July 6, 2012 12:56 PM
Werner K. Stoebermann Bursche
So, it was late May, 1985. I heard the pot seller say to me, "Take the lot, and you'll need a plot. It will never learn how to talk. Now wake up, _________." He told me to wake up, mispronouncing my name a little. As he said this, I saw a picture of my sister's baby. The connection was supposed to be that if my parents bought this neighboring lot, my sister's baby would die. I told the pot seller that, "I am awake. What do you mean?" He looked pissed that I knew what he said in real time, and pointed to the door without saying anything.
I'm sure that the piece of paper KS gave me to read before this was the Lot,Plot thing. She didn't want to read it to me because it clearly was a threat, because that paper began with the German thing (choose which kid to die and which to let live) and I stopped reading it and told KS that I wanted nothing to do with whatever they were planning. I left.
Other people who knew about this Lot,Plot thing was the pot seller, X, and KS. What sense did the connection make? None, really. It was just a head game and I brushed it off. I had already been harassed for almost 10 months and was told to shut up many times, so why should I start talking about such a weird thing?
As I wrote before, three days went by and I had this going through my mind, so anyone who could read me would have known about it. Monday June 3, 1985 was when my mom and my sister were going to buy the lot, and I made sure the baby was staying with his mother and out of this house. Nothing was going to happen.
That Monday, I didn't hear my mom leave, I was sleeping. I remember talking to KS (or, so I think it was her) on the phone and she was saying, "There are people in your house. You can't see them, but they're there and they have guns. Do what they say." I told her to hold on, put down the phone, and went to my bedroom door. I was thinking she was talking about the police. I wasn't afraid of police. I told KS that if I wasn't back in five minutes, she should call the police.
Fatso was there in my room and pointed to my parent's bedroom, where the crib for the baby was when he stayed the night, or nights. I went there. And the baby was there in the crib and I woke him up as I usually did and laid down on the bed. I held him over my head, put him on the bed beside me, and after about 10 or 15 minutes, I put him on my lap. It felt weird. It reminded me of the time I had a hard on with that toddler 12 years before.
Some lady said, "There you go. That's no so bad, is it?" I had no idea at that time who it was, but she had a snide tone about her. I guess I blacked out, fell asleep or whatever. The next thing I know, she said, "He's not pulling his pants down." Then another woman, it sounded like my sister J, the baby's mother, said, "Oh, I'll do it." Meaning she'll pull my pants down. I was probably freaking out by then. What were they trying to do?
A little blackout minutes and the first woman said that I wasn't getting an erection, she sounded pissed, and told some other people there to give, or show, me "some encouragement." I looked at the wall directly at the foot of the bed and saw just a bit of pants. I was out again.
Again I woke up, in the same place, not even thinking about the baby or those people who were there, and I reached over to my father's nightstand by the bed. I was reaching for the drawer, there was a porno photo there. Some guy was there, not Fatso, who must have opened the drawer and found the picture and said to the woman, "Look what I found."
As he said this, I must have opened my eyes while I turned towards the man's voice. He was standing by the nightstand, and as I turned I saw the woman kneeling on the floor next to the bed, and she looked over at the man, too. I looked her full in the face, then as she turned her head away from the man, I looked at her again, and she looked at me and mouthed the words, or said, "See JL." The name she mentioned was the pot seller's wife. I didn't think anything of it then, and I didn't see her as JL, I just went out again.
The next thing I know was that I heard my mom's voice saying, "_____, look at what you're doing." I probably went out again, because that woman started yelling at me, "What did she say to you?" I didn't answer her. I'm assuming that my mom said something in German and that woman didn't understand why I looked again before I fell asleep. So, that woman started screaming at some people near the door of the room or on the other side of the door, "She fucked it up. Get that bitch up here."
I heard a lot of thumping on the stairs, and then heard three knocks on the door, and my mom said, "______, fuck the baby." I must have freaked out. Didn't even know where the baby was. I actually thought of fornication, not fuck as in kill. So I went out again.
Then I woke up again and the guy by the nightstand, who had the picture, said to the lady, "Why are you doing that? You already got..." She said, "He saw my face." She was referring to when I saw her and she said for me to see JL instead of her. I didn't know what the guy was referring to when he asked her why she was doing something.
I couldn't see. The woman said, "Let him see his hands," and the guy must have been blocking my view with something, because it seemed like he lifted something up and away from my face, and all I saw was the baby's face. I didn't see any hands. The baby's face was red, and he looked like he was about to cry. I didn't hear anything. Then I didn't see anything again.
The woman said, "Let him see her hands." Again, the guy lifted something that was blocking my view, and I saw a woman's hand, coming from behind the baby, but I didn't see the baby, and the hand reminded me of KS's hand. Then I was out again.
The woman said, "Let him see his face." Again, I saw the baby's face and he was smiling. Then I was out.
Without being prompted, I looked over at the woman kneeling at the side of the bed. she had her head turned all the way to her right and looking upwards. I looked towards where she was looking and I didn't see anything. It seemed like the guy who was there was holding something she was looking at. Her right arm obscured part of her face, she was reaching to her left while looking towards her right. i saw half of her face. She was a heavy set woman. I call her the Fat Faced Lady.
This lasted longer than any other time I was awake and heard/saw what was going on. It was quiet until the guy said, "Watch the bruising." I didn't think anything of it.
The next thing I knew FatFacedLady was holding the baby and dragging him up and down my side as I laid on the bed and she was screaming, "Look at what you did. He's dead." She did that over and over and laughing at me while I was freaking out. Then she alternated between, "He's dead," and, "He's alive." Still dragging whatever up and down my side. She was laughing and screaming. This went on a long time.
Someone started to take pictures, or flashing a light, while I was posing with this dead (?) baby. Holding him in my lap, I remember looking to my right while I was sitting at the edge of the bed. Flash of light. Then I looked down and thought to myself, "He looks dead." Another flash of light was when I thought the baby was hanging by my father's tie from the doorknob of the closet with me and the pot seller in the shot and I was pointing to the baby and smiling.
I do remember seeing two people very clearly in that room. One was the pot seller and the other was KS. If they were there at all, it was after it was over and it was time to freak me out. It was as if I were looking at still shots of them there. The shot of the pot seller was as if he had just walked into the room and the shot mentioned above about the hanging. The shot of KS was while she said, "What have we here?" as she touched the crib rails. I didn't see them otherwise at that time.
I walked back into my room. I picked up the phone, said something to KS, and hung up. Fatso was pissed, picked up the phone to see if there was still a connection. There wasn't and asked who was on the phone. I didn't answer, but I called her again and he spoke to her. He was pissed and I wasn't hearing what he was saying. Fatso hung up after a few seconds.
The next thing I remember was being downstairs, sitting in my mother's usual chair.
Next: Take the Lot and You'll Need a Plot 3.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
"Take the Lot and You'll Need a Plot 1"
Not much happening in real life. Still working delivering newspapers and still doing the online work, too.
It's the same old stuff in the head, though. It has boiled down to X and her two sisters, MR and OH. And of course X's son, FF, and daughter, CC. All they do is harass and try to get me to repeat their lies. They are criminals, and there's no backing down from calling her a rapist, because she is one.
But there's another issue they have that I know about them. It all has to do with my dead nephew. Like I've mentioned before, my sister J had a baby in May 1984, which was just around the time things started to get weird. Then, in October 1984 my grandmother was dying and that's when I so-called dreamt that I was at the foot of her hospital bed and X and her two sisters were there at her bedside.
I think this is probably the first time that I felt something weird. It wasn't a dream, but it wasn't as if I were totally awake. About a few months later was when they started to talk to me while I was sleeping.
Anyway, while sister J was pregnant, my aunt and uncle, J&H, started coming around more than they ever had. We saw them at that time more times in one month than in my whole lifetime. X came over regularly, anyway. Some strange things were said then. Like when J&H ask for money, which they've never done before. My dad said that he wouldn't give them any because they never had anything to do with us much before. Even X came over and tried to talk him into giving them some money. She kept saying that he had to, he didn't understand, it's family business, blah, blah, blah. He still said no.
And when KS was playing Q&A over at AN's house, she asked me, "If your uncle owed money, would you help him pay?" I said no. She asked why not, and I told her that I really didn't even know those people well anyway. Why should I work to pay someone else's bills? On minimum wage, no less. It was also around this time that I heard that uncle J was hospitalized for a while because he fell off some roof or something. Maybe someone beat him up. I wouldn't know.
So it came to be late 1984. I was going over to AN's house as usual, I was still going to the same pot sellers, and sister J had already had her baby. The baby had an operation in early Fall of 84. He came home from the hospital and the first time I picked him up out of his crib, my sister J came racing out of the kitchen and said, "See, you cursed him. Now that you picked him up, you cursed him." I said, or thought, that is just garbage. This could have been the same time that she was holding the baby, aunt H came out of the kitchen, kissed the baby, looked at me and pointed to either sister J or the baby. She mouthed some words, but I didn't get what she was trying to say. After he died in June 1985, she said that my grandmother had said something like we have to watch him, something's going to happen to him.
So, I was in the kitchen one day and I was holding the baby, and sister J comes and tries to take a candid photo of me and the baby. Just before she shot, I held the baby in front of my face and she wasn't too happy. But there was someone else there with her. I didn't see the person, but I could tell. And I was thinking, "Who was that guy with her?" It wasn't the guy she was living with, and then I heard some friend of my parent's who was visiting asking about the same thing, then said that it was FF, X's son. I couldn't have cared less, those people hadn't been on my mind for many years. It was strange that J just took a picture of me and the baby and no one else who was there.
It was the first time I met KS at AN's house in April 1985, just after I had my wisdom teeth out, started talking to her for hours on the phone. Yes, hours. I even beat off during one conversation even though we weren't talking about sex at the time. It just cut into my beating off hours, spending so much time on the phone. Then one day my mother asked me who was I talking to on the phone so much. I said, "No one." She said, "X wants to know who you are talking to." I thought, "Why would she want to know?" I hadn't had much to do with her or her relatives for a long time. Never did have any conversations with her at all. I do know that X and KS worked at the same company, not sure if it was at the same time. I don't know.
It was also around this time that my sister G came in the house with a manila envelope, about 12X12, and my mother was in the kitchen. G was going to the kitchen saying, "You have to tell him." I had no idea, and I still don't know, what she was talking about. My mother just said no, or something like that.
I was also going to the dope sellers as usual, and one time JL, the dealer's wife, was home alone, gun on the table while everyone else went out for the evening. I told her I'd stay until her husband came home. She put the gun away and we worked on a jigsaw puzzle. She did a lot of those. At one point, she looked at me and said, "Stay away from KS." She called her by her last name. It was one of those things that I know what people say, and don't respond even if I wanted to. It was just something to figure out later.
It was about the last time I was over the dealer's house, and I was sitting in my usual spot, a chair, and I looked down to see a vaccuum. I looked up a little and JL said, "See? I have to do this everytime you're over." I just chuckled and thought, "Yeah. I have a habit of flicking my ashes on the floor." I've never seen her do that before. I know that they could have, and probably were, reading me, finding out what's going on in my head and my real life. I was probably smoking while they were doing that. They never did take advantage of anything they found out. They probably knew what I was talking about with KS. How else could JL know that I knew someone by that name? They probably didn't know each other (KS and JL).
So, that's what I was doing in the Spring of 1985. Weird things. "Waking up" all sorts of crap. At home with my relatives talking to me while I was sleeping, at AN's house being interrogated by KS, and the pot sellers listening in.
One of the topics of conversation was by sister J's baby, but not in a nice way. So, of course the subject of my parents came up, too, but I never did talk about them much to anyone. They were from Europe and irritated the hell out of me with their constant pro-Nazi stance. Really horrible to listen to every day. And I saw the movie about some woman during the war who had to choose to send one of her children to death and keep the other one. I seriously thought that that is something that should happen to my parents, using my sister's baby. But there wasn't anything to choose between, that was their only grandchild. Along with they should have taken those pro-Nazi people and put them to death, too. Anyway, this kept coming to mind during those few months in Spring 1985.
So, who else would know about that thought? Anybody who was listening. I know it came up with KS. She used to make some hand motion, like pushing something down, pushing a baby's face into a pillow. I used to take that as acting out a killing, even though I never imagined any particular method of death, or who would do it.
So, at the end of May, after months of this crap, I was over at AN's house, and KS was there. She wasn't sitting at her usual spot and I was standing next to the table. AN was at the table, too. AN started to ask me about the last name of the pot sellers. I was just trying to back away and leave and she kept shouting, "What's their last name? What's their last name?" She was red in the face, but not angry. It was scary looking. So I said their last name, and AN pounded her arm on the table and started saying their name over and over, but directing her voice towards the kitchen.
I backed away and was ready to walk out, but then KS started telling me to sign something. I refused because I didn't see what she was talking about. She said my sister signed it, and so should I. I wondered what the hell she was talking about, she didn't know my sisters. KS pointed out a sheet of paper with my sister J's signature on it. KS mentioned something about handwriting, and I looked at the signature. I thought that it looked similar to mine, and maybe her's but I couldn't say since I've hardly seen any of my sister's handwriting.
So, I still didn't get what the paper was about, and she, or somebody, uncovered the top of the page and it said, "promissary note," and she or somebody pointed out the bottom left, I think, and the amount was $16,000. Then she just made that hand motion of hers, the baby suffocating move, and I thought, "How does she know what Iwant." Dumb way of putting it.
Bizarre, but what did I know? At one point, this microphone on a wire fell out of KS's cleavage and bounced onto the table. I just thought it was weird, and didn't say anything because she had pointed out some electrical wires on a cabinet at AN's house and at that time I thought that they should just go ahead with recording us, if that's what it was.
So, I still didn't sign the paper she wanted me to sign and told her that I'm not paying her a dime. Not paying her to take off any posts she might have put on me, or pay her to not "wake up" any imprints she could, I just wasn't going to pay her a dime for something that I never started. And she said, "You know pot causes schizophrenia." I've never heard of that before and just laughed and said, "Oh. I'll get over it."
Then she said, or I thought she said, that she was going to take off any posts or whatever garbage she did during her interrogations, but she said, waving her little finger at me, that she was going to keep that one on me, "for her." I thought, what the hell is she referring to? And after a few seconds, I thought of when my sister T, years ago, cut her little finger while washing the dishes, pitched a fit about and blah, blah, blah. When I thought of that, KS just nodded her head.
Then she gave me a piece of paper. It was lined notebook paper, a small piece, torn from a corner or the bottom of a full page. It was a little bit crumpled, too. So I read the first line and realized after a few words that it was this so called baby killing thing. I stopped reading and said, "I want no part of this." Then KS might have said the pot and schizo thing then, but she did tell me to look at the TV that was in the living room. It looked like the news was on because there was a man and a woman on the screen.
She told me to look at the guy, then look at the woman. Something was weird, I don't know exactly what, but then she said something like, "You don't get it, do you?" I just shrugged my shoulders. It was probably about X's rape, when X told me to watch the TV while she raped me. KS did know about that, I'm sure, because early on she asked me if I got the connection between WAOVW, and X's episode.
So, I backed away and left that house. The next thing I know was that I went to the dope seller's house and I went in. The guy was in the kitchen and he was mad. I was sort of leaning over the kitchen table and he was standing. Then he said, "Take the lot and you'll need a plot. It will never learn how to talk. Now wake up, _______." He told me to wake up, slightly mispronouncing my name. I was looking down at the table while he was saying this, and I didn't get what he was talking about at all until he told me to look, and I saw a picture of my sister's baby and said or thought his name, and thought, "He's going to die?" When he was finished, said that I should wake up, I looked at him and said, "I've been awake." Or, "I am awake." And "What do you mean?" He was really pissed that I knew what was said, pointed to the door and I left.
At that time, my parents had been thinking about buying the empty lot next to the house. It was cheap at $6,000, they had half the money and could borrow the other half. But it was strange that my mom kept asking me if they should buy the lot. I told her why not? It's cheap and blah, blah, blah. But she asked a lot. I didn't think of it much when she wasn't asking about it. It wasn't going to be mine, I wasn't putting up any of the money. But she still asked.
So, why the connection between buying the lot and needing a plot for my sister's baby? None. It's a head game they were all playing. Try to get their victim to make an association between two things that have nothing to do with each other, and you got your victim running around in circles about it. I didn't care about it.
At home maybe a day later, X was there and there were flowers on the table. When I got in the kitchen, she said or I thought she said, "These are for you." I thought, "Oh. Some more of their queer crap they harass me with." I didn't get it. She had to say, or I thought she said, "They're daisies, You're pushing them up." OK. So she's in with the "Take the lot and you'll need a plot"
I just brushed it off. Crap is what they are. Things like that don't happen, I wasn't that nuts to believe them. And after almost ten months of being harassed and badgered by several different crowds of people, did they actually want me to say that out loud? Say something so stupid? I couldn't have cared less, if they knew themselves what was going to happen, why drag me into it. I just walked through it when they started their crap.
So, for at least three days after I first heard the "Take the lot and you'll need a plot..." I was walking around thinking about it constantly. That weekend, there was that visit by X, my parents went to X's house, and my uncle came over by himself. I thought, "He knows they aren't home and he knows where they're at." I had to sit on the floor by the door until he stopped knocking and left.
Sunday came. I was just going to go upstairs, and some people were leaving, I think it was X, and my mom was showing them out. She came up to me and asked me again, should they buy the lot. I shrugged my shoulders. She said, "We gonna do what you say." I just told her to go ahead, why not buy it? The next day my mom and my sister G was going to sign the papers to buy the lot.
So, with the Lot,Plot thing in my head and the connection with the baby, as bizarre as it sounds, I made sure that the baby was at my sister's house, or anywhere but here. I didn't say anything and it just worked out that way. I was glad, the baby's nowhere near me, nothing's going to happen, my dad was going to be at work, my mother and sister were going to be buying the lot, and I could just sleep.
Next: Monday June 3, 1985.
It's the same old stuff in the head, though. It has boiled down to X and her two sisters, MR and OH. And of course X's son, FF, and daughter, CC. All they do is harass and try to get me to repeat their lies. They are criminals, and there's no backing down from calling her a rapist, because she is one.
But there's another issue they have that I know about them. It all has to do with my dead nephew. Like I've mentioned before, my sister J had a baby in May 1984, which was just around the time things started to get weird. Then, in October 1984 my grandmother was dying and that's when I so-called dreamt that I was at the foot of her hospital bed and X and her two sisters were there at her bedside.
I think this is probably the first time that I felt something weird. It wasn't a dream, but it wasn't as if I were totally awake. About a few months later was when they started to talk to me while I was sleeping.
Anyway, while sister J was pregnant, my aunt and uncle, J&H, started coming around more than they ever had. We saw them at that time more times in one month than in my whole lifetime. X came over regularly, anyway. Some strange things were said then. Like when J&H ask for money, which they've never done before. My dad said that he wouldn't give them any because they never had anything to do with us much before. Even X came over and tried to talk him into giving them some money. She kept saying that he had to, he didn't understand, it's family business, blah, blah, blah. He still said no.
And when KS was playing Q&A over at AN's house, she asked me, "If your uncle owed money, would you help him pay?" I said no. She asked why not, and I told her that I really didn't even know those people well anyway. Why should I work to pay someone else's bills? On minimum wage, no less. It was also around this time that I heard that uncle J was hospitalized for a while because he fell off some roof or something. Maybe someone beat him up. I wouldn't know.
So it came to be late 1984. I was going over to AN's house as usual, I was still going to the same pot sellers, and sister J had already had her baby. The baby had an operation in early Fall of 84. He came home from the hospital and the first time I picked him up out of his crib, my sister J came racing out of the kitchen and said, "See, you cursed him. Now that you picked him up, you cursed him." I said, or thought, that is just garbage. This could have been the same time that she was holding the baby, aunt H came out of the kitchen, kissed the baby, looked at me and pointed to either sister J or the baby. She mouthed some words, but I didn't get what she was trying to say. After he died in June 1985, she said that my grandmother had said something like we have to watch him, something's going to happen to him.
So, I was in the kitchen one day and I was holding the baby, and sister J comes and tries to take a candid photo of me and the baby. Just before she shot, I held the baby in front of my face and she wasn't too happy. But there was someone else there with her. I didn't see the person, but I could tell. And I was thinking, "Who was that guy with her?" It wasn't the guy she was living with, and then I heard some friend of my parent's who was visiting asking about the same thing, then said that it was FF, X's son. I couldn't have cared less, those people hadn't been on my mind for many years. It was strange that J just took a picture of me and the baby and no one else who was there.
It was the first time I met KS at AN's house in April 1985, just after I had my wisdom teeth out, started talking to her for hours on the phone. Yes, hours. I even beat off during one conversation even though we weren't talking about sex at the time. It just cut into my beating off hours, spending so much time on the phone. Then one day my mother asked me who was I talking to on the phone so much. I said, "No one." She said, "X wants to know who you are talking to." I thought, "Why would she want to know?" I hadn't had much to do with her or her relatives for a long time. Never did have any conversations with her at all. I do know that X and KS worked at the same company, not sure if it was at the same time. I don't know.
It was also around this time that my sister G came in the house with a manila envelope, about 12X12, and my mother was in the kitchen. G was going to the kitchen saying, "You have to tell him." I had no idea, and I still don't know, what she was talking about. My mother just said no, or something like that.
I was also going to the dope sellers as usual, and one time JL, the dealer's wife, was home alone, gun on the table while everyone else went out for the evening. I told her I'd stay until her husband came home. She put the gun away and we worked on a jigsaw puzzle. She did a lot of those. At one point, she looked at me and said, "Stay away from KS." She called her by her last name. It was one of those things that I know what people say, and don't respond even if I wanted to. It was just something to figure out later.
It was about the last time I was over the dealer's house, and I was sitting in my usual spot, a chair, and I looked down to see a vaccuum. I looked up a little and JL said, "See? I have to do this everytime you're over." I just chuckled and thought, "Yeah. I have a habit of flicking my ashes on the floor." I've never seen her do that before. I know that they could have, and probably were, reading me, finding out what's going on in my head and my real life. I was probably smoking while they were doing that. They never did take advantage of anything they found out. They probably knew what I was talking about with KS. How else could JL know that I knew someone by that name? They probably didn't know each other (KS and JL).
So, that's what I was doing in the Spring of 1985. Weird things. "Waking up" all sorts of crap. At home with my relatives talking to me while I was sleeping, at AN's house being interrogated by KS, and the pot sellers listening in.
One of the topics of conversation was by sister J's baby, but not in a nice way. So, of course the subject of my parents came up, too, but I never did talk about them much to anyone. They were from Europe and irritated the hell out of me with their constant pro-Nazi stance. Really horrible to listen to every day. And I saw the movie about some woman during the war who had to choose to send one of her children to death and keep the other one. I seriously thought that that is something that should happen to my parents, using my sister's baby. But there wasn't anything to choose between, that was their only grandchild. Along with they should have taken those pro-Nazi people and put them to death, too. Anyway, this kept coming to mind during those few months in Spring 1985.
So, who else would know about that thought? Anybody who was listening. I know it came up with KS. She used to make some hand motion, like pushing something down, pushing a baby's face into a pillow. I used to take that as acting out a killing, even though I never imagined any particular method of death, or who would do it.
So, at the end of May, after months of this crap, I was over at AN's house, and KS was there. She wasn't sitting at her usual spot and I was standing next to the table. AN was at the table, too. AN started to ask me about the last name of the pot sellers. I was just trying to back away and leave and she kept shouting, "What's their last name? What's their last name?" She was red in the face, but not angry. It was scary looking. So I said their last name, and AN pounded her arm on the table and started saying their name over and over, but directing her voice towards the kitchen.
I backed away and was ready to walk out, but then KS started telling me to sign something. I refused because I didn't see what she was talking about. She said my sister signed it, and so should I. I wondered what the hell she was talking about, she didn't know my sisters. KS pointed out a sheet of paper with my sister J's signature on it. KS mentioned something about handwriting, and I looked at the signature. I thought that it looked similar to mine, and maybe her's but I couldn't say since I've hardly seen any of my sister's handwriting.
So, I still didn't get what the paper was about, and she, or somebody, uncovered the top of the page and it said, "promissary note," and she or somebody pointed out the bottom left, I think, and the amount was $16,000. Then she just made that hand motion of hers, the baby suffocating move, and I thought, "How does she know what Iwant." Dumb way of putting it.
Bizarre, but what did I know? At one point, this microphone on a wire fell out of KS's cleavage and bounced onto the table. I just thought it was weird, and didn't say anything because she had pointed out some electrical wires on a cabinet at AN's house and at that time I thought that they should just go ahead with recording us, if that's what it was.
So, I still didn't sign the paper she wanted me to sign and told her that I'm not paying her a dime. Not paying her to take off any posts she might have put on me, or pay her to not "wake up" any imprints she could, I just wasn't going to pay her a dime for something that I never started. And she said, "You know pot causes schizophrenia." I've never heard of that before and just laughed and said, "Oh. I'll get over it."
Then she said, or I thought she said, that she was going to take off any posts or whatever garbage she did during her interrogations, but she said, waving her little finger at me, that she was going to keep that one on me, "for her." I thought, what the hell is she referring to? And after a few seconds, I thought of when my sister T, years ago, cut her little finger while washing the dishes, pitched a fit about and blah, blah, blah. When I thought of that, KS just nodded her head.
Then she gave me a piece of paper. It was lined notebook paper, a small piece, torn from a corner or the bottom of a full page. It was a little bit crumpled, too. So I read the first line and realized after a few words that it was this so called baby killing thing. I stopped reading and said, "I want no part of this." Then KS might have said the pot and schizo thing then, but she did tell me to look at the TV that was in the living room. It looked like the news was on because there was a man and a woman on the screen.
She told me to look at the guy, then look at the woman. Something was weird, I don't know exactly what, but then she said something like, "You don't get it, do you?" I just shrugged my shoulders. It was probably about X's rape, when X told me to watch the TV while she raped me. KS did know about that, I'm sure, because early on she asked me if I got the connection between WAOVW, and X's episode.
So, I backed away and left that house. The next thing I know was that I went to the dope seller's house and I went in. The guy was in the kitchen and he was mad. I was sort of leaning over the kitchen table and he was standing. Then he said, "Take the lot and you'll need a plot. It will never learn how to talk. Now wake up, _______." He told me to wake up, slightly mispronouncing my name. I was looking down at the table while he was saying this, and I didn't get what he was talking about at all until he told me to look, and I saw a picture of my sister's baby and said or thought his name, and thought, "He's going to die?" When he was finished, said that I should wake up, I looked at him and said, "I've been awake." Or, "I am awake." And "What do you mean?" He was really pissed that I knew what was said, pointed to the door and I left.
At that time, my parents had been thinking about buying the empty lot next to the house. It was cheap at $6,000, they had half the money and could borrow the other half. But it was strange that my mom kept asking me if they should buy the lot. I told her why not? It's cheap and blah, blah, blah. But she asked a lot. I didn't think of it much when she wasn't asking about it. It wasn't going to be mine, I wasn't putting up any of the money. But she still asked.
So, why the connection between buying the lot and needing a plot for my sister's baby? None. It's a head game they were all playing. Try to get their victim to make an association between two things that have nothing to do with each other, and you got your victim running around in circles about it. I didn't care about it.
At home maybe a day later, X was there and there were flowers on the table. When I got in the kitchen, she said or I thought she said, "These are for you." I thought, "Oh. Some more of their queer crap they harass me with." I didn't get it. She had to say, or I thought she said, "They're daisies, You're pushing them up." OK. So she's in with the "Take the lot and you'll need a plot"
I just brushed it off. Crap is what they are. Things like that don't happen, I wasn't that nuts to believe them. And after almost ten months of being harassed and badgered by several different crowds of people, did they actually want me to say that out loud? Say something so stupid? I couldn't have cared less, if they knew themselves what was going to happen, why drag me into it. I just walked through it when they started their crap.
So, for at least three days after I first heard the "Take the lot and you'll need a plot..." I was walking around thinking about it constantly. That weekend, there was that visit by X, my parents went to X's house, and my uncle came over by himself. I thought, "He knows they aren't home and he knows where they're at." I had to sit on the floor by the door until he stopped knocking and left.
Sunday came. I was just going to go upstairs, and some people were leaving, I think it was X, and my mom was showing them out. She came up to me and asked me again, should they buy the lot. I shrugged my shoulders. She said, "We gonna do what you say." I just told her to go ahead, why not buy it? The next day my mom and my sister G was going to sign the papers to buy the lot.
So, with the Lot,Plot thing in my head and the connection with the baby, as bizarre as it sounds, I made sure that the baby was at my sister's house, or anywhere but here. I didn't say anything and it just worked out that way. I was glad, the baby's nowhere near me, nothing's going to happen, my dad was going to be at work, my mother and sister were going to be buying the lot, and I could just sleep.
Next: Monday June 3, 1985.
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