August 14, 2012 8:39 am EDT
Werner K Stoebermann
So, I ended up in my mother's chair in the living room. My mom was in the middle of the room, looking at something on the couch. There was someone else with her, it was most likely X, the rapist. She was forcing my mom to say something. Eventually, my mom said, "Who would want to do this to a baby?" I pulled something off my head, I might have had a sheet over my head, and said, "I do." I didn't even know why I said that.
Then X came running out of the kitchen, I think she was using the phone, came up to me and said, "That's the last time you see that face." I guess she was referring to my face. I don't know who she called, but I heard someone say, "We never told him." I think they were referring to me. What it meant, I don't know.
I was still sitting in the chair, and there was somebody in the doorway a little bit behind me and on my left side. I didn't know who it was until he moved. At first he stood still, then he took a step forward and stopped, as if he were prompted. Then I recognized him as FF, X's son. He looked at me and shook his head. Then a taller guy came up behind him and started pulling him back. It was FF's brother, KF. They must have left, because I didn't see them later. FF must have been the guy upstairs in the bedroom.
I looked across from me, in a corner of the room, and saw X's sister, OH. I thought to myself, "What are they doing here?" Then I thought about what happened at her house in 1970 and I thought, "Oh, yeah. That."
I looked over at the couch and my sister J was holding the baby, telling him to wake up. Some overweight woman was sitting next to her, crying. Some skinny woman in black was standing next to J and asked her, "Would you ever hurt the baby?" J said, "No." Then the lady asked her, "Even if you knew you could get away with it?" J said, "Well..." Then the lady cut her off and started walking to the kitchen. Shaking her head, she said, "I don't know. I know people who could cover this up. But this..." and she motioned with her arm to the couch, "...I don't know."
The next thing I remember was standing next to my mom's usual chair. She was sitting there, cringing. That overweight woman from upstairs held my arm and I heard someone say, "See MS." MS is an aunt, since deceased. I looked and knew it was my mother, and thought, "No. That's not MS, and I know what you're trying to do. If I say she's MS, then that means you're trying to get me to say that I'm W." W is a MS's son, my cousin, who has the same name as I do.
Then I saw X's husband raping my mom, forcing his dick into her mouth.
Eventually, there was no one left in the room except for me, sister J, and my aunt and uncle, J&H, who were standing in the middle of the room.
I must have went or was taken back upstairs. I heard Fatso say, "You better tell (or show) him he's still alive." I went downstairs and some woman with a toddler was walking towards the front door. I bent over the toddler and said, "Thank God you're alive. I would kill myself if something happened to you." Then I stood up and thought, "I've never thought like that before." And I noticed that it was not my sister J's baby. And I started to look at the woman who was with this toddler and asking, "Who is this?" Some female voice said, "CC." CC is X's daughter.
Earlier, I had seen CC in the living room, don't know if it was before, during, or after the other living room stuff. I was sitting in a chair by the kitchen. X said, "This is CC," and CC said, "And this is my son, ___." I didn't look at CC's face, but saw the lower part of her body, barely glanced at the toddler, and didn't see XX at all, but heard her. Anyway, I was very unimpressed. Bored, really. I didn't question why they were there. I haven't seen CC since about 1973, when her mother called her out as having mental problems in front of everyone. That was all there was about that.
So I guess it was time for someone to wake me up for real. I heard my mother yelling from the bottom of the stairs, "W wake up JS (pounding on the stairs) is dead." I remember laughing like a crazy person, thinking "Just like they told me it would." Then there was a pause, and I thought, "Now I'm No. 1 again." But it felt like is was sister G. (This most likely must have been the first time I "felt" like someone else). Anyway, I got out of bed and noticed that I was fully dressed. I don't sleep fully dressed, thought it was weird, but thought to myself, "I don't have time for this."
I went downstairs, didn't know what to say, and within minutes, a friend of my mom's who lives nearby came over and I went back upstairs.
I called KS and told her that the baby was dead. She gasped and said, "So......something happened." She was sort of emphasizing the "something happened." Strange that I had said those words just minutes earlier. I told her that I think I did it, and even said she did it. The conversation just faded and I don't know what, if anything, else was said.
That was basically it. Other than there was some guy who looked like Fatso sitting across the street, directly in line with the front door to the house. That was strange.
Two months later, August 1985, when that episode at the store, McC's was going on, Fatso asked me something about a wish or what did I want. I said that I wanted to see JS one more time. Then I looked across the counter and there was a toddler there. I didn't think it was JS, but I said something like, "What a cute baby." And handed him a long pretzel. A few minutes later, I walked around the counter, saw the pretzel on the floor and said, "Who threw this pretzel on the floor." The cashier I was working with said, "You did." I didn't answer. Weird things went on anyway.
Also in that episode, when some lady, I think it was F, said, "He can't talk and he doesn't know why." So I heard that and wondered how to get out of it. I started tapping on the counter with a quarter, I think, and I was trying to say, "Call me JS (dead nephew's name)." For some reason, I remembered what my mom said, "W, wake up JS (pound) is dead." Taking the pounding sound as a period, it literally is, "W, wake up JS." and inserting an "as", it becomes, "W, wake up as JS." Bizarre, but with all the talk of waking up, and as KS said, "So, you'll let other people speak for you." Who knows, it just worked out that way, but mostly it was scripted anyway. I don't know how tapping on the counter would let those people know what I was thinking. But anyway, someone might have called me JS, and I remember thinking, "Finally," meaning, now I can talk.
Years later, I remember it was sister J's birthday and I was laying in bed or somewhere and she said she wanted to talk to me, and they probably showed her that calling me JS was a way to get me to talk.
Then there was the funeral. I had said to sister J, while she was talking on the phone, "He's still alive isn't he?" She just looked at me, and said into the phone, "You know that cover we bought for JS's grave? It blew away. It's all gone." I didn't know who she was talking to. She told me that everybody says that I didn't have to go to the funeral if I didn't want to. I really didn't, but I thought of all the times that I heard, "We're going to hang you and say you killed yourself." I did not want to be alone in the house.
So, what does this all mean in context of the crap of over a year of harassment?
