MONDAY AUGUST 29, 2011 11:44 AM EDT
It seems like I've been going over to X's house at various times in the past, probably dragged over there by my uncle. He's probably so far in the bag for her that he can't get out. He could be the one who starts up these memories of their harrassment. I don't think X is dumb enough to do a lot of the harrassment herself, she just uses fronts to do her dirty work.
So, I'm probably over there getting harrassed -- told who to copy, imitate, watch, make calls and yell at people, prompted for things that 'wake up' at work -- and these things come out while I'm at work or at the store.
They practice things like going to the store. When I got to the store once, I saw a box of crackers or some kind of snack food, and I thought, "Oh, they got these here." Then I imagined somebody, probably FF, say, "Act happy." I almost laughed out loud. Act happy because they got these snacks? Never felt like being happy about that. But, I did imagine jumping up and down like a child would.
She still loves trying to pass off FF as someone to count on, someone to ask for help if they make me forget something. Simple things like going to another web page. X will say or make some remark to forget it. And then her son has to act like he knows that I forgot and waits for me to ask for help, but I don't. I'd rather not, and those things aren't so important and I'll most likely remember on my own anyway when browsing the web.
She did say once, lately, "Thanks for watching her FF." I know what she means. She means we most likely spent time with me watching him act like an idiot and then copy it later when they just have to flash me (take pictures of me) at work so their crap gets out as they want it to (their version) or so her son can play psychic and say what we rehearsed at their house. Complete with their inserts and making me repeat after them.
I told a story to the cashier at the convenience store the other night. Years ago, I walked into that store and asked the guy working there, "How'd your day go?' The guy said, "What? Did you call me a dago?" No, I didn't. After I told her that, while walking out, it ran through my mind that FF said, "Oh. That's a good one. That's mine." Then he started to repeat it, but didn't get it right. They've done that before. Tell us the funniest this or that, then they tell me to forget it. They just have to try to make FF so smart and helpful and funny. He's not.
I don't think they have much more to do, really. Someone flashed me at work, like they were told to do so -- probably by getting a text or phone call. Then I say something or do something that's supposed to let them at work know ......... whatever. The other day, I saw the tail end of the light and felt myself acting like my sister G, saying something, but it was a young version of her, almost pre teen. And I heard someone say, "Oh my god." or, "You got to be kidding." I have no idea what I said "as G" or if I was muted or not.
And when I went to the store about two days ago. I walked in, and there were a few other customers in there. It ran through my mind that X's daughter said,"Look at the next guy (or whoever) in the face." I wasn't looking anyone in the face. "Look at him, he has a message for you." No, I thought, if I look at his face, I'll probably say something or make a face or something. Those outsiders don't know of any messages (unless they are their dupes who are there to cause trouble). That was just some guy in a store.
Like the time I went to the department store after work. While in the car going there, in my mind it was KS, saying how they fixed me, I was back to normal, and I said, well, even my splits are splitting, personalities copying themselves over and over. So, when I got to the store, I just walked down the aisle and I blew a kiss to some guy who worked there. Automatically and had no thought to do so.
There's no point in anyone at work 'waking up' whatever the idiocy of the day is. They put me through things like contrived conversations or psychodramas at their house or over the phone while I'm out, and it starts up while I'm at work. The conversations run through my mind as if they are there at the warehouse, they're not there, but I'm supposed to 'feel' that they are. I'm supposed to 'react' to them as if they were. They probably hope that I talk to them as I did at their rehearsals at home or where ever they do it originally.
But, I still carry my recorder and listen to it, and I haven't heard myself talking or anything. But the prompt they give me to start is usually one that makes it begin when I cross the threshhold into the warehouse. I imagine hearing someone say my nickname as soon as I get through the door. And there's no "important information" I'm supposed to understand. There never was, it's just humiliating things from my past that get repeated or just some embarrassing thing I'll say or do at a certain point that they triggered beforehand.
Things change, though, between the time of the original conversations with them and the replay that goes on later. The sentences are the same, but sometimes the speakers are different. That's their reason for doing it. For example, the most popular thing is to make my dad as being the one who beat CC in her bed in 1969.
She'll say it was my dad. But during the replay, it comes out as my line, because there are prompts like "be CC then" (then meaning later on during the replay) or, copying FF's line or something. Or adding on or cutting off something I thought of in the original conversation. Like saying, "I did not." They cut me off and it comes out as "I did."
Basically, they know what they want me to say. They start a conversation or train of thought. As they go along, they figure out how to get me to say those words, no matter who they are directed at. They edit, put this line into someone else's mouth, cut out certain words, stick some question in fromt of something I said so it sounds like I'm answering, but it's something that I hadn't heard and wasn't in the original conversation.
They are cut and paste scripts. Easy to do. Time consuming most likely, but considering what those people are, to them it's worth the trouble. But, after 27 years, the fact that they still have to do it means that they still think that they have to play to some audience to try to reinforce their point and use me as some contrived evidence for their stories. And making me look like a loon and a criminal just for fun.
What would a shrink think of all these phony personalities? I don't hear them, but when they ask me a question and I answer, the thought (not the thoughts of, but the idea of, i.e. their personality or attitude) of different people. Any one from people I've known, relatives, actors/actresses, cartoon characters. They'll ask me a question, and I'll answer, usually a short answer, and after a few words, I'll realize that I'm copying the attitude or personality of so-and-so, and I realize that they stuck some name that I didn't hear(or some hand sign, I don't know) at the end of their question. It's my answer, but they point and say, "See, now he thinks he's so-and-so." No, I don't. And I'm getting into the habit of answering and ending with, "And I'm not so-and-so, either." Sometimes, I'll keep talking (or thinking, or what ever the way to put it) and soon, after I realize "who" I'm supposed to be for them, that attitude fades, and it's just me. When I tell them to f**k off, they know that's me. I wonder if they are trying to pass it off as 'some other personality took over. Someone should ask them, "Why would another personality take over?"
There is one thing that sort of explains one of those personality things. I remember being at some phony shrink's once in April 1986. Don't know how I got there. I remember it as a sequence of events. One of them was when I was sitting in front of this man. Tall, thin dark hair, thinning I think. This was after the "read sentences and fill in the blanks" exercise. The last sentence was said to me by some woman sitting in front of me. She said, "And only you (pointing at me) can ..." Then I looked to my right automatically and said, or thought, "Fill in the blanks." I immediately felt like sisterG. It was weird.
So next, I'm sitting in front of that guy. He says, "I'm going to try this one more time." He pointed to my left, I looked, and saw a broad in gaudy make up and dangling earrings who was blowing me an exaggerated kiss. I thought it was my sisterT mocking me. Then I looked to my right. I looked forward and some skinny lady in dark clothes was walking by and clapped something closed, like a wallet, shook her head and said, "He'll never get it."
Last year, when that phony lady playing lawyer came around, the one who said when someone first introduced her to me (she needed some girl to point me out to her)," When we f**k people up, they stay f**ked up." She got to be boring with her claptrap and I said that I wanted to go. Of course, I wasn't allowed. So, I said I'll just regress myself and figure out things myself. She said that I couldn't, or it won't work. I thougth, I know where to get information better than she would. So, I went back to that phony psychiatrist or whoever, and pick up just after the "Fill in the blanks" thing, just to see if I missed something while thinking about it since 1985.
So, there it was again, sitting there, "try it one more time. Straight ahead is now. Over there (my left) is the past. There (my right) is the future." I got the straight ahead now part before. This time, I looked to my left three times, not only once that I always did before, and saw the clownlike broad blowing me a kiss. Turned to right, it was actually not much of a feeling, but if I had to choose, I'd say it was sisterG (maybe because it was just after the "Fill in the blanks." *sisterG*. Then I looked forward and that was all. No skinny girl in dark clothes walking by. The guy pointed to my right and left simultaneously and said, "See, they're the same thing." ( or, they're both the same).
But something must have happened because looking to the right was three times, not once. One other time, years ago, I was laying on my back somewhere, just rolling my head from side to side, and I could see my face. Looked crazy confused. It seemed like everytime I moved my head from side to side, I would lose my train of thought. Had no thoughts really, just looking at myself while I rolled by head back and forth. Someone said,"See, that's how "you" wake up." I thought, there's just no point in waking up, then."
I was thinking about what will happen when these people start to die off. They're pretty old, and X's goblins are pushing 50. Does she expect them to carry this crap on? Do they want to spend the rest of their lives making sure I look screwed up? If they didn't rehearse so much stuff, everything from going to the store, taking a bath, getting a hair cut, eating, farting, whatever (they always have some dumb conversation attached to it), none of those those conversations and planned 'triggers for later' would come up.
So, I was thinking about that, and X jumps in with, "I'll make sure that you go first." Makes sense, she always says that I should just accept her brainwashing that she thinks can keep me from saying anything to her son about her. Promise, promise, promise. But in her world, the most inane saying can turn into a literal nightmare. I refuse to bargain, and how can something I've known all my life just disappear because she says so? It may sound like "somebody else is talking, so it's not him and not to be believed." But that doesn't change anything that happened.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
APRIL 1986
August 27, 2011 7:37 PM
So, the set up seems to be sisterJ (with dead baby) and X at one end, with J&H (see earlier posts) at this end watching my mother and me to make sure that we get cut off if we want to say something and making sure that we get punished when X says so. I imagine that J takes X's directions to curse me with certain imprints, insert intrusive thoughts, bring up a different train of thought, or just general harrassment when they don't like what I'm thinking about. J's main function seems to be dropping key words to respond to later and choose the so-called personality (their creations that look like real people, ex: sisterG, that spout some garbage when someone at work flashes light on me, or however) they want me to act like at work.
The set up seems to include sort of a dual harrassment with me and J, because yesterday I heard X tell J to watch me, meaning take what I say or do as being harrassment towards her. A lot of times, even way back at AN's house in 1985, I've been told to 'wake up' this or that person (like AN, lately FF, etc.) as if I were the one who had them under. I remember more than once telling them I never had any control over them and I wouldn't talk to them if they weren't awake because it's dangerous, stupid, and just illegal. But, even if I'm thinking out loud, as I seem to do when I'm dragged around to here and there, they take what I'm thinking as being directed towards them.
It seems that I'm not being taken over to X's house anymore. Anyone who takes me over there will get in trouble some day because it would be against my will, no matter if they can make it look like I do. I would tell sisterJ to get away from them, but she seems to think she's better off over there helping them harrass me. They should it themselves and suffer the consequences instead of having their dupes do it.
FF, X's son, still has as his main function to bad mouth me to the public, tell them this or that about me, teaching them how to screw me up, bring up the navy thing, etc. But what he's really interested in is being part of this 'push me to suicide' thing and making sure that his sister CC gets covered (more on this later).
So, I mentioned that I signed up for the Navy in 1986. This is how it went.
I was working for a fast food chain in early 1986. In February or so, after the space shuttle thing, Fatso came by. I was at the fryer when I heard someone say, "That's the guy (or, that's him)." I looked over, and it was Fatso with two guys in brown suits. I had a cold at the time, but when I saw him, I realized it was just psychosomatic. Strange.
So, I went up to the counter and Fatso gave me a piece of paper (yellow, I think). It said that he had to go away, wasn't going to be able to see me anymore, not to be afraid, and to . . . go to the military [?]. Hmm. Well, I thought about the government, and freaked out like I did at McC's. I remember hitting my head on the displays with the turnovers. People started freaking out. Some girl coworker standing next to me said she was scared. I looked over and she was shaking and had peed herself. She ran to the back.
There must have been police there, because somebody asked me if there was a message for the police. I just said, "Something about a fire............watch yourselves........" Didn't know where that came from. At that fast food place, the police got a discount when they showed their badges to the cashiers. I learned that the hard way earlier when one of them, not in uniform, flashed his badge, and I looked away because I didn't see it. The way I was posted at McC's. I guess he was confused because I charged him full price and nobody explained anything to me or asked me about it.
Later, there was an article in the paper about that fast food place had been robbed, the streets were blocked off in front of it, etc. I thought it was strange because I was working that day and nothing like that had happened. Just strange.
Anyway, Fatso's note said that he was leaving, and he left with the two guys in brown suits. I'm not sure if he left before the freak out or what. Didn't say where he was going, but I imagined that he was going into the WPP. So, the end of the note was probably a blank to fill in and I filled it in with go to the military. So I joined. I thought it would be a way out of all the crap going on.
I was accepted and there was up to a six month or year's time when they could call me anytime. I told my mom and the first thing she said was, "You just ruined everything your father worked for." Didn't know what she meant. So my parents took me over to X's house.
I just sat in a chair, her and her husband was sitting on a couch to my right, my parents in chairs or on a couch to my left. I was pretty bored, just smoked cigarettes. Then, I went into the kitchen with X, there was a glass on the counter. It looked like coke and it rippled as if a drop of something fell into it. I must have drank it.
I was sitting in the chair, and I must have been out because the next thing I remember is X saying, ".....then you pull down the sargeant's pants ........." I laughed and thought what? I was sucking on a towel or something, looked over and X had a piece of paper and shoved it down next to her. I don't know if I said it, but I was thinking what's going on? Then out again. I heard her say into some square walkie talkie or portable phone on the couch to her left, "Papa, we got a problem." I thought she was talking to the pope. Huh?
At some point when I was out, I heard some knocks at the door and someone said, "Police." At some time, X shrieked her son's name. Don't know why.
Then out again. Then there were two guys in place of my parents. I thought, "Who are these people?" X said, "Don't you remember your Uncle ...." I didn't hear their names. They were old men, too old to be any uncle of mine, more my grandfather's age. Then out again. And my parents were back. My mom to my left. Looked at her, she was sipping a cup of coffee. OK. Looked over at my dad. He sat there and started making sort of scratching motions on his inner thigh. The castration threat.
Always with the castration threat. Ever since my sisterT, when I was about nine said to me, screaming of course, "I'm going to cut off your balls and nail them to the wall. One of these days you're going to wake up and you'll be dead." I think I scared her -- boo type -- and we were in the kitchen when she said that with my mom. How can you wake up and be dead? She should really think through.
**I just saw a flash of light on my left as I typed the word 'she' just after someone, sisterT, said, "You want to take care of that?" Now, yesterday at work, someone flashed a light at me and after a split second, I realized that someone had woken up sisterG, and it was some phony channeling. I don't know what I said then at the warehouse, if anything. I expect tonight that when they flash me with some light tonight to check on 'who came to work' it's going to be related to what I just typed about sisterT. Some embarrassment as some punishment from X for relating this. Probably I'll scream what T said, and they'll have something like, "Oh, he said it at the warehouse. T never said that. He's just trying to blame somebody else.' Their usual thing about pushing other people's crap onto me. I wonder who is going to take that picture, or flash that light at me to trigger this saying and who's going to be around to hear it. I'll make sure that I take my tape recorder to work tonight.
**I just heard a click and someone ask, "Are you a liberal?" And I nodded yes. I'm not. More conservative than conservatives are. What is going on, to my best estimation, is that they use my left eye to program their answers to the questions they will ask later. And their answers are the total opposite of what I would really say. This is so that fool who is playing "He's half his sister and half not his sister." They really are foolish to do this crap.**
So, there I sat and it was time to go. I looked around, it was just one cloud of cigarette smoke. X was sitting on the couch, her husband standing next to it. She said, "Yeah. We really smoked that B___ ( my childhood nickname) out." Her husband said to me, "You know what you have to do." He had said that more than once to me. It's an unfinished ambiguity. Harrassment victims are supposed to make something up as to what "you have to do" is. My thought was, "Yeah. Hang myself." And they reinforce it over and over. Always two threats that were used in 1984 and beyond. Either you'll get home and your parents will be dead, or we will hang you and say it was because of........whatever they want it to be.
I thought about what just happened, and some thoughts were, I really don't want to go, how would I get out, but I have to go, remembered reading in some books long ago that to get out of the military guys would claim to be gay or such, would I get out by doing that, wasn't even there yet, but no, just go and who knows?
As I was leaving, X gave me a card, and said,"Good luck in your new life." The card had twenty dollars in it and had the same thing written in it. OK. So, there it was. Leaving, I thought, well, they'll put me in the WPP, give me a sex change and that's that. Along with the castration thing, another reinforced belief or suggestion in those days was to never go to a doctor or hospital because if you do, they will cut off your d**k and say it was a mistake when it really wasn't.
So, that night or the next, I spent the night at my sisterG's house. The first time that I had been there, and only one other time, in June 1985, since. So, I was trying to sleep. Couldn't. She said, "We're just supposed to lay here." "Like a sausage," I said. Then there was a lot of thumping at the door. Don't know if it was outside or inside. G had already gone to her bedroom and I was in the living room. There was that guy there, the one who tries the psycho explanation about half sisterT, half not, and the one who says that only his version is the story that's going to come out.
So, I'm looking at her baby in the crib, who was about three months old at the time. Then, I saw the baby with a belt around its neck up off the crib. The guy was saying things like that I had two personalities and W2 wanted to kill the baby. Again, look at baby, then see baby with belt around its neck. Because I had two personalities. Never had seen the baby before then, actually, as far as I remember. So, I was terrorized and really didn't know would I just wake up and they'd say look, baby's dead and you did it and W2 did it because W2 is very violent. I just wanted to get home and out of there.
The next morning, my mom wakes me up, says to hurry that the Navy called and I was supposed to go that day, a day early. I grabbed some clothes, my sisterG and her husband was already there, drove like a fire engine to downtown, came to a screeching stop, practically shoved me out of the car and took off.
When I got in there, the people there weren't the same ones who were there when I signed up. Not even the name plates on their desks. I told the guy there that I was supposed to go today. He said that was wrong, but they had some guys going to the induction place (in a city 30 miles north) and I could go with them. So, I had my duffle bag and paperwork, which included a large manila envelope that I wasn't supposed to open.
Got into a white minivan type thing with two other guys who sat behind me. Nobody spoke much. But it took five hours to drive the thirty mile north and all the time, they were eating potato chips real close to my ear. Crunch crunch crunch. I didn't say anything.
So that's how I got there. Ready for a trip to the WPP, get an unwanted sex change or castration, and to top it all off, now I was told, and reinforced, that I had two personalities and number 2 wanted to kill babies using belts.
But W2 was going to make another appearance. But that'll be for later.
**So, now they're all scrambling to discredit what I just typed. These lights they flash at me are just brainwashing to wake up whatever they want. Like now, saying that what I just typed were lies and as I lit a cigarette, I nodded yes, which is not true. Seems like sisterT and X used her son again because it felt like an imitation of him when I nodded yes. And they're giving directions for later, like 'get groggy.' They just don't get it that there are witnesses to a lot of these events and have their ways to make me look like I'm contradicting myself.**
A lot of the general public who have witnessed these events should realize by now that it's always the same people using the same tactics coming around to discredit and harrass me, and never have any good reason as to why they're doing it. It's just their job to do it. They are always the same ones. My sisters, X and her goblins, J&H are usually the ones who wake up these contrived personalities, and lo and behold, they claim that they know that 'there's the real W who's telling the truth.' SisterJ seems to be the one who's busiest lately.
So, the set up seems to be sisterJ (with dead baby) and X at one end, with J&H (see earlier posts) at this end watching my mother and me to make sure that we get cut off if we want to say something and making sure that we get punished when X says so. I imagine that J takes X's directions to curse me with certain imprints, insert intrusive thoughts, bring up a different train of thought, or just general harrassment when they don't like what I'm thinking about. J's main function seems to be dropping key words to respond to later and choose the so-called personality (their creations that look like real people, ex: sisterG, that spout some garbage when someone at work flashes light on me, or however) they want me to act like at work.
The set up seems to include sort of a dual harrassment with me and J, because yesterday I heard X tell J to watch me, meaning take what I say or do as being harrassment towards her. A lot of times, even way back at AN's house in 1985, I've been told to 'wake up' this or that person (like AN, lately FF, etc.) as if I were the one who had them under. I remember more than once telling them I never had any control over them and I wouldn't talk to them if they weren't awake because it's dangerous, stupid, and just illegal. But, even if I'm thinking out loud, as I seem to do when I'm dragged around to here and there, they take what I'm thinking as being directed towards them.
It seems that I'm not being taken over to X's house anymore. Anyone who takes me over there will get in trouble some day because it would be against my will, no matter if they can make it look like I do. I would tell sisterJ to get away from them, but she seems to think she's better off over there helping them harrass me. They should it themselves and suffer the consequences instead of having their dupes do it.
FF, X's son, still has as his main function to bad mouth me to the public, tell them this or that about me, teaching them how to screw me up, bring up the navy thing, etc. But what he's really interested in is being part of this 'push me to suicide' thing and making sure that his sister CC gets covered (more on this later).
So, I mentioned that I signed up for the Navy in 1986. This is how it went.
I was working for a fast food chain in early 1986. In February or so, after the space shuttle thing, Fatso came by. I was at the fryer when I heard someone say, "That's the guy (or, that's him)." I looked over, and it was Fatso with two guys in brown suits. I had a cold at the time, but when I saw him, I realized it was just psychosomatic. Strange.
So, I went up to the counter and Fatso gave me a piece of paper (yellow, I think). It said that he had to go away, wasn't going to be able to see me anymore, not to be afraid, and to . . . go to the military [?]. Hmm. Well, I thought about the government, and freaked out like I did at McC's. I remember hitting my head on the displays with the turnovers. People started freaking out. Some girl coworker standing next to me said she was scared. I looked over and she was shaking and had peed herself. She ran to the back.
There must have been police there, because somebody asked me if there was a message for the police. I just said, "Something about a fire............watch yourselves........" Didn't know where that came from. At that fast food place, the police got a discount when they showed their badges to the cashiers. I learned that the hard way earlier when one of them, not in uniform, flashed his badge, and I looked away because I didn't see it. The way I was posted at McC's. I guess he was confused because I charged him full price and nobody explained anything to me or asked me about it.
Later, there was an article in the paper about that fast food place had been robbed, the streets were blocked off in front of it, etc. I thought it was strange because I was working that day and nothing like that had happened. Just strange.
Anyway, Fatso's note said that he was leaving, and he left with the two guys in brown suits. I'm not sure if he left before the freak out or what. Didn't say where he was going, but I imagined that he was going into the WPP. So, the end of the note was probably a blank to fill in and I filled it in with go to the military. So I joined. I thought it would be a way out of all the crap going on.
I was accepted and there was up to a six month or year's time when they could call me anytime. I told my mom and the first thing she said was, "You just ruined everything your father worked for." Didn't know what she meant. So my parents took me over to X's house.
I just sat in a chair, her and her husband was sitting on a couch to my right, my parents in chairs or on a couch to my left. I was pretty bored, just smoked cigarettes. Then, I went into the kitchen with X, there was a glass on the counter. It looked like coke and it rippled as if a drop of something fell into it. I must have drank it.
I was sitting in the chair, and I must have been out because the next thing I remember is X saying, ".....then you pull down the sargeant's pants ........." I laughed and thought what? I was sucking on a towel or something, looked over and X had a piece of paper and shoved it down next to her. I don't know if I said it, but I was thinking what's going on? Then out again. I heard her say into some square walkie talkie or portable phone on the couch to her left, "Papa, we got a problem." I thought she was talking to the pope. Huh?
At some point when I was out, I heard some knocks at the door and someone said, "Police." At some time, X shrieked her son's name. Don't know why.
Then out again. Then there were two guys in place of my parents. I thought, "Who are these people?" X said, "Don't you remember your Uncle ...." I didn't hear their names. They were old men, too old to be any uncle of mine, more my grandfather's age. Then out again. And my parents were back. My mom to my left. Looked at her, she was sipping a cup of coffee. OK. Looked over at my dad. He sat there and started making sort of scratching motions on his inner thigh. The castration threat.
Always with the castration threat. Ever since my sisterT, when I was about nine said to me, screaming of course, "I'm going to cut off your balls and nail them to the wall. One of these days you're going to wake up and you'll be dead." I think I scared her -- boo type -- and we were in the kitchen when she said that with my mom. How can you wake up and be dead? She should really think through.
**I just saw a flash of light on my left as I typed the word 'she' just after someone, sisterT, said, "You want to take care of that?" Now, yesterday at work, someone flashed a light at me and after a split second, I realized that someone had woken up sisterG, and it was some phony channeling. I don't know what I said then at the warehouse, if anything. I expect tonight that when they flash me with some light tonight to check on 'who came to work' it's going to be related to what I just typed about sisterT. Some embarrassment as some punishment from X for relating this. Probably I'll scream what T said, and they'll have something like, "Oh, he said it at the warehouse. T never said that. He's just trying to blame somebody else.' Their usual thing about pushing other people's crap onto me. I wonder who is going to take that picture, or flash that light at me to trigger this saying and who's going to be around to hear it. I'll make sure that I take my tape recorder to work tonight.
**I just heard a click and someone ask, "Are you a liberal?" And I nodded yes. I'm not. More conservative than conservatives are. What is going on, to my best estimation, is that they use my left eye to program their answers to the questions they will ask later. And their answers are the total opposite of what I would really say. This is so that fool who is playing "He's half his sister and half not his sister." They really are foolish to do this crap.**
So, there I sat and it was time to go. I looked around, it was just one cloud of cigarette smoke. X was sitting on the couch, her husband standing next to it. She said, "Yeah. We really smoked that B___ ( my childhood nickname) out." Her husband said to me, "You know what you have to do." He had said that more than once to me. It's an unfinished ambiguity. Harrassment victims are supposed to make something up as to what "you have to do" is. My thought was, "Yeah. Hang myself." And they reinforce it over and over. Always two threats that were used in 1984 and beyond. Either you'll get home and your parents will be dead, or we will hang you and say it was because of........whatever they want it to be.
I thought about what just happened, and some thoughts were, I really don't want to go, how would I get out, but I have to go, remembered reading in some books long ago that to get out of the military guys would claim to be gay or such, would I get out by doing that, wasn't even there yet, but no, just go and who knows?
As I was leaving, X gave me a card, and said,"Good luck in your new life." The card had twenty dollars in it and had the same thing written in it. OK. So, there it was. Leaving, I thought, well, they'll put me in the WPP, give me a sex change and that's that. Along with the castration thing, another reinforced belief or suggestion in those days was to never go to a doctor or hospital because if you do, they will cut off your d**k and say it was a mistake when it really wasn't.
So, that night or the next, I spent the night at my sisterG's house. The first time that I had been there, and only one other time, in June 1985, since. So, I was trying to sleep. Couldn't. She said, "We're just supposed to lay here." "Like a sausage," I said. Then there was a lot of thumping at the door. Don't know if it was outside or inside. G had already gone to her bedroom and I was in the living room. There was that guy there, the one who tries the psycho explanation about half sisterT, half not, and the one who says that only his version is the story that's going to come out.
So, I'm looking at her baby in the crib, who was about three months old at the time. Then, I saw the baby with a belt around its neck up off the crib. The guy was saying things like that I had two personalities and W2 wanted to kill the baby. Again, look at baby, then see baby with belt around its neck. Because I had two personalities. Never had seen the baby before then, actually, as far as I remember. So, I was terrorized and really didn't know would I just wake up and they'd say look, baby's dead and you did it and W2 did it because W2 is very violent. I just wanted to get home and out of there.
The next morning, my mom wakes me up, says to hurry that the Navy called and I was supposed to go that day, a day early. I grabbed some clothes, my sisterG and her husband was already there, drove like a fire engine to downtown, came to a screeching stop, practically shoved me out of the car and took off.
When I got in there, the people there weren't the same ones who were there when I signed up. Not even the name plates on their desks. I told the guy there that I was supposed to go today. He said that was wrong, but they had some guys going to the induction place (in a city 30 miles north) and I could go with them. So, I had my duffle bag and paperwork, which included a large manila envelope that I wasn't supposed to open.
Got into a white minivan type thing with two other guys who sat behind me. Nobody spoke much. But it took five hours to drive the thirty mile north and all the time, they were eating potato chips real close to my ear. Crunch crunch crunch. I didn't say anything.
So that's how I got there. Ready for a trip to the WPP, get an unwanted sex change or castration, and to top it all off, now I was told, and reinforced, that I had two personalities and number 2 wanted to kill babies using belts.
But W2 was going to make another appearance. But that'll be for later.
**So, now they're all scrambling to discredit what I just typed. These lights they flash at me are just brainwashing to wake up whatever they want. Like now, saying that what I just typed were lies and as I lit a cigarette, I nodded yes, which is not true. Seems like sisterT and X used her son again because it felt like an imitation of him when I nodded yes. And they're giving directions for later, like 'get groggy.' They just don't get it that there are witnesses to a lot of these events and have their ways to make me look like I'm contradicting myself.**
A lot of the general public who have witnessed these events should realize by now that it's always the same people using the same tactics coming around to discredit and harrass me, and never have any good reason as to why they're doing it. It's just their job to do it. They are always the same ones. My sisters, X and her goblins, J&H are usually the ones who wake up these contrived personalities, and lo and behold, they claim that they know that 'there's the real W who's telling the truth.' SisterJ seems to be the one who's busiest lately.
Friday, August 26, 2011
HER AGAIN
August 26, 2011 1:42 pm EST
Not much going on.
Think it's time to quit a job again. Not only are they harrassing me at work and in stores by rounding up suckers and telling them to say a word, or ask a question, etc. of me, now they drag customers on my delivery route into their campaign of "get him to say he's gay." It started a few weeks ago at my first stop on the route. It's a little old lady, ME, of 76, yes they'll use anybody. I usually stop and talk to her and it's nice to spend a few minutes there.
A few weeks ago, one of those guys from McC (see the McC posts about the events of June to August 1985). It was the one I call Fatso, or maybe FF. It really doesn't matter which one, but they asked me what the worst thing would be that could happen to me. I was probably on the route at the time, because I thought (and once they ask, they have an answer because it's almost, if not impossible, not to think about something they bring up) that the worst thing would be if they started harrassing customers. They harrass people I work with, etc.
So, I didn't say anything about any customer in particular, but they must have chosen ME, since she's the only one with who I speak with on a regular basis. I thought that my sister J, Fatso, and myself were standing at the end of her drive and they were putting me through the usual embarassing motions of associating with what they set up at McC's in 1985. And I didn't hear what they were saying, if anything, but just put up with it.
About two days ago, I stopped at ME's, chatted for a bit and turned to go. But, as I turned, just a few seconds after I looked at her, I thought, "Did she just say the word 'gay'? Oh, well, what a weird thing to say. She was probably prompted by the harrassers."
So, I figure that J, Fatso, must have done their crap again and started her up with some kind of sob story about how they "know what i neeed" or whatever, encouraging her to bring up that topic and soon enough, most likely some of their other key words they chose for humiliation. What a question or topic to dupe somebody into bringing up since they know that I know it's been the center of their harrassment campaign since the days of being interrogated by KS at AN's house. I use the word interrogation because having no answer or more than one answer or a second thought was not good enough for her.
**Anyway, I hear CC, X's daughter, reading along as if they made me think or write about this already. I'm sure they're trying to throw in their own words here and there (I hear them) to distract, or later say that they already know of the event and, of course, they have the real events. So far, I don't see any activity here. I would know who's reading this blog by the stats.**
So, how are they going to do it? Do they call ME? I don't know her number, but they can get it. Do they stop off at her house and give her the 'topic of the day'? I wouldn't trust anyone that just shows up, starts harrassing a mentally impaired person (and they know it), and then tells me that they can 'help'. I would run in the other direction very fast. Why would she trust someone she doesn't know? Why should she believe that anything they ask her to say to me is actual help, and not brainwashing? She should not participate. She can identify them, though.
She should know that their overriding theme, their grand design and their ultimate [?] goal is for me to say I'm gay and accept their definition of gay. Which is, in their opinion, that I wouldn't be happy and all that until I become a woman. Yes. A transtesticle. Never thought of being one. But, they're building on an answer to KS that I gave when she asked, "Have you ever thought of (or, wanted to be) a woman?" I grew up with three of them. I said no. "Really?" No. "Not even to see what it's like?" No. "Not even for a minute?" No. "Not even for a second (or, a few seconds)" I nodded yes, just to get her to stop badgering. Also, when they were doing their horror show at McC's, I was standing behind the cash register, and I heard some woman saying to someone, "He doesn't know." I said, "Oh, yes he does. It's literal." Yes, I referred to myself in the third person and I knew it. "What is?" Someone asked. "Hypnotism," I said. They must have thought they ran across some "multiple" and some woman across from me shined a flashlight at me and said, "Who are YOU?" I straightened up and said that I was MH, pseudonym I thought of, or just changing my name all together. But, as soon as I said (or thought) that, I said (or thought),"You!" Surprise. I thought it was sisterT. The fright.
"Who are YOU?" (to me/MH)
"You."(to sisterT)
Literally, a. . . what the hell?
It must have stuck. I haven't thought or talked to her since she moved in 1976, and then in August 1985, she's there in the middle of a freak out. I have felt since then, sometimes, like sisterT. Her mannerisms, and for quite a number of years a similar stroke on my left side. I figure that someone could flash a light or call her name and there I am, thinking like myself, mannerisms and stuff. This happens when they call out other female names, and lately male names. Even cartoon characters. Jude from 6teen. Classic character. Dood. At least I don't feel like I have the sexual organs of a female when they do that.
This is why I decided to start this is writing. It was when that guy in cammo (two m's?) doing his schtick for the audience while I sit there, forced to listen. And he says, "He hated his sister so much, she became a part of him."
And I had to sit there and unable to say anything. They just cut me off, or make me say the opposite. But that is just ridiculous. Or sometimes they will put the thought of sisterJ into my head. Why? Don't know. Maybe trying to put me on a guilt trip? They would try that. I woke up once -- from a real sleep -- and my arm was numb from falling asleep with it over my head. When I woke up, I heard this lady say really nastily, because my arm was limp, "Just wanted you to know how your sister feels (or, felt)." Wow. What a b***h.
What would a real psychiatrist say? If they didn't know about McC, they would just plug in some all purpose generic solution as guilt, etc. I don't think they would try that phony multiple personality thing, but that's what these harrassers hang their hat on since it just makes anyone incompetent if they look like they're answering to other names.
Speaking of names, or typing of names, I know I could be called JO and probably answer, although I haven't heard them. But, the thing in the car (see below) is me filling in a blank (i.e. finishing a sentence. The blanks to be filled in come at the end of sentences). This Jonathan thing comes from McC and one other prior time, which I will mention in the near future. At McC, when they were trying to wake me up/make imprints, Fatso was in front of me and said, "Look at you." And flashed a photo, a head shot, of a newborn, or nearly newborn, baby. I thought, "JO." And he made me verify it, i.e. say it out loud. The same way when he made me look at F, and said, "What is she?" I thought schoolteacher, but when I tried to say it and couldn't, he kept encouraging me to say it. I said schoolteacher. He probably wanted me to say b***h, so he could have some imprint to wake up in public whenever he wanted. She didn't look too happy. Right before that schoolteacher thing, he said, "Why are you doing this?" I took it to mean making those imprints before they woke me up. the 'that's the ticket,' etc. So, he said, "Why are you doing this?" She said, head down, low voice, "Because he saw my face." An exchange I've heard before, two months before.
X and KS must have known each other. Ironically, and maybe not ironically, they worked for the same photo company. Maybe together in the early '80s. Don't know, but they both have a photo fetish. KS showed me pictures of her family at AN's house. "This is my mother. See." I nodded yes. "Don't see her," really dismissively. The same see it, then don't see it.
**So, I image now as I type this that X and her kids CC and FF are at the warehouse, the only place that they could really see me, since I don't go anywhere, and screaming about demanding that I delete all references to them in this blog. She should get a lawyer and ask. I don't need more of her harrassment. And, how in the world would she know? I haven't said anything out loud about having a blog. How will she explain that she knows about this blog, let alone what's in it? I THINK about what I put in here, but never spoken about it. (Remember, you can be cancelled anytime, X just said to me. A threat)
They've tried that last year, when I was delivering, sitting in the car, turned to my right, and saw sisterG. She said, "Never mention ( or never say anything) about . . ." Then she pointed towards the driver's window, I looked over and thought ( filled in the blank, as they trained me in Cleveland -- more on this later) Jonathan. The dead baby of sisterJ. Immediately, everything went red. I had a splitting headache for what I thought was several seconds. When I came to, it took me a couple seconds to orient myself -- where I was on the route, what just happened. I looked at the clock and it said about two minutes till 5 am, and I realized that 10 minutes had gone by. I remember, just before looking at sisterG, I looked at the clock and it said about 10 till 5am. I stepped out of the car, and the first thing I saw was a sheriff's car on the main street passing by the entrance to the street where I was at. It was in motion, but not going very fast. I figured nothing weird happened for being out for ten minutes, because they would have said something. Maybe they tasered me and left. It's weird, I've seen cop cars and such many times when weird things like that happen.
SisterG wasn't there, it was just a timed hallucination. I've heard them for a long time reading my route to me. Things like you need guidance, and we have to go through your map with you so you don't miss papers or anything. The typical tactic of making their victim dependent on the victim's harrassers. And like I've mentioned before, I've had papers left over and of course there's someone in my imagination right then saying, "I know where they go. Just ask me for help." No thanks. Another typical tactic -- cause a problem for the future, then be there to claim to help. Don't buy it if it happens to you. They are the criminals, not you.
The last time before that when everything went red was at the pool hall that I used to go to after delivering. The last time I was there was about 2011. I was sitting at the computerized thingie playing a card game or something by myself and I got a splitting headache and all red again. Don't know how long it lasted, but when I came to, I was playing the game as I was before. I looked around to see if anyone was freaking out or something. When I came in, there wasn't anyone else in there but the cashier and me. When I came to, I looked over and there was some guy in front of the counter talking to the cashier. The guy was holding up something in front of the cashier. I didn't see what it was, but the cashier was talking to the guy (didn't hear what he was saying) and pointed at me (I hadn't said anything). Then they both looked at me and I turned back to playing the game. And that was that. As usual, I don't ask, and they don't tell me anything. I thought maybe I was hit in the head because there was a really sharp pain at the top of my head just before the red. On the route, at the word Jonathan, there was no specific area of the head that hurt. It just came all at once.
It's 3:08 pm -- another sleep deprivation day, I guess.
Thinking of X and her two goblins lately. Yesterday, it was me and them at her house. They were making phone calls, especially CC. And CC was pushing a sheet of paper at me and kept saying sign this. I don't know what it was so I refused. She kept at it, so I signed Mickey Mouse. She didn't like that. Again, pushing the paper and telling me to sign it. I scribbled. Wasn't good enough. She tried again. I said OK. I acted all over joyed, happy to sign it, yes, yes, and all the while tearing it up. Oops, I got so excited about signing that I just tore it to pieces by accident. Oh well.
Again with the sign this paper. Then I asked, "There's you, there's your mother, there's two older guys there. And they're all your people. Where is somebody on my side? Where's my lawyer?" She said, with no hesitation, "You don't need one."
Really. I can't even have a lawyer. I laughed at her. It was really so ridiculous that I'm supposed to sign something to be able to leave without being cursed. So, I told her, "Put everything in an envelope, notarize it, mail it to me, and make it certified mail so that I know I got it and signed for it." She made some motions, a little thumping on the table or something, some noises, then said, "There. All done. You got and it's notarized and everything." "Wow," I said, "so fast." "I'm a notary," she said. And with a straight face. I didn't sign.
If all that wasn't dumb enough, again she started in with sign the paper. I didn't even answer. "It's a suicide note. It's a suicide note," she said. What the hell? A last ditch effort to get me to sign? And that's supposed to change my mind and sign it? She's a lunatic.
This reminds me of a very important day in April 1986. It was the day or two before I was to report for duty at the Navy of the USofA. Yes. In the middle of the "what the hell is going on and why doesn't someone explain something to me" years (this was a good two years after they started talking to me while I was sleeping at home -- the "what's your problem, what do you want" nosiness, i.e. violation of my civil rights) it was suggested to me by Fatso from McC to join the military. So I did. Not very interesting when I got there, but the lead up was really telling. This will be for next time.
**So, now X is trying to give me a fright, or a promise, that she's going to cut my left eye out. With a knife and throw it on the floor, and she tried to push the cigarette I was smoking into my eye. Fatso said, "You're family." No, I'm not related to them and none of this Mafia stuff. It feels like they took off some of those imprints. Can't really get rid of them, just cover them with another or look at the original and not have much of a reaction to it because you're looking at it differently or they just get old and boring (least likely the latter). Well, anyway, it's just making them work harder. It's weird. I know that they were trying to make new associations for me about different things, but I always said, "I'll keep the old ones." As the first thought, not letting them become the tenth or hundreth one. Like when that girl, CC, pulled out some panties, large white ones, and said, "Now panties." Duh. She wants girly panties to be my new "underwear" association. I thought, no, I'll keep the old dirty underwear association. Panties? Not even.
Not much going on.
Think it's time to quit a job again. Not only are they harrassing me at work and in stores by rounding up suckers and telling them to say a word, or ask a question, etc. of me, now they drag customers on my delivery route into their campaign of "get him to say he's gay." It started a few weeks ago at my first stop on the route. It's a little old lady, ME, of 76, yes they'll use anybody. I usually stop and talk to her and it's nice to spend a few minutes there.
A few weeks ago, one of those guys from McC (see the McC posts about the events of June to August 1985). It was the one I call Fatso, or maybe FF. It really doesn't matter which one, but they asked me what the worst thing would be that could happen to me. I was probably on the route at the time, because I thought (and once they ask, they have an answer because it's almost, if not impossible, not to think about something they bring up) that the worst thing would be if they started harrassing customers. They harrass people I work with, etc.
So, I didn't say anything about any customer in particular, but they must have chosen ME, since she's the only one with who I speak with on a regular basis. I thought that my sister J, Fatso, and myself were standing at the end of her drive and they were putting me through the usual embarassing motions of associating with what they set up at McC's in 1985. And I didn't hear what they were saying, if anything, but just put up with it.
About two days ago, I stopped at ME's, chatted for a bit and turned to go. But, as I turned, just a few seconds after I looked at her, I thought, "Did she just say the word 'gay'? Oh, well, what a weird thing to say. She was probably prompted by the harrassers."
So, I figure that J, Fatso, must have done their crap again and started her up with some kind of sob story about how they "know what i neeed" or whatever, encouraging her to bring up that topic and soon enough, most likely some of their other key words they chose for humiliation. What a question or topic to dupe somebody into bringing up since they know that I know it's been the center of their harrassment campaign since the days of being interrogated by KS at AN's house. I use the word interrogation because having no answer or more than one answer or a second thought was not good enough for her.
**Anyway, I hear CC, X's daughter, reading along as if they made me think or write about this already. I'm sure they're trying to throw in their own words here and there (I hear them) to distract, or later say that they already know of the event and, of course, they have the real events. So far, I don't see any activity here. I would know who's reading this blog by the stats.**
So, how are they going to do it? Do they call ME? I don't know her number, but they can get it. Do they stop off at her house and give her the 'topic of the day'? I wouldn't trust anyone that just shows up, starts harrassing a mentally impaired person (and they know it), and then tells me that they can 'help'. I would run in the other direction very fast. Why would she trust someone she doesn't know? Why should she believe that anything they ask her to say to me is actual help, and not brainwashing? She should not participate. She can identify them, though.
She should know that their overriding theme, their grand design and their ultimate [?] goal is for me to say I'm gay and accept their definition of gay. Which is, in their opinion, that I wouldn't be happy and all that until I become a woman. Yes. A transtesticle. Never thought of being one. But, they're building on an answer to KS that I gave when she asked, "Have you ever thought of (or, wanted to be) a woman?" I grew up with three of them. I said no. "Really?" No. "Not even to see what it's like?" No. "Not even for a minute?" No. "Not even for a second (or, a few seconds)" I nodded yes, just to get her to stop badgering. Also, when they were doing their horror show at McC's, I was standing behind the cash register, and I heard some woman saying to someone, "He doesn't know." I said, "Oh, yes he does. It's literal." Yes, I referred to myself in the third person and I knew it. "What is?" Someone asked. "Hypnotism," I said. They must have thought they ran across some "multiple" and some woman across from me shined a flashlight at me and said, "Who are YOU?" I straightened up and said that I was MH, pseudonym I thought of, or just changing my name all together. But, as soon as I said (or thought) that, I said (or thought),"You!" Surprise. I thought it was sisterT. The fright.
"Who are YOU?" (to me/MH)
"You."(to sisterT)
Literally, a. . . what the hell?
It must have stuck. I haven't thought or talked to her since she moved in 1976, and then in August 1985, she's there in the middle of a freak out. I have felt since then, sometimes, like sisterT. Her mannerisms, and for quite a number of years a similar stroke on my left side. I figure that someone could flash a light or call her name and there I am, thinking like myself, mannerisms and stuff. This happens when they call out other female names, and lately male names. Even cartoon characters. Jude from 6teen. Classic character. Dood. At least I don't feel like I have the sexual organs of a female when they do that.
This is why I decided to start this is writing. It was when that guy in cammo (two m's?) doing his schtick for the audience while I sit there, forced to listen. And he says, "He hated his sister so much, she became a part of him."
And I had to sit there and unable to say anything. They just cut me off, or make me say the opposite. But that is just ridiculous. Or sometimes they will put the thought of sisterJ into my head. Why? Don't know. Maybe trying to put me on a guilt trip? They would try that. I woke up once -- from a real sleep -- and my arm was numb from falling asleep with it over my head. When I woke up, I heard this lady say really nastily, because my arm was limp, "Just wanted you to know how your sister feels (or, felt)." Wow. What a b***h.
What would a real psychiatrist say? If they didn't know about McC, they would just plug in some all purpose generic solution as guilt, etc. I don't think they would try that phony multiple personality thing, but that's what these harrassers hang their hat on since it just makes anyone incompetent if they look like they're answering to other names.
Speaking of names, or typing of names, I know I could be called JO and probably answer, although I haven't heard them. But, the thing in the car (see below) is me filling in a blank (i.e. finishing a sentence. The blanks to be filled in come at the end of sentences). This Jonathan thing comes from McC and one other prior time, which I will mention in the near future. At McC, when they were trying to wake me up/make imprints, Fatso was in front of me and said, "Look at you." And flashed a photo, a head shot, of a newborn, or nearly newborn, baby. I thought, "JO." And he made me verify it, i.e. say it out loud. The same way when he made me look at F, and said, "What is she?" I thought schoolteacher, but when I tried to say it and couldn't, he kept encouraging me to say it. I said schoolteacher. He probably wanted me to say b***h, so he could have some imprint to wake up in public whenever he wanted. She didn't look too happy. Right before that schoolteacher thing, he said, "Why are you doing this?" I took it to mean making those imprints before they woke me up. the 'that's the ticket,' etc. So, he said, "Why are you doing this?" She said, head down, low voice, "Because he saw my face." An exchange I've heard before, two months before.
X and KS must have known each other. Ironically, and maybe not ironically, they worked for the same photo company. Maybe together in the early '80s. Don't know, but they both have a photo fetish. KS showed me pictures of her family at AN's house. "This is my mother. See." I nodded yes. "Don't see her," really dismissively. The same see it, then don't see it.
**So, I image now as I type this that X and her kids CC and FF are at the warehouse, the only place that they could really see me, since I don't go anywhere, and screaming about demanding that I delete all references to them in this blog. She should get a lawyer and ask. I don't need more of her harrassment. And, how in the world would she know? I haven't said anything out loud about having a blog. How will she explain that she knows about this blog, let alone what's in it? I THINK about what I put in here, but never spoken about it. (Remember, you can be cancelled anytime, X just said to me. A threat)
They've tried that last year, when I was delivering, sitting in the car, turned to my right, and saw sisterG. She said, "Never mention ( or never say anything) about . . ." Then she pointed towards the driver's window, I looked over and thought ( filled in the blank, as they trained me in Cleveland -- more on this later) Jonathan. The dead baby of sisterJ. Immediately, everything went red. I had a splitting headache for what I thought was several seconds. When I came to, it took me a couple seconds to orient myself -- where I was on the route, what just happened. I looked at the clock and it said about two minutes till 5 am, and I realized that 10 minutes had gone by. I remember, just before looking at sisterG, I looked at the clock and it said about 10 till 5am. I stepped out of the car, and the first thing I saw was a sheriff's car on the main street passing by the entrance to the street where I was at. It was in motion, but not going very fast. I figured nothing weird happened for being out for ten minutes, because they would have said something. Maybe they tasered me and left. It's weird, I've seen cop cars and such many times when weird things like that happen.
SisterG wasn't there, it was just a timed hallucination. I've heard them for a long time reading my route to me. Things like you need guidance, and we have to go through your map with you so you don't miss papers or anything. The typical tactic of making their victim dependent on the victim's harrassers. And like I've mentioned before, I've had papers left over and of course there's someone in my imagination right then saying, "I know where they go. Just ask me for help." No thanks. Another typical tactic -- cause a problem for the future, then be there to claim to help. Don't buy it if it happens to you. They are the criminals, not you.
The last time before that when everything went red was at the pool hall that I used to go to after delivering. The last time I was there was about 2011. I was sitting at the computerized thingie playing a card game or something by myself and I got a splitting headache and all red again. Don't know how long it lasted, but when I came to, I was playing the game as I was before. I looked around to see if anyone was freaking out or something. When I came in, there wasn't anyone else in there but the cashier and me. When I came to, I looked over and there was some guy in front of the counter talking to the cashier. The guy was holding up something in front of the cashier. I didn't see what it was, but the cashier was talking to the guy (didn't hear what he was saying) and pointed at me (I hadn't said anything). Then they both looked at me and I turned back to playing the game. And that was that. As usual, I don't ask, and they don't tell me anything. I thought maybe I was hit in the head because there was a really sharp pain at the top of my head just before the red. On the route, at the word Jonathan, there was no specific area of the head that hurt. It just came all at once.
It's 3:08 pm -- another sleep deprivation day, I guess.
Thinking of X and her two goblins lately. Yesterday, it was me and them at her house. They were making phone calls, especially CC. And CC was pushing a sheet of paper at me and kept saying sign this. I don't know what it was so I refused. She kept at it, so I signed Mickey Mouse. She didn't like that. Again, pushing the paper and telling me to sign it. I scribbled. Wasn't good enough. She tried again. I said OK. I acted all over joyed, happy to sign it, yes, yes, and all the while tearing it up. Oops, I got so excited about signing that I just tore it to pieces by accident. Oh well.
Again with the sign this paper. Then I asked, "There's you, there's your mother, there's two older guys there. And they're all your people. Where is somebody on my side? Where's my lawyer?" She said, with no hesitation, "You don't need one."
Really. I can't even have a lawyer. I laughed at her. It was really so ridiculous that I'm supposed to sign something to be able to leave without being cursed. So, I told her, "Put everything in an envelope, notarize it, mail it to me, and make it certified mail so that I know I got it and signed for it." She made some motions, a little thumping on the table or something, some noises, then said, "There. All done. You got and it's notarized and everything." "Wow," I said, "so fast." "I'm a notary," she said. And with a straight face. I didn't sign.
If all that wasn't dumb enough, again she started in with sign the paper. I didn't even answer. "It's a suicide note. It's a suicide note," she said. What the hell? A last ditch effort to get me to sign? And that's supposed to change my mind and sign it? She's a lunatic.
This reminds me of a very important day in April 1986. It was the day or two before I was to report for duty at the Navy of the USofA. Yes. In the middle of the "what the hell is going on and why doesn't someone explain something to me" years (this was a good two years after they started talking to me while I was sleeping at home -- the "what's your problem, what do you want" nosiness, i.e. violation of my civil rights) it was suggested to me by Fatso from McC to join the military. So I did. Not very interesting when I got there, but the lead up was really telling. This will be for next time.
**So, now X is trying to give me a fright, or a promise, that she's going to cut my left eye out. With a knife and throw it on the floor, and she tried to push the cigarette I was smoking into my eye. Fatso said, "You're family." No, I'm not related to them and none of this Mafia stuff. It feels like they took off some of those imprints. Can't really get rid of them, just cover them with another or look at the original and not have much of a reaction to it because you're looking at it differently or they just get old and boring (least likely the latter). Well, anyway, it's just making them work harder. It's weird. I know that they were trying to make new associations for me about different things, but I always said, "I'll keep the old ones." As the first thought, not letting them become the tenth or hundreth one. Like when that girl, CC, pulled out some panties, large white ones, and said, "Now panties." Duh. She wants girly panties to be my new "underwear" association. I thought, no, I'll keep the old dirty underwear association. Panties? Not even.
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