recognize anyone beyond about 8 feet. The one manager said hello to me and I glanced up and he was holding up his hand, not like a wave hello, but maybe I was supposed to do something depending on the number of fingers he held up, but I couldn't see well enough to know how many. There was always something about flashing me five fingers. Don't know why.
A while ago, I mentioned that they had asked me what's the worst thing that could happen and I said it would be if they dragged any customer on my delivery job into their "helping" bull crap. Then, of course, they did. So, last night I was imagining being over at X's house, along with her goblins and that guy who plays psychobabble. X's daughter asked if I wanted to make a phone call. I thought, No, because it's just a prank call where I end up yelling at people and they have some great proof of 'he's crazy and now will you help us put him away" baloney.
So, X's daughter decides to call the customer on my route. Then, I'm not sure of what I said, even if I said anything, but I heard X on the phone to the woman saying things like "he's not right in the head, etc." And the lady said she knew who she was talking to, that X was the rapist and actually used her name. X freaked out and screamed "F**k her up! F**k her up!" referring to the customer.
Strange, but I have heard X say that before. When at work and she started provoking so called harassing phone calls towards her from me. And she would say the usual "not right in the head. f****try, dead babies" or whatever.
After that phone call to the customer incident, I was hearing the usual claptrap about being forced to lie for X, and the big push of 'say you're gay' when something entirely new came to me. I always laughed at how they just took it for granted that I would always end up a nervous breakdown (they can provoke one anyway), and was thinking how useless their waste of time about the same subjects over and over is.
Anyway, I'm doing my transcribing work on the net now, and, of course, some incident is running through my head at the same time. Over at X's house again. Her and her goblins are there along with the psychobabble guy. And X's daughter is doing the usual interrogation thing. Like, "The first question is blahblahblah. And you're answer is dadadadada." Just some programming for later when they claim that I want to say this or that.
So, it came to the 'let's talk about homo stuff.' I finally had it. I told X should start talking about being a drunk for once. She didn't like it. Well, too bad. I demand that she does. As they say to me, no answer is not a good answer. You must answer, and even the slightest hint will be our evidence, our proof, that they have to report back to whothehellknows.
X is blubbering. Well, I said, she should just say she doesn't want to talk about it and that's the end of that. I asked FF if he still beats his wife. What? Any answer is an admission? That's what they pull on me. But of course, the 'No comment" or "None of your business" answer only applies to them.
I did what I should have done a long time ago. I picked up a table, lamp or something and hit the lieing bastard in the head. Gave them something to parade about in public, but so what. What if he had died? I said, "Well, I was never here." That was their popular song and dance when I think about McC's.
It's about time they stopped with their interrogation/harassment/brainwashing/scheduling for later and all their other asinine tricks and shove them. It really has been nothing but a stalemate. Same talking points and ridiculous topics over and over. I'm not going to lie for her and I'm not accepting their "new me" they got ready to go with their questions being answered by their words that come out of my mouth.
Yesterday, while delivering, I was forced to hear the same junk they try to get me to comment on, and if I don't, of course, they'll have someone speak for me and all I have to do is just nod my head in agreement. So, I laughed and thought, "You never could stop anything from happening." All of their harassment, lies, brainwashing, fake psychobabble about "all his problems are from guilt trips. He's just so sorry about how he treated so and so, that is why he thinks that he's them, and all the problems will miraculously disappear when he admits to those things" or it's the ever popular "all his problems are because he's a queer and all the problems will miraculously disappear when we force him to say it."
So, I was thinking that despite all of their harassment, they couldn't really stop anything from happening. If i wanted to go out and beat somebody up, run somebody over, rob a bank, or whatever, it would happen. And the real kicker is that they gave me a built in defense whether they realized it or not. All of their 'he's a different personality when we do this, or he's a different personality when we say this, is a perfect 'It wasn't me, it was somebody else" excuse.
Then, I started to pretend to talk to a little T. Yep. The ever popular sisterT. I remember when I saw that guy who plays the psychobabble card with the "he hated his sister so much, half of him became her" and I had to listen to that, but couldn't argue back. So, if they want a sisterT, I'll give them a sisterT.
Never know when she'll wake up. And after all, they know about her, don't they? (I taunt them) They are the ones who, probably, 'woke her up' when they had an audience, aren't they? So, if littleT goes off someday, they are really accomplices. And all those people they've used over the past 27 years have seen them play that 'different personality' card.
I just say, "LittleT and I will discuss it and get back to you." Heh heh heh. They say that I've finally cracked when I say/think like that, but they're just irked that they don't have control over that. Because, really, with all of their scheduling, timing, and the dupes they got to 'read me' (for lack of a better phrase), they can't stop anything from happening. Of course, they'll know about it, no getting away with anything, but people will wonder, "How did they let that happen?" Like when I walked around with a bleeding ulcer for six weeks. "You were supposed to be watching him," somebody said. If they say that they aren't supposed to interfere, they lie. They're all about interference when they claim that they have to script everything, and most of it is their lies.
If they want to play 'he wants to be a transtesticle,' I just gave them one that they better worry about. Too bad they can't psychobabble that one.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
CLOWNS TO THE LEFT, JOKERS TO THE RIGHT, AND I'M STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH MYSELF
SEPTEMBER 2, 2011 7:44 PM
Filed a request under the Freedom of Information Act for my file from the FBI. I must have one because I was interviewed by some lady. During induction to the Navy, they sent me into some room and some lady seemed like she held up photo or letter or some document. She asked me, "Do you see this?" I said, "No." And then thought,*And you know I don't see it.* She read some stuff, can't recall what, then I signed something and that was it.
So, the harassers already know it, and started covering their asses with their favorite things. X with say this and that and you wanted it, etc. The cop who always insists that I agree that I let him use me back in 1985. And sistersT&J with their brain washing about how I have to live like a girl and accept it. And sisterT's husband chimes in with "sisterT is your role model." What a piece of garbage. I'm glad to be away from her and she should stay away from me.
I woke up at about 5:30 pm and just waited for the same old crap to start. And I just know what's coming. Thought of sisterJ and, of course, she starts up the word association rewrites and the question/answer (their questions and their answers--I hear clicks and see lights. I'm assuming that's when they've got me programmed to respond later, somewhere else in front of ... who knows?) And then, sisterJ says it's time to call so and so. She just instigates head trouble for me and fright for the public when the 'later you... do this or say that' imprints wake up in front of people.
The first thing she started was "Get up as ...." (meaning get out of bed) And she waits and I just said nothing, thinking that it's the stupidest thing to even ask that question. So, I thought of people getting up, how they move, etc. Actually I settled on, or she stopped when she got some answer she chose) some cartoon character, since they have to have an answer-- they don't settle until they do. They, sisterJ and sisterT, have been saying that I'm going to get fired from the delivery job. They have been screwing with the people at work by waking up their programming at work. Getting people to ask me a question, I see a light and spout out their answers. They are probably embarrassing things, but most of them go over my head.
So, I wake up and sisterT and sisterJ start up their 'thing' about making associations that I never would, and they're all about being a woman. The cop jumped in and said, "Bell(e)." More about this later. And I told them to knock it off. Then they try to prove that's what I want. I keep telling them no. And she recites something from who knows how long ago. But I don't hear most of what she's saying and she knows it.So, she thinks that she has some right to do this to me. Then she tells (commands) me to be "Fl**," X's daughter's nickname.
It really is just about covering her ass and sisterJ's ass. They're trying to play some "his problems comes from guilt. He just treated his sisters so terribly and he can't get over it." The new religion of psychobabble, which has turned int the sham practice of brainwashing and restyling and reprogramming. What they are trying to do is force me to make the connections they choose, which are all girl things that sisterT has pushed on me since I was eight years old (she was about 18) and she'd paint my nails and send me outside and just couldn't understand why she got yelled at for it. So, they keep me this way, some phony split personality, to cover their asses about what sisterJ and others were involved with, namely, how they started the "let's talk to him while he's sleeping and find out this and that" and lead to bigger things later.
So, there I am. In a room with just a bed, as far as I could tell, and they start that crap and tell me that I'm not getting out of there unless I accept sisterT's version of the thing they created, this 'person' that they pass me off as. I keep telling them no, and then they just keep harassing me.
This is like when I joined the Navy. Eventually got to some room just like the one that I've been waking up in lately. Back in 1986, I was locked in there, and they 'woke me up.' They couldn't communicate with me and some lady said to call my sisterT. Of course, she started screaming that she couldn't help me now, blah, blah, blah. They called her, not me. After that, they told me to put on a dress. I didn't know how. And they asked questions. Some guy called me KR (my middle name) told me to stay in that room.
And the cop and his wife say they want the same thing, some psychobabble excuse that covers their asses, because they can't be caught being involved with what sisterJ and sisterT did and are doing now. And they play the same game of 'civilizing the beast.' Good luck with that. I screw up the situations they contrive deliberately. And the 'say you're gay' campaign/harassment. And they all love to scream child molester at me, another one of sisterT's favorite subjects for the past 40+ years.
Generally, it's been the same things over and over with them since 1984, especially when I came back from the failed military thing. In those first few days, and up to recently, sisterJ kept yelling for me to 'act crazy, go to sleep.' That's when they screw me up and try to cover their asses, but other people know what a sham they're playing and some of them try to 'help.' She probably wakes up the imprint of when I b****ed her out when she had a baby and I'm sure that gets her dupes all worked up. They're primed to do her dirty work. She has more to hide than anybody.
So, basically, it's accept their rewritten personality or else. Confess to being the worst thing that ever happened to my sisters and sccept their 'guilt trip' psychobabble write up. That is strange because I hardly seen any of them in almost thirty years. Hardly seen sisterT since she moved out of state about 1977 [?]. I run into sisterG about once every two or three years since 1980. I've hardly seen sisterJ since she was about nine or ten years old. I run into her about once every six years or so. If I'm still their worst nightmare, and they're already nearing middle age, then they haven't been looking at themselves at all. What about their other influences? Especially sisterJ, since she spent most of her time away from the house with people who were twice her age.
What's with the kissing sounds? I hear them, but I'm not sure what they mean. I'm guessing that it's supposed to make me lose my train of thought, or get me irritated, or change 'personalities.' I'm guessing that it goes back to just after sisterJ dead baby's funeral. SisterT kissed me and pointed at me. I think she said something. Don't know what. SisterJ was there at the time.
Filed a request under the Freedom of Information Act for my file from the FBI. I must have one because I was interviewed by some lady. During induction to the Navy, they sent me into some room and some lady seemed like she held up photo or letter or some document. She asked me, "Do you see this?" I said, "No." And then thought,*And you know I don't see it.* She read some stuff, can't recall what, then I signed something and that was it.
So, the harassers already know it, and started covering their asses with their favorite things. X with say this and that and you wanted it, etc. The cop who always insists that I agree that I let him use me back in 1985. And sistersT&J with their brain washing about how I have to live like a girl and accept it. And sisterT's husband chimes in with "sisterT is your role model." What a piece of garbage. I'm glad to be away from her and she should stay away from me.
I woke up at about 5:30 pm and just waited for the same old crap to start. And I just know what's coming. Thought of sisterJ and, of course, she starts up the word association rewrites and the question/answer (their questions and their answers--I hear clicks and see lights. I'm assuming that's when they've got me programmed to respond later, somewhere else in front of ... who knows?) And then, sisterJ says it's time to call so and so. She just instigates head trouble for me and fright for the public when the 'later you... do this or say that' imprints wake up in front of people.
The first thing she started was "Get up as ...." (meaning get out of bed) And she waits and I just said nothing, thinking that it's the stupidest thing to even ask that question. So, I thought of people getting up, how they move, etc. Actually I settled on, or she stopped when she got some answer she chose) some cartoon character, since they have to have an answer-- they don't settle until they do. They, sisterJ and sisterT, have been saying that I'm going to get fired from the delivery job. They have been screwing with the people at work by waking up their programming at work. Getting people to ask me a question, I see a light and spout out their answers. They are probably embarrassing things, but most of them go over my head.
So, I wake up and sisterT and sisterJ start up their 'thing' about making associations that I never would, and they're all about being a woman. The cop jumped in and said, "Bell(e)." More about this later. And I told them to knock it off. Then they try to prove that's what I want. I keep telling them no. And she recites something from who knows how long ago. But I don't hear most of what she's saying and she knows it.So, she thinks that she has some right to do this to me. Then she tells (commands) me to be "Fl**," X's daughter's nickname.
It really is just about covering her ass and sisterJ's ass. They're trying to play some "his problems comes from guilt. He just treated his sisters so terribly and he can't get over it." The new religion of psychobabble, which has turned int the sham practice of brainwashing and restyling and reprogramming. What they are trying to do is force me to make the connections they choose, which are all girl things that sisterT has pushed on me since I was eight years old (she was about 18) and she'd paint my nails and send me outside and just couldn't understand why she got yelled at for it. So, they keep me this way, some phony split personality, to cover their asses about what sisterJ and others were involved with, namely, how they started the "let's talk to him while he's sleeping and find out this and that" and lead to bigger things later.
So, there I am. In a room with just a bed, as far as I could tell, and they start that crap and tell me that I'm not getting out of there unless I accept sisterT's version of the thing they created, this 'person' that they pass me off as. I keep telling them no, and then they just keep harassing me.
This is like when I joined the Navy. Eventually got to some room just like the one that I've been waking up in lately. Back in 1986, I was locked in there, and they 'woke me up.' They couldn't communicate with me and some lady said to call my sisterT. Of course, she started screaming that she couldn't help me now, blah, blah, blah. They called her, not me. After that, they told me to put on a dress. I didn't know how. And they asked questions. Some guy called me KR (my middle name) told me to stay in that room.
And the cop and his wife say they want the same thing, some psychobabble excuse that covers their asses, because they can't be caught being involved with what sisterJ and sisterT did and are doing now. And they play the same game of 'civilizing the beast.' Good luck with that. I screw up the situations they contrive deliberately. And the 'say you're gay' campaign/harassment. And they all love to scream child molester at me, another one of sisterT's favorite subjects for the past 40+ years.
Generally, it's been the same things over and over with them since 1984, especially when I came back from the failed military thing. In those first few days, and up to recently, sisterJ kept yelling for me to 'act crazy, go to sleep.' That's when they screw me up and try to cover their asses, but other people know what a sham they're playing and some of them try to 'help.' She probably wakes up the imprint of when I b****ed her out when she had a baby and I'm sure that gets her dupes all worked up. They're primed to do her dirty work. She has more to hide than anybody.
So, basically, it's accept their rewritten personality or else. Confess to being the worst thing that ever happened to my sisters and sccept their 'guilt trip' psychobabble write up. That is strange because I hardly seen any of them in almost thirty years. Hardly seen sisterT since she moved out of state about 1977 [?]. I run into sisterG about once every two or three years since 1980. I've hardly seen sisterJ since she was about nine or ten years old. I run into her about once every six years or so. If I'm still their worst nightmare, and they're already nearing middle age, then they haven't been looking at themselves at all. What about their other influences? Especially sisterJ, since she spent most of her time away from the house with people who were twice her age.
What's with the kissing sounds? I hear them, but I'm not sure what they mean. I'm guessing that it's supposed to make me lose my train of thought, or get me irritated, or change 'personalities.' I'm guessing that it goes back to just after sisterJ dead baby's funeral. SisterT kissed me and pointed at me. I think she said something. Don't know what. SisterJ was there at the time.
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